Handling the voices

Posted on 02 Dec 2015 @ 4:43am by Lieutenant Tuula Voutilainen M.D. & Commander Allyndra illm Warraquim & Jynn

1,857 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Episode 09 - Empires
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 3, Sickbay
Timeline: MD04 - 2349 hours

[ON]

Returning to sickbay, Tuula was hoping to see Allyndra. Not to get back to work, however, to deliver the sad news that she was being removed from duty by Lt. Cmdr. Stace until she could get a medical clearance from Allyndra. But more importantly, she needed someone to talk to. And with Jaana not talking and Olsam not being the right person to talk to about this, Tuula felt that now would be an appropriate time for Allyndra's wisdom.

"Allyndra," called out Tuula, approaching her office. Her mascara was smeared slightly, a result of the tears that had run down her cheeks only minutes ago. "Can we talk?"

Allyndra looked up and waved a delicate hand. "Of course, come on in." She waited a moment and then asked the computer to lock the door. "First off," she turned to the small replicator and a moment later turned back with a box of tissues. "Here from the looks of it you could use a few of these. Now what's the problem?"

"Thanks." Tuula wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's about this whole situation with Jynn. The command staff found out. Commander Stace removed me from duty until I get a medical clearance, and they're asking all kinds of personal questions..."

Tuula took another tissue from the box. It wasn't just her own issues she was worried about. Being lost in space, and seeing her sister suffer was driving her to the brink, affair with a Deltan or no. "There's going to be an investigation. They might kick him out of Starfleet. And me too. And these voices... Urgh, they just won't leave me alone."

Maybe I wouldn't be so annoying if you actually listened to me. I know more about you than anyone else, you know. The voice went unanswered, as it was often becoming. Ignored as nothing more than uncontrolled errant thoughts. The voice went quiet once more as though it had become accustomed to no answer, like it didn't expect one anymore. Or didn't need one.

Allyndra ignored the first part, well not ignored, she knew there would be an investigation but there were a lot of things between dismissed and disciplined. "Voices?" she questioned.

"Yeah, I..." Tuula trailed off before taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I should have said something. I was hoping they would go away by themselves, but they haven't. Ever since those two nights with Jynn..." She paused for a moment. "Maybe I need some improvoline or something..."

Allyndra shook her head. "No not yet. I am intrigued by this. As far as I know such a thing has not been recorded. However," she shrugged, "intimate encounters between Deltans and non-Deltans have been few. You say voices, what kind of voices? Others talking, people you know, dream like?" Allyndra made again a shrug but this was that odd rolling one that caused the wings to rustle. "Without knowing if this is telepathic, empathic, or cognitive changes due to.....well fluid exchange I think we should be cautious in medication. We should run some tests."

"It's two things..." explained Tuula, noting Allyndra's use of euphemisms. "First, it's like a second consciousness. I don't know if it's a psychological imprint of Jynn, but it's like another presence. Telling me to do things, taunting me... it comes and goes, usually at the most inopportune times. Second..."

Tuula took a deep breath. This was awkward. "I've been feeling strange... urges. Mostly romantic. It's been affecting my concentration, and working with Olsam, it's taken every ounce of restraint I have to not throw myself at him and have my way with him in the supply closet. I..." Tuula paused, realizing what she was saying. "...sorry, maybe I said too much there..."

The revelation about Mott was not exactly a surprise. She had gotten some of the idea that the two were interested and she remembered cautioning about Bolian physiology as well. "I see. You know because of that Oath there is little known about what happens with interspecies interactions."

Allyndra tapped the table. "If we can pin down what exactly has happened then we might be able to block not only yours but any future encounters. Then there will be less restriction and the Oath means less which could mean less harsh course of action. Are you game?"

"I'll fetch the cortical scanner," replied Tuula, pushing herself out into sickbay.

With a slight creeping sensation in the back of her head the voice with no name that had become a part of Tuula came back, but this time as something more akin to a whisper. It sounded uncertain. Are you prepared to find out what I am? Am I prepared to find out what I am? Quite philosophical questions coming from a jumble of thoughts that probably shouldn't exist at all. What if I'm deemed dangerous? What if they want to silence me? I know you don't like me, but...

Allyndra had nodded to the getting the scanner but she paused getting up seeing Tuula looking a bit distracted. "What is it?" she asked.

"It's just..." Tuula pressed a hand against her head, leaning on the medcart containing the cortical scanner. "The voices; they just won't leave me alone."

Allyndra was a bit puzzled over the statements. This did not seem telepathic, more a sort of schizophrenia or perhaps a weird form of synesthesia. Such manifestations were not unknown. "Let's get you on a bed then and take a look," Allyndra put her arm out to help.

"All right," said Tuula as she pushed a button on the bed to lower it down. She pulled her chair alongside the bed and grabbed Allyndra by the hand with one hand and placed the other on the bed for support.

It was a bit awkward getting Tuula onto the bed but in the end should be a lot more comfortable. "Alright, comfortable? Well as much as one can get being on these things?"

"I guess." Tuula looked straight up as the scanners unfolded on either side of her head.

Allyndra got the scanner set up and then brought a secondary screen over the top so that Tuula could see the readings as well. "Here we go," she said and started the scan.

Tuula stared up at the screen, trying to remain calm as she looked at her own brain scans. "I'm not seeing anything--"

Allyndra looked at the scans. There was no especial activity in the temporal and frontal lobes that one would associate with schizophrenia. That was a relief. While she was watching though it seemed as if something else started up. It was weird in the various pathways that seemed to activate and looking down she saw that Tuula seemed to have that far away look on her face, like she was not quite here or at least paying attention to someone else. An idea began to form in her head and she had to think how to best break the pathways. Whatever it needed to be it had to be intense and overwhelming utilizing some of the same pathways that was initially causing the problem. Well one thing came to mind.

But you're hearing something! Where am I? What am I? Do I even exist? What if I'm just you, Tuula? What if you're just making me be? To Tuula she was probably sounding more and more mad by the second, some unwanted voice churning away in her mind, but to the voice, if it was indeed its own consciousness, it was beginning to doubt its own existence. Nonono. You're not doing this. I'm doing this. I must be in here somewhere on some level. How can I be nothing? You're not me, Tuula. I'm me! It sounded afraid to be nothing more than imaginary, but how imaginary could the voice be if it had such thoughts unless it was just the runaway mind of a damaged human. The voice itself almost sounded madder than the mind of the person it occupied as it doubted itself.

Go away! Staring up at the screen, she just focused intently and tried to silence the voices, to no avail. I don't want you, I don't--

Tuula was shocked back to reality by a sharp pain in her arm. "Ow!" she exclaimed, bringing her arm up. There were two small puncture wounds, a couple centimetres apart. She looked over at Allyndra, her eyes focusing in on her fangs. "Did you just bite me?" she asked, shocked.

The sharp inner teeth folded away and Allyndra nodded. "Yes, I did and it was quite a long one. Do you hear voices any more though?"

"Why did you--" Tuula paused for a moment, her anger subsiding as she listened to what was going on in her head. It was peaceful, for the first time in days.m "No... how did you know?"

Allyndra waved her hands, "Let me explain." She took a breath and then leaned against the other bed. "First off this is not schizophrenia. That is the good news. However, while I observed you I noted several pathways light up. You have a sort of form of memory linquistic synesthesia. That is whenever you have any thoughts at all about Jyn it is causing a sort of personality to form. The input was intense and guessing that your time with Jynn overwhelmed your senses setting these cross connected pathways. They are also connected to your sexual stimulation center. In order to break the pathways something needed to be done to utilize the same pathway and sort of overwhelm it, the result should set things back." Allyndra smiled, "First thing that came to mind was that we, Akkadians that is, have a fairly potent set of peptides in our bite that stimulate the pleasure centers. The longer the bite, the more the effect is. Basically I overloaded the circuit until it broke. Crude but I think it will be effective and it gives some idea why Deltans take the oath but it now gives an idea how to work around the problems."

"Well," said Tuula, reaching for a dermal regenerator. "Whatever you did seemed to work. I guess I'll give you a call if I get a recurrence. Just be careful around the tattoos; I don't want to ruin the ink."

Allyndra made a formal curtsey, "I shall." She then straightened and laughed lightly, "Oh and you taste very nicely. Perhaps that Deltan encounter, but the nuances were something that I have not tasted in a long time." Her tone went serious, "You will need iron supplements as well. As I said, it took a bit."

"Thanks," replied Tuula with a smile as she sat up on the biobed, glancing down at the puncture marks on her arm. "You know, that kind of felt good, in a strange way..."

[OFF]

Lieutenant (JG) Tuula Voutilainen
Medical Officer
USS Galileo

LCmdr Allyndra illm Warraquim
Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

The voice in Tuula's head
[PNPC played by Jynn]

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