Reflections

Posted on 31 Jan 2015 @ 3:04pm by Lieutenant Prudence Devin Ph.D.

528 words; about a 3 minute read

Starbase 84 has offered me a chance to meet some of my future crewmates. It has given me the chance to think, to regain focus...to see things in myself that I pushed aside. As per usual, I find it all rather inconvenient for my self-image. And yet, here I am. In my temporary accommodations drinking from a replicated glass that I will recycle afterwards. Because that is the way we do it here. Oh, don't worry. I love this job but sometimes the whole Starfleet business just gets to me. Maybe it is being a woman, maybe it is having passed 40. Who knows. At times, I question myself on it. As if a number has any real effect on who I am, what I am. I am still a woman. Perhaps not a girl, but...

I suppose that on occasion I feel that if I say something, it gets frowned upon because I am the counsellor. I am meant to be the 'soft' profession. The gentle one. Perhaps even the irrelevant annoyance that they are forced to attend. Funny. On those occasions I have found that I am the only one who...

Well, keep up appearances. I do not find any situation an excuse to be less than civilised. And I detest being treated like a secretary. It does on occasion happen. Perhaps I smile too much, perhaps it is the accent...I have had senior officers hand me PADDs and expected me to do something magical with them. I tend to tell them I can teach them the alphabet if they do not know where to save the file.

Perhaps it is why I know that some people value my work and others not. And it is fine, I do not need people to like me. I just need my patients...the people in my care to trust me. And that trust can take time. I have no time for lies because truth it, we do not have enough time to give everyone the complete care they deserve. I am grateful it is a small ship. Maybe with any luck I will be able to make a difference and avoid any massive...well, shall we say, indiscretions.

Not that I have not had my share of them. I am human after all and flawed. I suppose luckily no one knows them. I have always been good at covering my tracks. A kiss in the quarters, a one night stand on a diplomatic mission...these things can be covered up. Even so, I prefer not having someone around. If I desire sex, I can get it. But without emotions involved, I might as well use my own touch or the holodeck for fulfilling such things. No. I suppose I have enjoyed love and now I rather enjoy my freedom. It is worth too much to let go at this point.

And besides. I have new adventures now. And who knows what this new ship can offer me. Or do to me, it's quite likely it will end up blowing up. For a little science ship, it seems to get into quite a lot of trouble...

Computer, end log.

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