Bolero

Posted on 28 Jan 2013 @ 7:11am by Commander Scarlet Blake

1,230 words; about a 6 minute read

ON:

The pain in her chest was burning hot, pulling tighter and tighter.

The more she tried to breath, the deeper the wet cloth was sucked into her mouth, choking her all the more.

More water. And more and more. Pouring. Over face, mouth, nose. Her covered face. The heavy fabric dragging into her mouth with each failed attempt to breath through the assault of water.

And then there was the thud. A sound and feeling all in one. Deep and constant.

Her body couldn't move. Pinned tight. Caught.

Biting pain. Chilling tendrils. Tearing grips. And still drowning.

The sickening thud grew louder and louder.

Thud ~ Thud ~ Thud

It was making her feel sick, and she wasn't sure why.

Scarlet bolted upright in bed, breathing hard, the constant loud thudding the feel and sound of her own heart racing in her chest from the nightmare.

Nightmare. Memory. Nightmare. Memory.

They were the same thing more often than not.

She gasped for breath, looking around the dark room with confusion. It wasn't the room she'd expected. That she'd been in just moments ago.

Scarlet grabbed the cover that was tangled around her, throwing it off in a near panic at how it restrained her, kicking it with her feet to get it completely off her sweat drenched body.

She closed her eyes tightly as she tried to catch her breath, her heart still thudding sickeningly in her chest and body trembling.

Half throwing herself off the bed, Scarlet stumbled through to the living room, burning up and feverish despite her sweat glistening skin and the cool shorts and vest she wore in bed.

She was on the Galileo. But she hadn't been. Not a few moments ago. Not in her nightmare. Memory. Nightmare. Where she'd been back there again.

"No," she snapped at herself, refusing to her let her mind even think about it. If she thought about the time she'd spent captive as a marine, it would just tempt fate for more bad nights. No. The only way was to keep a firm grip on herself and keep control of her own mind. If she blocked the path to that time, then her mind couldn't wander down the path to it. Simple.

Scarlet moved to the replicator, gripping the side of it and leaning against it heavily, still trying to catch her breath. "Rum."

It wasn't real of course, but it almost didn't matter. As she sipped it, the familiar taste was so connected to the comforter that had been the real thing once that it offered a comfort in its own right.

"Mummy?"

Scarlet looked across the dark room to where the little girl stood in the doorway to her bedroom.

Scarlet smiled softly, setting the glass down as she moved over to her. "Hey, angel. I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" she forced her voice to be soft and steady, in control.

Lily tilted her head, the young child shuffling forward in her nightdress, her soft toy dragon tucked under her arm. "Time to wake up?"

"No, no darling," Scarlet moved to her, kneeling down. She hugged her close, letting out a long, shaking breath as she closed her eyes. Lily was her link to the present. The thing she was calm and in control for. The thing that kept her grounded. Yet, there was an aspect of Lily that was a connection to back then too. "I'm sorry, darling, I didn't mean to wake you up. Come on, let's get you back to bed," she whispered, picking her up and carrying her back to the bedroom, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"Your bed," the girl murmured sleepily, resting her head on her shoulder as she held her tightly.

"Okay," Scarlet whispered, stroking her hair soothingly as she took her to her own bedroom instead, putting her in her bed and tucking her up. She sat with her, stroking her hair until she was sure she was asleep again.

She pushed herself up gently before moving back to the living room, her body slow and awkward, as if it ached from inflicted pain. She got her drink, sipping it as she dropped down into the seat in front of the computer. She flicked it on, starting up her personal log.

Scarlet remained quiet for several long moments, just sipping her drink, watching the screen as the computer recorded her for the log.

"It's always night time on a ship," she finally said, quietly, looking into the screen.

She shook her head, looking away with a frown as she rubbed her temple, her legs pulled up close against her in the chair.

Running her hands through her long, dark hair, she tamed it back from her face, taking a long, slow, deep breath. "How the hell do I still miss the marines sometimes, when it got me into so much bloody trouble?"

She shook her head with a frown, sipping her drink. Her fingernail tapped against the side of her glass as she thought about it.

Her mind went to Christopher Barton. Her one time lover, but also a fellow Marine captain. The man who had gotten their small team dragged into trouble when he went running into the trap despite her shouts for him to come back.

She'd followed of course. Ran after him and the others. Fought off who should could until the hood went over her head and she was knocked out. Woken up in a cell. A strange man staring into her eyes. A man who would become intimately familiar over the seven months of captivity under his iron grip. Until she and Christopher had been rescued, the rest of the team dead by the time they'd found them after seven months of the ordeal. But after the debriefing, she hadn't heard anything from Christopher again. Despite their being lovers before the captivity. He just left, without a word, before she'd even been released from the medical facility.

She often wondered if he'd broken contact because he'd known he was the one that had led them into that trap. Despite her pleas for him not to.

"I hope he doesn't feel guilty," she said quietly with a frown, oblivious to the fact the statement would make no sense in the log, her train of thought not being recorded along with it. "Life's too bloody short."

Scarlet finished the drink, letting out a long, controlled breath. She was much more her usual calm and in control self. "Life's too short for any of this. Too short for nights like this. Too short to let it get to me. Too short not to take control of it and keep walking forward."

She was silent for a long moment before a smile came to her features. A real one, from a fond thought as she chuckled. "I need a pair of boots like Aria has. All big heals and shiny leather. They're boots that just keep walking forward, never backwards."

Scarlet smiled softly for a long moment before sliding the glass onto the desk. "End Log."

She stood up and walked slowly to her bedroom, exhausted in every fiber of her being. She slid into the bed, snuggling up close to her daughter. The toy dragon tucked under Lily's arm, and Lily tucked under Scarlet's.

OFF:

Lieutenant JG Scarlet Blake
Counselor
USS Galileo

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