My corner of the universe

Posted on 31 Jan 2014 @ 9:15am by Commander Andreus Kohl

785 words; about a 4 minute read

Andreus Kohl's personal log, supplemental entry.

I got a funny call after rehab today. I didn't want to go back to the barracks after that. I took a walk. I drank a tea by the beach. I met someone there, and that was a nice distraction. I took a train home. And now- but now- I still don't know what to think about the call. I don't know what I feel about it. Well, except for relief. I feel relief to have a place on the ship again, and a position.

Lieutenant Norvi Stace made me an offer. She laid a challenge in my path. I certainly can't ignore a challenge. I can't stand idly by, and let just let it sit there. Unchallenged. I have to face it. That's the only thing I'm capable of doing. Even if I only entangle myself long enough to know I want to quit, I won't know that until I try. You know?

It was confusing enough when Commander Blake made the decision that I would be a Science Officer. I had put myself on that path, I suppose, but I hadn't committed. After my injury, when I regained my mobility in the Setisar Nebula, I was determined to regain medical clearance to work. At that time, any work would do. I was cleared to work in Medical Research. It was a desk job, but it was temporary. I was able to work in the Medical Labs, which was still Sickbay-adjacent. I thought I'd write some reports, and as I got stronger, I'd start to see some patients. Perhaps it wouldn't be a full roster of patients, but it would have been a start.

But now I'm a Science Officer. My service jacket says so. It's not such a stretch. Xenobiology and anthropology are what I'd call home. Anthropology was a guilty little pleasure of mine when I was studying diplomacy at the Academy my first time around. Some semesters, I performed stronger in my anthropology classes than the legal classes that were more crucial to my overall performance. I studied Xenobiology my second time around at the Academy. Although, admittedly, I'm a little rusty on the biological theory behind some of the medical practices I've been performing for years. I know things, but I don't necessarily remember why those things are the way they are.

And then there was the thing. The other thing. Life Sciences aren't the be-all and end-all of being an Officer in Starfleet. I could be a super-star if I were enlisted, but a Science Officer is expected to be a generalist. I would be... satisfactory as a Science generalist. Satisfactory as best.

But now. Now that Lieutenant Stace has promoted me to Assistant Chief of the Science department, I have a chance again. It's my job to assess the scientific pursuits of the scientists who report to me, and translate it into palatable summaries for the rest of the crew. I know how to do that; I know how to talk to Engineers and Command staff. More than that, departmental administration is part of my role again. I certainly mastered the art of report-writing in Sickbay. I've been compared to a pack animal before. I'm not well unless my team is well. There were times I put the well-being of my crew in Sickbay before the well-being of my patients. I'd do that again.

I suppose scientists are different, mind. Scientists have egos. At least, the ones who put their ideas ahead of the ideas themselves. But I can work with that. I can give a good ego stroke when we're in transit or exploring a nebula, but otherwise, the mission comes first.

Sometimes, a part of me does wonder if this will be good for me. Better for me. This past year about Galileo, I never really wanted to leave Sickbay. There was always another patient, or another member of the staff, who needed something. It's hard to ignore life or death, or at least physical pain, just because I want to go have a drink. And that was part of the problem. Part of the problem of me. Medicine has been my whole life. And yet, every chance of shore leave I get, I would run far, far away. I'm always desperate to escape it.

Certainly, my duty comes first for me. I can accept that, I can live with that. But duty can't be my always. Working in the Sciences, I feel a sense of relief. I can do my duty, but it doesn't require my always. There's room for more than that.

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