Memories and Nightmares [18+]

Posted on 28 Mar 2013 @ 12:05am by Rear Admiral Lirha Saalm & Anera
Edited on on 28 Mar 2013 @ 12:07am

3,355 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 2, Saalm's Quarters
Timeline: MD 05 - 2355 hrs

[ON]

A bright red light glared down into her eyes washing out her vision until she could see nothing but speckled dots. She lay bound in a prone position with cold metal clamps digging into the skin of her wrists and ankles, preventing her from escaping and drawing blood every time she tried to move. The sounds of terrible laughter echoed across the walls of the tiny room and were accompanied by a foul burning stench; the stench of her own flesh being boiled up and melted. Lirha's breath was uneven and labored, and the only thing she could do to keep herself from screaming was to bite her tongue until she felt the familiar copper taste of her own blood.

Above her, she could feel the presence of one of her captors. A Klingon. She couldn't see the woman, but knew who she was. K'Nara. Her nemesis. A nemesis who apparently hated Lirha and everything Orion about her. The insults had come one after another and consisted of derogatory racial slurs, and unfortunately for the captain, she spoke fluent Klingon. She had tried to ignore them at first, somewhat successfully, but after days and days of torment, she was beginning to break.

A cold, searing sensation suddenly ran it's way across the Orion's belly and she realized with horror that she was being cut open by a metallic blade. A cry of anguish exploded from her lips and her body wracked itself against the restraints in a futile attempt to escape. More sounds of laughter seeped into her ears, and she suddenly felt her head being yanked forward until her chin was forced against her collar bone. A hard crack of an armored first slammed into Lirha's face and her eyes snapped open.

"I want you to watch this...to see what I am doing to you." taunted the Klingon woman with a devious smirk.

Lirha looked down to her waist with trembling eyes, and saw the most horrific sight. Her lower abdomen had been splayed wide open from hip to hip and orange blood poured from her body. She could see the pink and red flesh of her muscles and organs inside of her, until K'Nara reached down with her hand and plunged it inside the opening. Lirha screamed again, this time feeling the sickening sensation of her bowels being tugged and ripped apart. Several long and torturous moments later, the Klingon's hand reemerged gripping a large clump of Lirha's entrails. She dangled them above the captain and began to pull, tugging violently as she disemboweled the Orion with a disgusting grin on her face. Scream after scream echoed across the walls, and Lirha's vision turned bright white until she couldn't hear or see anything anymore. There was just...pain.

With a huge gasp and a sudden cry, Lirha awoke in her quarters and bolted upright into a sitting position. She was crying profusely and her body was trembling, and she struggled to gasp for air. The all-so fresh memories of the torture came flooding back into her mind and she frantically looked down at her stomach, pulling her thin tank top up in order to make sure her mid-section was still in one piece. It was. It had just been a dream, a terrible one. But the same could not be said for her state of mind, which was definitely fractured.

Lirha rolled over onto her side and whimpered for many long minutes while she tried her best to cope with this most recent and most graphic nightmare. She didn't know what to do to calm herself, and so she frantically tapped her commbadge to contact the only person who she knew might be able to help. And even then, it was a long shot. "Anera..." she whispered in a distressed voice, "Are you there...?"

Anera winked awake in the flickering dim of her quarters to the voice. "Yes?" she looked around, then heard Lirha's voice from her commbadge. She lifted the little triangle to her lips, "Are you all right?"

"No...not really." replied Lirha's quiet and trembling voice over the comm. "Can you come to my quarters...? Please?"

Anera plucked a four-ply chateragna robe from the end of her bed and clipped it shut, clasping the commbadge in her hand, and heading for the door. She hadn't been to the captain's room before, but she walked as though she had. As soon as she was in the corridor, she could feel the lingering taste of Lirha's aura and follow it to where it was strongest. The doors opened to allow her entry and she stepped into the darkened interior, letting her eyes adjust as she looked around. "Lirha?" She found the Orion slumped on her bed, fairly reeking of fear and pain. Immediately, she placed her hands on the Orion's flesh, trying to absorb some of that pain, but it was largely psychological. "Talk to me."

The captain had managed to calm herself somewhat during the time that it took for Anera to arrive, but she was still visibly upset and slightly trembling. She didn't bother to uncurl herself from her protective ball because she simply couldn't bring herself to do it, but she slowly turned her head up to look at the other woman. She had wiped away the tears but her eyes were still wet and it was obvious she'd been crying. "I am sorry I woke you.." she whispered, then sniffled as the terrible memories of her dream still persisted. "I was trying to sleep...and I had a terrible dream..." she tried to explain, then paused for a very long moment. "I couldn't think of what to do or who to talk to, so...I called you."

"Okay, it's okay," Anera folded herself over the Orion, embracing her bodily. "You're safe now. Just breathe, okay."

Even though she was half-under the blankets and her tank top was soaked in sweat, Lirha could feel the warm sensation of Anera wrapping herself around her. It was comforting; very much so, to the point where she let out an audible sigh of relief. Many minutes passed during which the captain tried to relax herself, and finally she had stopped trembling and laid quietly staring at the sheets in front of her.

The Deltan gently stroked Lirha's back, arms, and head, keeping the pressure of her body against the other woman's constant and reassuring. Slowly, she felt the panic ebb, but it wasn't gone entirely. She kept her own breath deep and regular, physiologically guiding Lirha's own to a calmer pace.

"I think they are getting worse." Lirha mumbled ever so quietly. "These dreams...they are so vivid. I do not know how to make them stop."

Neither did Anera, but she was fairly certain that wasn't what Lirha needed to hear. "Do you want to talk about them?"

"I think I need to." the captain slowly admitted. She had struggled for several weeks with her dreams and during that time had visited multiple counselors. Each of them had told to not rush her recovery but that eventually she would need to confront her demons or else it would haunt her forever. Now, Lirha felt that she had reached that breaking point. Her dreams were becoming more and more horrific, and more prominent. The only person who she had even mentioned her experience to was her sister, and even that short conversation was brief and one-sided. Lirha felt comfortable around Anera, and she could think of no other person who she would be willing to open up to.

Slipping delicately out of Anera's embrace, Lirha climbed out of bed and rose to her feet. She peeled off her sweat-soaked shirt and went to her dresser where she opened a drawer and retrieved a fresh gray t-shirt. Slipping it over her head, she returned to the bed, took Anera's hand, and helped her to her feet. "Come. We can sit in my living room. I do not want to be back in my bed right now." she said, then led the Deltan out of the bedroom and into the large living area.

"Computer, lights. Level one." she said, then wandered into the kitchen towards the replicator as a soft glow of yellow ambient lighting highlighted the room in a dim hue. "Please have a seat." she said, gesturing towards her large couch. "May I get you something to drink or eat?" she offered.

Anera shook her head, "If anything, I should be getting something for you." But she understood the need to move, walk, have tasks to work through emotional states and thoughts. She wouldn't interfere.

Lirha returned from the replicator a few seconds later with a large mug of hot chocolate. The hot and frothy drink warmed her hands and emitted a steamy cloud over the top, and Lirha brought it to her lips and took a small yet comforting sip. Letting out another sigh, she moved towards the couch and took a seat, then waited for Anera to join her and make herself comfortable.

Silently, the Deltan glided over to the couch and nested herself within arms reach of Lirha, then waited attentively.

Lirha clasped her green hands around the mug and let it sooth her clammy hands. "Well...where do I begin?" she asked with a nervous laugh, her eyes focused on the carpet next to Anera's feet.

"Wherever you need," Anera encouraged her quietly. Her normal lethargic movements seemed slower still, like amber through time lapse photographs, as she rested her the back of her hand comfortingly against Lirha's leg.

"Well..." Lirha once again mumbled then took a deep breath to compose herself, "I suppose that I should start by informing you that everything I am going to say is classified by Starfleet. You are the only..." she paused as she thought of Nesh, "the second person I have told this to." she corrected herself.

"All right." Anera lifted her brows, rubbing her knuckles lightly against Lirha's leg. "Mum's the word."

Biting her bottom lip nervously, Lirha looked up into Anera's eyes and began to tell her story. "Six weeks ago while on Galileo's first mission out of dry dock, I was captured and held hostage by renegade Klingon forces inside the Beta quadrant." she began with a surprising amount of directness, which was more so to omit the most classified parts of the story. "I was in captivity for several days aboard a Klingon Bird of Prey, during which I was..." she paused and looked back down at the floor, "tortured. Psychologically at first, then physically."

Anera's hand stilled, but she remained open, watching Lirha's face, and completely attentive.

Lirha continued. "They...did things to me." she elaborated, much the same way she had done with Nesh. "After the pain sticks, I regained consciousness in a cell with another of my crew. For a while, we were together. But then they took her. To another cell. And brought in one of my junior crew who they also captured during the raid. The woman...the Klingon captain...she demanded information from me and threatened to kill him if I did not comply." she said, then felt her breathing to shudder as she continued to explain one of the worst scenes she had ever witnessed in her life. "I refused...and they cut his throat. Right in front of me. I can still remember the look in his eyes as he pleaded with me...for his life."

The captain was shaking again and unbeknownst to her, she had started crying once more. Silent tears streamed from each of her green eyes as she continued. "I can still remember the spray of his blood which covered my face when the woman ran the blade against his neck." she paused. "I suppose...it was a quick death. But...he was my crew. My family. And I let him die, without any honor or a chance to live."

"What would have happened if you'd told them what they wanted to know?"

The Orion's voice became shaky and as her emotions took over, her Yrevish accent became much more pronounced. "I try to tell myself that they would have killed him anyway...but I think that is a lie. One which I tell myself to avoid the truth." she answered in a whisper, then reached up to her face and wiped her eyes.

Hesitantly, she continued. "After that, they took me to a different room and strapped me to a table, where they tortured me. I do not know how long, but it seemed like many days. And the whole time, I had no idea if my ship...Galileo, or her crew were still alive. We had taken severe damage in a firefight and I did not think it was possible for them to survive. I felt alone, helpless. As if everyone I was responsible for was dead...and that I would be next." she squeezed her eyes shut. "The Klingon captain, she drilled holes in me. My shoulder, my leg. She hit me. Over and over and over, until I would lose consciousness. And then when I awoke, the cycle would repeat."

Anera rested her hands over Lirha's where they cupped the mug of chocolate. "That is what you dream about?" she asked quietly. She'd sensed a spiked tang in the Orion's aura when she began to speak about the repeating torture, much like what she'd first scented when she'd entered the room.

"Yes." came Lirha's timid reply. "In my dreams I am back in that same cell, strapped to the same table. Only...it is worse. The things that happen to me in my dreams are..." she paused to carefully choose the word, "abominable. And those dreams are getting more frequent. Almost every night."

"The dreams are different than what happened to you?" Anera asked quietly.

"Yes. Now they are much worse." she answered, finally looking back up into the Deltan's blue eyes. "And I do not know why."

The Deltan shook her head. "I don't know," she scooted closer. "I wish I could help you."

Lirha bit the bottom of her lip again. "Me too. But the truth is, I have no idea what would help me." she admitted with frustration. "I have seen a few different counselors since that experience and they have all advised me to share my experience with someone I trust. They explained that if I kept my feelings only to myself, that they would slowly defeat me." she said, her gaze turning towards Anera's hands which were embracing her own. "So...I suppose that is why I called you, because I trust you to help me with my troubles. You have been very kind and compassionate to me ever since we met...I cannot express my thanks enough. Just being around you seems to make me feel better." she added with a soft smile.

Anera watched her soulfully; she wasn't a counselor. And being an empath didn't make her any kind of expert in dreams. She couldn't even begin to guess at the cause of the change in the dreams or whether talking about them might calm them or exacerbate them. "I honor your trust, Lirha, but this... I don't know what I can do." She smoothed her hand over Lirha's head. "Perhaps you would benefit from the perspective and assistance of a single counselor, rather than different ones?"

"I am not sure what anyone can do." said the captain. "I thought my counseling sessions were productive, but they alone cannot fix my troubles. I think...I need to find that in myself." She stopped to take a long drink from her mug, then rested the cup down on the table next to them. "And while you may think that you cannot help me, having someone like you around me is more than I could have ever hoped for." she explained. Whether the Deltan knew it or not, her presence and friendship was already helping more than anything else Lirha had tried.

Anera gathered Lirha into her arms and held her. "Do you want to try to sleep again?"

Resting her head against Anera's shoulder, she let out a deep breath then gave her a kiss on one of her dimples. "I am not sure if sleep would be a great idea right now." she said with an uncomfortable laugh. "But I would not mind returning to my bed and laying down for a while. Will you stay with me for the rest of the night?" she asked, more of a plea than anything else.

"Yes," Anera answered simply, kissing the Orion's cheek. "I'll strip the sheets and the dreams along with them and all will be well."

Slowly rising from the couch, Lirha took the Deltan's hand and led her back to bedroom with much consent. She stopped near the corner of the bed then began to help Anera remove the sweat-laden sheets on her mattress.

Anera gently folded the sheets into her arms and placed them in the reclamator, requesting warm replacements and spreading them out over the bed. "All right. In you go." She unclasped her robe and draped it over the end of the bed, climbing bare between the fresh, warm sheets and offering a hand to Lirha. "I'll be right here."

Following suit, Lirha pulled her own t-shirt over her head and tossed it next to her dresser. She eyed Anera's nude form with a content sigh, then took the woman's offered hand and moved towards the bed where she crawled beneath the new sheets and fresh covers. Wrapping her arms around Anera's neck, she pulled her green body close to the woman until their skin pressed together with a warm and sensual sensation. "Mmm.." she whispered, then locked her gold lips onto the Deltan's mouth and began to kiss her deeply for many long minutes.

The touch of lips and tongue were welcome, though Anera could tell very well that the kiss was not merely for pleasure. Lirha still felt raw from her dream, her memories, and the revelations that had followed both. She was trying to replace those thoughts with sex, but the embrace of another was not something to be had in lieu of something else for the Deltan. It was not an escape or substitute; it was a form of prayer. She rubbed her fingers in soothing patterns over Lirha's flesh, gently coaxing her back. "I will be here," she whispered against Lirha's lips. "But not like that. Not tonight. You need rest and comfort. Italri has many healing elements to it, but it doesn't solve problems."

For the second time in several days, Lirha felt the familiar and unpleasant sting of rejection. It was different this time, however. Not a sign that her partner didn't want to be with her, but rather that she needed to relax herself and not succumb to her emotions. Squeezing her pillow in frustration, she buried her head into it and tried her best to not start crying again.

"Hiding from something doesn't address it," Anera murmured, continuing the soothing movements. "You're safe, love. Just let the feelings be what they are."

Safe, Lirha repeated in her head. Yes, she was...for now, at least. "Computer, lights off." she finally said in a soft voice as she eventually regained her composure, then watched as the room became dark with only the starlight from the window illuminating the room. She rolled over on to her back and pulled Anera with her until the Deltan was firmly pressed against her bare chest on top of her, then hooked her leg around one of the other woman's to keep her from going anywhere. The feeling of their smooth skin firmly mashed together was very comforting, and the captain leaned her head forward and once again kissed Anera. If she couldn't have sex, she at least wanted to be kissed again. For a long time.

[OFF]

--

CAPT Lirha Saalm
Commanding Officer
USS Galileo

Anera
Teacher
USS Galileo
(pNPC Lilou Peers)

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