Long Walk Home

Posted on 08 Mar 2016 @ 3:08pm by Lieutenant JG Noah Khoroushi & Petty Officer 1st Class Rebecca Williams

3,387 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 10 - Symposium
Location: USS Galileo: PO Williams' Quarters
Timeline: MD91 22310 hours

[ON]

Although focused on taking one step at a time, Rebecca's mind had drifted elsewhere as she thought about Wilhelm. She wondered what he was doing right now...was he thinking of her? Looking for her? He knew she'd plans tonight but still...the woman found herself wondering if their separation was as difficult for him as it was her.

Wrinkling up her nose as she stumbled a little from lack of concentration, Rebecca looked back over at Noah, realizing for the first time the iron clad grip that he had on her waist, "Hey! If you leave bruises that could get messy..." Her free hand moved to cover his, showing the mess of skin on her knuckles where she hasn't healed right from punching the wall.

After they departed the lift, Noah had felt a slight give in his knee. It worked itself out soon enough, but he only now realized he'd inadvertently tightened his grip on Rebecca. Glancing down now, he frowned as he caught sight of her knuckles. "What happened here?" Taking her hand, he brought it up to look more closely at the reddened skin.

Rebecca had felt Noah move in closer. In her drunken state thoguhts took longer to process than usual so by the time she had finished thinking through if she should push him away, he'd taken her hand in his and was now staring at it.

Confused as to how they'd gone from holding each other up to now holding hands, Rebecca tried to snatch her hand back but found that Noah wouldn't let his grip go. "It was nothing...it doesn't matter."

His thumb brushed over the bruised skin. "Maybe, but it's still not right." Her hand was soft and warm in his. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you hit something." He offered her a wry smile. "I could tell you from experience that computers don't respond to physical abuse."

The touch of his thumb caused confusion to rush through Rebecca's mind as she looked back up at the man. This was Noah...he was practically a baby brother. Why would he touch her that way? She had Wilhelm...what she would give for Wilhelm to be here right now. "It wasn't a computer...it was a bulkhead."

"Ouch." He gave her fingers a light squeeze and released her hand. "I feel sorry for thes bulkhead." Her door was just a few up the corridor as they headed off again. "I should probably know about these offending bulkheads - someone may have to do something about them."

Without his support, Rebecca found herself wobble again before common sense prevail. Playing one hand against the bulkhead, the woman moved one high heel before moving position in orders to remove her second shoe. "It want the bulkheads fault, it was mine....."

Noah caught hold of her shoulder - careful not to squeeze so much as just offer a ballast point. "if you'd like to talk about it, I'm good at listening."

Holding her shoes in one hand, Rebecca pushed her hair back off of her face with the other as she studied Noah closely; seemingly trying to weight him up. Did she tell him...it's not as if it was a secret...after carrying her sleeping back to his quarters, word was sure to get around quick about her and Wilhelm, "I...met someone....I guess in a moment of frustration, I struggled to cope with somethings that had happened and in turn hit out."

He watched her for a moment. "I'm gathering this 'someone' wasn't Miraj's brother?" Though he'd teased her about the man, her reactions were not quite fitting. Noah had chalked it up to Becca's being well on the way to drunk already, but now he wondered. "Someone on the station, or here on the ship in particular?"

Rebecca lips parted looked ahead of her in the corridor as if weighting up the distance she'd need to run to get away from this. Was she crazy...why on Earth was she standing here with Noah of all people and contemplating spilling her guts as such. On the other hand...maybe she needed someone to talk to? She'd finally talked to Wilhelm but he was so close to the situation...infact he was the situation.

Pulling her hand through her hair, the woman, uncharacteristically, chewed on her lower lip for a moment before indicating towards her quarters. "Fancy a coffee?"

"I would love one." Noah allowed her to lead the way, holding the door open as Rebecca made her way inside. Coffee would help her to sober up, and rest better as well.

Rebecca brushed against Noah as she moved through the open door, not pausing in her step as she indicated for him to take a seat wherever the man could find room. "Have you a preference? Straight up, frappachino, capachino, mocha, expresso?"

"Espresso sounds good." It was a bit daunting to be in Becca's quarters this late at night, but he told himself there was nothing between them but a chat and a cup of coffee - at least until he knew she would settle fine into sleep and he could make his way out.

Throwing her shoes into one corner, Becca plodded bare footed over to the replicator as she programmed in Noah's request and tried to mull over what she wanted for herself. "Have you ever met someone who you fell head over heels for even if it's not what you wanted to happen?"

He considered that question as the coffees brewed. "To be perfectly honest, Rebecca, no. I haven't." He'd seen his sisters get excited over men - his older two were even married with the start of families of their own now. "I can understand how it would happen, though."

Having finally chosen a mocha for herself, wanting to just enjoy something with a little bit of luxury hiding the kick off the coffe, Rebecca listened to Noah's words as she watched the drinks materialise. "You can understand how it would happen? How can you understand if you've never had it happen?" The part that the woman left unsaid was that she couldn't even understand and it had happened to her.

"Ah," Noah accepted the steaming cup with a murmur of thanks. "Not so much the why as the how. As in, I've watched it happen more times than I can count. Not that I would count myself an expert by any stretch of the imagination."

Without much options for seating, Rebecca moved to sit cross legged on the bed. The position caused her knee high dress to ride up higher but honestly...the woman didn't care as she cupped her own drink in her hands. "Did it change your sisters much?"

"The first few times, not greatly. They would flutter about and make noise about this guy or that ... but you could tell when they hit on the real thing. The silliness would melt away after the first month or so and true feelings come up to the surface. After that ... they lived in their own world and God help anyone who tried to turn them away from their heart's desire."

Cupping her both hands around the cup, as if looking for heat, Rebecca looked down into the depths, paying no head when part of her hair fell down over her face. "What do you imagine that love might be like?"

Sitting back to regard her, Noah thought about that for a while. She was flushed, though that could be in part from the alcohol and the coffee. "I imagine it's a complete paradigm shift. Your reality has expanded to include another being and self is no longer the center of your existence. Confusing, at times overwhelming, but in the end your life is enriched beyond where you were before."

Rebecca was aware that all she seemed to be doing was asking a lot of questions but...they were important to her...helped her try to sort through her mind. "Have you ever wondered why I never pushed things between us beyond that one kiss?"

That did bring a smile. "Perhaps for the same reason I didn't? I like you, Rebecca. And I will admit I am attracted to you in some ways, but it's not ..." Noah paused. There had been a girl in his first years with whom he'd felt that flash of connection - that had turned disastrous. After a kiss she had imagined things while he ... admittedly he'd been mildly disappointed. "I see you as a friend and I like that. I'd rather not complicate things beyond that point."

Rebecca laughed as she put her cup to one side and drew my knees up closer to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "Don't worry...I'm not planning on trying to take it further with you...not now...anyway...."

Now, anyway. "Yeah, you were going to tell me about that - someone here on the ship, I gathered?"

"Kinda...maybe..." Rebecca buried her face in against her knees as she tried to think this over. "He's very like you...datable material instead of fuckable material. And in that I mean, he's the kinda guy I run from when I meet them because I know to become entangled just leads to broken hearts and complications."

Noah choked, just managing to keep his sip of coffee down. "Ah ... I see." He supposed he should be honored, but admittedly he was a bit intrigued. "Yet somehow you ended up entangled after all." He gave her a wry smile and a shake of the head. "You have to learn not to underestimate the quiet ones, Rebecca. They're a good deal more compelling than you would expect."

"I think that's what the problem was..." Rebecca looked back up at Noah as a hint of a smile played across her lips. "He wasn't quiet...he knew what he wanted and he pushed and pulled and maneuvered until I didn't even realise what was happening until...it was too late."

And ... that was how it went. His own expression softened as Noah regarded her. "And, where does that leave you now, Becca. Is this something you want, something you regret, or are you still too new in it all to decide?" She struck him as the sort who preferred to be in control, and this situation allowed anything but that.

The question struck her...what did she want...had Wilhelm ever asked her that? He'd asked her what love was...she felt that love was him...but had he ever asked her, was this what she wanted? When she rationed why she felt the way she did, when she felt how much she loved him...how much her feelings had change, had she or him ever stopped and asked...what did she want? "How do I know? How do I know if this is what I want?"

Noah shrugged, a bit helpless in the face of that question. "I'm afraid I don't have an answer for that one. I guess it's up to you." He offered her a wry grin. "But for the record, if you do decide this isn't what you want, and whoever it is decides to give you trouble, give me a heads up and I'll deck him for you."

Rebecca laughed, she couldn't hold it back. The image of Wil and Noah getting into a fight...she wasn't totally sure who would manage to win that. "He's told me what he wants...he's swept me off of my feet and carried me so far that to look back feels foreign...it doesn't feel right. I've known from the beginning that he's wanted me but he never wanted me in the same way that I wanted him that first time. I just wanted to screw him and walk away but there was something...something which pushed me to give him that little bit more. He evoked these emotions in me that went beyond the basic want and need...he made me just want more and more and more...there was never enough."

This was getting well beyond anything he'd anticipated. "Rebecca, do you love him or not? If you feel it's too early to tell for sure, ask him to back off. If he really cares about you he'll comply. Otherwise, you will probably be able to tell he's in this just for what he can get."

"I already did that..." Unwinding one of her arms from around her legs, Rebecca looked down at the mared skin on her knuckles as she remembered. "After I did this...this happened because I became so overwhelmed with the division of feelings between who I was and who I was becoming...that my only relief was to hit out at a bulkhead. So I went...I told him it was over but he wouldn't let me go. I made him cry Noah..." Rebecca looked up at Noah at this point, tears shining in her own eyes, "...I made him cry because he'd finally found me, felt the way he does about me and here I was trying to take it all away. He didn't force me to stay...how can I be worthy of his tears when I tried to break it off with him? I hurt him so deeply...."

"How do you know he's not trying to manipulate you?" At her sudden glare, Noah threw up his hands. "Give me a moment here. You told me that him it was over, and instead of trying to reason with you, he starts emotionally pressuring you into staying with him? Did he even give you a chance to explain why you weren't ready for a relationship?"

"I didn't fight with him because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship...I pushed him back because I was falling in love with him and I wasn't ready for that. I punched a bulkhead because I didn't want to fall in love and I didn't know how to stop it. Can a person force and manipulate you into falling in love with them?" Rebecca pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt the tears threaten to fall. "I punched a wall and punched him back because I wasn't use to my every waking moment being full of thoughts of one man. He was the first person I thought of when I woke in the morning and the last man I thought of when I went to bed at night. It scared me...it scared me because I couldn't stop it and didn't know how."

Setting his cup down, Noah moved over to perch on the bed beside Rebecca, an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just ... Look, I just don't want you to get hurt, okay? If you feel that this is real, and not just something he's trying to impress on you, then maybe you should give it a shot. Just remember that if it ever does feel wrong, nothing this guy does or says should affect what you decide. If you want to walk away, do it. If he gives you trouble, then find someone to talk sense into him. You don't have to stay in a relationship just because he wants it if you don't, alright?"

Noah's arm around her was her final undoing as the tears finally escaped. Maybe it was the alcohol she'd drank, maybe it was the events of the time that had passed since she'd first met Wil or maybe it was Noah forced her to analyse this differently, she was only sure of one thing; that she wanted to cry. "He never had to ask me what I wanted as he always knew....He knew it the same way that I knew what I meant to him. From the first time we met I was a lady...never a woman to be taken advantage of but a woman who had more depth than what people otherwise believed."

The woman stopped to take a breath, trying to wipe away the uncontrollable flow of tears, "But more than that...he made me feel like someone special. Someone worth more than what she had set out in life to take and give to strangers. I never wanted to believe that I could be important to somebody...I never have been but he opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I discredited myself more than I should have."

Noah rubbed Becca's arm as she leaned against him, her head resting against his shoulder. "I can at least agree with him there." After a moment, he took the half-drained coffee cup from her hands and set it aside. "It's late, Rebecca, and you could probably do for some rest." Releasing her shoulders, he met her eyes. "You want me to check with you in the morning to see how you're doing, or do you think you'll be alright?" He probably would check in with her sometime in the day for his own peace of mind.

Noah had given her reason to think...left her in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts that she needed to figure out. On one hand she was glad he was leaving, she needed time...time to process and understand all that was happening with her and Wil. But on the other hand, she'd a sudden instinctive draw that she wanted him to stay...fear that if she was left alone, it would all be so overwhelming. "I'm sorry...I never meant to offload any of this onto you."

His eyes crinkled in gentle amusement. "I'm the one who asked to talk, Rebecca." He paused, then asked, "Are you alright? If you would like me to stay, I will." Not a smart idea, he reasoned, but how many truly were in times like this? "I just had the impression that ..." Well, that she would prefer someone else at that moment.

Rebecca knew that Wil would come if she just called but right now...she wasn't certain that she could manage being around him. Intentional or not, Noah had dug deep and she felt at a loss how to handle this. All she knew was that she needed to handle this without her lover's support...she needed to know that this really was what she wanted. "Come for a run with me? I saw your leg earlier, so I understand if you feel unable but if you feel you can, come with me?"

A run ... well, it was better than just sitting in her quarters and waiting for something to happen. "I'll need to stop by my quarters to get my brace." He had one for more strenuous activity. "I can manage a steady jog, but that's about it." Which did pain him - Noah had adored running when he was younger ... before everything happened. He supposed he should be happy for what mobility he had regained.

Rebecca was already moving before he spoke, pulls her sweats out of her clothes locker before pulling her dress over her head. "Steady jog is better than nothing. If I'm going too fast just pull me back but once I get into a steady rhythm I find I can settle easily."

Noah just managed to advert his eyes as she set about changing.

As she sorted through her clothes, Rebecca looked over her shoulder and realised that perhaps she was making a man a little uncomfortable. "How about I meet you in 15 on deck four? More space down there and it should be quiet during the graveyard shift."

That worked great, as his quarters were on deck four. "Alright," he assured Rebecca. "I'll meet you there."

Just as she pulled the tshirt over her head, Rebecca smiled further as she heard the doors slide open behind her announcing Noah's exit. Perhaps she should go a little easier on the guy. It said alot that he was willing to be a friend that she needed right now...it also made her wonder why Wil instead of the operations officer. It really did make her think.

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Petty Officer 2nd Class Rebecca Williams
Yeoman to the Executive Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant JG Noah Khoroushi
Assistant Operations Officer
USS Galileo

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