Consciousness Is No Improvement

Posted on 26 Mar 2013 @ 3:41am by Rear Admiral Lirha Saalm & Lieutenant JG Kestra Orexil

1,914 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, Sickbay
Timeline: MD 04 - 1745 hrs

ON:

With a swish of the gray door, Lirha wandered into sickbay with her hands clasped behind her back, anxious to visit one of her old crew members who had suffered considerable injury during the adventures of Project Sienna. The Orion's eyes scanned the nearly-empty room until they finally settled on the farthest biobed where Galileo's former chief of security, Kestra Orexil, quietly lay. The captain had not seen or spoken to her for quite some time, almost a month, and it was a strange feeling to finally see her again. She had received a call from Doctor Ni Dhuinn the previous night informing her of the Betazoid's improving recovery, and now seemed as good a time as ever to visit the patient.

The captain slowly walked over to the sleeping woman and glanced down at her, noticing how comfortable and peaceful she looked. Her breathing seemed slow and methodical, and any visible signs of physical injury were absent. A quick glance at the biobed's overhead monitor revealed that Kestra's vitals appeared to be normal...at least, in Lirha's limited medical opinion. Reaching down, she gently took the Betazoid's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I hear you are feeling better." she quietly said, unsure if Kestra could hear her or not. She was a telepath afterall, so there was a good chance that verbal communication was somehow not necessary.

Kestra's hand spasmed as she woke; sudden, exhausted awareness blooming out through the physical contact. The minds and hearts of everyone around her winked on as one, as though a vidscreen were being turned on, fragments of thoughts and dreams warring for dominance in her consciousness before she focused down to the hand in hers. It appears I left you in a lurch, she thought, regret, grief, and warmth twined around the words.

Lirha felt Kestra's hand suddenly move which was a welcome response to her presence. In addition, there was the strangely eerie yet familiar sensation of words echoing in her head. She wasn't sure exactly what 'lurch' the security officer was referring to, but didn't feel that she had anything to apologize for. I am happy to see you recovering finally, she replied using mental worlds, How are you feeling?

Frustration, stillness, grief, loss - the sensations shifted like time lapse photography.

A flood of emotions began to pour out of the telepath and into Lirha, causing her to feel slightly uncomfortable at the negative thoughts which were being conveyed. Nonsense, came Lirha's thoughtful reply, there is nothing to feel upset about...you are doing well and recovering.

Nothing to- her thoughts shuttered as though a door had been firmly closed. The largest flow of emotions stopped, but others eked around the frame in rivulets. The door was a weak one, she hadn't built a shield in what felt like years, but it was that or invade the captain's mind and search for the grief that mirrored her own. It hadn't been that long - three weeks - Pawlak, Davidson, all the lives snuffed out in their prime, their potential rolling forward through time and space empty and ethereal. And still here, she felt the grief, longing, ache that reverberated through the Galileo like an echo. Touching her from every side, fingertips pushing and nudging at her mind endlessly. Beyond all of that - she flexed her hand in Lirha's, squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again. She couldn't move. Couldn't talk. Only listen. Listen. Listen. And feel. She was awake, felt like she could sleep for a month unhindered, and that she might as well do so as her body betrayed any potentiality of rising from the biobed she'd made her home. 'Doing well' seemed a gross overstatement. Consciousness - to a woman who'd spent her life being viscerally alive - was not an 'improvement'.

Lirha let go of Kestra's hand for a brief moment while she went to retrieve a nearby stool. When she returned and took a seat, she reached down and smoothed her green hand over the woman's forehead in a reassuring gesture. It must be strange to be awake yet immobile, she thought, perhaps even terrifying, and she did her best to project positive emotions. Drawing on her own memories from shore leave, Lirha thought about the all-crew trip to the beach, the wonderful night out she had at the club with Lieutenant Rice, and the chipper and jovial freighter captain who had befriended her after the crash landing. Finally, she recalled the many hours of diligent work by Starfleet's Corps of Engineers which had expertly repaired and refitted Galileo. Those memories were Lirha's best telepathic attempt to help Kestra relax, and also to reassure her that the ship and the crew were doing well.

Kestra squeezed Lirha's hand as soon as it returned and shut her eyes to focus on the memories the captain was recalling. Offering. When had she learned to select and share memories like this? When they'd first met, she'd never experienced an empathic sharing. How much had Kestra missed?

Continuing with her amateur thought-projections, the captain proceeded to push out more memories, this time relating to their current mission. She thought Kestra would probably appreciate a bit of information regarding their current assignment so she did her best to recall memories of the latest senior staff briefing, as well as the orders she had received from Starfleet Command. Inadvertently, a few unrelated intimate memories began to surface, mostly regarding her former relationship with Galileo's new chief science officer. They were rather detailed and sexual in nature, and Lirha eventually realized her mistake and felt her green cheeks flush with a bit of embarrassment. "Sorry." she whispered with a sheepish grin on her gold lips.

Kestra looked at her captain curiously. You've nothing to apologize for. This woman... first Liyar and now the captain... revolving through their thoughts. Who was she? I am happy to know whatever you would share.

Lirha slowly nodded in reply and continued to stroke the Betazoid's hand. It wasn't too long ago that she was on a similar biobed after being rescued from the Klingon torture chamber, and a series of painful thoughts briefly manifested themselves. "Has Doctor Ni Dhuinn given you a timetable on your recovery?" she asked, changing the subject to something hopefully a bit more upbeat.

She says I shouldn't rush myself. There's still effects of the plasma burns they've yet to resolve. Kestra's eyes fell shut. She is surprised I woke at all. I am, as well. I thought it might never- but it has. And I have Liyar and Trija to thank for that.

The captain suddenly remembered that Trija was also a Betazoid and Liyar probably possessed a degree of telepathic ability as well. No doubt they had done a great service by helping Kestra in her recovery. "Have they been visiting you and helping with your condition?" she asked.

I was trapped. When the plasma- I was going into shock and I know enough to protect my mind when that happens, to prevent any psychic backlash from touching the doctors working on me. I built a shield. But something - I don't know what - trapped me behind it and there were dreams. Endless dreams. Horrible ones. For years. She shut her eyes, Not years. Weeks. Liyar and Trija broke through the walls and freed me from that place.

Lirha could sense the terrifying darkness and nightmares from Kestra's thoughts, perhaps inadvertently. They were uncomfortable and very disturbing, causing the captain to inhale sharply and take her hands off of the Betazoid. Rubbing her temple to try and clear the memories, she thought back to her own nightmares which had been a constant source of anguish for her ever since she had been recovered from the Klingon vessel.

A long moment passed after which Lirha reached back out and touched Kestra's hand again only this time a bit more cautiously. "My apologies. I think I just caught a glimpse of one of your dreams. It did not seem pleasant."

I have glimpsed yours, Kestra admitted. Yours and many others. So much darkness resides in the minds on this ship.

Lirha sighed and rubbed her forehead with her free hand. "We have all been through a lot. I have my own demons to confront." she sadly replied.

The entire crew who survived our mission with Sienna should be in counseling, Kestra asserted. There is a great deal of grief and terror. It hides inside their subconscious minds. Having spent a great deal of time there, I can assure you it is disturbing.

The captain slowly nodded in full agreement with Kestra. Unfortunately, her ship simply did not have the resources to counsel the entire crew. "Many of us have been seeing counselors." she said. "But we only have three counselors for a crew of seventy-five. Starfleet did grant us shore leave, however, which was nice for all of us and allowed many to escape the turmoil of our mission...if only for a couple weeks."

Perhaps those who cannot see on-board counselors can connect with counselors through subspace channels. Or at least talk with some of the counselors on the- so many voices, minds, wishes, nightmares, pressing, pressing Venture.

Perhaps, Lirha thought. It wasn't a bad idea, but right now her crew had much to do in very little time. If there was to be such an order given, it would have to be after the mission and preferably during a lull in their activity.

Lirha hadn't seen. She didn't know. In truth, Kestra couldn't be sure how much of what she'd experienced would remain in the subconscious and how much would present itself as anxiety or worse. She wouldn't know that until she could find a way to differentiate between the hundreds of voices battling in her mind. I want to be of service, she yearned.

The captain shook her head. "Right now, you need to focus on your recovery. We might be a troubled crew but we are still competent in our duties. As soon as your condition begins to improve, however, I will be glad to have your assistance."

Kestra closed her eyes and prayed that would be sooner rather than later.

Feeling the woman's prayer through her thoughts, Lirha slowly pulled her hands away and rose from the seat. "I will be here if you need anything...but I sadly must get back to work. Try to keep yourself calm and do not worry, all is well on Galileo." she said in a soft voice. It might not have been the truth, but she said it to reassure the Betazoid in the hope's that she didn't worry any further. For now, she needed to focus on her own recovery, not that of the many other crew members around her. "I will be back soon to check on you." she added in a soft, comforting voice.

Kestra sank into sleep once more with the captain's words and thoughts juxtaposing each other. Lies and truth. Truth and lies. Layers and layers.

OFF:

CAPT Lirha Saalm
Commanding Officer
USS Galileo

LTJG Kestra Orexil
Former Chief of Security
USS Galileo

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