Gilded Cage 2

Posted on 31 Aug 2015 @ 3:19am by Lieutenant (Sogh) Andreus Romar

586 words; about a 3 minute read

[ON]

Andreus Romar’s journal entry, supplemental entry.

I feel… different. I feel trapped. I always assumed my assignment to the IKS Saalm was some form of victory. I assumed it was an exciting new opportunity to achieve greatness, or to better my abilities behind a phaser array. But no. I was wrong. I was hideously wrong. The IKS Saalm is a trap. I’m trapped. (I think I’m going to die here?) …I’d like to believe this is some form of punishment. I’d like to believe I made some vicious choice, or caused some harm, and being assigned here is the consequence of that choice. But I don’t think the universe works that way.

I don’t understand what I’m to do here. I mean, like any in the Defense Force, I serve the Queen Regent in the hunt for the Terrans. I serve until the eradication of Terrans. Of all of them. But I don’t understand how we can reach that aim. There are other intelligence officers aboard this ship, but I don’t… believe… any of them are loyal to the Order. I get the impression they report to the High Council directly, or to themselves. (But maybe that’s simply something else the Obsidian Order hasn’t told me?) Even the Queen Regent’s own aims are a mystery to me. She blames us for her failure to find the Terrans’ forward base. She leads us. Our failure is her failure, truly. I don’t… I don’t know what to do with that belief, that foolish belief in my head.

Things were simpler on Cardassia. So much simpler. I analyzed documents; I piloted drones; I was given tasks to complete and I completed them better than was expected. Even when they began to assign me to to the field, even with infiltration missions, I went in where I needed to go, and I obtained the information I was ordered to obtain. Simple. Straight-forward. I followed orders. I follow the orders of the Defense Force.

That’s what it all comes back to in the end. I didn’t make any choices or decisions that resulted in my coming here. I haven’t made a choice for myself in a decade. I felt so awful for Jynn, felt the Terrans must have been so very cruel for taking away his freedoms, but I suppose my story is just the same as his. I was conscripted by the Klingons, and they have made all of my choices. All of them.

I think… I think the last time I made a choice for myself was the choice to become a guardian of the temple. I wanted that, and I worked for that, and I became that. I wanted to be strong. I wanted big arms and thick thighs. That was my mistake. That made the Defense Force choose me. Choose me over other children of the temple.

Ghaliyah can’t make the same mistake I made. That girl, my girl, she needs to live a life of choice. But she shouldn’t… she can’t choose anything that would make the Klingons want her. She must choose a self-indulgent career, something with little intrinsic value. A scientist perhaps? I must speak to Hamidah. I must make myself clear. Ghaliyah must be kept safe. She can’t make my mistakes. She can’t fall into the same trap. Not the same one.


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