Making Ripples

Posted on 20 Jun 2015 @ 12:42pm by Ensign K'os Beaumont & Commander Andreus Kohl

4,038 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: Episode 08 - NIMBUS
Location: USS Nautilus - Deck 2, Senior Officer's Quarters
Timeline: MD 01 - 2320 hours

[ON]

The first thing K'os did when he entered Kohl's quarters was make himself more comfortable. He had kicked his boots off and laid them neatly by the door then took off his dress jacket and folded it over a chair. His eyes were on the floor to ceiling viewports the whole time. He had always enjoyed staring off into the endless void of space and the awe of the view was reflected in his grey-blue eyes. He looked over his shoulder and gave Kohl a warm smile before practically bouncing towards the viewports.

Kohl was a bit slower, a bit more deliberate, in shedding the outermost layers of his formal-wear. The disorienting effects of the bloodwine were starting to wane, but his head was still spinning on occasion. He removed his commbadge and placed it in a conspicuous location on his desk. He was careful not to knock aside the hypsopray laying on the desk too. Kohl shrugged out of his white jacket and discarded his boots as well. Since it had been relatively commonplace in their scholarly evenings together, Kohl stepped out of his trousers too. Only once he was crossing the compartment in his boxer-briefs and half-open tunic did it occur to Kohl that his state of undress came with an entirely different context on this night.

K'os placed a hand on the transparent hull before leaning forward and pressing his forehead against it. The light behind him caused a reflection to look back at him from the smooth surface. The younger man found himself staring at his pale face reflected back at him, as if he were a faded apparition superimposed over a landscape of stars. His attention suddenly drawn to the reflection of Kohl standing behind him.

K'os turned and leaned his back against the hull and allowed himself to slide down till he was sitting on the floor. He leaned back, put his hands behind his head, and was excited to find that his head and shoulders fit nicely in the angled view port enough that he could lean his head back and stare up into the stars. He let one hand drop and rest on his flat stomach as the other continued to cradle the back of his head. He tore his eyes away from the ceiling with some reluctance, then grinned at Kohl.

"I could sit like this for hours." K'os told him. His eyes now full of something other than awe or wonder. It was filled with a sudden need to be close to his friend. To touch him and listen to his stories. He felt the need for sexual intimacy of course, but for K'os that need was second compared to his need to just be closer with the man. The hand on his abdomen lifted just high enough to beckon Kohl over to join him.

Closing the distance between them, Kohl captured that beckoning hand between both of his own and gave it a short squeeze. He only let go, so he could sit himself on the carpet beside K'os. Kohl sat close enough that his left thigh was touching K'os' right thigh, and he leaned over just enough to touch shoulders too. "Stace will give me a scolding," Kohl remarked teasingly, "if I let you do that. She'll want you primed and ready for tomorrow, Mister Officer."

"Oh don't worry, I prepared everything before--" K'os stopped when he realised Kohl was teasing. "Yes, I suppose it would be logical to deny that request." He mused. He lowered the arm behind his head and positioned it so his bare arm touched Kohl's. K'os' skin was always warm to the touch, though at that moment it felt warmer than usual. The hybrid allowed the sensation from earlier to return, transferring warm pleasurable sensations. K'os seemed to do it reflexively, as he continued to say distractedly, "'Mister Officer.'" He chuckled, "It's still a little surreal for me." After a moment of slowly running his arm along Kohl's he turned his head to look at him.

"Does my touch bother you?" K'os asked innocently. The last thing he wanted was to make things awkward with his friend. Something that happened to K'os often.

Kohl put a hand under K'os' jaw, holding K'os' face to make certain he held his eye-contact. "K'os, I'm surprised at you," Kohl said, sounding a little too pleased with himself. "I'd only be bothered if you stopped touching me."

K'os' demeanour seemed to change as Kohl spoke. His eyebrows lowered, revealing only a feint shadow of a Vulcanoid brow ridge. He licked his lips as he turned his body and pushed up to a kneeling position next to Kohl, facing him and the viewport. He maintained eye contact but leaned back slightly and placed a hand on Kohl's shin, near his ankle. "You're a good friend, Andreus Kohl." His voice was far from boyish anymore. It was deeper, and breathy in an almost sultry way. He ran his hand up, exciting and teasing the nerve endings in Kohl's leg stopping to rest his hand on the man's knee. "You've done a lot for me. Maybe even more than you realise." K'os released his grip on Kohl's leg and leaned in close to the Argelian.

The hybrid ran the fingers of his left hand through Kohl's hair, both massaging his scalp while pushing feelings of pleasure through his contact. The young man then rested his forehead against the side of Kohl's face. He was close enough that when he spoke again his lips brushed lightly against the corner of Kohl's mouth and he whispered, "I can feel your tension." K'os' lean torso began to tremble slightly as if from nervousness, though it was mainly from holding back the almost overwhelming feelings of intimacy he felt for his friend in that moment.

Kohl's lips parted, but no words came out. He made no sound, except for a slight inhalation of air. He tried to make eye-contact with K'os without changing their respective positions, but he couldn't mange to do so. He also couldn't manage to pull away from the closeness of K'os' lips and face, from the hand on the back of his head. "What reason," Kohl asked, "would I have to be tense?"

"I would only be guessing." K'os said quietly while turning his head and slowly moving his face and mouth to Kohl's neck. His lips still remained just close enough to have the briefest of touches along Kohl's skin as he spoke. "I'm not reading your thoughts, just your sensations. What your muscles and skin are experiencing. He removed his hand just long enough to do another pass over Kohl's scalp. His eyes looked over the Argelian's shoulder at the starscape behind him. "I feel lonely, but I can't tell if it's your feelings or mine. It's a strange feeling to have though, isn't it? To feel lonely when you're surrounded by people on a small ship?"

Kohl answered that question with a vague shrug, but then he saw that K'os' attentions were drawn out the viewport. He reached a hand over and set it on K'os' shoulder. He rubbed his palm along the skin, mapping out the shape of it, squeezing to feel the muscle tone. "That's probably mine then," Kohl said. "That's an accustomed feeling for me. It's cracking and fading these days, but that's how I've felt these past months...

"In any given moment, I have absolute focus," Kohl continued. "For example, I can't stop thinking about how you have the most perfectly formed arms. It's filling my thoughts for this moment. But there are other moments, moments not far off, where that focus drifts, where I remember speaking with Admiral Saalm. The Commanding Officer of Nautlius has been recalled to Starbase 84. That means, now, I am the Commanding Officer of Nautilus."

"Really?" K'os said, momentarily pleased with the assessment of his arms. But then he sat up a little more so he could look Kohl in the eyes when he revealed he was to be CO of Nautilus. He took his hand off the man's scalp, but not wanting to break the connection he quickly placed it back on Kohl's leg. "You just keep making ripples." K'os said quietly. He smiled warmly, but the dimples in his cheeks betrayed his intentions to be less boyish. His heart ached with a mixture of compassion and admiration and he knew the feelings would transfer through his touch, but he didn't think Kohl had enough experience to understand if he had felt it. His eyes darted to Kohl's lips, a feature stuck in his mind much like the definitions in K'os' arm was on Kohl's mind. "You are an amazing man." K'os' voice was still low and quiet, every moment felt intimate sitting there in front of the viewport. "I have every confidence in you, Andreus." He said his name as a breathy exhalation. "Are...you feeling doubt? Is this the source of your tension?"

At that question, Kohl's gaze drifted down, escaping eye-contact with K'os. Kohl felt hot with burning shame at what he was feeling, and he couldn't put that feeling into words unless he got thoughts of K'os' arms out of his head. "I'm... feeling... tired. Slow and tired," Kohl said. Constantly moving, his eyes were examining the carpet surrounding them, as if in search of something. "I think that's making me tense. More so than any doubt."

K'os mimicked the Argelian's eye movement, but had continued to fix his searching eyes on Kohl's face rather than the floor. The hybrid's eyes seemed distant or in deep thought like he was trying to solve a complicated equation. Reading someone's emotions, while isolating your own, was a relatively new skill for him and he didn't want to push the boundaries. Having just kissed the surface of the shame Kohl had felt, he let go of the man's leg out of guilt of his own. His ears burned red and he found himself looking back out the viewport blinking back the rush of sounds and feelings that were triggered in his mind.

When his mind had settled a bit after some controlled breathing he said, "I don't think I need to tell you this, Andreus, but I'm going to anyway." K'os forced himself to return his attention back on Kohl, moving his head in front and forcing Kohl to make eye contact. "You can tell me anything, and can do so without fear of judgement. It would stay between us, always. Can I help you with the tension? Just tell me what you need." K'os positioned his back on the viewport again and tilted his head up as far as he could to stare at the stars. "Do you want me to just listen? Maybe make you some tea?"

K'os sat up suddenly before Kohl could answer, resuming his kneeling position. His enthusiasm came more out of excess energy drummed up by his emotional stimulation than anything, and the emotions that he felt started to heighten and change to near overwhelming sensations in his head. He knew what he was saying was over-the-top, and borderline cheesy, but he couldn't control himself at this point. He raised his hand and cupped it along Kohl's jaw. He rubbed his thumb on his cheek as he spoke. "Anything. Really. Run you a bath? Massage your aching shoulders?" K'os leaned in a bit closer, "Do you need a discreet companion to share your bed? Tell me."

Unable to think about how K'os would react to it, Kohl recoiled from K'os' touch, K'os' approach. Kohl leaned back into the viewport and he scooted to the left. "Too... too..." he started to say, and then Kohl pressed the palms of his hands against his temples. His eyes closed, Kohl said, "Slow down, K'os. Slow, slow down." It was delivered as a plea.

When Kohl's body recoiled from the hybrid, K'os had stayed still, frozen in place. His body had tensed up, and he lowered his arm slowly. Like Kohl, K'os himself was unable to think how to react. His expression was hard to define. It looked briefly pained at the physical rejection, but in a way it seemed un-surprised as if Kohl's reaction happened to K'os a lot. "Yes." K'os said, "Yes, of course. I'm sorry, you're...this...I..." He was lost for words. The thoughts and feelings that had boiled over were still heightened in his mind and he struggled to hold the breach back. After a moment he took the plea as a command and slowly turned to lean back against the viewport, scooting away and leaving a sizable space between them.

Leaning against the viewport however suddenly felt too casual and K'os found himself instead leaning forward to hug his knees to his chest. He looked at the palms of his hands and a brief look of frustration crossed his face as if he was upset at having hands to begin with. This wasn't the first time he'd gotten carried away, and it wouldn't be the last. With everything that had happened in the last day and having been overly stimulated during the Klingon dinner, controlling his hyperemotional state wasn't easy to do. Fear he'd say something else to make it worse made him stay quiet. Instead he waited for Kohl to break the silence for him.

For all of Kohl's fear and deflection and physical fatigue, he couldn't bear to hurt K'os. He couldn't bear to see him in pain. Part of the reason for that was Kohl's natural fondness for K'os. And part of the reason for that was his deeply-ingrained diplomatic training, which told him it wasn't polite to let K'os take the blame for his own reaction. It wasn't polite at all.

K'os had hardly moved away from Kohl, when Kohl shifted onto his hands and knees. He crawled across the carpet to kneel directly in front of K'os. Their knees were touching. And not just their knees. Kohl reached his palm out to K'os' chin, and he gripped K'os' jaw. He took hold of K'os face to demand his eyes look into Koh's eyes. There was a light missing; there was something defeated about the look in Kohl's eyes.

"I have a hypospray on my desk," Kohl said, his intonation was plain, almost stark. "The hypospray contains two doses of a prescription stimulant. If I change the dosage setting, I can easily stretch it to four, maybe six. I don't know how I'm going to get through without it. I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow. There were side-effects to my gene therapy. I have a feeling-- it feels like I'm on stimulants now. I feel like I can do... more... Like I can do the million and one things expected of a commanding officer. But that feeling is fading. It's fading fast, and I don't remember how I function without that feeling."

The hybrid's grey-blue eyes acquiesced to the demand without much struggle, and they bore into Kohl's seas of sapphire like his eyes contained an important truth about the man. The skin around his chin tingled as his mind connected with Kohl's emotions through his skin and he inhaled sharply at the sense of shame that wrapped around his mind like a thin blanket. Only after Kohl finished telling him about the hypospray did he realize it wasn't his own shame he felt, but Kohl's. That thought made K'os' eyes slightly wet and shiny.

Things were starting to fall into place for the young man, and while a moment ago he felt frustrated with himself, suddenly his body and mind filled with compassion with a distinct lack of judgement towards him; no doubt inadvertently allowing Kohl to feel the warmth of that feeling through their contact. "Andreus.' K'os said his name carefully as if saying it would suddenly make the Argelian recoil again. "This is why we choose confidants," he whispered. Raising his voice any higher and the wetness in his eyes would threaten to become tears in his overly emotional state. Words, that had been hard for K'os to say, suddenly seemed to spill out as if Kohl's eyes dragged them out of him. He felt spellbound from the man's emotions.

Against his better judgment, K'os felt the need to assert his abilities again. Despite everything he'd been through with Ellsworth, he felt he had enough control now that he had a need to use it on Kohl. Perhaps that need was born from addiction. Or perhaps it derived from his overwhelming compassion. Keeping his voice low he continued, "You don't need those stims. I can do things with my touch that can help more than that drug can. I want to help you. I admire your strength, Andreus. You've never judged me. You're smart. You make me laugh. You tell stories using the most beautiful storytelling voice I've ever heard and every time I see you I have a near overwhelming desire to make out with you." K'os tried to force a smile on his face in an attempt at humour, but the emotion in his eyes made it look more like a flinch. "Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying these things because I'm a love sick puppy that want's to move at warp speed or that I have motives or aspirations of some grand relationship. I'm telling you this because I need you to know that, while you may feel tempted to use that hypospray, you have a friend here that thinks the world of you, and knows what you're going through. The temptation. The shame. The rationalizations that go through your mind. 'Just a little will be okay'."

K'os' thoughts turned to his own addiction struggles, and while his words were intended for Kohl, he couldn't help but see the parallels in himself. "Let me help you. You said earlier that at times you've felt lonely among so many people. Maybe two lonely people together cancels the loneliness out." K'os dared not look away now. Spilling his thoughts out like this was beginning to make him feel a little vulnerable. A feeling he knew was projected to Kohl. The only strength he found to say the things he said, was found by holding the other man's gaze. "You are stronger than the need, Andreus. I truly believe that. But maybe it'll be easier with someone that has your back. Someone that can make you feel good without the hypospray."

At no point did Kohl try to interrupt K'os. He never tried to interject with a thought or a counter-point. He watched K'os speak; he tried to make sense of the words, but he couldn't. K'os didn't make any sense to Kohl. Kohl did more than flinch, he looked back at K'os with a dubious expression and then his entire body recoiled from K'os touch. "I don't-- how is that any different?" Kohl asked. "How is your telepathic touch any different than a drug? You're the one-- you're the one who told me it felt like an addiction to you. With Ellsworth, the intensity of your telepathic connection felt like an addiction to you. Why would you want to risk that again? Why would you risk that so soon?"

"I..." K'os began, but instead closed his mouth with an audible 'clop' sound. He felt a chilling sick feeling grip his stomach like a giant hand was squeezing his insides at the comparison to Ellsworth. "That, no. Wait-- That was..." His jaw clenched and unclenched as he fought to remain composed. The more he thought over Kohl's words, the more he wanted to flee. To go home and bury his embarrassment in a pillow. He closed his eyes, tight at first, scrunching his face up as if in pain. He took a deep breath and as he slowly let it out his face relaxed with it until it was passive.

This time when his words came, they were clear and calm. "You're not a telepath." He said defensively but then his shoulders sagged in defeat. "Perhaps your right. That...crossed a line and I'm sorry." K'os' expression changed like a flicker for just a moment, but returned to being passive as if he was working hard to project a calm demeanour. "To answer your question though. Why risk that again?" K'os let out another deep breath and resisted the urge to reach out. He couldn't bare to be physically rejected. Not again. To think of Andreus Kohl of all people, recoiling from him made the sick feeling in his stomach worsen. "Perhaps because I care too much? I care so much for other people sometimes that it feels like my feelings will just explode out of my chest. It's my first instinct when I see someone in pain or discomfort, and I don't think rationally I just react. I don't know any other way to help you." His face grimaced again.

"Listen," Kohl said softly. He said the word and he stared at K'os, giving him a moment to start to draw his own conclusions about Kohl's meaning. "Sometimes listening can be enough," Kohl said; "It can help as significantly as changing the world." Kohl leaned over, he leaned deeply towards K'os, until Kohl's shoulder and side hit the floor and the side of his head came to rest in K'os' lap.

As Kohl lowered himself down, K'os lifted both of his hands in the air as if the hybrid's touch was corrosive. He struggled to maintain the iron grip on his emotions but fear of rejection seemed to creep in and was messing with the myriad of memories and emotions in his mind. K'os was just too tired to maintain his control, and instead quietly released his control. Immediately tears welled up in his eyes all over again. He opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it quickly instead. Determined to show Kohl he could do whatever it took to help him, he remained silent. Listening. K'os felt stupid for not thinking of that first. With some reluctance he lowered his hands and placed one on Kohl's shoulder and squeezed to show his friend that he was listening.

"I'm sorry." He said weakly. His forehead scrunched at the sound of his voice. It was shaky with emotion and that frustrated K'os. For some reason, more so than any other person in K'os' life, Andreus' opinion of him mattered greatly. "I...can do that. I can listen."

Kohl didn't say anything in response. With his head pillowed by K'os' legs, Kohl lay on his side there on the carpet. He just lay there, and the longer he lay, the deeper his breathing became. His heart-rate was noticeably rising, and the slow breathing through his nose became audible. Kohl opened his mouth to speak, but only a raggedy breath came out. The sound was followed by a tittering laugh from the back of Kohl's throat. "You're going to think my messages mixed," Kohl said, "but I don't feel much like talking. I think I feel like sleeping."

K'os had anticipated that reaction. In the back of his mind he knew that Kohl was tired and most likely emotionally drained, but it was entirely natural for K'os to blame himself for the way things had turned out. He was just as exhausted and that usually meant he was at his most emotionally manic. His over-enthusiasm could make someone tired on the best of days. K'os didn't reply or make a sound. He sat still, without moving anything other than the hand on Kohl's shoulder which he slowly rubbed soothingly back and forth. His eyes were fixed on the hypospray on the other side of the room, resting on the desk. If Kohl could see his expression, it would be set in a frown of determination. If he couldn't use his ability to help Kohl, then perhaps there was a simpler solution.


[OFF]

Ensign K'os Beaumont
Assistant Chief Engineer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant Commander Andreus Kohl
Commanding Officer
USS Nautilus

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