Unbearable Vulnerabilities [18+] (Part 1 of 5)

Posted on 30 Apr 2019 @ 9:54pm by Lieutenant Lake ir-Llantrisant & Lieutenant JG Matthew Plumeri

4,004 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: Episode 17 - Crystal of Life
Location: USS Galileo-A - Deck 3
Timeline: MD 01, 0435 hours

Previously on "Launch Party" & "First Introductions"…

All of a sudden, Lake's gaze landed nowhere near the cocktail shaker clasped between his hands. Watching this hairy-chested man in the revealing jacket and dramatic boots amble up to his bar, Lake felt awfully overdressed wearing his uniform. Truly, Lake suspected he would have felt overdressed in a skant even. Flipping off the top of the shaker, Lake poured out a drink for another crewman, but he kept his dark eyes on Matthew. Lake offered a single nod, asking, "And what are you thirsty for?"

Matt nodded back, "Counselor!" and smiled at the man. He looked at the bar back to try and see what would be good. He really wanted a frosty cold beer from home. But it was extremely unlikely that a case of Incantaari Imperioli Birra was stocked. The closest drink that humans had to it was a dark oatmeal stout. Incantaari was like beer with a coffee kick. He quickly finished scanning the shelves and said, "How about a beer? Something cold?" he spoke over the music as he leaned into the bar. "Bartending...isn't that a kind of counseling? Are you ever off the clock Counselor?" he asked mildly teasing.

There wasn't much blithe in what Lake had to say. He braced his palms against the bar and he leaned in as close to Matt as he could. "I can't pinpoint the reason. Really, there's probably an infinite diversity of reasons," Lake said in his matter-of-fact timbre, "but I find most crews always relate to me as a Counselor first. Most people tease me for being a Counselor, not for being a Romulan or a martial artist or a medical doctor." --Lake's smile was manufactured, but it gradually warmed as he met Matt's eyes again-- "I'm eager to take off my Counselor's uniform if you want me to."

The loneliness for connection and the desire to release the pent up, horny build up were strong. Matt thought for a moment, reading Lake's face as best he could. Fighting his own wants and his own needs. He wanted to feel good too. He wanted to spend time with someone too and Lake was making an offer and he was a cutie pie. Matthew pulled at the Lake's collar and looking at the pips said, "Lose the uniform...Lieutenant...you got a place in mind? 'Cause I'm ready now to take you on." His voice, sultry and laden with sexual tones. His eyes finished the answer and with Lake's face so close now...a kiss on those thick lips was his answer. Matthew let him go, gave him a playful face slap - not too hard - and finished his drink. Indicating with his head to the room behind the bar.

Holding out his hands like the scales of justice, Lake raised one and then the other as he spoke. "I'm hearing you say it's easier to find people for sex and companionship within the nomad lifestyle of a Starfleet officer," Lake said, "and I'm also hearing that you're looking for singular person for bonding." Lake clasped his hands together and lowered them into his lap. "I'm curious about," Lake asked, "what does it look like when you're looking for a bondmate? And how does it look different from when you're looking for sex?"

He squirmed a little uncomfortably in the chair and took a deep breath. "You know...the trouble with you counselor's is that you unpack all this...stuff about how I feel and what I'm thinking as if I now what I'm doing. And I don't. Not really. I'm just trying to make it one day at a time, you know? And I'm lucky if I can see what I'm going to be doing an hour from now. Much less know what I want out of a relationship or...whatever. You 'help' me unpack all this and lay it out all bare and naked in front of us and when the time is up; I have to pack it all back up again and take it home and live with it. All the uncertainty and all of the annoyances of being reminded that I'm just...one...small...insignificant...talking monkey with a 1400kg piece of pink jelly to try and navigate through this life." He looked away, frustrated and answered, "I don't know. I don't have a formulae, all I know is that...I want it. And I don't know how or where or if I even deserve to expect that I get to have that." OK, now he was frustrated and mad, "I know this sounds arrogant; people see me and they like the body. How I look and they want that part of me. But just that. And...OK...I do that too. Because it feels good and for a little bit I can...anesthetize the idea that this is just another roll in the hay. But, I know there's more. But I don't know how to get from being just a good lay to being...more. Like a whole person.”

Weeks later, previously on "The Genesis Directive" Parts 3 and 4...

”Aye Captain", Matthew responded with assured confidence. "We will get it done." It was the kind of answer that was thoughtful, knowledgeable and reassuring. Matt knew the stakes at hand and he knew that the information that was needed determined the success of the mission. If there was an idea to describe his answer it would be, 'four-o-clock in the morning courage'. That ability to be unphased, to see clearly the objective and to see it through. "We'll find the signal and we're all coming back."

Allyndra took a second to send a message down to sickbay to expect personnel for inoculations for broad spectrum radiation before turning her attention back to what more was going to go on.

The Orion captain proceeded to add an additional personnel order to the departing shuttle team. "I want you to take Chief Ghoc from Ops, Petty Officer Stark from Security, and Miss Varelli from Planetary Science with you. Varelli's an accomplished anthropologist and Ghoc and Stark can serve as security. They will assist your team greatly," she ordered. A small shuttle team was ideal for the swift task at hand. "Get your inoculations then report to the main shuttlebay in ten minutes for your sortie."

"Aye Sir." Mimi said, taking that as their cue to leave she stood and headed for the exit thinking what equipment they would need for the away team.

"Yes Captain. I know of their qualifications and they will be a tremendous help." He glanced at the rest and then back to Captain Saalm, "Well, better get going then" Matt said and pushed back from the table. Leaving the conference room he made straight for sickbay.

Lirha then turned to her Romulan chief counselor. "Lake, check every personnel file on this colony's manifest as well as those from Latari B III. Look for anyone with a scientific background in physics, genetics, or terraforming, then cross-check those personnel and their families with any known records of criminal history or political dissent." It was a shadowy and perhaps extreme measure, but it was as the Genesis Protocol dictated.

"Hmmm," Lake ir-Llantrisant vocalized softly. Looking down at his PADD on the tabletop, Lake idly tapped a couple of inquiries into the LCARS access for the Federation's personnel manifest. "I imagine it will be a short list, Captain," Lake said, looking up from his PADD. "There can't have been too many colonists with the means, the motive and the opportunity to create something like this. Unless it was some kind of haven for mad scientists..." Glancing down at his PADD again, Lake squinted at the initial results and he excused himself momentarily to use the head.

And now, the continuation...

[ON]

The turbolift released Lake ir-Llantrisant on deck three, shortly after the turbolift car that had carried the away team to the same destination. Lake launched himself out of the turbolift, as if he was starting a race, and he was clearly out of breath, given the way he'd sprinted into the turbolift in the first place. "LieutenantPlumeri, doyouhaveamoment?" Lake shouted down the corridor in a hurried jumble.

Matthew turned to see Lake fast approaching. He was heading into sickbay to get his 'shots'. He stopped short of entering and saw that Lake had been running. Why was he running he wondered to himself. He saw the Lake was out of breath too. What was so urgent? The thought briefly crossed his mind, ~He's catching up to you! He came after you! He wants to talk to you!~ but he dismissed the thought as quickly as it came. Unable to fathom why the Counselor would be after him or even why he wanted to speak to him. "Counselor? Is everything alright?"

Shaking his head in a don't worry manner, Lake said, "Yes. Yes to all right." Once he had closed the distance between himself and Matthew, Lake paused to regain his composure. "Of course," Lake said, "everything is all right. I just came to remind you..."

"Remind me?" Matthew said as he stepped away from the sickbay doors and over to the side of the corridor, "You think I'm going to fuck this up huh? Why does everybody think I can't do my job?" he asked with arms outstretched.

Lake shook his head at Matthew's assumptions about his intentions. His dark eyes looked at Matthew --looked right at him-- with a new intensity. "You seemed very eager for this away mission," Lake said, referring to the officer conference they had just left. He spoke of Matthew's eagerness with appreciation, and yet also apprehension. "I wanted to remind you that our mission today is to destroy everything dangerous we may find," Lake said. He spoke firmly, and there was a plead behind the crisp consonants. “Your team’s mission to discover the particles’ origins is important, yes, and also it's more important that you and your team come home."

He searched Lake's face and those dark eyes of his for signs of bullshit. Finding none, he looked at the floor and sighed. He looked again into that handsome face and spoke softly now, "Yeah. Okay. I gotta do this man. You know? I been...useless here for months now. Nothing going on but endless routine. I just want to show them...that Captain didn't make a mistake adding me to the crew. I gotta know if I'm worth anything...to anybody. This is a chance to..." He looked away as a crewman passed. Then he continued slightly softer, "I can do this. We can do this. Captain made the team so big because she doesn't think I got what it takes to be out here. You heard her in front of everybody. Well...OK...I gots to know if its true?" The doors to sickbay opened and he saw a nurse waiting. "Look, I gotta go. Listen...thanks for coming up here to tell me."

“No, you’re not listening,” Lake said, and he raised his voice, or maybe it was only the desperation that was rising. He reached out and clasped the nearest of Matthew’s upper arms. “This is what I’m trying to remind you.” —Lake squeezed Matt’s arm tighter— “You have nothing to prove. The Captain rejected all of our applications and selected the crew by hand. If you weren’t good enough, you wouldn’t be here. You have nothing to prove. You only have to bring your team home at the end of the away mission. You owe it to them.”

“Besides,” Lake added, the haughty counselor facade returning, “You still owe me a Fontalan feast."

It must have been the combination and the intensity of what Lake was saying and that he reached out and made physical contact with Matt. Because it got Matthew’s attention. Plumeri gave Lake a look that was equally intense. Matthew had usually soft blue eyes but now they had a forcefulness to them. It was cold – just intense. The kind of look a hunter might have. Matthew’s lips protruded just a little giving no hint if there was a tirade behind them. His brow furrowed in seriousness and his nostrils flared a moment. That big Fontalan nose of his that had been broken and reset so many times over the years – his head lifted a little and he stared down it.

Looking back at Matthew, Lake's body remained tense, as if on high-alert. His dark eyes shone with flickers from the overhead lights because Lake's gaze couldn't stay still. He was studying every inch of Matthew's face, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. All the while, Lake held onto Matthew firmly.

Lake’s hand was grasping Matthew’s upper arm. And when Lake squeezed it tighter; it was the physical sensation that cut through Matt’s testosterone-soaked brain. It was enough to get Matthew’s attention and hold it. Reading Lake’s dark, handsome features; Matt’s eyes softened. Plumeri processed the words that were said and the words that were unsaid. In a previous session, Lake had shared what it meant to hear someone and what listening was all about. And Lake was reminding him…to listen and understand what was happening.

It calmed Matthew; it centered him in a direct and most helpful way. Matthew heard the words but he understood them differently. Matt understood Lake was telling him, ” Someone cares. I care. You are good enough.” And what’s more is that Matt understood that Lake said all that in unspoken body language for Matthew’s benefit. Lake’s words also gave Matt clarity on what needed to be done. With five words, “You owe it to them” Lake helped re-frame the context of the mission and reminded Matt that now that he was in command of an away mission, he had a responsibility to the team. His focus had to be on yes, the “win” the success but it wasn’t all about winning. The away team must be brought back safely and that meant no unnecessary risks.

Now, that was communicating! Matthew’s eyes softened; a flat face turned confident again. Bolstered and focused. Matthew understood. Really understood him. The whole exchange took only seconds. But it had taken them weeks to get here to this moment. Totally worth it.

When he released his grip, Lake made another gesture that made Matt smile. He grinned back at the “You still owe me…” part and that grew into a smile and a single laugh. It was an unspoken, ” I want you back” . And that felt good. Deep down to the core good. It wasn’t any “counselor bullshit” either. Even though Lake’s face said differently.

Matthew looked back at him. This handsome, arrogant, cute, irritating, sexy, annoying, caring, hard-headed, Romulan counselor. Matt nodded. He hoped he was ‘telegraphing’ to Lake that he understood. He heard and he listened, and Matt got the message. “OK. I got it. We’re coming back. All of us.” Matthew’s voice was tender now; soft and appreciative. “Thanks again…for setting me on the right path. I know what I have to do.”

Taking a step, Matthew turned to go, took another two steps, stopped. He turned back around and in the middle of the corridor, walked back the steps and pulled Lake into a kiss. Both hands on either side of Lake’s head, he kissed the heck outta him. Lake’s lips were warm and soft. And Matt couldn’t care less who was looking at them. He ended the kiss with a playful nudge with his nose and resting his forehead against Lake’s he said, “I’ve wanted to do that since I saw you at the party!” ~Gawd, how good it felt to be touched!~

Matt embraced him and gave him a heartfelt squeeze. “Yeah…I’ll miss you too.” Then he released him from the hug.

Matt nodded back. He didn't know what to say, "Yeah. Then, yeah, I'll see you soon" and stepped into sickbay.

When Matt walked away, Lake was left standing there, practically stunned. His face had flushed green with strong emotion and his whole body tingled with a distinctive flavour of electricity. The sound of the door to Sickbay closing reminded Lake of his duty. Electricity would have to wait. Thinking to all parts of his duty, especially as Matthew's health care professional, Lake muttered to himself, "Ohgod, I'm going to get fired."

And then Lake raced back to the nearest turbolift to the bridge.

Timeline: Six weeks ago
Location: USS Galileo-A - Deck 3, Counseling Office

"What would you like to talk about today?" asked Lake ir-Llantrisant. Perched on an armchair in the casual seating end of the counseling office, Lake leaned back and then he sat forward again. He shifted his weight from side to side, trying to find a comfortable position. Ever since his first disastrous counseling session --and then failed flirting session-- with Matthew Plumeri, Lake had held true to his word. Lieutenant Plumeri's regular counseling sessions remained mandatory, and Matt still managed to get Lake's blood boiling in less time than it would take to boil a pot of tea.

Matthew’s eyes were closed almost as soon as he sat down on “the couch” in the Counselor’s office. His plan was, like last time, to just sit quietly and answer questions and tell “The Counselor” what he wanted to hear. Anything to make the hour pass as quickly as possible. It was difficult enough for Matt to sit there for an hour. It was harder still to control how he felt.

And yet, deep down, he didn’t know why, not really why, he held such anger against the man. Not really. Lieutenant Lake ir-Llantrisant didn’t have anything about him that could make one so hostile to anyone. Sure, he had that ‘Romulan air’ about him. He carried himself in that smug, proud, haughty way that Matt detested. But Matt would detest that behavior in anyone. And since he wasn’t around the Counselor all the time he could not say if the haughtiness, the looking down his nose at him, the smugness was real…or imagined.

~It’s effing REAL enough!~ an angry voice inside him said. He cracked his neck and said nothing. He could feel ants behind his eyelids. He could feel himself tensing up more and more as he sat there. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He tried to remember the last time anyone had touched him, caressed him. Even a handshake he craved. While Humans were ‘social creatures’ and craved social connections, Matthew’s heritage it was almost essential. He had never known a time when people were not around. When he had friends all around him. The touch of a friend, male or female or neutral was perfectly natural and he never imagined that lacking a simple thing as: touch…would affect him so.

He shook his head and guffawed. He didn’t mean to make a sound, but he forgot. ~MANDATORY!~ the word stuck in his mind and he found the most irritation in that. His right leg was bouncing in nervous energy as his body sought ways to bleed off the impending explosion. He was frightened. Yes, he was. Frightened of being found out. Two ideas consumed him in his off-duty hours. And he was unable to reconcile them nor could he find peace from them. And, because of the sense of isolation and abandonment he felt now, he wrongly arrived at the conclusion that he also had no agency by which he could get help. No doubt, ‘The Counselor’ would see it as weakness. Being Human and Fontalan the Romulan would see him as doubly-weak. Needy and weak.

The first idea that consumed him came to mind. His head shook a firm “NO!” even without the voice. But it was not enough. Unbeknownst to ‘The Counselor’ – he couldn’t even refer to the man by his name or rank – he had lately been spending more time in the holodeck. He had found especially adult programs, graphic holo-programs of a sexual nature and even pornographic. The idea that someone should find this out frightened him with embarrassment. And, if he was truthful with himself, the holo-programs only provided temporary relief. They weren’t real. They were imaginary. Projections of light and forcefields. But, for an hour, he didn’t feel lonely, or out of place. He felt in control. He knew it was fake, he knew the ladies and the guys in the program were all programs in a computer. But he could suspend his disbelief long enough to pretend that he was worth touching…worth loving and being loved. But the programs always came to an end. And sexually relieved was not enough. He left the holodeck feeling as empty and as hollow as the room he left. He would go back to his quarters ashamed and feeling just plain shitty.

The second idea that consumed him was what was happening back home. Letters from home caused him great concern for the safety of his mother and father and brother. He worried about his commission too. Would Captain Saalm or Starfleet fort that matter, rescind his commission because of the shitty things the people back home were doing? What was he to do then?

He opened his eyes – he had stopped breathing and he gasped for air, sucking it in and letting it out in a surprised fashion. He took another breath and tried to relax and forgot he wasn’t saying anything today.

“What do I want to talk about? No, no no…that won’t do at all. It’s what you want to talk about. Let’s talk about that and get through this yeah?” he said. Hiding as best as he could his feelings that were slathered in contempt.

"You have this--" Lake started to say, and then he course-corrected with, "I'm sorry, you have this backwards." Despite the words of apology, Lake couldn't shake the condescension from his voice. Although Lake was no telepath, he could certainly observe the disruptions in Matt's breathing among other micro-aggressions in what he had said. "I talk to my counselor about what I want to talk about," Lake affirmed, "Not you. ...Are you telling me you don't have one project, one goal, one relationships you're feeling stuck on?"

“Stuck on? That'll be the day. Counselor let me make it clear, I don’t want to be here. Yeah, ok, maybe I have some issues. I’m selective on who I share my personal issues with. I don’t trust you. I don’t like the way you look at me or the way you talk to me. And if I open up to you about something then I give you the leverage. And that…Counselor…that isn’t going to happen. I don’t want your help. I don’t need your help. I don’t like the fact that you told the Captain or the XO that I need to be here because you lied to them to get me here. So…I’m here. And I’ll be here for the required number of sessions. I’m keeping my concerns to myself thank you very much.”

[OFF]

To Be Continued

LTJG. Matthew Plumeri
Science Officer - Astrometrics/Historian
USS Galileo-A
NCC-80010

Lieutenant Lake ir-Llantrisant
Chief Counselor
USS Galileo-A

RSS Feed