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Posted on 18 Nov 2013 @ 3:39am by Chief Warrant Officer 3 Lamar Darius & Lieutenant Lilou Zaren

1,381 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Episode 04 - Exodus
Location: USS Galileo - Peers' Quarters
Timeline: MD 03 - 2140 hrs

[ON]

The crank in his neck had done nothing to alleviate his headache in the past hour. Or, perhaps it was the other way around, and the sore neck was causing his headache? Lamar wasn't entirely sure, but the pounding in his head had been a steady nuisance throughout the day. He had managed to finish up his duties in the shuttlebay and catch a quick meal to distract himself, and now he stood in front of his girlfriend's door and tapped the chime on the keypad. He'd been so busy recently that he hadn't seen much of Lilou the past few days and he was beginning to miss her company. Patiently, he waited to see if she was home.

"Come in," she called, not looking up from the designs in front of her. These bloody shields were frustrating. What was she missing? What was it about the enlargement process that so changed the output of the system? If she could just get them to work, the ship would be protected. Safe. And if not- She glanced up and smiled distractedly. "Hi."

Wandering into her quarters when she called, Lamar stepped inside and quickly spotted her looking over what appeared to be engineering diagrams of some sort. "Hey," he replied with his own smile, moving close to her and leaning down to give her a kiss on the bridge of her nose. "How've you been? Feels like forever since I've been in here," he commented, glancing around her quarters and taking in the familiar sight. His large hand ran down the back of her neck to her shoulders where he began to rub in slow circles.

"Sorry, it's just been-" she shook her head. "I've got a lot... in my head right now." He wanted something from her that she was too frazzled to give and the guilt and shame that came with that inability was palpable. "Are you... okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Got a headache, that's all," he answered with a light shrug to dismiss the inconvenience. "I realized I hadn't seen my girlfriend in a while and was wondering why she's hiding from me?" he teased in his deep voice, then leaned down to give her another, deeper kiss on the lips.

She let him kiss her because she couldn't think. The diagrams were still in her head. The diagrams and other, less pleasant, images. "Not hiding, not exactly... I just-" she exhaled, shutting her eyes. It hadn't been fair to him, reaching out to him while she'd been under Liyar's spell. Because that's what it had been. Magic. Fearless glowworm magic that had turned everything golden and sent her back to who she'd been. Gone. "I'm not... whole. Anymore. I don't... the other night... something was different, but it's all... how it is. Again. And I haven't been sure how to... communicate that."

Lamar could barely make sense of the scrambled words coming out of her mouth which was a bit frustrating. Something about not being whole? How the other night had been different? He had no idea what she was trying to say, and sat down next to her to try and understand. "Lilou...what do you mean? Take it slow, just let me know what's on you mind," he encouraged her, not wanting to see her become flustered.

"Just the other night, on the holodeck... I wasn't me. I mean, I was, but I wasn't." She folded her hands in her lap. "Spirits, I shouldn't be doing this. You've got a headache and I've got work and- it's not the time."

"No time like the present," he replied with a shrug, not too concerned with her objections about work and headaches. They almost seemed like a means to avoid the topic at hand which he still didn't completely understand. "What do you mean 'you weren't you'?" he asked, his straightforwardness becoming apparent.

"I-" she couldn't meet his eyes. "I had a panic attack. I don't remember- Liyar pulled me out of it and then... there was a feeling. A feeling like being inside of a snowglobe, but all warm and peaceful. I haven't felt like that for... years," she admitted, hushed. "So I dragged you to the holodeck and- then it faded. And I went back to feeling... like I do. I just- I was afraid to- I didn't want you to expect that that was... something you'd see. Again. Ever."

He frowned, wondering what this Liyar person had done to his girlfriend. Lamar had sparred with the Vulcan briefly in the holodeck weeks ago and found him to be similar to most Vulcans he had met, but he did not know the man very well. "Did he do that mind-meld thing to you?" he asked. It could possibly explain the strange feelings Lilou was talking about.

"No," she shook her head. "No. I don't know what it was, honestly. One minute I couldn't breathe and I couldn't see an end to everything horrible in the world and the next... there was peace. It was a blessing. A calm in the storm. But it couldn't last."

"Hmm..." he mumbled to himself, stroking his goatee in thought. "Vulcans are strange and I don't know a lot about them except that they make good shock troops due to their physical strength," he added. "Maybe he did some type of meditation with you? Something me and you could try to do as well?"

It hadn't felt like meditation. It had felt like being thrown into a warm sea, surrounded by the embraces of a thousand forgiving arms. She nodded absently. "We could try," she told him, but she was pretty sure it was something out of either of their reach.

Meditation. What the hell had he just gotten himself into? Lamar didn't know a damn thing about meditation. He closed his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh, then leaned forward and pressed his forehead gently against Lilou's while still struggling to understand and make sense of it all. "What--Why--I mean...did it make you feel better? What was wrong before?" he whispered.

"The same thing," she sighed. "The same bloody thing as always. I-" She shut her eyes. "I can't talk about it again. Not right now. It doesn't help. They keep saying it will, that I just have to communicate and get in front of it, but every time I think about what- I just want to crawl into an access tunnel and not come back out. Sorry. This isn't fair to you. Let's just... I just wanted to clear the air. Not dive back in. Let me see your head, maybe I can make it feel a little better."

"Oh right...I remember," he nodded after recalling the private issue which Lilou had told him about. It had taken quite some time for her to finally open up about her troubles to him, and he regarded it as a rather sensitive topic. So did Lilou, apparently. Not wanting to press the matter any further, he simply accepted her offer to examine his headache, sat down next to her, then rolled on his side and laid his head in her lap.

Carefully, she pressed her fingers into his scalp, lost in her thoughts. She couldn't be what he needed. She couldn't even be what she needed to be. And he still couldn't see that. Or wouldn't. He couldn't see her.

He closed his eyes and focused on the feelings of her cool fingers massaging their way across the skin on his head. It helped take his mind off the never-ending frustration he always seemed to feel when he was around her -- it was as if there was some type of disconnect between them which, despite his efforts, he had been unable to fix. He loved her very much, but he also knew he couldn't keep the relationship going in its current state. And now, the happy and care-free Lilou he had enjoyed a week ago was gone, and along with her, he felt as if part of himself was gone as well.

[OFF]

--

WO Lamar Darius
Support Craft Pilot
USS Galileo
[PNPC - Lirha Saalm]

LTJG Lilou Peers
Assistant Chief Engineer
USS Galileo

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