Stressed Out (Part 1 of 2)

Posted on 15 Sep 2012 @ 9:06pm by Chief Warrant Officer 3 Lamar Darius & Lieutenant Lilou Zaren

4,043 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: USS Galileo - Peers' Quarters
Timeline: MD 09 - 0240 hrs

[ON]

Lamar sat on the corner of Lilou's bed looking through a PADD of random engineering schematics from Galileo. At least, it looked random to him, but he was no engineer and it probably made all the sense in the world to Lilou. Her sheets were littered with many similar shaped PADDs which contained schematics of other various types of vessels. In addition, small models of Starfleet ships hung from the end of the bed, and Lamar had been lucky enough to find a bottle of scotch under the frame. Not that he had been snooping...just a bit bored. He had returned rather quickly from his shuttlecraft mission with Ensign Cho and, after a relaxing sonic shower, found himself alone in her quarters. She had been kind enough to let him bunk with her ever since his own room was virtually destroyed during the attack, and now he was just killing time and waiting for her to return home from her duty shift.

Once they'd been released from the brig, Lilou saw Ameen off towards his own quarters and put Willis and Asa on deck to buzz her if anything came up while she went to bunk down for a short while. She'd been running on fumes since they'd fled into the nebula and, while it went against her instincts, she knew that if she went much longer without sleep she'd start making mistakes. Worse ones than the one that had almost turned her into mist and blown out the shuttle bay of the Galileo. She'd missed the warning lights, too focused on the possibility of the warp engine blowing to think of the rest of the self-destruct system. Too focused. Or too tired to think outside the immediate concern. She stepped through her door and paused, finding Lamar there. "Hi," she said, leaning against the wall to tug off her boots one by one.

The familiar sound of the door swishing open prompted the chief to look up from the PADD and place it back on the bed. He watched as Lilou entered the room and slowly stood in greeting. "Hey." he replied, noticing that she looked rather exhausted. "How was your shift?" he asked.

She felt the vibration starting deep in her stomach, so fervent that she wasn't entirely sure whether it would come out as laughter or tears. In the end, it burbled out as a chuckle, stifled by her hands. She shook her head, "There's a vorta on board."

Lamar blinked, unsure if he had processed her words correctly. "A what?" he asked. Surely she was mistaken, since there had been no reports of vorta or any other Dominion forces in Federation space in the past thirteen years. Then it hit him. "Oh...you mean someone who kind of looks like a vorta?" he said with a grin. "Yeah, there was once a very, very blue-eyed Vulcan who served on my last posting. We used to always make fun of him about how much he looked like one of them..."

She shook her head. "Real vorta. Dominion ship. Almost blew up the shuttlebay." She held out her hands, "I was touching its warp drive. Completely missed the auto-destruct sequence. They transported us off about a second before it exploded." The chuckle turned into an outright laugh. "It was- transmitting-" She buckled with laughter, pressing her hands to her mouth, "Is this- I mean-" She could barely speak, the laughter was so overpowering. "I almost exploded. Because of a race that shouldn't even be here. And Will was killed by our allies-" Another burst of laughter sent her rolling to the ground. "And- and- and- Quinn's arm blew up. Oh- oh- oh-" She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. "Oh, spirits, and I'm sleeping with a marine. How the- what is going ON?!"

The revelation that an actual Vorta was aboard the ship was shocking, but it was almost more shocking to see Lilou losing her composure again. "Hey...Peers..." he said as he sighed and walked closer to her, then took a knee and gently squeezed her shoulder. He paused for a long moment, unsure of what to say. Everything he said to her seemed to make her upset, which was in-turn making him upset. She had just compared his company to the likes of an exploding spacecraft, an officers death, and...a severed arm. He shook his head and slowly stood up. "I...think I should go." he said quietly as he started for the door. There was no point in staying in her quarters any longer if that was how she felt about him.

She pressed her forehead to the floor, flattening her hands on either side of her head, trying to breathe. "I'm sorry. It just feels as though every unlikely event is swarming this ship," she breathed as soon as she had air in her lungs again. "They tried to kill me. Not supposed to talk about it, but they did." She stretched out on the floor. It was easy to talk about it now, strangely. In the face of nearly being dead, being booted from Starfleet for talking about her other near-death experience seemed perfectly reasonable. "Four sturdy marines. Three humans, one Klingon. I was in Sickbay for months. Three. Repairing organs and bones. Broke almost every bone. Not my hands though. They didn't get my hands. Or my feet; funny, because if they'd gotten those, I wouldn't have gotten away. Not thinking things through, that was the trouble. If they'd really wanted me dead - had a plan, you know - it would have been easy. Faulty wiring in any of that mining equipment and I would have been a goner. Probably. But rage isn't a thinking thing, I guess. Lucky me. I really, really like breathing. Don't you?"

He stopped just short of the door and turned back to look at her as she began to explain. The story sounded horrific and Lamar had trouble believing that it was true. How could a group of Starfleet Marines, or anyone in Starfleet for that matter, be responsible for such an atrocity against a fellow crew member? Let alone a cute and fragile-looking Trill woman. He wanted to ask questions but didn't know where to begin. The whole idea seemed ludicrous. "Who wanted you dead? For what?" he asked, then paused for a moment to consider another horrible possibility. "Did they...rape you?" he asked quietly, cringing as the words rolled off his tongue.

"That occurred to them, too, after. Why waste an opportunity. Left me alone with the squad leader when they thought I'd passed out. I crawled through an air vent when his back was turned. Too small for them to fit through." She laughed again, although the sound was broken now. "Hands, feet, and lust." She watched her fingers splayed on the floor, stretching them each in turn, still amazed she'd been able to preserve them. "I don't suppose they wanted me to die, really. Just to prove they were better than me. Smarter. More. I was an upstart for a while there. As soon as I was conscious again in Sickbay, he- the one I got away from - told me no one would believe me. Marine ship, you know." She closed her eyes, pressing her cheek against the floor. "He was right. They didn't. Told me I could hold my peace or leave Starfleet. Where would I have gone? My parents live on a Starfleet research station. I don't have anyone else."

His eyes drifted slowly towards the floor as he listened to her explain the story. Finally, the truth had come out. And what a terrible truth it was. He didn't want to believe it...that something so malicious had happened to one of his friends. "I'm sorry, Lilou." he said, offering his sympathy. Starfleet Marine or not, it was a horrible thing to do to any other living creature. But even still, he had trouble believing that the Marine Corps he knew and loved would allow such a thing. "What ship?" he asked, wanting to know where this atrocity had occurred.

She shook her head. "Said more than I was supposed to already. If the Dominion's coming, I'd rather be on the front lines than cowering alone in some city on an unfamiliar planet." Sitting up slowly, she rolled her shoulders. It was a relief to speak, but she wasn't sure what else to say. At least, he knew now. Maybe telling him would help overcome her fear in dealing with him. Or at least would let him know why she reacted the way she did. If nothing else, she knew it wasn't fair for him to feel responsible for the actions of others.

Lamar was a bit angry that she would not reveal those who were responsible for her abuse. "Lilou, those people are not Marines...they are criminals, disguised in a Starfleet uniform." he said, "They don't represent our ideals and I can't imagine how they would have the support of any respectable starship captain." he added. If she didn't want to tell him for fear of retribution, that was her right, but it was also his duty to look after and protect the enlisted crew, including Lilou, from any such terrors. The fact that she still felt threatened even though she was on a new starship was a bit unnerving. "If you want me to leave it, for now...I will. But as soon as I have the resources available, I want you to be honest with me and tell me who was involved and where I can find them. So that I can deal with them." he said in a firm voice. "Okay?"

The moment he began to speak, the twinge of regret she'd felt at opening up about her experience bloomed fully. Her body twitched, muscles tightening painfully in response to the lecturing tone. She'd heard that tone, that clipped, demanding cadence of military breeding before, only it had told her firmly the opposite. Lamar, for all his tattoos, was Chief of a Boat. She'd gotten her orders from a CMO, a lieutenant of the marines, and the XO of her previous ship. They outranked him. And now she was even more firmly convinced that speaking about it really would only make her life more difficult. The moments of relief simply weren't worth it, not if they were going to cause this kind of thing to happen.

He took her silence as a yes, assuming that if she were truly against the idea that she would have spoken up. He let out a sigh and returned next to her side where he scooped her up in his arms and took her over to the bed, sitting her down and then taking a seat next to her. He put his large hand on her back and began to affectionately rub in an up-and-down motion. "So is that why you don't like Marines? Or my tattoos?" he asked quietly, pretty sure that he knew the answer by now.

Lilou held still when he lifted her from the ground and carried her bodily to the bed. His hand in her back, she vacillated between comfort and tension. She clearly didn't hold the power in this room. Then again, she didn't have it anywhere, really, except in Main Engineering or in the belly of the ship. Those were her elements. Everywhere else was just waiting space. She bowed her head in reply to the question, not trusting her voice but thinking the answer should be obvious.

"You know, Lilou," he began, "Marines have a proud tradition of service and integrity." he explained, "Those...criminals that did that to you...they aren't Marines. They're simply thugs who wear the uniform. A disgrace to any current and former Starfleet service member. Personally, I can think of over a hundred good men and women from all species who wear the uniform. And all of them would never let something like that happen to you, myself included." he continued, then paused for a moment to brush some of her hair from the side of her face. He smiled to himself as he looked at the attractive Trill spots which lined the side of her face and ran down to her neck. She was beautiful, even when she was upset. "I hope you don't think that all Marines are like those who hurt you...or that I'm like that..."

She wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond. She was trying to see his point of view, but it was hard to empathize with the people who not only had put her in the ICU but also belittled her when she'd reported it. Maybe the people he had known had been better than that, but her experience told her that he was wrong. And she'd known her own judgement far longer than she'd known his. She had been working on forcing herself to see the differences between them and Lamar, seeking out the parts of him that set him apart from the other marines in her experience. But him telling her that he was, strangely, didn't help. People lied. She lied. Words didn't mean all that much in the long run. "You haven't met my expectations," she told him quietly, meaning that in the most enthusiastic way possible. "I know that stereotypes are invariably incorrect generalities," she added. "It's not something I choose to think. It's a reaction. Based on experience. Not... it's not personal. About you."

He sighed, putting his hand back on her shoulder for comfort. "Well...I'm glad to hear that it's not about me." he replied, "...Because I'm not a Marine anymore." he added, stating the obvious, but also something that he felt he needed to remind her about. "Stereotypes are an awful way to look at people. One of Galileo's counselors is an ex-Marine as well...Ensign Blake. She has her daughter, Lily, aboard." he explained, "I hope you don't judge her or any other former member of the service for something they haven't done...or weren't even aware of. I know those people on your last posting hurt you and did terrible things...but you can't blame an entire organization for the actions of a few corrupt individuals." he said, trying to put things into perspective for Lilou. The chief didn't know if he should keep pressing the issue, but he at least wanted to try and make her see things a bit differently. In the long run, it would probably help her if she could disassociate her traumatic experience with the entire Starfleet Marine Corps.

He wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know on an intellectual level. Or anything she hadn't already said herself. But she didn't know how else to explain that the terror and powerlessness had nothing to do with now and everything to do with before. And she had no wish at all to go into the details of those reactions or how they came upon her. Not with him. Not now. Blame. He was talking about blame, just like they had. You can't blame them. They're under so much stress, protecting us all. You can't blame them. She shut her eyes hard. "Never thought I'd see a live vorta in my life," she said, ham-handedly changing the subject.

"Yeah..." he replied a bit absentmindedly, his thoughts still lingering on her past troubles. He didn't want to make her talk about something with which she was uncomfortable, and she had already revealed more than enough for one day, he reckoned. "Tell me about it?" he asked, hoping she could provide him with the details of how a supposedly random Dominion species ended up aboard Galileo.

She frowned thoughtfully, "Not much. They saw the ship. Engines were down and it was sending an encrypted distress signal. I couldn't tell what it was. I've studied a lot of ships, but this one was different than anything I've seen. The cloaking mechanisms alone... We pulled her in, to shut down the distress signal. Second she was sitting in the shuttlebay, her engines started firing. Some kind of sophisticated monitoring system for lifeforms, maybe? Or maybe it could sense the power in the Galileo? Anyway, we had to shut down the distress signal. Had to crawl right over the vorta to get to the panel. The cockpit was tiny. And the vorta had all this blue goo pouring into it through tubes. Some kind of stasis formula, I guess. They took it to Sickbay. Spirits know why."

Lamar listened intently to the story, taking note of all the details. He had been in the shower when the explosion had jolted Galileo, and now he was curious to know more about the circumstances. "Stasis?" he asked, "Why? For how long?"

She shook her head. "Not sure. The ship's system was in drastic failure, though. I could tell that much by the state of the network around the warp drive. It probably went into stasis to survive the lack of atmospheric balance." She exhaled, feeling suddenly exhausted. Talking about what had happened, today and in the past... holding it all in had been part of what was holding her together. Secrets and lies like epoxy for her soul. Now, she sagged in his hold, rubbing her hands over her face. "I don't know. I've never seen an actual vorta. I'm not sure what they're supposed to look like versus how they look when they've been on nutritional IVs. Have you seen them? Did you- did you fight them ever?"

He shook his head, "Jem'Hadar mostly, not Vorta." he answered, stifling a yawn with his hand. "I've never personally seen a Vorta either, they're more like administrators who hang back and give orders to the soldiers. Not very good at fighting so they don't put them on the front lines." he explained as he thought back to the many firefights he participated in during the final campaigns of the war. Like many soldiers who had fought for Starfleet, he hated all things Dominion, but didn't feel nearly as threatened by a single Vorta as he would of by a Jem'Hadar or Founder. Still, the idea that one of them was aboard the ship made him feel a bit uneasy. "I assume Commander Holliday has assigned the proper security precautions?"

Lilou swiveled to look at him. "I don't- Spirits, I don't even know if he knows. Chief Ni Dhuinn must have told him, though. I'm sure she did." She settled her forehead against his shoulder. "If it's... that means it's not that dangerous, right? So I can go back to thinking about the Klingons discovering us hiding in the nebula, and stop thinking about the imminent destruction of the Federation and Dominion War Two?"

"Dangerous...maybe," he answered as he thought for a brief moment, "Seems a bit strange to find a Vorta with no Jem'Hadar or Founders in tow. I'm not sure what to make of it. Hopefully he has an explanation about his presence in the Alpha Quadrant." he finally decided out-loud, then sighed and turned his attention towards the Trill engineer. She looked tired, and he took the opportunity to lean back on the bed and lie down, pulling her with him as he settled his head on a pillow.

"One he'll tell us?" she wondered, allowing herself to be pulled down. She was too tired for the ongoing battle between her instincts and her memories.

"For his sake, I hope he does. Otherwise Intelligence is going to have a field day with him." Lamar replied, then reached around and picked up a stray PADD which was lodged against his back. It was another one of her schematics, but he wasn't sure for what. "What are all of these?" he asked curiously, changing the subject.

She opened her eyes to see what he was referring to, then smiled a little despite herself. "That right there is a Constitution Class Refit circa 2294. The USS Diana." The print was too small for her to see from her angle and distance, but it didn't matter. She knew the layout by heart. "One of the last of her kind. When the Excelsior classes started coming out, the refits became obsolete, but there were aspects to their design that were left behind as well. And they lasted a good long while. Longer than many classes. Pretty girl," she added wistfully. "The others... well. I like ships. Do you have a favorite? I might have it on hand."

He thought for a moment, trying his best to pick out a ship class which he actually preferred to be aboard. "A favorite? Well...I spent a lot of time aboard troop transports...Miranda and Soyuz Class..." he replied as his voice trailed off. "But I always thought it would be fun to serve aboard a Sovereign Class." he added, then reached over and placed the PADD in front of Lilou. He adjusted himself slightly and wrapped a protective arm around her waist.

"Twenty four decks, over three thousand crew- it'd be easy to get lost in one of those," she murmured thoughtfully. "And a challenge for whoever was chiefing that boat. Not a retirement cruise." She toed her boots off and kicked them off the side of the bed, shifting down to fetch one of the hanging models from the end of her bed. It was a miniature Sovereign, exacting to the last external details, suspended from a clear wire. "Not a bad choice."

Lamar looked at the small model starship and grinned as he saw it. He too scooted down on the bed and gently flicked one of the nacelles with his finger, sending the small object into a slow spin. "I think they could fit five or six Galileos into a hull of that size." he commented.

She smiled despite herself, watching the model turn. "We're so very tiny," she murmured. "The Galileo no more than the size of a thumb. Which makes us... infinitesimal. Specks in the midst of nothingness." The thought was a comforting one. How could her problems mean anything in the face of the ever expanding, infinite space? Focusing on that vastness and the unpredictability of its nature gave her space to breathe. "What do you like about her?"

"The facilities, I think." he answered. It was the first thing that came to mind and, being a former Marine, he had more appreciation for the small luxuries such as shooting ranges, weight rooms, gyms, and dedicated training holodecks. "I always thought that a Sovereign Class was more like a small city...they have everything they need to undertake long missions." he explained, then paused for a brief moment of thought. "Us, on the other hand, we have to stop and resupply every couple months...and we don't even have a bar." he added with a light chuckle and a shake of his head.

She closed her eyes, thinking of the little bar in the grove of Trill that she and Will had found. "We have holodecks. Or we will, once we get them running again."

"Yeah...two holodecks for a compliment of eighty...plus the scientists." he replied with a smirk, "Means the average petty officer gets only two hours of time per week...not exactly my idea of relaxation, but I guess something is better than nothing." he added, then rested his head back on the pillow and scooted closer to Lilou.

"Well, I'm pretty sure the designers didn't imagine we'd be crossing paths with the Dominion or fighting the Klingons when they designed her. Maybe they would have put in a bar then."

The chief grumbled to himself. "Yeah, I suppose so..." he mumbled then let out a sigh. "I guess we can just relax the old-fashioned way." he added as he rubbed her side then leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.

To Be Continued...

[OFF]

--

MCPO Lamar Darius
Chief of the Boat
USS Galileo
NPC'd by Lirha Saalm

MWO Lilou Peers
Asst. Chief Engineering Officer
USS Galileo

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