Hell is other doctors

Posted on 23 Sep 2014 @ 3:23am by Lieutenant Tuula Voutilainen M.D. & Lieutenant JG Delainey Carlisle

2,493 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Episode 06 - Legend of Souls
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 3, Counselor's office
Timeline: MD7, 0900 hours

[ON]

"Doctor, I'm here for my psych eval." If there was one thing Tuula hated more than physicals, it was psychological evaluations. Sitting in a room with a shrink trying to figure out if she was crazy or not? No, thanks.

Delainey looked over from the reception desk where she stood reviewing her schedule thus far on a PADD the department yeoman had offered her. She'd just placed her thumb on said PADD to acknowledge additions and now it seemed she was meeting one of those additions in the flesh, and in the chair her file mentioned.

Carlisle smiled and offered, "Hello, I'm Delainey. You're right on time. Please, come with me."

"Okay," replied Tuula in a guarded tone as she followed the counselor into her office. She looked around the small office for a place to sit; having brought her own chair she had no need for the couch and instead parked herself in an empty space across from Delainey's seat.

"So, I don't think anything has changed since my last psych eval," offered Tuula, hoping for an easy out. "Really, this is just a formality, right?"

"I like to use these meetings as a way for you and I to get to know each other primarily," Delainey offered. "That way, you at least know one counselor here in case there is a specific concern to be addressed. "That said, I'd be remiss if I didn't inquire as to how you're finding life aboard ship thus far?"

"It's great," replied Tuula. "My twin sister is aboard, and it's so great to see her again. They made us roommates, so it's just like back home. The medical staff are great, too. One of the nurses invited me out for drinks at the bar already." Tuula paused for a moment, wondering if perhaps she was giving away too much. But Delainey's warm smile encouraged her to continue. "The only problem is that one of my exes managed somehow to get into Starfleet and is now serving on this ship."

Noting the pause in Tuula's upbeat response, Delainey paused herself, confused by the doctors word choice. "I'm not sure what you mean by he somehow managed to join Starfleet?"

"He's a horrible pig," replied Tuula, indignantly. "And any fleet with the slightest amount of moral standards would..." she paused, taking a deep breath, realizing the jumbled mess she was getting into. Some things are just best left unsaid, especially during a psych eval. "You know what, he's not even worth talking about. Any other questions, doc?"

"Actually, anyone that evokes that kind of emotional intensity from you and is around you should be talked about," Carlisle replied gently. "Your safety and well-being are worth talking about."

"What is there to talk about?" asked Tuula, rhetorically. Of course, she knew there was a fair bit to talk about; it was simply a calculated move to escape the trap that Carlisle laid out for her - the trap that she had walked right into. But maybe she wanted to get caught.

Tuula liked to think that she could take care of her own safety and well-being, but, well, if her time with Zuwtt was any indication, that wasn't the case. That said, that was one mistake she knew she would never make again.

"He's just some jerk I used to date, like six years ago, when I was doing my pre-med. I don't care for him, and I'd rather not see him again." Of course, it was a small galaxy and the Galileo was an even smaller ship. "But he's down in engineering while I'm up in sickbay, so it's not like I see him that often anyways."

"Still," Delainey offered, carrying the thought forward, "You're not going to be able to avoid him entirely like you want, so perhaps we could talk some about whatever unfinished business there is to determine how you might best move forward?"

"I'd rather not, to be honest," replied Tuula. She had been to her fair share of psych evals and she knew precisely what the shrinks could and couldn't do. "...and you're not going to hold me out of service because I don't want to talk about an ex-boyfriend, are you?" Part of her wanted to blurt everything out, to tell all and get it off her chest. But she couldn't. Not because she was ashamed of the decisions she made, but because everyone would have expected her to be ashamed. "Look, doctor," she said, staring into Delainey's warm eyes, her own hiding behind layers of make-up, "I don't want to talk about him, okay? Can we please either change the subject or end this appointment? We both know that these psych evals are just a formality anyways."

"Actually, I don't know that to be true at all," Delainey replied evenly. She wasn't upset or angered, but now genuinely curious by the formality comment, especially coming from a doctor, who was expected to engage in similar exams. It was obvious Tuula's mention of her ex bothered her and she was trying to steer the conversation elsewhere, but her last comment raised questions about her professional attitude, and Delainey was obligated to explore that as well.

"Delainey, I don't mean to offend you," Tuula said, realizing by the counselor's reaction that she may have gone too far. Her eyes wandered to the door; part of her wanted to just take her chair and roll out, but she couldn't do that. "I just have an ex that I don't really want to talk about. I'm sure there are lots of people who feel the same way about their past relationships. But that doesn't make me crazy, does it?"

"It doesn't make you crazy," Delainey replied, "and I didn't find your response offensive or even incomprehensible. That said, with your ex being on this ship, you're probably going to be running into him more than you realize. While you can choose to avoid him socially, you're not going to have that option professionally, and I can't help you if I don't have all the information to keep you safe and well." Carlisle couldn't rule out the possibility that Tuula's physical and emotional safety was at risk.

"Don't worry, I don't think he'll try anything funny. I know him, he's a coward. And he thinks I'm with some ex-jarhead he..." Tuula gulped; she knew that Delainey would have a field day with this one had she known the full story, "...he saw me with in the mess hall."

"I don't follow," Carlisle replied. "He thinks you're dating someone else because you both were in the mess hall?"

"Well, we were kind of..." Tuula's face turned bright red, almost matching her highlights and eyeshadow. "...making out. But just a little, just to make it look like we were a couple."

"I see," Delainey said. "How did that come about?"

"I initiated it," snapped Tuula in a firm voice. "I mean, I was sitting together in the mess hall with this ex-Marine security guy, and, well... Zuwtt came in, so we pretended to be a couple so he would get the picture and go away." She giggled slightly at the mental image of a dejected Zuwtt adding salt to his coffee for fear of her new jarhead 'boyfriend.' "You should have seen it; I couldn't stop myself from laughing when Luke scared him off. I guess Marines are good for something," she joked, trying to lighten the mood in the room. She glanced up at the clock; time had slowed to a crawl for her.

"So the mere presence of this man is enough to make you kiss unwitting virtual strangers, but you believe he poses no threat to your ability to do your job on the occasion you run into him?"

"I can handle myself, doctor," replied Tuula through gritted teeth. She was beginning to think that Sartre was right, if a little lacking in precision. Hell was other doctors.

"It's not your ability to handle yourself I'm focused on," Delainey offered evenly. "It's your ability to handle other people I'm wondering about, namely, your ex and anyone nearby you'd look to for the sole purpose of avoiding him."

"I think I've made it very clear to him that I don't want anything to do with him and that I don't want him bothering me," countered Tuula. "If he doesn't respect that, then that would be a matter for security, not counselling."

"I agree, but let's keep the focus on you for now. You said when you saw him, you wanted him to think you were seeing this other man when you weren't. Why was that so important to you if, as you said, you had already asked him not to bother you, and you were prepared to report him if he didn't listen?" Delainey suspected there was a part of Tuula that wanted to make the man jealous, which didn't suggest Tuula had moved on from him at all.

Tuula let out an exasperated sigh. She found this line of questioning to be rapidly getting tiresome. "The thing with Zuwtt is that he doesn't know when to quit. I just thought if he was under the impression that I was seeing some burly jarhead, it would be easier to get him to stay away from me. That's all I want, for him to just stay away." Preferably away as in out the nearest airlock, she added mentally.

"So you didn't think your warning was enough, so much so that you kissed a virtual stranger to give Zuwtt the wrong impression. Your behavior suggests you either enjoy manipulating him, or you're more afraid of him than you want me to know."

"No," she insisted, raising her voice in anger at the suggestion that she shared even a shred of guilt over the situation. "I'm not the manipulative one; he is. He was horrible, manipulative, and abusive, and getting out of that relationship was the best decision I ever made."

Now they were getting somewhere, Delainey thought. "In that moment when you saw Zuwtt, what were you feeling?" It sounded like fear to Delainey, which was a perfectly understandable reaction if the man had been abusive.

"I just wanted him to go away," she said, her voice having gone quiet. She hung her head and took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know. I don't know what I was feeling. It was like I wasn't myself, like something took over. I was angry. Angry and... afraid."

Delainey leaned slightly forward, wanting to respect Tuula's space, but also wanting to offer support in the small gesture. "I don't know all that happened between you, and I would never force you to tell me anything, but if you want to, I'll listen. Anger and fear are powerful emotions, and it might help to have someone to share it with."

"What happened six years ago is best left in the past," replied Tuula, her tone firm. "Thank you, doctor, but I just need to move forward." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. "I'm not going to be afraid of him anymore."

"Are you saying you voluntarily chose to be afraid of him in the first place?" Delainey asked gently. She understood wanting not to be afraid and wanting to move on, but wanting something and having the power to do something about it were two different things.

"No, I'm not saying... I mean..." Tuula stumbled over her words, then took a deep breath. She held her head in her hands for a few seconds and then looked back up at Delainey. "Delainey, I'm not normally afraid of anything. But this man scares me. I know better than to get involved with him, and I cut him out of my life for a reason. But a little part of me is still afraid that now that we're working and living on the same ship, somehow he'll come back into my life, and... well... I don't want to go through that again."

"I respect that," Delainey offered, "and I can see you're concerned. I don't know what he did when you were together, but I would never blame you for whatever feelings you have about him or your relationship. I'm on your side, Tuula. The best way I know to deal with fear is to talk about what you're afraid of. However, even if you don't want to do that, maybe we could spend some time talking about what we can do to help you feel safer with him here. I'm not sure kissing another man will have the effect you intended, but that doesn't mean you have to face him alone."

"I think it might have worked," she replied, in a joking tone, . You should have seen the look on his face when..." Tuula paused, seeing that Delainey was far from amused. "I'm... going to talk to my sister," she said. Even though Jaana didn't know the whole story, Tuula was confident that when the going gets rough, Jaana would always have her back. "Jaana can help me deal with him."

"How so?" Delainey was concerned about safety and she didn't see how involving her own family would help with that. Emotional support for Tuula was another matter.

"Jaana always has my back, no matter what," replied Tuula. "I'm just going to keep telling him to leave me alone. And if he doesn't get the message, I'll get Jaana to help me confront him."

"If he doesn't leave you alone, you could report him to security," Delainey replied. "That's what they're there for. You've done nothing wrong but if you and your sister take him on alone, that could lead to more trouble for you both."

"You're right. I'm sure the chief of security would be sympathetic. I... er, met him. In the mess hall..." Tuula trailed off.

"The man you kissed was the Chief of Security?" Delainey asked, incredulous.

"Is that bad?" asked Tuula, her voice strained. Here we go again... she thought.

Delainey considered the thought and then chuckled. "Well, on the bright side, he already has a lot of the background information, so the ice has been broken. That's a good start, right?" Carlisle was mindful of the fact if Tuula felt beaten down so to speak by a counselor, she would never seek one out again if there were a safety or trauma issue. "I'm not blaming you here, Tuula. It sounds like you were feeling scared and just trying to deal with it the best way you knew how."

"Yeah," replied Tuula, the hint of a grin appearing at one corner of her mouth for the first time during this appointment. "And he's not a bad kisser either."

[OFF]

Lieutenant Delainey Carlisle, Ph.D.
Counselor
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (J.G.) Tuula Voutilainen, M.D.
Medical Officer
USS Galileo

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