First Impressions Last

Posted on 28 Feb 2014 @ 9:19pm by Petty Officer 1st Class Viru Evek & Petty Officer 3rd Class Ellsworth Hudson

6,726 words; about a 34 minute read

Mission: Episode 05 - Solstice
Location: Holodeck Complex, Starfleet HQ, Earth
Timeline: MD 23 - 2000 hrs

ON:

The Cardassian crewman waited patiently outside the holodeck door for the arrival of the handsome young quartermaster who was supposed to be meeting him there. He tried to pick clothing that was rugged and practical, but most importantly flattering and form-fitting. His hair was tousled and unstyled. Though he was small, he took great pride in his body and his overall appearance. Especially when meeting mysterious, handsome men at the holodeck.

He leaned against the wall just outside of the holodeck, looking very bored. He was beginning to wonder if Quartermaster Hudson was planning to stand him up.

Ellsworth finally rounded the corner looking harried; he really hated to be late, but he also really hated going out without looking perfect. And it had taken awhile. He'd finally settled on a taupe shirt that fit snug against his body - though he didn't have a great deal of muscle, it was still a well-defined form. The shirt had a strange collar extending from the collarbone that wrapped up and around his neck, and it seemed to be very much inspired by some Cardassian designer. His pants were a simple, olive-colored affair, and he'd gone with very functional boots for stomping around the holodeck. His hair had taken the most time; sometimes it just didn't want to cooperate.

"Hi!" Ellsworth said, flashing a bright, charming smile. He reached out and put a hand gently on Viru's forearm, creasing his brow in concern. "I'm so sorry I'm late. You didn't have to wait long, did you?"

"Not long at all." Viru said with a smile, "I just got here myself. I must compliment you on your shirt, it is quite flattering."

"Thank you! It's from a Cardassisn designer, I think," Ellsworth said, blushing. He knew it was definitely from a Cardassian designer, but it seemed better to be modest than boastful. He gave Viru an appraising look that was probably a little too long. "You look...a lot different out of uniform." He gave an easy smile. "-I mean, you look great. So, we ready? I'm so excited! I love the holodeck."

"Alright." Viru paused as he stepped into the holodeck. The lighting was dim violet over a vast rocky landscape filled with boulders and the occasional shallow stream.

"Computer, create two Viru-Theta survival packs."

The bulky orange rucksacks materialized on the ground near them. Viru kneeled down to his and unzipped it.

"There are various tools and ropes in there, as well as water, which you know, holographic water..."

He pulled out a sheathed machete and a collapsible pick.

"You need the two weapons immediately. We also have a paper map. We need to track down a shuttle that crashed four kilometers from where we stand now and search for survivors."

Ellsworth seemed slightly overwhelmed; he'd been too embarrassed to admit earlier how dismally he'd performed during the survival portions of enlisted training. Which wasn't to say he'd run around flailing and screaming like a little girl, but it had been something distressingly close.

He unzipped his own survival pack and removed the machete and collapsible pick; the machete was tucked through his belt and he just held the pick while he shouldered the bag. He did a few exaggerated stretches to limber up his muscles and then smiled.

"I hope there are survivors, pretty depressing if there aren't any," Ellsworth said. He remembered the paper map, so he made a show of unshouldering the bag to retrieve it. Once it was back in place, he opened the map and looked it over, conferring with their surroundings. At least it was a topo map, which would make things a lot easier. He confidently gestured to the west-southwest and turned to smile at Viru. "That way, I think, yes?"

"Ah, yes. Very good!" Viru said, heaving his pack over his shoulders and heading in the pointed direction.

"You just have to be on the lookout for-"

From the other side of a rockface a ghoulish creature, humanoid in shape with faint trill markings, skin sloughing off to reveal slimey amphibian membranes spanning over muscle and sinew. Jaw gaping open in a dead eyed lull. Viru took a defensive posture and swiped at the thing with his machete.

"We have to cut off it's head!" he announced to Ellsworth while encircling the creature.

Ellsworth seemed caught off-guard. When Viru said they'd need the weapons, he didn't think they'd need them immediately. He unsheathed his machete and eased away from the creature, trying to recall basic close-combat maneuvers. "I'm horrible with this thing, but I can probably distract it. You circle around and behead it!"

The young Betazoid flipped the pick out into its full form, aimed and launched it directly at the ghoul. He'd been aiming for its abdomen, but it ended up clipping the thing in the arm. Though he'd missed, it was enough to piss it off and cause Ellsworth to grin triumphantly.

The creature let out a blood curdling wail like some bizarre possessed demon infant crying into the night. Viru managed to get behind it, close enough to pounce. And when he did, he used his pick to hook the thing in is shoulder, cutting off the head in one fell swoop with his right arm.

He was feeling pretty proud of himself, standing over the dead mutant. Grinning ear to ear at Ellsworth.

"Isn't this great? Haven't you just always wanted to vanquish armies of the undead?"

Ellsworth laughed, startled into it by the viciousness of the kill. He had absolutely no idea what to say; his holodeck adventures were generally mysteries or romances or...less visceral things. He walked over to retrieve his pick and turned up his nose at what passed for the things blood running down it. "Did you say armies? How many will there be? Do I turn into one of them if I don't kill it? Good thing you're handy with that..."

"There can be hundreds of them. But during those events, the computer puts you together with a lot of comrade holograms to help fight off the assault- watch out!" Viru said, pointing behind Ells.

Ellsworth spun instinctively with the machete; to his credit, he did hit the creature. The weapon lodged firmly into what must have passed for its collarbone, and it wouldn't budge. Panicking, he let go of it and began wildly swinging the pick, bashing the thing in the head repeatedly until it just collapsed. The poor young Betazoid looked absolutely squeamish as he began pulling on the machete, which still wouldn't budge.

"These things have tritanium for bones?"

"Something like that." Viru said with a grin, visibly amused by Ellsworth's discomfort.

"Come this way," he said, nodding to the left. "There is a cave we should be able to take cover in for a little while."

Ellsworth finally had to put his boot heel against the thing's head for leverage. The force needed to dislodge the machete also dislodged the creature's skull from its body, and the young Betazoid thought for a minute he might lose it. It's just a simulation... A really disgusting simulation. But still a simulation. Simulated slimy skin, simulated oozing eye sockets... It's gonna be fine.

"I suppose we'll need to clear the cave of enormous bats or something?" he inquired, recovering some of his good humor as he caught up to Viru. He spent a good minute, slinging the machete and pick around trying to rid them of the bodily fluids of the creature.

"Just wolves. Maybe." the Cardassian explained as they traversed the rocky landscape, "Sometimes there are wolves. Other times there are not. On the bright side, wolves do not generally fly."

He crept near the mouth of the cave and ahead of the Betazoid.

"It's too bad they're holograms. You probably would be a great asset if this scenario were real. What I wouldn't give sometimes, the ability to read minds."

"It's fairly useless on the holodeck," Ellsworth laughed, admiring the curvature of Viru's backside as he crouched down to approach the entrance of the cave. "And pretty useless otherwise, too. Sometimes I even forget I can do it... I didn't receive the training a Betazoid normally gets when they're younger, so I'm not very adept at it. Especially not the reading minds thing. Basic empathy is easy; thankfully, also easy to ignore. For me, at least. Sometimes I don't want to know the guy three tables over is nauseous and disgusted by his food." He fell silent for a moment of reflection. "The only thing I'm really very good at is processing telepathy without getting overwhelmed by it."

"It looks like there are no wolves this time."

Viru casually strolled into the cave, pulling out the paper map.

"There is something to be said for that. Cardassians are decidedly non-telepathic. I always feel like Betazoids have me at a disadvantage."

Ellsworth lifted an eyebrow at the remark, wondering if there was something to hide. He shifted his concentration a little more toward his empathic and telepathic abilities, not so much purposely reading Viru's mind as seeking him out to...get a feel for him.

Only to sense that Viru found the entire situation to be very humorous. Externally he was as stern and serious appearing as a labor camp guard. Internally he was laughing hysterically at his new friend and his anxiety over the holodeck program. There was also a distant and difficult to reach sense of lustful yearning for... someone.

"It's not culturally or ethically acceptable to outright read your mind," Ellsworth said, stopping short of mentioning anything else because it seemed like Betazoids considered the rest to be fair game. In fact, most of them considered it was all fair game. How could you blame someone for the circumstances of their biology? But so much of his formative years was informed by Terran culture that he'd found himself inadvertently taking on some of their cultural mores. "Which is probably a good thing, because one never knows what will be seen or heard or felt. Many people have...twisted minds."

He smirked, feeling amused by Viru's own bemusement. He was certainly out of his element, hacking things to death and slinking around caves, and it did seem amusing looking from the outside in. He consulted his own version of the map in dim light, then looked up at his Cardassian companion.

"Do those things only move around at a certain time? Will we avoid them if we wait long enough or," he looked over his shoulder, deeper into the darkness, "is that a shortcut?"

"You know, I'm not sure. I've never tried going through."

The Cardassian looked down at the map and then down the dark cavern. It seemed ambigious as to whether the cave lead anywhere or not. He reached for a flashlight on the side of his pack.

"Do you want to try it?"

Ellsworth unfolded the map a little more and motioned the Cardassian over. He allowed his arm to brush against him more than a few times and enjoyed the warmth of having someone close to him. It turned out he didn't know what the hell electrofluidic pistons did or how power got from one EPS manifold to the next, but he did know about maps. They had covered maps like crazy in his advanced training, which had a lot of practical application for colony life.

"See this?" Ellsworth asked, motioning to a few contour lines on the piece of paper. "I think this waterway used to run through here, through the cavern, but shifted over there after a seismological event." He flipped the map over to the display of the land-type and motioned in a wide gesture. "The sub-strata here is very hard, so the water wasn't likely to penetrate very deep and make a lot of confusing sub-chambers." He looked up at Viru, quite close to him, and smiled brightly. He flipped the map back over and ran a finger in a semi-circle. "We would have had to go around here - rough terrain - but I think the cave will cut down on the time. Or maybe we'll die inside, I don't know."

"Brilliant!" Viru grinned and stuffed his map back into his pack before making a large and sweeping hand gesture. "I think you know a lot more about this than I do. So please, lead the way."

"If this is an excuse to study my backside, I'll know," Ellsworth said, tapping the side of his head and winking. He fished in the survival pack for a light and found one that strapped to his wrist. He fixed it in place, turned it on and looked a little disappointed at just how weak the beam seemed to be in the gloom of the cavern deeps.

As with virtually every cave system, it was damp, dark and cold. He occasionally shined the light down a side passage or a branch but ultimately decided that the larger corridor was almost always the best choice.

"Are you ready?" Ellsworth asked casually, trying to keep a tremble out of his voice. The further they went, the more uncertain he became. Now that they stood near the mouth of the other opening, he was nervous. About holograms. It seemed silly, but still...

"Of course!" Viru whispered loudly, "This will be fun. They'll probably pop out in groups of two or three. Just remember, the head has to either be severed or destroyed. Look out behind you."

He looked out of the cave to the distant horizon where he saw a red tower of smoke.

"There's the shuttle" he pointed up, "Lets go!"

Ellsworth took off at a sprint, though he soon slowed to accommodate the rocky and uneven terrain. His heart was racing, adrenaline pumping, as he lost himself in the simulation. A flash of movement out of the corner of his eye brought about a wild swing of the machete, followed up by a blow from the pick just in case he missed. He actually laughed when the machete ended up beheading the creature on his first go.

"I'm not so bad at this!" he exclaimed, laughing again as another creature loped toward him. Feeling a little cocky, he decided to use the pick to just bash its skull in. The pick, much more awkward and less graceful than the machete, just buried itself in the creatures head and didn't come free easily, leaving Ellsworth somewhat defenseless against the creature's companion closing in on his right. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..."

Viru sprinted and managed to close up behind the attacking creature, stopping it with his pick lodged in the top of it's skull. It fell to the ground, twitched, and disappeared.

Ellsworth looked relieved at first and then somehow, even amidst such a gruesome scene, managed to give Viru a flirtatious smile. "That was quite dashing, saving me and all... I owe you one."

He winked, retrieved his weapons and sprinted ahead, heading toward the crash site at a jog.

The Cardassian smiled smugly as he retrieved his weapon and followed Ellsworth. He was feeling very pleased with himself for rescuing the handsome young quartermaster. To the point that he became overly confident and complacent and less aware of his environment, leaving himself vulnerable to attack.

Ellsworth didn't even know what had happened. One moment he was running, the next he was sprawled on the ground with a heavy weight on top of him. He slowly realized one of the creatures had fallen on him, probably from the top of the rock outcropping they'd been passing. They'd seemed fairly mindless, but apparently they had enough sense to seize a tactical advantage. He managed to spare a moment to glance over to his companion, noted he wasn't faring any better with the ambush, then began trying to shove the ghoul off him.

The thing was heavy but he finally managed to shove it backwards by pulling his feet up and pushing on its abdomen. It reared up, preparing to launch another attack, but Ellsworth brought his boot heel up and kicked it in the chin. The creature's head snapped back with enough force to break its neck but it didn't kill it. Instead, the blow left its head lolling about in an incredibly grotesque fashion, swinging wildly depending upon the movement of its body.

He wasted little time watching it, intent instead on killing it. He dove for the machete that had been separated from him, gripped its handle firmly and swung it with enough force to decapitate his assailant. Thankfully the computer seemed to be generous with the combat mechanics as he was fairly certain he didn't stand a chance of successfully decapitating anything outside of a holodeck. Victory, however, was short-lived as he turned his attention to Viru's struggle.

The creature had taken the Cardassian completely by surprise and he was doing everything he could to stay out of it's reach. Ultimately, he failed and found himself pinned to the ground by his shoulders. He tried to pull his knees to his chest to kick the thing off before it bit him. The holodeck safeties were on, but a bite was considered "fatal" for the sake of the story and would have ended the game for him early.

"Ellsworth! Help!" he said as he barely managed to push off the unrelenting creature and rolled across the ground from under it. Just as soon as he did, it was on him again, snapping it's jaws and salivating everywhere.

The head of a pick came bursting out of the creature's forehead in a spray of cerebral matter and unknown fluids. Ellsworth's face appeared to the side of the creature as he leaned over, trying not to look disgusted at the mess all over Viru. "Sorry. Are you okay? I was afraid I might have stabbed you, too..."

He pulled the pick free and kicked the creature to the side in one motion then knelt down next to the Cardassian. He pulled his survival bag off his back and began digging through it to find a cloth to wipe all the goo off of him. He had a sort of lop-sided grin as he did so. "You really look like a mess."

Viru caught his breath as he pushed himself off the ground, an expression of fear and anguish still hid on his face below a coat of fresh blood splatter.

"Thank you." he said as he tried to wipe away the blood, but only managing to smear it, "For killing it, I mean. Not for pointing out I look like a mess. The shuttle is close. Be on the look out for survivors who may have ejected."

Ellsworth found some gauze in what passed for the survival pack's first aid kit and used it to gingerly wipe away the blood from Viru's face. He could have just as easily given it to the Cardassian and let him clean his own face, but there was nothing fun and flirtatious about that at all. While he went about removing the photonic blood, he held his gaze and smiled. "I think we're even now."

"Indeed" he smiled back, only to be distracted by a bright spattering of blood in the gray distance. Just in the treeline of a burnt forest. And when he looked closer he could see the white outline of some portion of the shuttle's hull and something moving.

The first survivor was dead. Gruesomely dead. His ejection pack had apparently failed, and he'd hit the ground at much the same speed as the crashing shuttle. One part of the body was mostly indistinguishable from the next as it was little more than a tangled mass of bone, muscle and flesh. Ellsworth had to repeat "it's only a simulation" like a mantra to keep himself from emptying the contents of his stomach.

The second body had fared slightly better; the shuttle passenger had managed to land safely, though far from the shuttle crash itself. Some errant wind had probably carried them off course. He thought they might have broken their leg on impact or something, but it was hard to tell exactly what had happened since they were missing three limbs. Apparently they'd been eaten or ripped off by the creatures; the body had become one of them, writhing in place with one twitching leg.

Ellsworth eyed it, lifting his pick to put it out of its misery but lowered it before making the blow. It was just a simulation. There was nothing there to which mercy could be granted. He turned and lifted an eyebrow at Viru; if this outing was meant to be any kind of amorous overture it was definitely among the more bizarre of this short life.

"Do we get extra points or something for killing them?"

"There isn't really a point system. You just win if you meet your objective. I like games to be as realistic as possible, it's more exciting that way."

"I like realism, too," Ellsworth said, trying to be agreeable.

Killing the creature didn't seem to have any added benefit, so he turned his attention back to the column of smoke rising up from the burning forest; evidently, the shuttle had made its crash landing there. He made sure he had a firm grip on his machete and pick, then looked a little nervously at Viru.

"Uh...you lead the way," he said, looking around them to make sure the coast was clear. He wasn't exactly afraid but the thought of wading in the blackened treeline at the fore didn't fill him with excitement. "I'll bring up the rear."

"As you wish." the Cardassian smirked as he turned his back to Ellsworth. He cautiously led the way, searching for any signs of life. In the distance, he heard someone yelling. He couldn't make out what they were saying, so he just kept following the sound.

"That sounds like a survivor, but he's going to get a lot of attention for making that much noise."

Before they knew it, they were almost tripping over the survivor. A Trill male in a blue physician's coat, his ginger colored hair matted in blood. A large piece of the bulkhead was laying across his abdomen and he had blood running from his mouth and nose. He appeared to have his limbs but his legs were visibly broken in many places. His left femur jutted from his thigh, leaving the rest of his leg turned inward at an unnatural angle. Somehow he was left undisturbed by the creatures. He was still conscious and staring at them as they approached.

"Please help me." the hologram pleaded to the rescuers, his voice hoarse and scratched from yelling.

"When you move this bulkhead, I'm going to die. I've lost too much blood from my legs. I'm only still alive because the rest of my blood is trapped by the metal."

Viru cringed visibly and wondered if he was supposed to try to save the man anyway. He looked up to Ellsworth and was about to ask him what he thought they should do when he saw a mob of the creatures approaching at some distance.

"Please." the doctor pleaded again, "Please just move it before they get here."

"We'd have to drag him two miles to the nearest safe house. He'll never make it. Help me move the bulkhead?"

Ellsworth looked down at the man, trapped behind the bulkhead. He imagined closed off arteries and veins, a wholly new circulatory system created from the pressure of the slice of tritanium alloy. He blinked, watching the man suffer. His face was twisted up in pain; he looked like a panicked, trapped animal. A peaceful man, a man of science, a man of compassionate care...yet, still, expendable in the grand scheme of the mission.

The young Betazoid felt a little bit like he was having an out-of-body experience. He could play scenarios in his head and almost see them in a third-person view: helping Viru move the bulkhead to let the man slowly exsanguinate, decapitating him with the machete for a quicker death or just leaving him to his fate. He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't know what to say. Something about the scene was pressing down on him like a heavy weight, generating dark thoughts - the wreckage, the carnage, the sense of hopelessness... It all seemed somehow familiar. Too familiar.

"Um, yeah, okay," he finally stammered, bracing himself to shove the bulkhead in a coordinated fashion.

Viru noticed a sudden and intense change in Ellsworth's mood. He squinted at the hologram and wondered if he had overestimated the Betazoid's ability to play through such a detailed and dramatic holoprogram. It was an old favorite of his and he often forgot that most people felt uncomfortable in the presence of detailed depictions of dead bodies. Due to some of his hobbies, Evek had become accustomed to seeing the dead. But Ellsworth was just a quartermaster. Quartermasters don't generally interest themselves in hobbies that revolved around death and dying.

"Are you ok?" the Cardassian asked, wanting to make sure that they should continue.

"I'm fine," Ellsworth said. His voice was strained from pushing against the bulkhead, and he was glad for it; otherwise, some emotional timbre might have been detected. The whole thing was taking on the feeling of a warzone, and that was making him uncomfortable. But he shoved hard at the memories, kicking them way back down where they belonged until he could shut the door on them.

The bulkhead came free and the eyes of the doctor bulged. Ellsworth didn't know if he was going into shock or that's how he was meant to look when he died. Honestly, he didn't care. People died in war. That's what happened. But then... He shook his head. This wasn't war. This was a simulated shuttle crash. People still die in those, too, I guess, he thought.

"C'mon, we'd better get to the shuttle before those things get here," he said to Viru, refusing to look at him as he grabbed his survival pack and put his hands back through the loops. Before the Cardassian could respond, he was jogging to the shuttle's crash site, ducking and dodging singed tree limbs.

Viru sighed hard and then took off after him, having some difficulty catching up. It seemed that Ellsworth was in a great hurry. All he could think about the entire sprint to the crash site was how awful he was at being romantic. Perhaps, he thought, Cardassians and Betazoids just aren't a good match. The more he thought, the more the two races seemed like polar opposites. But Ellsworth was just too cute earlier when they met in his office.

When they arrived at the site there was a portion of the cabin still intact, tilted to the side, various cases and portions of the flight control panel were piled in the back bottom corner. And for a moment he thought he heard a faint moaning sound coming from inside.

"Down here!" Viru yelled over his shoulder as he climbed through an entanglement of wreckage. He started pulling away cases and shrapnel and exposed a small hand attached to a purple sleeve. As he dug to reveal more he exposed a young girl with ginger hair like the doctor's. She had a trail of blood running down her face and one very dilated pupil, but she was alive.

"Where are you hurt?" the Cardassian asked, pulling out the first aid kit to retrieve bandages.

"Just my head. Where is everyone? Are they ok?"

"You're going to be all right," Ellsworth said, pointedly ignoring the little girl's question.

He thought his voice sounded hollow. He never realized how much he subconsciously relied on his empathic abilities when communicating; he knew those were the words he should say but he didn't feel the emotional connection with the holograms to make them sound sincere. Instead, she was just some photonic version of a person, which an ordinary person might identify with. Or was he just growing dark and cynical?

Ellsworth wiped some sweat from his brow and looked at Viru. He suddenly seemed very serious as he struggled to keep his mind focused on where they were and what they were doing rather than allowing any traumatic childhood memories to surface. "Can you see to her? I'll look for weapons and others..."

Viru nodded, already beginning to clean the wound on his head. He wondered if the communications array on the shuttle had been destroyed, and if not, perhaps they would just be able to call in a shuttle to rescue them.

Ellsworth returned with a body, dragging it by the arms without much apparent concern for the individual's well-being. It was just a hologram, after all. He dropped the body with a heavy thud and looked at Viru. "He's unconscious but still alive; head wound I think. I found a couple of phaser-like rifles, maybe we can use them to weld this compartment closed? Those things don't seem too smart, but no way we can fight them all off with dead weight." He turned his dark eyes on the two bodies then looked back to Viru. "You think the comm unit can be salvaged? We could hunker down and hope they don't batter through the bulkhead before help arrives."

"I think that is an excellent plan, Ellsworth." he said excitedly with a slight skip in his step. "Where are the rifles?"

"Just outside," Ellsworth said. "I'll be right back."

'Right back' turned into more than five minutes, but the young Betazoid finally returned. Simulated blood was on the sleeve of his shirt and he looked exhausted, but he was carrying two rifles. He handed one over to Viru and rested for a moment against the bulkhead, trying to catch his breath. "There's a big section of bulkhead right next to us... I moved it as far as I could, but I need your help getting it the rest of the way. One of those...things...was under it when I moved it, damn thing almost got me, too." He grinned a little bit for the first time in awhile. "Apparently phaser blasts to the head work okay."

"That's good to know!" Viru said sincerely as he looked over his new rifle.

Once Ellsworth was satisfied with the placement of the bulkhead, he clumsily adjusted the power settings on the weapon. Hopefully they were low enough to seal the bulkhead instead of blowing an enormous hole in it. He raised the rifle to his shoulder, aimed at the seam he wanted to create and then stopped, turning to look over his shoulder at Viru. "Hey, did you look at the comm system? It's not fried, is it? I hope not..."

"I took a look at it and it seems to be in working order. If only we could hail someone. It already is sending out a distress call. So... I guess we turn up the sound and wait?"

Ellsworth nodded and began the slow process of sealing the bulkhead to trap them inside the wreckage. Maybe the creatures would just pass them by, or at the very least lose interest once they discovered they couldn't get inside. He was satisfied enough with the patch job that he finally slumped down next to Viru and looked around at some of the other fractures in the bulkhead; most of them were too small to even fit your hand through, so he felt okay about them.

A long moment of silence passed before Ellsworth spoke. "My parents died in the war." He cut his eyes to look at Viru and placed his hand on the other man's thigh in a gesture of...he wasn't even sure what. "Sorry I'm being a little weird."

Viru took a deep breath and sighed heavily, resting his face in his hands.

"I always do it. I always find a nice person and then subconsciously figure out the best, most efficient, most Cardassian way to alienate them, and then I do." he explained to himself and to Ellsworth.

"When I first saw you, I thought you seemed sort of... fragile, like you would shatter under pressure. I guess I just thought I was playfully picking on you. Flirtatiously, even? But I can tell that I seriously misjudged the situation. I am so sorry I brought you here."

Ellsworth laughed, and there was actually joy behind it. "You thought I was fragile? Just a pretty boy with a pretty face, huh?" He grinned and his hand didn't move off Viru's thigh. If anything, his grip seemed to tighten a little bit. "If this is where you bring all the boys then you're a lot more undersexed than I first thought."

The young Betazoid fell silent and wobbled on the edge he always walked, the defining line between self-control and the promiscuity that he thought promised not only the comfort but also the control he'd never had over his own life. Between the sheets, he always found himself to have worth. He wasn't the Ellsworth who struggled with what others considered basic scientific concepts; the Ellsworth abandoned by long-dead parents; the Ellsworth rejected by family after family; or the Ellsworth who was never satisfied with Ellsworth.

In a few moments he fell over the edge...as he always did. His hand slid up and down Viru's thigh rhythmically, and his eyes had taken on a softer, more seductive quality. If he focused on the feeling of the skin and the muscles beneath the fabric of Viru's pants, he could stop focusing on everything else, everything unpleasant. Throw yourself into something - someone - and all your problems went away...

"So you like picking on me, hmm?" he asked, voice low. The two injured holograms in the shuttlecraft-turned-bunker seemed to have absolutely no idea how to handle the change in mood, so they just sat silent and looked unresponsive.

Viru grabbed Ellsworth's wrist, holding his arm still. Feeling completely startled and concerned by the sudden jump from the Betazoid being sullen and depressed over dead parents and the war to the Betazoid literally trying to get into his pants.

"Look, it's been a long day. This program is pretty stressful. We should probably just stop for now."

At first Ellsworth looked confused, then hurt. Finally, his cheeks flushed red. He was obviously trying to hold back tears but they came unbidden. Bad enough he'd embarrassed himself, but he'd been so focused on satisfying his own wants and dispelling his own sorrow that he hadn't even done the very basic Betazoid thing of sensing consent in the other person.

"I'm sorry, you're right."

"Look, Ells, I really like you, and I find you very attractive and interesting and funny. I just think we're moving too quickly. Lets get to know each-other a little better first."

Ellsworth was cycling through emotions so quickly even he was having trouble keeping up. What was wrong with him? One minute he was reliving the horrors of a war about which he had no memory; then he was dwelling on his parents, lamenting their loss and the hollowness he'd felt inside himself from a life of orphanages and failed foster families; all of it he expected to be soothed away by falling back on the only temporary relief from sadness he'd ever found...until K'os. And then he felt ashamed for throwing himself into the arms of another man, feelings brought on by the Terran cultural standards that had informed so much of his childhood and youth through media and entertainment. Nothing about grabbing another man's thigh was monogamous, and he was revolted not only by the act but also his behavior and the sense of betrayal it carried with it.

Not that the half-Vulcan probably cared at all; he was more understanding about Ellsworth's past and biological needs than he was himself. They both knew Ellsworth had never - probably would never - have a bond with anyone the way he did with K'os and that was the more important thing to both of them. But he nonetheless felt ashamed, at the very least for the awkward position he'd placed himself in with Viru.

He wiped angrily at his eyes, upset at himself for everything but then for crying on top of it. "I have a boyfriend. His name is K'os. I just wanted the comfort of a sexual encounter." The words came all in one jumble, like he was trying to force them out in advance of a sob. "I'm sorry, I...misunderstood. Probably willingly misunderstood. Hopefully misunderstood." He turned and looked at Viru with wet eyes. "I'm not a whole person. Something is wrong with me." He opened his mouth to say more but then turned away and looked into his lap. "I'm sorry. Nothing about this is fair to you."

"Wow. Ok, I"m sorry." the Cardassian said, putting distance between himself and Ellsworth.

"I should have asked if you were already in a relationship I guess it just didn't occur to me...."

He studied the Betazoids face, trying to understand what was happening in the mind behind it.

"Why do you think you aren't a whole person?"

"Oh, I know," Ellsworth said, shaking his head. He stared at the holograms; they seemed to be breathing and alive, but for all the interaction they were providing they could have been dead. Sometimes he felt the same way, alive but dead. "Or... I don't know. I'm just confused. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself and other people. I shouldn't be trying to sleep with you - I just met you! I didn't even want to sleep with you. I mean, not yet." He held up his hand and wrinkled his brow. "Or, I don't even know if I would have..." He sputtered, growing exasperated with his inability to explain his own emotions. "It's like it's all I know how to do. Something bad happens, I think about something unpleasant, and I just run and have sex with someone. Like if I generate enough endorphins or something I can plug up the hole inside of me. You never feel bad when someone is holding you..."

Viru eyed the Betazoid carefully, slowly processing his words and trying to find an appropriate emotional response. He decided he should be supportive, but failed words to express it.

"I can't really relate to your situation and I don't know what I can say to make it better... I suppose can't say anything that would make a difference. But you seem like you are in a lot of pain and I am very sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Ellsworth said, fumbling to stand up. Suddenly the shuttlecraft seemed incredibly claustrophobic. "I should have been less misleading with you, and I never should have..." He shook his head and nearly tripped, backing toward the bulkhead he'd sealed earlier as if they weren't in a program that could be ended on a whim. "I-I need to go... I'm sorry."

Viru nodded silently. The day certainly could have gone better, at least they didn't work in the same department.

"Computer, end program." the Cardassian said after a long silence.

Ellsworth nearly fell backwards, having been just about to lean on the bulkhead. He stumbled and looked at Viru, wide-eyed. He wanted to say he was sorry, but you could only apologizing so many times for dragging someone so fully into your emotional complicated and messy life on the first day you met them. He could have said he'd see him again soon, but he highly doubted that would happen. If he was in Viru's shoes, he'd probably go out of his way to avoid himself.

"Um," he said, opening and closing his mouth twice. Finally, he just turned toward the door and nearly tripped on his own feet in his haste to leave.

[OFF]



PO3 Ellsworth Hudson
Quartermaster
USS Galileo

&

PO1 Viru Evek
Chemist
USS Galileo

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