Hydrogen and Helium

Posted on 27 Apr 2022 @ 7:17pm by Petty Officer 3rd Class Raine Ni-ya

451 words; about a 2 minute read

Computer, personal log, Petty Officer 3rd Class Raine Ni-ya.

Our shoreleave was cut short. A pity, since I had the chance to explore a rather unique station. Actually, it was annoying. Why am I even trying to hide that. I am annoyed that the plans changed so quickly.

But I will not make that my hill to die on.

I liked it there. It reminded me of where I came from. Not the big factories, surrounded by metal, ripping people to shreds, manipulate genetics until I was monster, surrounded by my own kind. Not that bit. I mean the bits that I stole.

I stole moments, outside, looking down on the world we came from, a world we no longer remember. On a history long forgotten, a culture corrupted. I mourned it, but also found myself curious what was hidden underneath the clouds of gas which poisoned an entire planet.

I stole moments, standing inside a dome, looking up at the suns, these celestial bodies, burning so bright, the heat of the churning nuclear forges deep inside, hydrogen and helium wrapping the up.

I stole moments, when I was no longer a monster, when I felt and I let myself breathe the recycled air, when I was a person who was afraid.

I stole moments, my hand pressed against hers, palm to palm. She spoke poetry into my ear, in a language I now never use. Her breath tickled my skin, so sensitive to touch.

I stole moments, daring a touch to calm before delivering the killing blow. A moment of connection, eyes meeting, and I tried to be reassuring to end the suffering.

I stole moments, planning a doomed revolution. Manifests scratched into metal walls, weapons made from leftover tech.

I stole moments, taking intelligence from the computer, the wire pushed under my skin, connecting through so I could see, my hand in the bio-conductive gel.

I stole moments, running to the shuttle, my arm wrapped around Naiera, as I tried to both move and tell her to keep pressure on her wound, our escape so close.

I stole moments, the final kiss before I left her there to die, escaping.

Once you've been a thief for so long, it is difficult to realise that you're no longer in need of stealing moments. Instead, eternity is stretched before me, in the stars, so far away, hydrogen and helium burning.

So if I am no longer a thief or a revolutionary, no longer a murdered and a monster...what am I?

I am a scientist trying to find an answer to a question never asked.

And I burn inside like a thousand suns, yet remain ice.

Computer, end log.

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