The Layers

Posted on 20 Jan 2013 @ 9:50pm by Lieutenant Lilou Zaren & Chief Warrant Officer 3 Lamar Darius

3,568 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo: Lamar's Quarters
Timeline: MD -01: 2455 hrs

[ON]

Lilou was half-way to her bed, braiding her hair over her shoulder, when she paused and looked back to the door of her quarters. She'd controlled it. She'd lost it, for a time there, but she'd gotten herself back. She had done it on her own. In spite of the snarling of a man and his dog. She bit her smiling lip, grabbed her uniform, and carefully rolled it into a bag. It was different. A different kind of confidence. She wasn't whole, not by a long shot, but she'd reigned herself in. She'd been able to. She shivered, but it was a good feeling. She exhaled and grabbed the small go-bag, heading for the door.

Barefoot, in sweatpants and tank top, smelling slightly like dog, she padded down the corridor and stopped outside of Lamar's quarters. It was the middle of the night. He might be sleeping. She almost turned away again, but touched the chime once and lightly before she could. She wanted to see him. She'd gone a little further, yes, but it didn't seem real. She was tired and bruised and felt more like she was riding the tail of a kite than actually progressing. Lamar would make it real; he had a way of making things seem more solid.

Hiding behind one of Galileo's Type-9 shuttles, Lamar quickly poked his head around the side of a nacelle and scanned the shuttlebay. Klingon battle cries and thick smoke filled the air, accompanied by the occasional green and orange flares of disruptor and phaser fire, and the disgustingly foul stench of burning flesh. From the opposite side of the shuttlebay, Lamar watched in horror as one of Galileo's flight crew ran helplessly across the tarmac, her body engulfed in flames while she screamed a terrifying sound of imminent death. Clutching his hand phaser, he fought back a choking sensation in the back of his throat as he pointed it at her, then pushed the large 'fire' button. A stream of concentrated orange phaser energy burst from the tip and struck the flaming woman in the chest, burning a hole in her heart and sending her to a quick and merciful death. Lamar dropped the phaser, his hands shaking and eyes wet with remorse. It was for her own good, he argued angrily with himself, No one should burn alive...

A strange beeping sound began to manifest itself in the shuttlebay but Lamar ignored it as he suddenly spotted an armor-clad Klingon who had ventured out into the open. Pulling his rifle from the sling wrapped around his shoulder, he sighted his target in the holo-sight and pulled back on the trigger, sending a burst of bright yellow pulses into the unsuspecting humanoid. They impacted the Klingon violently and sent him tumbling to the floor with a loud cry of distress, and Lamar suddenly gripped his weapon with a vengeance he never knew he had. Sprinting from behind the shuttlecraft, he ran towards his downed target and raised his weapon over his head, then slammed it down into the Klingon's ridged forehead over and over and over and over...until his own face was covered in warrior's pink splatter of blood. Yet, despite the bludgeoning to the Klingon's deformed and caved in head, he was not dead. He sat up nonchalantly and looked at Lamar, then opened his mouth while speaking in a strange beeping language. What the... Lamar wondered incredulously, then stumbled backwards as the Klingon-zombie stood back up on his feet, his mouth wide open as he continued to move towards Lamar while speaking a loud beeping language. "No...", he whispered, not believing his eyes, "NOOOO!!" he screamed.

The warrant officer suddenly burst wide awake in his bed and sat up. He was shivering in a cold sweat, and his sheets and blankets were drenched in his own perspiration. Suddenly, he heard the beeping sound again, and suddenly identified it as his door's chime. "What the f---" he whispered to himself, still trembling as he slowly got out of bed and slipped some pants on. He moved to the door and opened it, looking pale as could be for a black man.

"Lilou." he said in a shaky voice as he saw her standing outside his door, then shook his head to push his terrible dream from his thoughts. "I-I'm...sorry. C-come in..." he muttered, having trouble talking even though he was partially awake now.

The sight of him, sweating and shaken, struck her to the core. She stepped inside quickly, just in case anyone might be passing, and rested her hand on his chest as the door closed behind her. His heart was pounding. "Let me get you something to drink. Something cool." She rested her other hand gently on his arm and guided him towards his bed - caught sight of the sheets and blankets in disarray and nudged him towards the couch instead.

Following her lead and still half-asleep, he slowly sat down on the couch and sank his head into his hands for a long moment, realizing that he was in less-than-ideal shape. "What time is it?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Late." She brushed her hands over the back of his head gently. "It was a dream, just that. You're safe here."

Struggling to reorient himself, Lamar took comfort in the stroking sensation of Lilou's hand. His short hair brushed through her fingers like a fine piece of sand paper. "How late?" he wondered out loud, trying to gauge how long he had been asleep and how long until his next shift. Right now, he didn't want to talk about his dream...he just wanted to forget about it and push it into the furthest depths of his mind.

"Twenty-four fifty," she kissed the back of his head. "Rest." She went to the replicator and called down a glass of cool water, bringing it back to him, and sitting down beside him. "I hadn't wanted to wake you, but then... I heard you-" She pressed her lips together and rested her hand on the back of his neck, stroking the back of his head with her fingertips. "Is there anything you need?"

The warrant officer took the glass of water from Lilou and held it tightly, not with one hand but two, yet despite his best efforts, it still shook under his grip sending droplets of water onto the floor. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, then brought the cup to his lips and took a long and sloppy swig. The feeling of the cool liquid running down his throat was calming, and he slowly began to relax as he focused on the sensation of her fingers playing against the back of his head. "Thanks." he finally whispered after a long moment, then turned to her and gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this...I've been having more nightmares...more vivid."

"You told me. I didn't understand-" And she was frustrated that she hadn't. So wound up in her own problems, she hadn't thought someone so strong would be effected so much. She watched him seriously, "There's no need to apologize. Not about nightmares. Not to me." She kissed his shoulder, "I've been told talking helps. Do you want to?"

Shaking his head, he instantly refused the idea. Talking wouldn't help...at least, he didn't think it would. Why would it? His nightmares were terrible and horrific on every level. Why should he explain to Lilou how he killed one of his own flight team to keep that person from burning alive? Or how he beat in a Klingon's cranium just to have the warrior promptly stand up and start beeping at him in some messed up foreign language? No, there was no sense in that...only pain and more nightmares. "No, no talking...not right now." he answered, staring down at his glass of water and taking another long swig from the glass.

She nodded. "If you change your mind..." She rested her chin on his shoulder, still rubbing the back of his head, and watched him carefully as he drank the water. When he'd drained the glass, she took it from him carefully and refilled it, bringing it back and settling back against his side.

Sighing quietly, he turned to her and wrapped his arms around her neck, giving her a kiss on her lips and then pressing his sweaty forehead against hers. He took the new glass of water and set it down gently on the floor, then looked her deep in the eyes. "Maybe tomorrow..." he whispered, "Right now, I just want to sleep...without these f----- up dreams. Will you stay with me tonight?"

"That's why I came with my bag and my boots," she told him, pointing to both where she'd dropped them just inside his door, and kissing him lightly. "Sit for another minute. Finish your water. I'll remake the bed."

He nodded at her instructions and leaned down to pick up the glass, then took another long gulp from the glass. He realized at that moment that, despite their previous conflicts, Lilou really did care about him, regardless of her seemingly earlier reservations concerning his Marine background. Why else would she have come to his quarters so late in the night and sat with him in his currently disheveled state of mind? Looking back at her once again, he gave her as warm a smile as he could muster. "Thanks." he simply said.

"It's no trouble," she answered, ducking her head as she went to strip the sweaty sheets away and poked around for fresh ones. Listening to him drink water was pleasant. What an odd sensation. She smiled quietly to herself and made the bed to her own detailed specifications, then turned back to him, holding out her hand. "Sleep now; you've dreamt enough tonight."

He looked at her hand tentatively at first as if it were some sort of foreign object, then reached out and grasped it. The familiar cool sensation of her hand rippled through him, bringing him back to full reality...at least for the moment. He slowly stood from the couch and let her lead him, unaware of the work which she had just done in his bedroom.

Settling him on the bed, she slipped to his side and tugged the sheets up, tightening them around them both. Her hand came to rest over his heart again and she breathed in time with him. He didn't want to talk about it. She knew how that felt and couldn't bring herself to ask him again, despite what she'd learned speaking with Counselor Carlisle that morning. But she could feel the weight of the nightmare between them, in the tension still left in his body, the tightness of his breath. She kissed his shoulder lightly and snuggled closer. She didn't have much body heat, but what she had she wanted to share. "Rothgra completed his first mini-shuttle build today," she murmured. "My crewman apprentice. There were some kinks, of course, that happens on a first run, but it flew. It flew quite beautifully for a little while. Tiny little engine, tiny little doors. Precision work, you know, building a replica to scale." She talked quietly, not quite her usual nervous rambling. She wanted to fill the space with thoughts other than the ones in his head. To take him somewhere more pleasant. "When I built my first replica, it was incredible to watch it take off for the first time. Just beam and hover there. Of course, mine had a working autopilot... You should have seen his face. He was so thrilled. Maybe when we finish his next one, he could show it to you? I bet it would mean a lot to him to have a real pilot fly the shuttle he built, even if it's only with a remote control. Would you think about that?"

A long moment passed during which Lamar said nothing, but simply listened to Lilou describe the new type of shuttle. "Sure." he finally replied in a quiet voice, then let out a deep sigh. He wrapped his arm tightly around Lilou and squeezed her close, then gave her a tender kiss on the lips. "As long as there are no Klingons in the shuttlebay...I'll be happy." he mumbled to himself.

"I'll do my best," she promised him. She was wide awake. "Dream of clear skies, Lamar. Dream of clear skies and the light of a yellow star filtering through layers of atmosphere. Clear skies and smooth flying. I'll be right here."

He stared into her eyes as she spoke and noticed how her words were more poetic than ever before, and her beautiful face seemed to glow underneath the streaking starlight from the window. At that moment, he realized that he most likely was in love with her. He wasn't sure why or how he knew that, but was certain that he had never had such strong feelings for another woman in his entire life. "Lilou..." he began to ask with a bit of hesitation, "Do you have feelings for me? I mean, feelings?"

She blinked. The question didn't make sense to her, nor did the inflection on the word 'feelings'. "Of course," she said, confused. Why would she be here if she didn't have some kind of feeling for him?

The confusion in her reply was apparent to Lamar, and he slowly shook his head while realizing that she might not have completely understood the meaning behind his question. "No, I mean...feeeeelings" he re-explained, "As in, maybe-you-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-your-life-with-someone type of feelings...you know, boyfriend/girlfriend kind of thing?"

Her left brow hitched slightly, then slowly rose up and up and up her forehead. "I-" She wrinkled her nose, perplexed. She didn't know if she wnted to spend the rest of her life with anyone. At this rate, she didn't really have a sense of how long the rest of her life would be anyway. But feelings. She had those. She didn't have names for them, but she had them. "I like to listen to you drink." She frowned. "Swallow. I like the sound of your swallowing." Her brows furrowed, "I don't want you to be scared. I want to take care of you. And make you tea, but not coffee, because I don't know how except from a replicator." She bit her lip, "And... I want to see you after good things happen, because you make them seem more real. And I want to see you after bad things happen, because usually you make them... less awful... further away. And it's only usually because I'm... wrong... " She shook her head, "Not wrong. Off. Not off. Not... okay. It's only usually because I'm not okay, but I'm trying to be. Those are my feelings. I don't know what they mean, in terms of titles or time. Just... that."

"Lilou," Lamar began after a long moment of consideration during which he reflected on her rather literal sense of the word 'feelings', "Have you ever had a boyfriend?" he asked curiously, almost knowing the answer before he asked the question.

She looked at him archly, "Yes." Her gaze slipped to his chin, "I was eight. He was seven and a half. Very tall. We used to steal all the peanuts from Zaik's bar."

Lamar couldn't help but laugh at the spoils of her youth, and recalled a similar experience from his own childhood. Nevertheless, he tried to remain somewhat serious. "No, no...I mean, as an adult. Like a man who you exclusively spent time with and had relations with? Developed romantic feelings for?"

"Not a man, no," Lilou said, cautiously smiling in response to his laughter.

"Oh?" he replied with a raised eyebrow and more curiosity. "A woman, then? A girlfriend?"

Lilou brushed her thumb back and forth over his heart, "Yes." She looked to him, "Am I supposed to ask you these questions as well?"

He was a bit surprised that Lilou had revealed herself as bisexual, but didn't mind. In fact, it was a rather pleasant surprise. "If you want." he answered simply enough with a shrug. If he was truly going to have her as his girlfriend, she at least deserved the right to ask about his own past relationships.

"All right." She pressed her lips against his shoulder again. "I don't know what to ask," she admitted against his sleeve.

"Okay...well I guess what I'm trying to ask you is, since you have admitted you have feelings for me, and I have many for you as well, would you like to start dating? Boyfriend/girlfriend sort of thing?" he asked hopefully. It had turned into a rather awkward proposal and had not gone very smoothly, but his ultimate question was still the same, nonetheless.

"Isn't that-" Lilou peered at him in semi-darkness of the room. Boyfriend/girlfriend - what did that even mean? They already talked and slept together. What else was there? But he was still frazzled from the dream. Maybe he just wasn't thinking clearly. What did he mean by feelings? Were they the same as hers? Were they different? What did the name have to do with anything when they were content enough as it was? "...Isn't that redundant?"

Shaking his head again, Lamar tried his best to suppress his frustration at how poorly the conversation was going. He was about to let it go and simply resign himself to some much-needed sleep for the night, then stubbornly decided to give it one more shot. "I'm talking about exclusivity, Lilou. I really like you and I want to date you, just you, like you did your girlfriend." he said bluntly.

She'd been exclusive before mainly because neither of them had been interested in seeing anyone else. They'd never talked about it or given a name to what they were. And when the time had come for Lilou to leave for her next appointment, they'd parted almost as easily as they'd come together. Life wasn't a simple matter. Relationships were even less simple, especially when both parties were in Starfleet and could be reassigned at a day's notice wherever they were needed. Do you? she wondered. "I understand," she said, watching him curiously. "I just- I thought you already were."

Closing his eyes, he replied in barely a whisper. "Yes, since we have met I have only been intimate with you." he explained, "But if you want to continue having the same relationship, I think the title of girlfriend and boyfriend is appropriate. Titles mean a lot, especially on Earth where I am from. Without them...well, there is nothing to officially keep someone from seeing another person if they so choose. The title of boyfriend or girlfriend is more than a name; It is a commitment to each other."

Wasn't that marriage, though? Wasn't marriage what kept people from seeing other people? Lilou brushed her fingers over his closed eyes. And if Lamar wanted to see someone else, if he chose to, why would she want to keep him from that? If it made him happy. Why would she do anything to stop him from finding that happiness? That feeling was so ethereal, it had to be grabbed wherever it was for however long it lasted. Didn't it? She'd spent quite a few years on earth, she understood the history of titles there. They didn't seem to serve much of a purpose, other than giving people excuses for wars and fights and drawn out personal battles. "I don't want to keep you from seeing someone else, if you want to," she told him quietly. "I don't want to keep you from anything, officially or unofficially. I just want for you to be well and happy and... well... here. If that's best for you. You can call it what you want, if you prefer, but... I'm glad just to be with you for now and however long you still want me."

"So...you'll be my girlfriend, then?" he asked with a light laugh, cutting straight to what he wanted to ask her the most, and also hoping that his previous attempted explanations of the title were sufficient.

It was kind of the opposite of what she'd been trying to say, but this seemed to be what he wanted. At least for now. If he changed his mind... well. That was for him to decide. "If you like," she said quietly.

Lamar was content with that answer and in response gave her a deep and loving kiss, tilting his head as he slipped his tongue into her mouth and tasted her. When he pulled back, he noticed that he had almost completely forgotten about his horrible dreams. He wrapped his large leg around her waist and sighed deeply with approval, and the realization that Lilou was now 'officially' his.

"Clear skies," she reminded him and cuddled into his hold.

"Yes babe, clear skies." he replied, then slowly drifted off into sleep while hoping his nightmares would never return.

[OFF]

--

WO Lamar Darius
Support Craft Pilot
USS Galileo
NPC'd by Lirha Saalm

ENS Lilou Peers
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Galileo

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