Shadows of Pain [18+]

Posted on 22 May 2017 @ 8:14am by Commander Marisa Wyatt & Ambassador Soral Varro & Lieutenant JG Eelim Galan & Petty Officer 1st Class Eviess
Edited on on 24 May 2017 @ 5:25pm

3,364 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 15 - Emanation
Location: USS Chaka - Guest Quarters
Timeline: MD -39, 1800 hours

ON:

Varro stood looking at the screen with disgust on his face. He was on the Chaka now. The crew had been nice enough to give the Galileo access to quarters on a rotation schedule for a shower, change, and some private time to call family. Varro, Eveiss, and Eelim, had taken their rotation together. Eviess sleeping in the room, Eelim on the sofa, and Varro on the floor. Evie and Eelim had gone out for a bit. Varro had called his brother. Tonight they would be back into the cargo bay and the next group or person would be in for the night and day. It was a small but appreciated gesture by the Chaka crew. Varro all but growled at his brother. This had been a mistake.

"I will not listen to this anymore. You, in my humble opinion, are..."

The door chimed cutting Varro off. Frustrated beyond belief Varro stopped himself and turned away from the image on the coms screen and towards the door “Enter," he bellowed.

The door opened and Eelim walked in. He'd heard Varro yelling through the door, the normally calm diplomat looked somewhat disheveled and frustrated.

Varro motioned for Eelim to come in. He turned back to the Vulcan, who bore a striking resemblance to Varro, "Saul this conversation is over and I will not entertain this .... kind of conversation again."

Eelim watched as Varro punched the disconnect button on the wall screen. He noted that at the pinnacle of frustration Varro's accent got ticker.

“Everything alright,” Eelim asked.

Varro sighed. “Yes, my brother was just …”

Ah, thought Eelim, that explained the similarities in their features. They had the same nose and eye shape. “Are you alright?” Eelim asked again noting that Varro seemed quite pale, the shadows under his eyes seemed darker and he seemed to be lightly perspiring.

“Fine.” Varro said, his usual eloquence gone. Varro walked over to the replicator and ordered water. He asked Eelim if he wanted anything but Eelim shook his head. He’d just come by to check on Varro who had missed their lunch appointment. Eelim noted Varro’s hands shook as he drank the water.

Varro felt the shakes himself, he felt his breathing becoming laboured. Not now! He pleaded with his body in vain. He knew what was happening, his trembling, his inability to draw air into his lungs, his sweating…he was having a panic attack.

“Leave!” He suddenly said to Eelim.

Shocked Eelim just stared.

“Leave!” Varro bellowed not wanting anyone to see him like this. He attempted to take a step towards Eelim but his legs gave out and he fell to the floor. His breathing becoming panicked gasps.

Eelim was by his side in two steps. “Varro!” He knelt down by his friend. Eelim was about to tap his coms to call medical but Varro protested.

“nnn….n…..no doctor.” He said before the effort to breath became too much. His body shook violently and he gasped for air feeling dizzy and disoriented. His vision clouded over and the roar in his ears rivaled that of tumultuous ocean waves crashing upon a rocky shore.

Eelim hoisted Varro up and dragged him to the sofa. He tapped his coms, “Galan to Sandoval! Ambassador Varro’s quarters, hurry!”

Marisa didn't ask questions. She checked her computer for the location of Varro's quarters and ran out the door. "On my way," she said.

In record time she was at the Ambassador's door. She paused to take a deep breath and rang the door chime.

It was Eelim that called for her to come in. He sat by Varro who was still having difficulty breathing. Eelim was rubbing his back. As Marisa came in he looked up. "Panic attack," was all he said.

Marisa knelt by Varro and checked his pupils, breathing and pulse. "Did you call the doctor?"

Eelim shook his head. "He said no doctor."

She nodded at Eelim's words. In a quiet, calm voice she addressed Varro. "It's Marisa. Can you tell me what happened?"

Varro's pupils were still dilated, everything around him swam and blurred. He heard the question but it sounded as if it were far away. He began trying to breath normally.

Eelim rubbed Varro's back. He looked at Marisa.

Varro pulled on all the meditation techniques he could. Slowly the panic began to subside. His breathing although still laboured slowly began to get deeper. He managed to look at Marisa, "am....am fine." He gulped out.

Eelim jumped in. "When I came in he was talking to what looked like his brother same eyes, same chin, looked alike. He seemed upset he was yelling.

Marisa looked at Eelim as he spoke. A brother? She turned back to Varro. "You're clearly not okay. Tell me what happened, what made you panic. Was that your brother you argued with?" She made sure his clothing wasn't restricting his breathing and continued to talk to him in a calm, soothing voice. "Talking it out will help."

His breathing had calmed. He gave a nod, "Yes...brother. Just...family...issued. W...water please?" he asked.

Marisa got him a drink and helped him take a few sips. "Take it slow and easy," she said, hoping the simple task would help him regain more of his composure.

Eelim and Marisa had been so focused on Varro that they didn't notice the door open and close. Eviess entered the room, as she and Eelim were sharing the quarters on the tight ship. She took one look at Varro and gasped. "Varro!" She knelt by him, beside Marisa. "Panic attack?" She said more to Marisa then Varro.

"Yes. Something to do with his brother," Marisa said. She was pleased to see Eviess. She would do more for Varro than anyone else could.

Eviess let out a shaky breath. "Varro you need to sleep." She asked Eelim to take him to the next room and get him settled. Within a few minutes Eelim returned and informed them that Varro was fast asleep.

Eviess nodded. "He's usually out like a light after these. He hasn't had one in a long time."

"How long has it been?" Marisa asked. "Do you know what triggered this one?"

Eviess sat down at the table and indicated for Eelim and Marisa to sit. "It's been a long time." She closed her eyes. A war was fought within her soul. Should she lay her and Varro's hearts out there? "Damned Saul! He and Apple are always pushing Varro. I mean its been only 17..." She paused as if shocked. just over 17 years... Maybe Saul and Apple were right in trying to get Varro to confront it. She looked at Marisa. "You said brother?"

Eelim jumped in. "Yes he was talking to a man, looked a lot like him not exactly but a lot, commander pip it looked like on the video."

She nodded. "Commander Saul Varro. Yes." She sighed, "Counselor I'm torn between betraying trust and watching Varro suffer. It's been... just over 17 years since this has been happening. How much has Varro told you about his past?"

"Very little," Marisa admitted. "But things said to me as a counselor are confidential. Can you tell me what is it about his brother that makes Varro have panic attacks?"

She sighed, "It's not his brother...Saul, like his friend Apple, is trying to get him to confront that which he doesn't want to confront and when talk turns to that particular subject Varro...well this happens."

She rubbed the bridge of her nose, "I guess I better start at the beginning. Varro never had the ideal life, he was...not treated the best by his family, but that is his to tell. The short of it he didn't have very much support, had lots of criticism. Saul, Varro's brother, left home early and distanced himself from the family. He carries his own guilt about that, Saul I mean.

Eelim listened, understanding what a rough family life was like.

Eviess continued, "Anyway when he left home his family cut him off because he wanted to study diplomacy. He was struggling but he pulled himself through. In fact when he was at his lowest he met Marcus he was an Admiral, retiring at the time. He did a lot of lectures and Varro saw him as a guide, as a mentor, someone he admired and was striving to be like, Marcus took him under his wing and helped him." She looked at Marisa, "Has he told you about Marcus and the fact that they eventually entered a relationship?"

"Yes, he told me that he and Marcus were in love." And that he felt that if he let himself get into another relationship that he would betray that love. She contemplated Eviess for a moment, wondering how she felt about Varro.

Eviess sighed. "I bet he laid out the whole thing didn't he? Love of his life and all." She said bitterly.

Marisa nodded. "He did." There was something about what Eviess said, or rather how she said it, that caused the counselor to realize that there was more going on that she'd been told by Varro.

"Well let me tell you something. Everything Varro told you was a lie." She let that sink in.

Marisa raised an eyebrow, surprised at this admission.

"What do you mean?" Eelim asked.

Eviess spared him a glance and then turned to the counselor. "Can I tell you how Varro and I met Counselor? Are you genuinely interested in helping him?"

Marisa met her gaze steadily. "Yes. I want to help him. And I want to know what really happened." The man deserved to be happy, and if she could help, she would. Not just for Varro, but for his friends and family, too.

Eviess sighed, “It’s time.” She stared out the window at the stars flying by and then returned her gaze back to counselor and Eelim. “I met Varro when he was in his third year at the Academy. I was just starting my medial training. It seemed we both loved London so we were at that campus. I had seen him a few times while I was at the Academy prep courses. In fact I actually met him the year before unofficially, he was a tour guide for one of my groups. He was handsome, charming, full of life, he laughed, sang, played music, told jokes, so not Vulcan.” She smiled remembering the days fondly. “I was in my first year and volunteering at the hospital when we officially started our friendship. A week prior to the night before we met my father had decided to make a marriage match with me and a Klingon Diplomat. The very night we met I refused to marry the man. He was…not for me. There was something about him.” She said.

Marisa could understand that. The two cultures had many differences, and it would be hard--especially if you didn't love the man you were marrying.

She drank a bit of water, “That night I was on the emergency department and there was a big fuss about an Admiral that was brought in. It was a bar brawl. The man had tried to pick up a Nausicca’s chosen mate and there was a fight. The man was knocked out and beaten bad. I had to call the emergency contact, the man’s fiancée, Varro.”

Eelim’s eyes widened, “Marcus was the Admiral…he was cheating?”

Eviess shrugged, “I later found out this wasn’t a one off yes he tried to pick up someone while he had a Fiancée, call it what you like. Anyway Varro rushed down and he was by Marcus’ side. He was kind and loving and devoted and loyal. I remember he spoke to all the doctors who were attending and the bar brawl was forgotten. He managed to convince everyone that it was a misunderstanding. That was Varro, always protecting Marcus and his reputation. He does it to this day. That week Varro and I talked a lot and we were becoming fast friends. A few nights into this new friendship I was leaving the hospital late, just as visiting hours were over. I had an exam the next day and I rushed out saying bye to Varro, I remember he asked me to wait for him but I rushed out….” She stopped her voice seeming to die. “That….that was the night he saved my life.” She hadn’t told many people this story.”

"From the Klingon?" Marisa asked gently. She could tell how hard this was for Eviess, how long she'd held the knowledge inside. But it helped Marisa understand the situation, and how she could hopefully help both of them. She smiled encouragingly.

Eviess nodded. Eelim had gotten up to refresh Eviess’ water but brought back a mint tea as well for her. He knew it would help sooth her. “Try this, it will help.” She smiled gratefully at the Cardassian’s thoughtfulness.

She let out a shuddered breath. “Well, the Klingon I had refused to marry came to find me that night. Varro heard the commotion and like an avenging angel he came to my rescue. If he hadn’t gotten there I…I shudder to think. He not only beat the dren out of the Klingon he later made sure the man was booted out of the diplomatic corp and that the Klingons took away his honour. I was a mess.” She closed her eyes. “Soral,” she said switching to Varro’s first name. “Soral made sure I was able to take my exam later and he had me stay with him. He was there to support me to take care of me, I was fine for the most part, a few bruises, scared out of my mind, and thankful that nothing more than a few hits had occurred. Soral took care of me, and Marcus who was released. I stayed with them for months. I remember being in awe of Varro, I think that’s where…where I fell in love with him. He was everything I wanted and to be honest, every relationship male or female, that I was with was a pale shadow of Soral. I could see Varro loved Marcus and I was happy for him...They seemed so much in love… at first…”

Marisa smiled when Eviess said she loved Varro, tucking the knowledge away for later. She gave Eviess several moments to sip her tea, then asked. "Then what happened?" Her tone was quiet, soothing, encouraging, and supportive.

Eelim stayed silent lost in his own thoughts. This was a familiar story.

Eviess went on, "At first all was well but then I noticed, there were two Marcus'. In public he was loving, doting, kind. In private he was cruel, emotionally abusive, harsh. He'd come home drunk, sometimes he'd call Varro and tell him that he'd found a better man to spend the night with. Varro would always clean up after Marcus. He would do what he could to save Marcus' reputation. Varro," she paused. "Well he wasn't Varro anymore. He was tired, and worn. The only time he stood up to Marcus was when Marcus yelled at me for something. I moved out pretty quickly, I tried to tell Saul, Varro's brother but nobody listened to me. Varro had done a great job of covering."

Eelim placed his hand over Eviess' as encouragement.

Marisa felt sad for both Varro and Eviess and what they'd been through. She'd met people like Marcus, people who kept their true personality carefully hidden from the world, but not from those that loved them. She wanted to hug the other woman, but right now, it was more important to let her talk it out. She nodded in encouragement to continue.

Eviess went on, "Soon I started noticing things...a bruise a shadow. Then one day...just before Marcus left for Mempa, Marcus was to meet Captain MacIntosh for lunch, he never showed up, at least according to Apple. I got the call that Varro had fallen down the stairs, Apple found him when she came to look for Marcus." She shuddered, "Varro begged Apple to lie, to say Marcus was with her. Marcus, of course, showed up at the hospital all concerned and loving. Saul, Varro's brother finally believed me. He confronted Varro, I wasn't there for that but I know he was mad as hell, as humans say. Marcus left shotly after and Saul and I convinced Varro to leave Marcus."

She sighed, "That day that Marcus was in a shuttle accident, Varro called him. Told him that by the time Marcus was back Varro would be moved out. He broke it off. Marcus tried everything, he pleaded, he told Varro they would work it all out when he came back....but the shuttle was lost. Varro blamed himself. He sank into a deep depression. There were days where Saul had to feed and bath him because Varro couldn't function. He said maybe if he hadn't broken up with him over long distance coms things would have been different..." Her voice faded.

"And so, he made up a reality he could live with," Marisa said quietly. "I take it the anger with his brother is because he still won't listen to the truth?"

Eviess shrugged, "Saul and Apple and I have been working on getting Varro to confront the truth. Saul... well Saul especially but.. well Counselor every time that we try to get Varro to confront the truth he has a panic episode, it's almost....almost like he prefers to live in the reality he's created."

"Because his current reality is easier to deal with than thinking he caused Marcus' death." But it wasn't healthy for his hope of moving on to another relationship. Marisa paused to look at Eviess for a long moment. "How do you feel about Varro now?"

She shrugged, "I love him. He is...every breath I take. He's the only person I've ever loved but I don't think he feels that way about me." She thought a moment. "I've tried to show him that it wasn't his fault you know. Saul has too. I mean he broke up with Marcus long distance. The shuttle, well they suffered a malfunctioning flight system and got caught in the gravity of a moon when they got too close. I hope you can help him."

"I'll do what I can. A lot depends on if he'll let me help him." There were a number of things Marisa could try, up to and including a mind meld. But nothing would work if Varro refused to accept the help.

Eelim looked over at the counselor and then checked the time. "Eviess we need to wake Varro. We only have these quarters for another two hours. Just enough to shower and then head back to the cargo bay and allow the next group to use the quarters for the night. That had been a little treat that the Chaka crew had extended to the Galileo crew. A few quarters that people could rotate through.

Eviess gave a nod and headed to wake Varro.

Eelim looked at Marisa, "I knew he was hiding something. There has always been something about him..."

"I'll need some privacy when I speak to him," Marisa said. "If we can't find some time here, maybe there will be time on the starbase. But I will talk to him and see what I can do."

Eelim gave a nod, "I think we should leave for now. Give him some time to recover."

"Agreed. He's had enough for one night." It was about time for her to head back to the cargo bay, too. She smiled at Eelim. "Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help."

OFF

--

Lt. JG Eelim Galan
Tactical / Security Officer
USS Chaka
[PNPC Varro]

&

Ambassador Soral Varro
Diplomat
USS Chaka

&

Lieutenant JG Marisa Sandoval
Counselor
USS Galileo

&

PO Eviess
Medical Officer
USS Galileo
[PNPC Varro]

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