Chief Counselor's Log #8 - Hope

Posted on 26 Jan 2013 @ 11:19pm by Lieutenant JG Delainey Carlisle
Edited on 30 Apr 2013 @ 1:11am

353 words; about a 2 minute read

What a difference a little time makes. For the first time in what seems a long while, I have a sense of hope again. I'm not exactly sure what to attribute it to since realistically speaking, not much has changed. I can't save those we lost, and as much as I want to, I can't undo the trauma the crew has suffered. I'd be lying if I said I didn't struggle with some semblance of survivor's guilt.

As I shared in the previous log, shoreleave has helped to uncover the true impact of everything we've experienced together. Like a bruise that darkens over time, it seems recent stresses have only intensified the struggles some members of the crew routinely deal with. At times, I have even questioned whether some of them are fit to serve. If recent events have taught me anything, it's that social bonds are critical for overcoming adversity. Whether some prove to be incapable or simply refuse to change how they relate to others, is it fair for me to fight to keep them here when there's a large possibility they will only suffer more?

Then someone does the unexpected, and I'm reminded, for better or worse, why I love what I do. Sentient behavior isn't as predictable as a mathematical formula, and it never will be, no matter how much experience is gained, individually, or collectively. Painfully shy people can choose to reach out to others, despite seemingly intractable negative thinking. Equally toxic secrets can be revealed, no matter how buried and scarred over they seem to be, to usher in a degree of healing never before imagined.

Hope can be garnered even when behavior changes for the worse, if one chooses to remember that not long ago, things were better and might still be. People who choose to medicate themselves with sex aren't necessarily doomed for failure if one is motivated to understand, not merely to judge.

I'm under no illusions that I am the solution for all of this, but as long as I can still be surprised, I know I will always be willing to try.

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