White's Wisdom

Posted on 13 Sep 2012 @ 11:06pm by Lieutenant JG Delainey Carlisle

3,448 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: USS Galileo, Delainey's Office, Deck 4
Timeline: MD9, 2100 hrs

Settling in on her office sofa with a cup of hot chocolate (anymore raktajino and she feared she would go into orbit), Delainey was determined to get through the backlog of ordinary reports and memos that came to her as a department head. Battle or no battle, abduction or no, life aboard Galileo drummed on.

Thus far, she'd had trouble finding anything to hold her concentration. After reading the same paragraph for the fifth time on the casualty report, Delainey gave up and searched her pile of PADDS for something just as informative but not quite so melancholy. There, in the stack, she discovered a PADD with Dr. Brayden's White's notes, forward to her before his departure.

Suddenly missing the gregarious man's warmth and humor, she began to read, hoping that White's words would somehow make it feel as though the counselor himself were with her.

***

LT CMDR Remington -

MD05: "William Remington is entirely capable of filling his role as department head of operations. Of that, I am unconcerned and have already filed my report stating so. He insists that he isn't interested in counseling - seems to feel very antagonistic both against and by it, actually - for anything more than the stamp of approval.

William is clearly an articulate, resourceful, and intelligent man. However, his actions and conversation are those of a man who seeks - perhaps needs - time and attention. He practiced such artful avoidance of even meeting me that I was unsuspicious of his ploy until I actually spoke to him. His actions today lead me to believe that somewhere, perhaps subconsciously, he needs others to seek him out, track him down. Perhaps this is a way of maintaining control of the situation, or perhaps some part of him responds in a positive way to being sought after. Or, it might be a way of testing whether the counselor cares enough or is interested enough to pursue him. These are all hypotheticals.

He stated - unprovoked - that he left Academy and was thrown directly into the Dominion War aboard the USS Galaxy. He escaped during the retreat at the Battle of Betazed in a broken-down runabout with one Starfleet engineer and a bunch of frightened civilians. He referred to his experiences as 'horrors', with the implication that I could not begin to comprehend the things he had faced. Then went on to insist that the many previous counselors he had been 'examined by' declared him mentally sound and that this ship wouldn't be enough - sorry - 'nearly enough' to send him into a mental breakdown.

He appears very concerned with being perceived as stable, defensive over any potential to be less than fully resolved. It is possible that his previous experiences with therapy were either negative or unproductive. He's made references to having 'heard it all'. It is unclear whether these various counselor sessions were a result of his own initiation of therapy or part of mandatory evaluation following his experiences during the Battle of Betazed or one of the other incidents of the Dominion War to which he made reference.

I asked him to tell me what he wanted to get out of talking to a counselor and his flippant reply was for the counselor to counsel 'traumatized ensigns in operations'. When I asked him about whether that might have been accidentally self-referencial - he was an ensign in the Battle of Betazed, I learned - he admitted he may have been traumatized at the time, but insisted that that was over, with the implication that he had spent a great deal of time talking to someone about that already. I got the impression he was not keen to revisit the topic. He seems to think I have a specific goal in mind in our conversation. I am as yet unclear what he thinks I am looking for.

We have scheduled an appointment for tomorrow at 1600 hrs. I hope he actually shows. End session notes, Remington, Session 1 A."

MD06:

"I was greatly relieved to see Will arrive to the agreed upon appointment on time, though his demeanor was still one of precision hostility. Because he seems to feel a great deal of discomfort discussing personal matters, I elected to reinterpret the fundamental points of the evaluation into a method that I have found in the past works better with Vulcans - a simple numerical response test that allows for me to interpret the suppressed emotions and personality of the patient.

He grew impatient and irritable after thirteen basic, non-personal questions and only remained after being faced with the inherent unprofessionalism of his impatience. It is my personal recommendation that he be monitored, if not strongly encouraged to enter regular therapy for his own well-being."

***

Delainey's mood was somber as she read the last line. Will had certainly gotten himself noticed in the end. Were his actions those of a hero certain of his duty, or that of a scarred man with nothing left to lose? She would never know.

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ENS Kiri Cho -

MD04: "Kiri Cho is an intelligent, precision and detail-oriented young woman. She is clearly driven to succeed, but I am concerned that this drive is too singularly focused. There is a very real possibility with this young woman that she will burn herself out before she has a chance to get a year out of Academy if she doesn't make a genuine effort at change soon.

She told me that she works even when she is technically not on duty, saying she 'considered herself always on duty other than when she was sleeping'. And, in addition to the work that already fills her waking hours, she is looking into additional training in Tactical and Flight Control. She seems to view herself as an exhaustible resource for the ship and Starfleet - a potentially dangerous self-image to her own well-being. 'Doesn't like not working.' During Academy, she seems to have filled all her time that was not directly devoted to her course work to a supportive course structure of her own design.

What seemed on the surface as social awkwardness is, I suspect, a lack of practice and a highly developed personal sensitivity to the opinions of others. She appears to have focused so exclusively on ways to make herself a more useful cog in the system, that she abandoned development of her interpersonal relationships and communication skills. She appears to have a genuine need and interest in others, but expressed a feeling of her friends having somehow moved out of her sphere because of differing interests. It is unclear whether this is actually the case or whether her diminished social self-confidence undermined her maintaining those early relationships.

At her request, I have provided her with a workbook that should give her some basic building blocks to preparing her own path to identifying and achieving her personal goals. I have scheduled a weekly session when she will come to the office and visit, and I have given her permission to join me and use the facility whenever I am in the office and not in session, should she wish to. I've also asked her to prepare a list of five activities or pursuits she would enjoy or thinks she might enjoy outside of her duties as a Starfleet officer for our next scheduled session."

MD07: "Kiri contacted me early this morning, clearly in distress, though this seems to have been a state she worked herself into and not an immediate response to stimuli. She has been making an effort to adjust her social awareness by attempting to forge bonds with others; this is a good sign. However, I would gauge her emotional maturity somewhere around the age of ten to twelve; she still sees things in black and white and seems to be unable to grasp the concept of relationships evolving over time. She has also expressed feelings of having 'a hole inside of her that needs to be filled', that could become dangerous to herself over time if left empty. She is in dire need of counseling and, after this meeting, I would increase my recommendation to more than just once a week. I am also concerned that she may have formed an attachment to me on a personal level, as she is apparently unable to differentiate between objective concern and a willingness to be helpful and her perception of a personal friendship."

***

Brayden's words brought back memories of the concerns he expressed in the last staff meeting and served as a reminder to Carlisle to keep an eye on Kiri. Delainey knew Scarlet was scheduled to see Kiri, and the Chief Counselor made a mental note to take more than average interest in how things progressed.

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MWO Lilou Peers -

MD05: "Lilou Peers seems perfectly capable of maintaining her duties on the ship and I see no reason to restrain her from performing them. She appears well-rested and sharply intelligent. Her social skills appear under-developed, but I see no reason why that should inhibit her abilities as an engineer.

She alternates between a sharp, blunt sense of humor and a very deep-seated shyness. I agree with Lieutenant McCarthy that she shows signs of lacking self-confidence. She speaks automatically and immediately, seemingly out of an attempt to control the flow of conversation. I wonder if she understands, at least on a subconscious level, how much more information she is divulging by taking this path, despite giving the appearance of not wanting counseling. Clearly, a large part of her is aware that she has things to work on and she seems genuinely interested in navigating her own self-assessed inadequacies - though she is unwilling to admit what those are to me as yet.

She doesn't appear to equate trust with her willingness to share information about herself; capable of offering up details of her life while still remaining suspicious of my motives. A fascinating juxtaposition.

Implied a possible strain in her relationship with her parents; potential abandonment issues from her transfer to a boarding school on Earth.

I am of the opinion that she would benefit from ongoing counseling, at least initially, but not because she is in any way incapable of fulfilling her role in the crew. I am concerned she may drive herself to a breaking point if she does not resolve some of her underlying issues. However, I believe that it will be more beneficial for her to be in charge of her own therapy; she seems very concerned that the fact that Drusilla asked her to continue having regular sessions meant that Drusilla believed she was 'crazy'. I am sure that is not at all what was intended, but I'm electing to give her regular hour-long sessions which she can choose to attend or not as we continue. I plan on re-assessing after our third session if and what a long term therapeutic plan might be."

MD06: "Lilou came to office hours today, clearly troubled by something, but still appears wary of sharing the details of her trouble. She expressed a wish that I could 'make her happy' and when I asked her to engage in a simple thought exercise about what 'happiness' was to her personally, she put herself into a state of trance-like pure calm for the following thirty minutes. She clearly has a highly developed imagination that holds a power over her. When I finally engaged her out of her self-induced trance, she had no awareness of how much time had passed, appeared lucid, but fluid, and described the experience as 'thinking in pictures', which she claims is a very common occurrence for her, though apparently not to this degree. There may be some benefit to engaging her with hypnosis further on down the line once a clearer objective for her therapy is established."

***

Delainey considered Brayden's description of events and wondered if some sort of medical evaluation would prove necessary down the road for Lilou. She was a bit concerned Lilou had lost time during this state. Since it seemed precipitated by some sort of distress, Carlisle wondered if Lilou's loss of time was actually some sort of trauma-induced dissociation.

Peers' thinking in pictures description seemed familiar to her somehow, and she made a note to investigate.

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LT JG Pola ni Dhuinn -

MD06: "Pola... the Chief Medical Officer is admirably filling the role she's been given. She is capable, smart, and personable, but I worry that she is pushing herself too hard to be what others think she should be instead of suiting her role on board the ship to her own particular skills. I have offered to assist her with her administrative duties in an attempt to allow her more time to focus on her patients and the day to day duties of running the sickbay.

She is currently in the process of redefining her relationship with her parents, dealing with feelings of abandonment, and sorting through the unresolved loss of her grandmother. I do not see any reason to believe this will affect her abilities to operate within the crew, unless she allows her feelings to continue to distract her from taking care of herself. It is imperative that she get back on track maintaining a regular schedule of sleeping, eating, and personal time in addition to her duties as CMO."

***

Brayden's concerns for Pola mirrored Delainey's own, though she didn't have an occasion to find out about the doctor's family challenges. She supposed healers needed to stick together and look out for each other. The temptation to put others ahead of oneself was great as a doctor or a counselor because it was expected.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ansen Pawlak -

MD05: "Ansen Pawlak is an interesting combination of self-motivated and un-ambitious. He clearly loves his work, all of it, and brings a sense of artistry to both his cooking and his versatility with languages. He communicates easily, clearly, and directly. I've only heard him speak Polish and English, but I'm given to understand he picks up languages very similarly to the way most people pick up forks. His cooking is unbelievable. In our conversation, he showed equal comfort in conversation and silence, an immediate sense of empathy.

He implied a belief that both his positions on the ship had become or was becoming obsolete, but seemed to have worked his way around that by re-imagining his roles and finding ways to keep himself busy and useful.

If I were to pinpoint one area that he might want to work on, it would be his lack of personal ambition. He is quite accomplished in his own right and seems to have a very healthy ego on the matter, yet he shows no intent to further his skills beyond what will keep him in the same place as his brother, Marek. Ansen has never, according to him, spent more than week out of his brother's company and I'm given to understand they've shared quarters for all their lives. Family is important, no doubt, but I wonder if this closeness might be preventing Ansen from learning to spread his wings on his own terms."

***

Delainey wasn't sure she would say Ansen lacked ambition based on what Brayden noted. White had pointed out Ansen had accomplished a lot. Did Ansen lack ambition? Or had he simply not achieved what Brayden or Delainey might consider his full potential? The challenge for any counselor was not to impose his or her values or expectations onto the client. Carlisle found herself wondering if Ansen had ever wanted more.
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Im'er Mo'ran -

MD05: "The Ta'rkan cadet Im'er Mor'an is perplexing. None of my training in xenological psychology or Starfleet counseling prepared me for her culture and as such I found myself quite out of depth in speaking to her. She presents herself as calm and centered, and declares herself to have a solid practice of self-reflection and mental focus, but she showed marked impatience, childish affectations, and frank disrespect to the process.

There were also some subjects she mentioned during our session were things that could be cause for minor concern. Nothing to detract from her work, perhaps, but areas that might benefit from closer inspection: ideas of feeling 'submerged' in the Academy. Apparently the Tarkannan people do not have subtleties in language and she has a tendency not to understand the connotations of some of the words she uses. She feels that other races, specifically humans, have treated her like a 'lab rat' - a fact that is understandably frustrating, although she seemed unwilling to consider where they might be coming from, or the fact that she generalizes other races just as much as they generalize her own.

She feels responsibility not only for her own actions, but also for all other Ta'rkannan who may yet join the Academy and walk in her footsteps. It's a great deal of pressure for anyone to be under, let alone a cadet being shared between two departments shipboard. But she seems unwilling to admit that.

She has expressed experience with persons of an 'unstable' nature, who have been able to 'hide' their mental status from others for years by mastering their emotions. She also mentioned that a vigorous program of mental training from her people leaves Tarkannans vulnerable to a loss of sanity and an equally strong ability to hide that instability. I worry that her training and her appearance of calm may be concealing feelings that would be better dealt with released and let go.

She left her evaluation a full fifteen minutes before the hour was up, having alternated between outgoing, personably expressions and hard stone-walling fairly irregularly, without permission or farewell, claiming that my mind 'could not comprehend the mind of a Tarkannan'.

Were she a human, I would diagnose her right now with a classic narcissistic personality disorder. She has a grandiose view of herself, a need for admiration for her race if not herself specifically, and shows no signs of empathy. She spoke to actually ignoring and/or suppressing feelings because she 'comes from such a calm people'. This individual is very demanding, both claiming to be incomprehensible and yet expecting others to know automatically how to communicate with her. Core issue is a sense of entitlement. She seems dismissive of other races' means of communication; this may come from a sense of alienation or past experience. I cannot be sure. More study on Ta'rkan culture and demeanor is needed to complete a thorough assessment."

***

Delainey's fatigued brain led her to cheekily wonder what cadet didn't suffer some degree of narcissism, but back on track, she wondered whether the Cadet's attitude was more protective than arrogant. Lest she be criticized soundly for not fitting certain cultural expectactions, Mo'ran seemed determined to reject others before they rejected her. Still, Delainey resolved to do her own cultural exploration, as the ability to understand her culture, or at least the attempt, seemed critical to building any future rapport.

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Rhett Brubwick -

MD07: "Rhett is a very personable, savvy, idealist. He is sensitive to the needs and responses of others; while this is an excellent skill for the career he has chosen and will very likely come in handy in his future, it also opens him up to personal misunderstandings. I hope that, over time, we may be able to help him ground in his confidence a bit more.

He is deeply enthralled by his course of study and the responsibilities of his position, which in my opinion, is one of the most important traits in a diplomat. He is well-suited to his task and I look forward to seeing how he proceeds.

Additionally, he has an interesting habit of absorbing the speech patterns of those he communicates with and replicating them in his own speech. While this is a skill that might come in handy often, I believe that his lack of control over this function will not serve him. More research into exactly how this habit began and how we can help him to control when and where he chooses to utilize it is needed."

***
Intrigued by the described verbal quirk, Delainey had her own questions as to whether it was intentional or involuntary. Was it meant to make people think he was just like them? Was it meant to put them at ease? Or was it purely accidental?

Tempted to mischieviously test her theory, Delainey decided it was time for a break. A counselor playing a prank was surely enough for others to question her own sanity.

OFF:

These notes courtesy of:

Lt. JG Brayden White, Ph.D.
Counselor
USS Galileo

Lt. JG Delainey Carlisle, M.D., Ph.D.
Chief Counselor
USS Galileo

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