Dear Galileo...

Posted on 28 Apr 2013 @ 10:30pm by Lieutenant Aria Rice

545 words; about a 3 minute read

Okay. Right. So I am doing this log then. I...Jesus, it has been a bit of a shitty time lately, Galileo. Yeah, I decided to stop saying 'computer' and instead say Galileo. I am talking to you, Galileo, my strange ship. I am sure you noticed, Galileo, the dead entering your hull. And you must have sensed the way things have changed.

You see, Stone died down planet. Throat ripped out, and his dog dead too. And most people on my away team were upset. I mean, that is normal, right? When someone dies in front of you, you get upset. That is normal.

Which makes me not normal. I wasn't upset. I was scared, the adrenaline in my veins...but my training kicked in and I did what I had to do. But I was never upset. I knew he was a dead man the moment his throat got ripped out, but I was never upset over him. And maybe it does make me a horrible person. But here is the thing...

I never liked the man. I never liked how he treated us, and I didn't think he was a good officer. And I suspect that if he hadn't gotten himself killed, he would eventually gotten us killed. And I like being alive.

Even if right now, alive means being the Assistant Chief of Security. I mean, what the hell? Who thought that was a good idea? I can barely keep myself normal, let alone run things or assist in running things. It's not that I don't have faith in my own abilities, I just...

I am young. I'm in my early 20s. I am so young and I am so immature in so many ways. And yet I have to be professional. And that is even more difficult. I find it so difficult to always say the right thing, to be the one people can look up to. I feel like a fraud. But here is the other side of it...

It's a chance. It's a chance for me to make amends, to be a good officer. To grow up, to become someone better than who I am. For my father. For my friends. For those I love. And those I've lost. I can change, I know I can. I just don't want myself to change too much. Because I am scared of losing myself. I don't want to become jaded. I don't want to become useless. I want to keep myself. I want to remain Aria, even with this added responsibility. Because...

If I lose myself, who I am...then I lose everything I have ever had. I lose my father forever if I lose the parts of myself that he loved. And that is my true fear. Not death. I am scared of losing my own identity. And I need to find a balance between becoming the Security officer that you need, my Galileo, and the person I am.

Because when all is said and done, that's all we have. We only have who we are. And I sort of like who I am. Not to be narcissistic or anything, but...you know...occasionally I sort of rock. In the right heels anyway.

Thank you, Galileo...and sweet dreams.

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