Getting Back on Track - With Help (Part 2 of 2)

Posted on 14 Jul 2018 @ 1:55pm by Rear Admiral Lirha Saalm & Commander Marisa Wyatt & Ensign Miraj Derani
Edited on on 15 Jul 2018 @ 12:16am

3,423 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 15 - Emanation
Location: Rigel II - Avondale Shipyards Adminitrative Complex
Timeline: MD 140, 1400 hrs

[ON]

At 1357, Marisa and Miraj arrived at Captain Saalm's office. The young hybrid woman was thrumming with a nervous energy, one hand still twisting a long strand of her pink bunches round one fingers into an impossibly contorted knot, whilst chewing at a finger nail on the other hand, and occasionally adding a short pace back and forth as she stared out the window. She couldn't see the name plates on the ships in their build cradles. Anyone of them could be Galileo-A. And they all looked magnificent.

"Take a deep breath," Marisa urged. She reached into her pocket, pulled out a smooth, flat stone, and handed it to Miraj. "This is called a worry stone. Keep it in your pocket and rub it if you get nervous. It's less noticeable than twisting your hair." She smiled encouragingly. "You can do this."

Miraj tugged her finger out of the tangle. It left a little knot at the bottom of the bunch. Then she took the stone, and turned it over in her fingers, rubbing at it, it was firm and warm from Marisa's pocket. "Thank you. but It might not survive, I could wear it out"

"Go right ahead. I can get more." Marisa took a deep breath and walked in.

"Hi," Marisa said to the receptionist. "We have an appointment with Captain Saalm."

Said receptionist was actually one of the complex's senior yeomen. Charged with the proper scheduling and record-keeping of sensitive administrative affairs, the young female Human was a tall and slender petty officer who often seemed less cheerful than many of her colleagues. She was polite enough, but also saw her current job as a mere stepping stone to starship command one day in the future.

"Of course. Names and ranks?" asked the red-collared woman, barely looking up from her PADD while she pulled up the captain's daily time blocks.

"Lieutenant Marisa Sandoval and Ensign Miraj Derani."

The yeoman confirmed the two officers' credentials with the information on her PADD, then reached down and clipped the device onto the side holster of her belt.

"Follow me, sirs," she instructed before entering her authorization code to unlock the entrance to the office suites hidden behind her. Walking at a swift pace toward the last room at the end of the corridor, the petty officer stopped, turned towards the two other women, and pressed the chime.

"Captain Saalm, your 1400 is here," she said.

A momentary pause followed then was replied to by an abrupt acceptance. "Yes, come!" the captain called out. The door to the Orion CO's office swished open allowing her visitors to enter.

The two women walked in and stopped in front of Captain Saalm's desk. "Hello, captain," Marisa said quietly.

Saalm looked up from the work in front of her to take in the sight of the familiar Vulcan counselor. She hadn't seen her CSO in over a month, but knew she'd returned safe from Schofield's most recent and final expedition. "Miss Sandoval," she politely acknowledged. Her light green eyes then drifted toward the other officer present. "Hello again, Miraj," she then said to the young Boslic. The captain had caught the unmistakable barrage of pink hair and remembered a mention of her in Ban's most recent communique. She also remembered almost throwing the helmsman in the brig the last time they'd met following a heated rant, and now wondered why the ensign was back again.

"Please sit. What can I do for the two of you?" the captain asked while she leant back in her chair and crossed her legs beneath her desk. Admittedly, she hadn't read the entirety of her XO's most recent message and had instead merely skimmed the contents.

Miraj couldn't sit. There was too much nervous energy flowing through her. Instead she stood next to the chair, one hand in her pocket, thumb rubbing at the worry stone as if she could squash in flat if she pushed hard enough. She waited for Dr Sandoval to sit, before rushing out: "I just wanted to apologize for shouting. Before you go."

The captain frowned and tilted her head ever-so-slightly to the side with curiosity while she tried to understand the sentiment the ensign was attempting to convey. She'd been much more concerned with the language and content of what Derani had said to her as opposed to the volume of her voice, but it sounded as if she was trying to make consolidations before they both parted ways.

"I see. Well, thank you for your apology," Saalm replied, not knowing much of what else she should say in the awkward moment. "It is accepted, and thank you for coming to tell me in person. I will miss serving with you and I hope your next commander will not disappoint you as I have," she added, giving the young pink-haired woman a regretful smile.

"She would also like you to consider taking her on as your helmsman," Marisa added.

Saalm did a slight double-take in surprise, her light green eyes glancing between Sandoval and Derani as if guarding against a practical prank of some sort. "Is this true?" she then asked the ensign after a long moment of silence.

Of course I wanted to be the damn cox. Why do you think I applied to this ship in the first place? You'd know that if you'd actually bothered to read my application instead of just rejecting it for shits and giggles. And now people I care about are on it, I can't just let them swan off into the unknown without trying. But Miraj bit her tongue quite literally to keep the stream of anger under control and didn't dare say any more than, "Yes, ma'am."

"Like me, ma'am, she believes that when you're rejected from a position, you move on," Marisa added, hoping a little clarity would help the situation. "Neither of us are comfortable with the idea that we have to keep pushing for a position once our application is rejected. For that reason, neither of us reapplied. But she does want the job, and she has proven herself to be an excellent pilot. And that is why we are here now."

Saalm quite clearly remembered the ensign walking into her office a little over a month ago and calling her ungrateful, traitorous, and a bitch. Nothing the CSO had just said explained any of those actions, and the behavior had seemed self-destructive -- contradictory to that of someone who seemingly wanted to serve under her command again. "I see," she simply said again. "And are you here to serve as one of her references, or some sort?" she then asked Sandoval, attempting to piece together the puzzle of why the lieutenant was apparently vouching for Derani. Surely Miraj was able to advocate for herself?

"Yes, I am," Marisa said. "Her abilities as a pilot saved my life. She is among the best pilots in Starfleet, and you will need her skills on this assignment."

It was hard to fault the Vulcan's logic. Derani was as good a pilot as the captain had seen, and she seemed to have a natural ability to solve spatial problems. "I'm aware of her qualifications and I agree that she is a strong helmsman," she replied to Sandoval. Saalm had never doubted the ensign's skills while she was on duty. "I have three other conn officers on board with space for one more," she then continued, pulling a PADD from one of her desk's drawers which contained her vessel's manifest. "I'm sure we can find a duty post for the ensign."

Marisa raised an eyebrow at Miraj. This was her chance to graciously accept and let bygones be bygones.

Miraj had dug the gnawed remains of her finger nails into her palm as a glut of emotion threatened to se her founder and capsize. It was that simple? What was the catch? When would the other shoe drop? And three other pilots? She knew Lamar would be one, and that was alright, and she had been braced for one raw relationship when she inevitably humiliated the other pilot by outflying them in every possible way, but two? And had she made them apply multiple times. Probably not.

Her fingernails, ruined stubbs that they were, were drawing blood. She said. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Good. Now sit and tell me what you've been up to the last few months." Lirha had picked up on Miraj's strange aura by now. It didn't take an expert to notice the subtitles of demeanor, and the captain studied her more closely. The ensign also hadn't said much more than a sentence or two to her so far, and she began to wonder why she was so quiet. "I promise I won't bite," the captain added, showing a small smile.

Miraj gave the ext a furtive glance. Small talk just had more potential for the rising storm inside to explode. Why would Lirha even want to know? She'd hadn't wanted either of them on board in the first place and now she was making nice like nothing had happened. What was going on with that? Not to mention that telling the truth would give Lirha perfect reason to withdraw the offer. Best to be honest about it, after all, she was as much a danger to the crew of the Galileo-A as She thought their captain would be. "I took Dr Sandoval to an archaeological site and eighteen people died. And after the cadet cruise the old Galileo crew helped on, I got a post on a cargo hauler, and everyone died."

The silence in the room held thick for a long moment while Lirha regarded the helmsman. "I see," she eventually said while trying to process the tragedies Miraj was revealing. She remembered her CSO recalling the same story of their archeological dig during a previous interview, but Sandoval's account had not sounded so...depressing. Something seemed wrong, and the focus on death was evident. "I'm sorry you witnessed that loss. I'm sure it was not your fault. Are you...okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Miraj even managed a straight face.

"It wasn't her fault," Marisa chimed in. "The accident at the archaeological site would have happened anyway because the natives witheld information and some of them decided to set off an explosive device. It had nothing to do with our arrival, or us. In fact, if it hadn't been for us, it would have been a lot worse. And if it hadn't been for Miraj, we would not have survived. As for the rest, the ensign is of the mistaken opinion that because bad things have happened to her lately, they are her fault. She has an overactive guilt complex and refuses to believe that bad things can and do happen to people. I honestly wonder if she has been the victim of a narcissist in her past. This does not impact her ability to fly, just her interaction with others--at least that has been my observation."

Saalm listened to Sandoval then leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. A sigh of frustration escaped her as the pieces of the puzzle started to fall in place. "Is this true as well, Miraj? Do you feel responsible for these deaths?"

Well. after a fashion. She might not have killed them directly, but trouble had a knack of following her. "Indirectly, Ma'am."

Another short silence lingered while the captain listened and evaluated her new potential crew member. She could relate to the young Boslic's remorse and emotional frailty in the strongest of ways. After all, Lirha had lost her starship, her unborn twins, and tens of her crew all within three months, and then had plenty of time to reminisce over her failures while she was discarded in a Starfleet penal colony cell.

But that was the past. She'd refused to become a broken woman, and when the opportunity for freedom and redemption arrived, she'd seized upon it. "Death is a certain fact of life," she firmly said to Derani, holding her eyes. "You are a Starfleet officer, and sometimes men and women will die under your command. You know this from your Academy training. And you cannot carry that burden on yourself; it will cripple even the strongest of captains."

So that means it okay not to consider your role in events? To not be concerned you may be endangering your crew? Miraj found Lirha's words shocking. If a commander didn't hold themselves to account, what hope was there for the crew that live and died at their whim? Was that why the admiral could so easily dismiss all the people who served with her until they were reduced to crawling for a job? She didn't believe herself responsible for anything? She could do no wrong? Those souls didn't matter?

Miraj shifted her gaze so she was no longer looking at the Orion. "No, ma'am." It was the safest thing to say.

"Have you sought treatment for these feelings you have?" came Saalm's followup question. An injury to the mind was often harder to heal than any physical wound, and it was clear to the captain that the young helmsman in front of her now seemed very different from the one she used to know.

Miraj shifted on her feet slightly. When the cadet cruise was out the Counsellor there had just told to get over it. That was Starfleet and she should just get over it. Suffer in silence, otherwise she was making a fuss about nothing.

"There's nothing wrong with me that flying circles round any ship in Starfleet won't cure." The feel of a ship around you, responding to your touch like thought and deed were one? No counselling, no drug, could beat it.

"That's basically what helped me," Marisa said. "Getting back to work as a scientist, working--albeit briefly--on an archaeological site, then learning about the pyramid, all helped me reignite my passion for science again. It also helped me finally begin to deal with what happened on Kreanus. I think Ensign Derani needs to get back into space and fly. And, if she needs any help, I'm here, and you have a good counselor. She'll do a lot better out in deep space than she ever will if she's grounded."

Lirha agreed with much of what was said, yet she privately embraced a different philosophy. The Great History of her own people was littered with tales of extraordinary minds and ambitious colonists, yet also with matriarchs and slavers who'd fallen victim to their many flaws and hedonistic pursuits. "When the essence of life becomes self-serving, the individual loses their way," one of the First Scholars had written before Human civilization had even formed.

"I don't disagree," Lirha lightly replied to Marisa with small shrug of her shoulders. "I think many of us want to return to duty and we've all faced our challenges." She then looked at Miraj. "If the two of you insist you are ready and you are cleared for duty by our medical officers, then I have no objections. But this will be a long journey, alone with only this crew and starship. You will not see Earth or any of the core worlds for several years. Are you certain this is what you want? Have you tended to your personal affairs?"

Marisa looked at Miraj. This was it. Everything Miraj wanted. All she had to do was agree.

The pilot locked her jaw to prevent the seething fury escaping uncontrolled. If she hadn't been sure she wouldn't have applied in the first place. She stopped the building tirade and gave a brisk, "Yes, Ma'am."

Marisa relaxed. Miraj needed to talk to Lake, but getting her on board was the first step to getting her back to normal.

Derani didn't seem to be prone to many words today but Saalm was satisfied with the way the ensign had presented herself. The Orion could sense turmoil within the young officer and now began to better understand why she'd been accompanied by Marisa. In the face of her apparent adversity, however, she'd shown respect and restraint. It seemed the spirits smiled upon her, and so Lirha smiled at Miraj with a satisfactory nod.

"Good. You can report for duty then tomorrow at 0730 for the final round of support craft requalifications," the captain said, then leaned her arms forward onto the desk. "I trust you will not disappoint?" She hoped Miraj wouldn't bust any of her landings due to whatever feelings she might be having, and wanted to see first-hand that she was still the same skilled pilot.

"What qualifications, ma'am?" she asked, confusion evident. "I am certified to fly every type of craft in the fleet, and all my flight credentials are up to date. Always, everything." She sighed inwardly. She thought Lirha hadn't really understood how much flying was her life when the admiral had stripped her of flight status after refusing the orion's advances. After all the unpleasentness had been squared away, the admiral had said it was becuase she thought Miraj was too uptight, and needed to relax, never once thinking that stopping the boslic from flying would make it worse. It followed that it would probably never occur to the admiral that she was no more capable of letting anything lapse than she could willingly stop breathing. Everyone underestimated just how much she wanted to fly, loved to fly, needed to fly.

"I don't doubt your credentials. But I have asked for additional training for this deployment. You will join Chiefs Sylver and Darius, and Ensign Shizn, for six hours of launch and recovery drills tomorrow." She paused before revealing the handicap. "Manual control only."

Manual only. That was hardly fair. On the others. Miraj had to clench her jaw again, this time to stop the hysterical laughter at the thought that manual control would possibly worry her. She'd started her life at the conn with barely functioning ships with zero automatic controls and very frequently barely functioning sensors, thrusters, inertial dampeners or even atmosphere. "Yes, Ma'am." She had to keep the response short. Otherwise she'd collapse into giggles.

Lirha reached down to pull open one of her desk's drawers, then retrieved a new commbadge and silver ID card with red trim. Designated only for Command officers -- including helmsmen -- it served as an access pass for all similar personnel until the starship's official departure from spacedock.

"These are for you. This keycard will give you access to all non-restricted areas while Galileo is still docked, and your new communicator has been recoded." Lirha paused then offered a genuine smile to Miraj. "Welcome aboard, Ensign Derani."

Miraj took the commbadge and closed her fingers over it. She took the access card with the other. "Thank you, ma'am."

Marisa smiled, carefully hiding her relief. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Good. You're both dismissed, then," Saalm ordered with a curt nod. "Unless either of you have any questions?" she then offered, affording a final opportunity to inquire about the new assignment.

"New Galileo?" Miraj said, before she could stop herself. "What are they? Class wise?"

Lirha paused for the briefest of moments to consider how much she could reveal before departure. "The Galileo-A was first commissioned as USS Supernova several months ago following the shakedown crew's test trials and evaluations. She is...the first in her class," the captain riddled, then let a tiny grin tug at the corner of her lips. "You can see her for yourself when you report for duty."

The half-Vulcan smiled. She had to admit, she was definitely looking forward to this new assignment.

A new ship class? Miraj's pulse jumped with excitement. Shakedown on the first of a new class was the closest shed get to test piloting without actually being in the program. But that thrill didn't make her feel any less angry. Her grip on her badge and jaw told her that. "Thank you, ma'am," she said once more, and escaped into the cool of the corridor outside, before the points digging into her palm started dripping blood.

Marisa followed more slowly, grateful that the meeting went as well as it did.

[OFF]

--

CAPT Lirha Saalm
Commanding Officer
USS Galileo-A

Ensign Miraj Derani
Conn Officer
USS Galileo-A

Lieutenant Marisa Sandoval
Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo-A

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