Personal Log 007

Posted on 26 Jan 2013 @ 11:33pm by Lieutenant Lilou Zaren

401 words; about a 2 minute read

"Chief Engineer's Personal Log, Stardate 66872.5. (beat) How long is that going to sound strange coming from my mouth?

I've spent the last two weeks reviewing this ship from top to bottom and I'm still finding flaws. Not big ones, just... irritating ones. Fortunately, I think we caught the roughest edges before we left Vega and I'm confident that we can sand down the last bumps smoothly and safely.

It came as quite a shock to lose both Brauer and Slak at the colony, but I hear they both received substantial promotions and are both quite pleased with them, so... I should be happy for them. I guess I am. And, at the same time, I feel as though those of us who survived are bound together because of our experiences; the dead have left us... Maybe that was part of why Brauer and Slak needed to leave too.

Ghosts in the corridors.

(several minutes of silence)

The new additions to my department seem competent so far. We'll have to see if they keep it up. Then again, I'm not always competent in my own estimation, so spirits only know what they'll have to do to earn the title... I wish Quinn were here. I mean, he is. But he isn't. He'd know how to talk to them, how to bring out the best in them, pull the team together as it's splitting apart. At this point, I feel lucky if I don't split apart all on my own, let alone the department, but there's no time for that. I just need to keep focused. My best has to be enough for them.

The work with Carlisle has barely just begun, but I feel a kind of energy in having taken those first steps. Progress will be slow, maybe, but I'm going to succeed. I have to. The fear is only a part of it. A remnant of an event. It's second nature now, maybe, but I wasn't always like this. I don't always have to be. Just a matter of time.

Teaching helps. Focusing on the last details of repair. Keeping busy. I worry about the coming weeks. Sitting up here and looking after the ship while teams leave to survey the system... Too much time alone to think.

(sound of chair moving)

We're coming up on 185. Here's hoping the coming days are better than those that have passed."

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