It's Never Over

Posted on 25 Apr 2012 @ 3:59pm by Lieutenant Lilou Zaren & Lieutenant JG Kestra Orexil

1,714 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: Deck 5 - Peers' Quarters
Timeline: MD03 - 0000 hrs

[ON]

It had been a long day, compounded by the long day before it. Lilou was settling in; at least she thought she was, in fits and starts. She'd been promoted in her first two days on board, a fact which spoke either to Quinn's confidence in her or his need to have someone fill that position in the department and why not her? Either way, she was overjoyed, humbled, and determined to prove she deserved the position. That was the good part. That and seeing Kestra again after so many years. Although, that, too, had its oddities. They'd been so close as children, but for such a short time - yet Kestra seemed able to pick up that closeness immediately with no warm up. Lilou was still floundering, trying to reconcile who she'd been at age eight with everything that had come after. And there was Remington, who Quinn had encouraged her to 'ask out'. Where, for crying out loud, was she supposed to ask him out to? She had a fleeting vision of forcing the poor man into an environmental suit and making him stand, tethered, to the outside of the ship with her. And anyway, it was ridiculous to think he was interested in her, wasn't it? He'd been on neurotoxins when he'd kissed her and - although it had been a nice kiss, brief and to the point - she couldn't in good conscience read anything into it. And it was a waste of time to worry about it when there were so many other things to fix, on the ship and in herself. Wasn't it? Regardless of all of that, she still had to change in order to meet with the Chief of the Boat...

"Hello."

Lilou almost jumped out of her skin as she opened the door to her quarters to find Kestra sitting cross-legged on her floor. "What- how-"

Kestra tilted her head to the side. "You've been avoiding me."

"No- No, I haven't-" Lilou stammered. "I only-" Excuses roared through her head as she stood there, shifting from foot to foot in her wrinkled and smudged uniform. She'd been busy, even after they'd taken off for the second time. There had been a lot to get done in a short amount of time and then all the checks and rechecks to make sure that the installations were running smoothly once they were in the air. And compiling duty rosters was not as easy as it looked. And every spare minute she'd had today she'd eaten, slept stuck her head into sickbay to look in on Rothgra's recovery, or carefully treaded through a conversation with the Chief of the Boat. And - well. If she had ducked around corners or into access shafts when she'd seen Kestra heading her way... she had good reasons. Probably. She chewed her lip.

Kestra peered at the pint-sized half-Trill with amused pity.

"It's no fair if you read my thoughts," Lilou scowled.

"I wouldn't if you wouldn't shout them so loud."

"How did you- You used your security clearance to break into my room?"

"Not at all," Kestra spoke calmly and quietly. "I used a data chip and a micro drill. That's a trick I learned from... oh, yes. You." She lifted her brows. "Congratulations on your promotion."

"What- Oh. Yeah." Lilou stepped the rest of the way inside and the door purred shut behind her.

"Assistant Chief. This is quite a change from your last ship, hm?"

"Exactly, which is why-" Lilou narrowed her eyes on the Betazoid.

"Intuition, personnel file," Kestra promised. "And body language."

"Right." Lilou went directly to her trunk and sorted through a pile of spare parts, transparencies, and design tools for a pair of sweats and a plain t-shirt. "Which is part of why I've been working double time, trying to prove he was right to choose me. Slak outranks me, you know, and he's worked on smaller ships before. If I don't keep up, I can get demoted as easily as I was promoted."

"Mm," Kestra hummed, non-committal.

"So I wasn't-" Lilou noticed Kestra's expectant expression and rolled her eyes. "All right. I might have been avoiding you. Maybe. But I had good reasons."

"Excuses."

"Maybe." Lilou shut her eyes. "Lots of stuff happening lately."

Kestra leaned back against the wall, elbows propped on her knees, ready to listen.

Lilou shook her head. "No. You first," she said, stepping into the single-person sized latrine and beginning the awkward process of changing clothes in a space with no room to move her elbows. "What are you doing here?"

"On the Galileo? I was transferred. My CO decided I should have more responsibilities and he wasn't going to give me any more of his. Now you-" Kestra paused and was surprised to find the engineer's usually turbulent and radically revolving mind stone cold silent. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

Kestra eyed her thoughtfully. "I could find out."

"You won't."

The betazoid sighed, leaning back against the wall. "I won't."

"Thank you," Lilou stuck her head out of the door and then retreated back into the latrine, adding, "Apparently I'm in therapy."

Kestra emitted a delighted hum.

"Think that's funny, do you?"

"Not funny. I'm glad."

Lilou thrust her head out again with a dark expression.

"Because you need someone to talk to, Lili," Kestra explained. "You've got an electromagnetic storm inside your brain. You always have, in a way. That's the curse of thinking as much as you do, but there's more there now than before. And you never said a word about anything being amiss - not in all these years. So, yes. I'm glad to hear you're talking to someone. Even if it isn't going to be me."

"I can't-"

"You don't have to." Kestra sat up a little straighter against the wall. "You spoke with the counselor? McCarthy?"

"...yeah."

"How did it go?"

"Besides the fact that she thinks I'm cracked and need more shrinking?" Lilou muttered. "Fine, I guess." She sighed. "Okay. Maybe better than fine. She got me to talk about things I... don't. And doing that... I guess I feel a little better. She was really patient... More than I deserved, probably, but... there you go."

"And the things you don't like to talk about," Kestra said quietly. "They're something you feel she can help you resolve?"

"Yeah. Maybe. I don't know."

"Okay."

For a while, neither of them said anything. "If you asked me - officially asked me - I would have to tell you," Lilou said, subdued, from her hiding place. "I wouldn't have a choice."

"Lili." When Lilou stepped out, Kestra was kneeling beside her bunk, arms folded on the side of the bunk, her chin resting on them. "We've never served on the same ship," she said, "so let's get something straight, all right? I know you well enough to know you wouldn't endanger the ship, the crew, or the mission intentionally. Unless it affects the safety of this ship and its crew, I will never pull rank."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Lilou silently folded her coveralls and uniform and lay them side by side on top of her trunk.

Kestra rose silently, reached out, and gently pulled the Trill into her arms, feeling the way the tiny body shook. Her entire body was practically vibrating at such a high frequency it was only noticeable under contact. "What are you scared of, Lili?"

Lilou ground her back teeth together, swallowing in an attempt to staunch the stinging feeling behind her eyes.

"Nothing is going to happen to you, love. Not on my ship. Do you understand?"

Lilou expelled a breathless half-laughing sort of bark.

Kestra cupped the smaller woman's cheeks, forcing the Trill to meet her eyes. Do you understand? Kestra unfolded her feelings, allowing them to wrap around the other woman's mind like an embrace. Security, faith, friendship, protection, dependability...

Slowly, in the wake of that gaze and the ensuing emotional cloaking, Lilou stopped quaking. She shut her eyes and breathed in the feelings, tears gathering and clinging to her lashes. "I have to go."

"I don't think so."

"I have to. I said I would."

"Where?"

"Mess hall."

"Feeling peckish?"

"Said I would meet the Chief of the Boat there. He wants to know the ship better. I said I would."

Kestra studied Lilou. "Would you feel better if I kept you on the monitors?"

Lilou opened her eyes, a palpable expression of relief on her features.

The look and the scrambling of Lilou's mind were almost enough to bring Kestra to tears. Out of sight, she thought, she still might. Kestra knew what terror and hopelessness felt like; she'd worked relief long enough to recognize it at a distance. What she hadn't expected was that her childhood friend would be a ticking time bomb from it. It made her ache. Lilou thought, loud and clear, that she was somehow had reason to mistrust the Chief of the Boat. Why, Kestra had no idea. The man looked perfectly safe on paper. Actually, remembering his file, he seemed more than safe. An ex-marine on administrative duty. She'd been thrilled to see he was joining the crew. The more capable hands on board, the better their chances given a confrontation. If one arose, which she prayed it would not. Kestra gently squeezed Lilou's shoulders. "All right," she acquiesced. "I'll be up. Just say the word and I'll come. Better?"

Lilou nodded haltingly.

"Or I could tell him you're not coming..."

Lilou shook her head. "No. S'my job." She flashed a quick, small smile. "I'll be okay. Worst comes to worst, I can run really fast."

"Lili, if he's said or done anything to make you worry you're in danger, I need to know."

"He hasn't. Not..." Lilou made a disgruntled noise in the back of her throat. "It's not... It's just me. Paranoia. He was... nice. I guess. It's... not something I want to go into."

"You know I'm here if you need anything-"

Shaking her head again, briskly, Lilou hugged herself.

"I'll walk you there," Kestra said, keeping a supportive arm around the shorter woman's shoulders.

--

[OFF]

Lt JG Kestra Orexil
Chief Security/Tactical Officer
USS Galileo

MWO Lilou Peers
Assistant Chief Engineering Officer
USS Galileo

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