Just Coffee

Posted on 28 Mar 2012 @ 10:05pm by Lieutenant Lilou Zaren & Lieutenant Commander Chauncey Remington III (KIA)

4,293 words; about a 21 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: Deck 2, 4, 5 - Various
Timeline: MD01 - 1000 hrs

Petty Officer Willis had a strange sense of humor, Lilou thought as she stared dolefully at the replicators. She'd reported in for duty only to find him tearing up over what a hard assignment he'd been given right at the end of his shift and how he knew it would take someone more experienced than him and he was nervous about going to the Chief... That should have been a dead giveaway, she thought in hindsight. He hadn't given her the slightest impression that he was concerned about what the Chief thought of him. He laughed at the man to his face. And now he was probably laughing at her behind her back while she stood in the mostly evacuated mess hall. She could have been rechecking the landing struts and been happier.

She looked at the complaint again, before returning to eyeing the replicator. 'The coffee tastes funny'? Was that really cause for an emergency repair request? Really? "Of course it tastes funny," she muttered, unbolting the panels and pulling the face plate off of the first replicator. "That's what coffee is supposed to do. Since when has coffee tasted anything remotely like good?" She cocked her head to the side and stared at the inside. "What do you want it to taste like - ice cream? You don't like the coffee, get something else. Vulcan tea has just as much caffeine and it tastes good. Well. Better." She puffed some air out between her lips, blowing a strand of hair from her face. "It'd serve you right, Ensign..." She looked at the request form again, "Gray - It'd serve you right, Ensign Gray, if I replaced coffee with bloodwine." She cleared her throat, focusing on the replicator. "But I won't do that to you. Wouldn't want you getting scrapped, would we?" she asked. "It's not your fault. You just can't please everyone. I know. It's tough."

"Are you quite all right, officer?" came a voice from behind her. It was The operations officer, giving her a peculiar look. He had a silver mug in his hand and carried a large PADD under his arm.

Lilou glanced over her shoulder, eyes darting over the officer's uniform for rank and service information. "Sir, yes, sir. I was just... ah..." She looked back at the open face of the replicator and wrinkled her nose a little. "Apparently there's a bug in the replicator."

"I see you're fixing the... problem I was informed about so urgently yesterday evening?" He raised his mug, "I decided to take a coffee break. It tastes fine to me."

"We got an emergency repair request down in Engineering, sir. I thought there'd be a hardwire issue..." She sighed, looking back at the data circuitry. "But I'm not seeing anything out of place. I don't-" She fought the urge to roll her eyes. It was a ridiculous waste of resources. If she'd had rank, she'd have kicked the Ensign's door down and told him to suck it up, thank his lucky stars he was on a starship, and do his damn job. As it was, all she could do was turn back to the lieutenant. "What would you like me to do, sir? I can rebuild the replicator in about an hour, but - respectfully - I don't think that will resolve the request."

"Does the coffee taste funny?" he asked her, sipping his own mug, "I don't care what my coffee tastes like. You should replicate a sample and analyze the compounds. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes. If there's something wrong with the coffee then you can reprogram the replicator. No need to tear it apart."

Lilou looked at him sideways, but held her tongue. She hadn't planned on tearing it apart. And she certainly wasn't the one anyone should be asking about the taste of coffee. She found the liquid suspicious; it didn't taste at all like it smelled and some of the varieties of it made her nose drip for no reason. "Yes, sir," she answered and replaced the face plate, tapping in the numbers to request a coffee. The replicator offered her a mug of the deceptive beverage, which gave off a strong, smooth, smokily aromatic scent. Checking the settings on her tricorder, she made a request for a chemical analyzation and considered the read out. "Alkaloids: caffeine, liverine, methylliberine, paraxanthine, theacrine, theobromine, theophylline. Bases: betaine, choline, niacin, trigonelline. Acids: chrologenic, dicaffeoylquinic, feroloylquinic, acetic, C3-C10, citric, formic, fumaric, lactic, malic, oxalic, quinic and quinides. Lipids: diterpene esters, cafestol, kahweol palmitate and linoleate, squalane, nonocosane, hydroxytryptamides, tocopherols, triglycerides, triterpene, sterols, and methylsterol esters. Carbohydrates: arabinose, fructose, galactose, glucose, inositol, mannitol, mannose, xylose..." She offered him the tricorder. "I'm not seeing anything outside the parameters for safe short term consumption." Is this what operations is like? she wondered. He seems so calm about this ridiculous task.

His calmness, however, couldn't be attributed to operations. It was in his nature. He smiled at Peers slightly and took the tricorder from her. "Just because it's consumable doesn't mean it tastes like coffee. Run this by the computer and make sure this matches the standard composition of coffee. It's possible that only a certain coffee has a malfunction. You will need to compare every one individually. You may want to access the program first and check the replicator before testing each one physically."

She fought not to groan. 'Willis,' she thought irritably. 'You owe me so, so much.' Lifting her brows, she accepted her tricorder back and tapped her comm. "Computer, send me a data stream on the current caffeinated beverages, sub-route 'coffee', on file for the replicators, and their standard composition matrices. And another matrix on the typical compositions of those files." She drew her PADD from her thigh holster and considered the readout. She flicked a glance towards the Lieutenant; was he just going to stand there and watch? Clearing her throat slightly, she started a comparison program reviewing and comparing the two matrices, searching for glitches and inconsistencies. As the data began to pour in, her eyes crossed momentarily before she stared. "A hundred and thirty-six varieties? We have a hundred and thirty-six varieties of coffee on this ship and he couldn't find one he liked?" It was only after a moment she realized she'd been speaking aloud. She cleared her throat. "Apologies, sir." She tapped her screen, tightening the comparison rules to chemical compositions and ratios.

Will looked up. He was sitting in a nearby chair, sipping his coffee and reading the contents of his PADD. "Hm?" he asked, "for what?" He set his mug down on the table beside him. "If you need any help, let me know." He paused when he realized he hadn't introduced himself. "Ah, forgive me, Lieutenant Commander Chauncey William Remington the Third, at your service. Call me Will."

She glanced up, surprised, and found he really had no idea what she was talking about. Hadn't heard her. Odd, since he was sitting right next to her. There was a mouthful of a name, she thought, pre-programming data fields to drag the merged information into once it had finished processing. "Will?" she asked. This was too strange. Wasn't it? She was working, on the clock, he was, if not her direct superior, still her superior officer. And most likely on duty as he'd shown up as well. Were the officers on this ship really so different than the ones she'd encountered aboard the Algonquin? Or... "All right, Will. I'm Lilou. Warrant Officer Peers." She nodded towards his coffee. "What variety did you select for yourself, of the one hundred and thirty six possible?"

He shrugged. "Oh, I just ordered coffee." He smiled and picked his mug up again, taking a sip. "If you don't need any help, I'll be getting back to my officer in a few minutes?"

"Is that what you said when you ordered it?" she asked, tapping her screen, her brows drawing together sharply. She took his mug from his hand, holding her tricorder directly over the steaming brown liquid. "Oh, mother of mercy," she bit her lip, looking between the readout, the mug, and him. "Tell me this is your first cup of this today. Please." She turned the tricorder readout to him. "Someone was either lazy or feeling particularly ironic with the chemical composition inputs when they loaded caffeine in for this..." She tapped the screen. "Switched out the nitrogen and carbons in the caffeine for a few spare hydrogen and methylium cation..." She paused, looking at him. "Tetrahydrocannabinol," she elucidated. "You've been drugged. And so has every other human who's ingested it. You need to go to sickbay and get it reversed. The effects," she pulled up her PADD and ran a search. "Here, the effects are supposed to last 4-10 hours untreated. Supposedly it disrupts short term memory, coordination, focus, and conscious perception..." She wound her hands together, "Maybe you should stay here and I should bring the doctor to you..."

Will blinked. She's stolen her coffee and now was telling him it was drugged. "I just said 'coffee, black.' Tetrahy... whatever is exactly the same as caffeine accept for a few atoms? Are you sure? I feel fine..." he tapped his chin thoughtfully, "four to ten hours isn't that bad. If a couple crewmen are out of commission we would still be able to operate."

"Not exactly the same, but close enough that whoever did the input was able to slip it past the computer review. I'd like to know who did it..." She looked at him nervously. The lieutenant was taking the news fairly well. Lilou was pretty sure that was not a good sign. "Feeling fine is apparently part of the psychological phenomena associated with it." Maybe not the best way to convince someone of what was chemically evident to her scan. "Look, just..." She heaved a sigh. "One minute." She went to each of the replicators in turn and put a 'hold' command on 'coffee, black' so that no one else would get ahold of it until an investigation had occurred. Then she tapped her comm, "Computer, please compile a list of those who have ordered the item 'coffee, black' from the mess hall replicators in the last ten hours and send them a note to check in at the infirmary." She went back over to Will. "Come on, sir. I'll walk you down."

Will laughed softly. "Really... I'm all right," he assured her, "there isn't that much tetrasympawhatsit. Right? Try it." He waved to her to try some. He made no move to get up.

Lilou felt a moment of nerves over disobeying a direct instruction from a superior officer this early in the voyage, but - she reasoned - he was under the influence of a toxin. That had to count for something. She assured herself of that as she pointedly poured the remainder of his mug's contents into the replicator to be reclaimed and used by the ship. "Vulcan tea, please," she requested and let the mug fill up before offering it back to him. "Respectfully, sir. I think liquids and motion might help. And the presence of a doctor. They can probably suck the toxin right out of you with no problem." She bit her lip. "Please, sir? Isn't it better to make sure that you're all right, rather than risk potentially unfortunate circumstances?"

Will watched her with a curious look, but when she offered him the cup back, he drank the tea without question. He didn't seem to be in the mood to listen to her. "Oh, pish posh, Lil. Can I call you Lil?" He smiled, "You can fix the replicator later, it's fine." he got up, "Let's go see the warp core, always found it fascinating." He started to make his way towards the door, moving quicker than his usual pace.

"Ah..." Lilou hurriedly gathered her things and followed him. Maybe he was like this all the time. Maybe working in Operations had driven him round the bend permanently. "Sir?" She winced. "Will?" she tried again as they reached the turbolift. "Not that the warp core isn't fascinating. It is. My favorite place. But-" she tapped the keys for deck 4 as she continued to face down his smile. He looked perfectly happy, though his eyes were a bit tinged with red, reminding her that he was not well. "But wouldn't you rather do something like..." She wracked her brain. "-the null-gravity treatment? You're a lieutenant; I bet they'd let you do it for fun if you asked. Ever free-floated?"

Will laughed. "Null grav?" He asked, "You ever find the sweet spot by the grav generators on a ship? Galileo must have one. Let's find it! Deck 2."

And they were right back where they'd started, Lilou thought as the turbolift opened right back up on the same deck they'd just left. "I'm pretty sure the graviton generators are on... 4. Right?" she asked, "In the Planetary Geology Lab?" They weren't. She knew they weren't. But it was a logical enough place for them. Then again, logic didn't seem to be a card in the lieutenant's hand at the moment. Wrangling was not part of her job description or her skill set.

"Sounds good to me," Will replied, "Deck four it is. Hurry up, computer." As soon as the short trip was complete, Will stepped onto the deck and headed off in a random direction.

Lilou sighed, hurrying after him. "So... What are your impressions of the Galileo, sir - ah- Will?" she asked. "Aside from the... coffee malfunction." She stepped ahead of him, trying to herd him towards the sickbay by getting in his way.

"There's no coffee malfunction," he told her with a laugh, "I just tried some." He didn't seem to have any particular place in mind for his destination, because he took a different path once she stepped in front of him. "Galileo's tiny, isn't she?"

A little laugh burbled out of her. "She certainly is. Your last post was a larger vessel?" she asked, curious. After all, he was off his head, wasn't he? She didn't really need to worry about embarrassing herself. He probably wouldn't remember, anyway.

"Yeah it was," he said, "this is the smallest assignment. That's ok though, I like small," he gave her a sly look and a nudge in the side, "You're pretty short yourself, Lil," he declared.

Lilou blinked twice. "Yes, sir. Spacer genetics," she added by way of explanation, unsure of what Will's expression was intended to communicate. "And you're quite tall." She nudged him back, attempting to use the gesture to get him through the doors of the sickbay.

"Space genetics?" he repeated with a laugh, pausing as he was nudged towards sickbay. "Ha! Nice try," he said, turning around, "I feel fine, no sickbay for me. In fact, I feel great, like I can do anything. I wish we had a few borg cubes to give a spanking to. Hey, Lil, how about we go have a few drinks?" He lowered his voice in a conspiratorial tone. "I've got a stash of Vulcan wine in my quarters, 2347 vintage."

"I would be happy to, sir - Will," she amended, mentally kicking herself. "But I'd really like to just make sure that you're fine. I mean, if you really are, then I... need the evidence, right? To present to Quinn when I take my tricorder to him and explain that it's giving faulty readings. You'd really be helping me out if there was a report to prove your wellness." She smiled winningly at him. "As soon as that's done, there will be plenty of time for Vulcan wine." She lifted her brows and peered up at him. "Please, Will? Help a girl out?"

Will looked at her, caught between suspicion and willingness. "All right," he said, "if it makes you happy. I shall make the sacrifice and enter the very doors of death with all it's antiseptic afflictions." So saying he took her arm as if to protect her from the sterile horrors of sickbay and strode through the doors with her.

"That's very kind of you; thank you," she said, meaning it with all her heart. She wasn't a doctor, but the idea that he was wandering around with a toxin in his system under her watch made her queasy. She gave a little wave to a relatively hairless medical officer.

"What can I help you with?" she asked, looking curiously between the two of them and their joined arms.

"There was a malfunction with the replicators," Lilou began, then glanced up at Will. "And I'd really appreciate it if you could just scan the Lieutenant, here, for this," she offered her tricorder and the data on it for the officer's observation. "He's doing me the great favor of submitting to your test so that I can prove my tricorder is malfunctioning." She lifted her brows, trying to communicate the situation. "He's not at all affected, you see."

"Lil just worries to much," the operations officer assured the doctor. "Look at me, I'm doing great."

The doctor looked a little confused, then smirked a little looking at the tricorder's readout. "Ah. I see. All right, let me just get a reading..." The medical officer waved a little wand-like apparatus next to Will's head and tapped it once against his neck, before checking the screen it was attached to. "The replicators, you say?"

"Coffee," Lilou said. "Black."

"Thank goodness I drink tea."

"Me too!" Lilou cleared her throat, "He'll be all right, won't he?"

"Of course I will. Let's go now," he turned to leave, tossing a salute back over his shoulder, "Thanks, Doc, you're a hero."

"Aaah...!" Lilou fluttered after him, scooting around in front of him before he reached the doors. "She wasn't done! I don't think." She peered around Will's side. "Were you?"

"Not quite," the medical officer said and held up a little pad-tipped instrument. "Just one more thing."

"Nonsense," Will scoffed, "that's quite enough poking and prodding with medical equipment for one day." he placed a hand on Lil's shoulder, guiding her gently aside.

"Will-" She threw caution to the wind and wrapped her arms around him, firmly planting her weight. "Just one more prod." She looked up at him, her chin propped against his shoulder. The stretch made her shoulder hurt, but it was worth it to make sure he stayed in one place as the medical officer pressed the little pad against his neck. It made a clicking sound and then she stepped away. Lilou watched the lieutenant's face warily, not letting go just yet. "Sir?"

Will frowned as he was held down and the doctor took one final scan. He gave Lil a sly smirk and he leaned over quickly to plant a kiss on her lips and then tried to use the distraction to slip away, though one might suspect that he would have done it even if he hadn't been trying to escape.

"Nn?" Lilou queried inarticulately, brows drawn together, as the lieutenant slipped out of her grasp. Her fingers touched her lips almost of their own volition as she swung to face the medical officer. "Well?"

"He's definitely intoxicated."

"So fix him!" Lilou winced, scrubbing a hand through her hair and yanking out the band that held it back. "I'm sorry. It's just... he's not in a condition for his position. It's not... healthy... to be that happy."

"I don't know about that, but you're right. His judgement does appear to be impaired. Unfortunately, he'd have to drink a counter-toxin to eradicate the effects immediately. And it doesn't seem like he's willing to do that. Since he's gone."

"What-" Lilou turned and sighed, exasperated. "Give me the counter-toxin. I'll give it to him."

"I'm sure you will."

"What-" she turned back but the medical officer was already striding across the sickbay to get the medicine. Lilou slipped to the door and whistled, "Oy! Will! Stand still!"

Will poked his head around the door of sickbay, smirking. A teasing light made his grey eyes twinkle with mischief. "Why?" he asked with a laugh before turning and starting down the hall at a quick pace. He got on the turbolift and the doors closed on him.

"Because you're-" LIlou watched the turbo lift doors close with dismay. "...sick," she finished lamely. The medical officer was laughing as she brought the tonic, a weird purple and bubbling concoction in a tube. "You were no help," Lilou grumbled, taking the tonic, and stalking off towards the elevators. "Computer, give me a reading on Lieutenant Remington's whereabouts, please."

"Lieutenant Remington is currently on Deck 5, Warrant Officer."

"Thank you!" she said the words like a prayer and went to the turbolift. "Deck 5, please," she said, then frowned as she waited for the lift to start moving. "Computer... what's going on with the lift?"

"An authorized command came from the Chief of Operations to halt traffic to Deck 5, Warrant Officer."

"And this," Lilou muttered, "is why we don't drug the Operations Chief." She strode out and dropped to her knee beside one of the access panels in the wall. "No more miss nice girl." When the panel was opened, she slipped inside and began the task of navigating through the innards of the ship down to Deck 5. She'd had the bright idea to mention null grav to him; she had an idea where he'd gotten to.

Once she squeezed through the crawlspace to the deflector bay, she found no sign of Will until a voice sounded above her head. "You cheated and used the computer's help, didn't you?" His voice was accusatory but not too serious. He was sitting, upside down, on the ceiling. He'd found the gravity generator's so called 'sweet spot.' He waved at her. "You have to climb up that ladder about three meters to reach the inversion. It's quite safe."

Lilou peered up at him, hanging from the ceiling like some kind of... grinning upside-down creature. Which he was. There was little point in arguing with him, she decided, as he wouldn't be listening to reason. Instead, she hauled herself up the ladder to hang upside down with him in the lack of gravity. It was pleasant, simply hanging there. Might have been quite enjoyable actually, if she hadn't been worried that some worse effect of the toxin would take hold of Will. "So it is," she said, pushing off lightly from one wall to glide towards him. "Thought you were being sneaky, eh?"

"Says the girl who bypassed my authorization codes," he replied with a laugh, eyes lighting upon the liquid she carried in the vial. "What's that?" he asked her.

Lilou smiled sideways at him and looked at the liquid in the glass vial. "Oh, this?" she glanced at him. "You don't want this, do you? It's a special vintage my father makes; call it a Trill family recipe for what you might call brandy wine. I thought... since I'm not really being watched at the moment, I might take a nip." She looked at him curiously. "Would you want to try it?"

"Oh, don't mind if I do," he replied, oblivious to her true intent. Then he wagged a finger at her, "I should report us for drinking on duty." The idea amused him, and he tilted his head back, letting out a laugh.

She shook her head, laughing. She had to admit, though she was worried that he'd have lasting brain damage, he was fun this way. Not that she knew him any other. But it was comforting to know that he was incapable of judging her at the moment. A little reprieve. She passed the vial to him. "You can have this one. I have another few swigs back in my quarters if you like. The best way to take it is down in one, no sipping. You'll waste the effect."

"To us!" he declared, raising the vial up. The weird gravity sloshed the liquid around but most of it stayed intact. He tilted it back and drank probably about three quarters of it. When he was finished he lowered the vial and handed the rest to her. "Half for you," he said, smacking his lips. "It tastes... funny," he said.

"I know, not the most delicious stuff you've ever tasted, but the effects are worth it." She waved the vial back towards him. "You go ahead. It's your party. You're the one who came up with the whole upside down idea, after all." She watched him carefully, waiting for any signs he might be coming down.

"Nonsense," Will replied with a grin, "I'm not about to be a bad host." he blinked, "This is... good stuff. You have to try..." but he didn't get to finish his sentence, for he passed out right then and there.

Lilou thought for a moment that he'd fallen asleep. He'd simply stopped talking, not moving, just hanging there in space. But then the vial slowly drifted from his hand and she began to quietly panic. "Peers to Sickbay, send someone to Deck 5. That medicine for Lieutenant Remington appears to have knocked him out."

"Sickbay responding. Is he breathing?"

"Breathing? He's..." She held a hand over his mouth. "Yes, he's breathing, I think."

"We'll send someone right down."

"Good, thanks, oh!" She cursed quietly and tapped her comm again, "Peers to Operations, I need you to override the block Lieutenant Remington put in place. He's unconscious and needs medical attention."

[OFF]

Master Warrant Officer Lilou Peers
Engineering Officer
USS Galileo

Lt. Cmdr. Chauncey William Remington III
Chief Operations Officer
USS Galileo

RSS Feed