Mouth Open - Should be Shut

Posted on 29 Jan 2013 @ 12:28am by Lieutenant Aria Rice

373 words; about a 2 minute read

"Computer...personal log..." Aria Rice frowned as she sat down heavily in the chair, breathing hard. She watched the screen, biting her lip. "Okay...we're going to have some words.

I am not useless! For God's sake, I am not useless and I am not stupid. But why does my brain not communicate with my mouth? I could have kicked myself for addressing my new Chief of Security the way I did during the meeting! And to make matters even better, I am still fuming. I mean, seriously...chain of command.

But he was being a complete a-hole.

I mean, in my defence. Because he doesn't know us. Not really. And I don't care what stick he has shoved up where the sun doesn't shine, he can't treat us like less than we are. He is just...he's.

Cold.

Cold but cruel with it. And maybe there's some psychobabble to explain it. Some horrid past, or just lack of empathy. But in truth, that's no excuse. Starfleet should be working harder on making people like that well.

Because he scares me when he looks at me. By the way he sees through me, doesn't acknowledge me. Or anyone. He talks to you, but he sees through you.

It reminds me of death.

And of course, I am still learning how to keep my mouth shut! Or temper in check, or just know when to bite my tongue! How hard is it to say 'yes sir, no sir, which side of the wormhole do you want me to jump to, sir?'

Why is it so hard for me to just be good? To be the Starfleet officer I should be?

Why can't I just move on and live through it?

Put it this way, that transfer suggestion is looking very nice and shiny and tempting now. Like a shoeshop. Step in. Go away. And find the perfect pair of boots...

I am going to be in so much trouble.

If I survive the next few days, Computer, give myself this note.

Learn to shut the mouth that was open. Because when you enter this game, you either live or you die. And right now, it feels like I am losing.

Computer, end log."

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