Not Counseling and Not Babysitting

Posted on 03 Jul 2018 @ 2:37am by Ensign Miraj Derani & Commander Marisa Wyatt
Edited on on 03 Jul 2018 @ 2:37am

3,055 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Episode 15 - Emanation
Location: Starfleet Medical
Timeline: MD 139 1500

ON

Marisa read the message from Starfleet Medical again. First, she was grounded for evaluation, then her counseling license was revoked, and now Starfleet Medical wanted her to act as Legal Guardian for Miraj. It made no sense to her, but she liked Miraj, and she owed her after their misadventure together. So, she accepted, then went in search of Miraj to have a talk with her.

Which was why she was now walking through a corridor in a Starfleet Medical hospital, whilst a consulting psychiatrist, a human male with commander's pips on his collar led her down to the patient in question. "I know its an unsual request, doctor, but given the severe amount of trauma in her recent medical file, and I can't raise her next of kin, I don't feel comfortable discharging her. " Doctor Ebaum ran a hand through his dark hair. "Not with her current mental state. Which is why I called you."

"What is her current state?" Marisa asked, wondering what was going on and what had happened to Miraj this time.

"Physically she's fine. She was picked up a few days ago with minor malnutrition and dehydration, easy to fix with some fluids and a good meal. And neurologically her brain is fine, for a hybrid. Nothing there we weren't expecting. But she's convinced she's cursed." He sighed, and stopped walking. "Given the history, some of which you share, I'm struggling to get through to her. Weight of evidence does not look good."

"Cursed?" Marisa had contributed to her feeling that way. "Can I talk to her?"

"Given your background, Doctor Sandoval, I'm hoping you can do more than talk. I can medicate her but what she really needs doesn't come in a hypospray." He pointed to a door at the end of the Corridor. "I'll check back in half an hour or so if that's okay?"

"I'll do my best," Marisa said. She was concerned, but didn't want the doctor to pick up on it, so she took on a m ore Vulcan-like demeanor. "A half hour will be fine. Thank you."

She walked to the door, knocked once, and walked in. "Hello, Miraj."

Miraj was sprawled on a bed, staring at the ceiling. Her pink hair was hanging loose , and she was wearing a set of green and pink striped pyjamas. The pink of the pyjamas did not work well with her hair. She was humming something under her breath, the words indistinct. She looked round when Marisa knocked. Then sat up, surprised. "Lieutenant? What are you doing here?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Marisa said. "This is not where I expected to find you."

Miraj rolled back to stare at the ceiling. "Me neither. I was supposed to be half way to Planetia Utopia by now. Instead, the other two people on my ship are dead, and they won't discharge me, because I've got nowhere to go." She looked back at Marisa. "How did you know I was here?"

"Starfleet Medical asked me to be here. You're to be discharged into my custody," Marisa said. "What I'd like to know is why. Why aren't you simply discharged?"

"Like I said. I've got no where to go. My Dad is incommunicado in the Paulson nebula, no-ones been able to get hold of Mal or anyone on the Stranger Tides. Every ship I applied for doesn't want me, and even if they did, I'm a danger to everyone. I can't even take a cargo haul without everyone dieing."

Marisa folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. "There is no such thing as a curse. Yes, historically, people did believe they were cursed, but there is absolutely no scientific evidence to support it. There is, however, a psychological evidence that you can talk yourself into believing it, but that does not make it true." She paused for a moment. "Do you think I'm cursed?"

Miraj sighed, but still didn't look at Marisa. "Its not a curse. Curses are inflicted on you by a third party. A Jonah is just something you are." Miraj paused in turrn.
"Why would you be cursed?"

"Jonah was a character from the Terran Bible," Marisa said. "He chose to defy God's commands and was swallowed by a whale. Not the same thing at all--unless you've defied a commandment from God?" Marisa hoped to get a smile at least. "Remember, I'm an historian. I don't buy the Jonas argument. You've had a string of bad luck--just like a lot of us. Remember, I was with you for the AI, remember? I could probably match you point for point. What matters is not that you're having a streak of bad luck, but how you choose to let it affect you."

"The bad luck is the point," Miraj said gloomily. "Every time I get back on the horse, something else happens. I escape getting killed and worse on Celes IV, only to be blown out of the sky in the Paulson Nebula. I survive that when so many don't, then get tortured, molested, nearly raped again, and then dragged into the mutiny on the DuJaQ, where I get brain damage. I survive the brain surgery, only to end up getting nearly killed with you, and more people die. Then in 48 hours all my job applications are rejected, Luke dumps me and it turns out someone who I trusted actually still hates me and is a game playing manipulative cow. So I decide to go back to the assignment pool, take what i can get, and It happens again. Trouble finds me and people die. On a cargo haul. I can't even have a boring time on the most boring assignment Starfleet has to offer. And I survive again, because Jonah doesn't die, he just inflicts misery on others near him." Miraj rolled over so her back was to Marisa. "If I had the spine, I'd deal with it the way you're supposed to."

"You have the spine," Marisa said. "What you lack is the courage. The heart. I had most of my crew killed in the Paulson nebula. Six of us made it to Kreanus, but two were impaled when the rest of us went to look around. Then, just as we find your group, the other two are brutally murdered. Only Petra and I survived and she spent the trip back to Earth with a number of Marines, so I'm basically alone. As a counselor, I had no real use on the Duja'Q, or any other ship and when we got back to Earth, I was told I was no longer competent to be a counselor and my license was revoked. To top it all off, I almost get you killed. I, too, applied to any post available and was rejected by all of them. Thta's not being a Jonah, that's simply a run of bad luck. I even got rejected when I applied to the Galileo-A, but I'm here now."

She walked over to Miraj. "The object is not to keep from falling, but to get back up every time you fall. Every time. If Luke dumped you, then you'll find someone better. If you got rejected, you'll find another posting. It wasn't your fault people died. Your list tells me that you're not a Jonah, you're a survivor. But you can only be a survivor as long as you keep trying."

"The more I keep surviving, the more people are going to die." Miraj whispered. "I'm a liability."

Marisa sat on the edge of the bed. "Have you heard anything I said?"

Miraj didn't reply at first. She kept her back squarely to Marisa. But she was shaking, tiny tremors that made the bed quivers. "I can't take this anymore. I tried to do what you said. I tried to try again. But it keeps happening. People keep dieing. The only people who want to touch me are creepy. And no captain in Starfleet who has a choice has accepted any applications, and no one will tell me why. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"You're not doing anything wrong. No matter how much we may want it to be different, we cannot control all aspects of our environment, or our life. We are at the mercy of others, of their actions, and of the consequences of those actions. We've both had people die recently. Neither of us were responsible for those deaths. We didn't kill them. Good people occasionally do bad things. That is not and never will be our fault. All we can control is how we respond to the situation, and how we deal with the aftermath." She was slowly coming to terms with that herself, although she still felt that she could have prevented Pete and Tilly's deaths if she'd been there. "Can you, by beating yourself up over this, change anything that happened?"

There was another long pause. "No." The silence stretched again. "I don't want to be at the mercy of others any more. I just don't know how.

Marisa smiled. "That I can help you with, if you'll let me."

"Yes." Miraj said. More silence. There was so much swirling around in her head she didn't know how to speak about it. She wanted to go flying. "Though I'm not sure there is anything you can do." She was pretty sure that Marisa meant something more constructive than finding her some rope and and a convenient yard arm. Short drop, sudden stop, everyone else was safe.

"Not me, but I'm pretty sure Commander Ban can." She looked at Miraj intently. She still wasn't convinced the other woman was ready to get out of her depression. "Provided you work on your attitude. It won't fool anyone."

Miraj's shoulders tightened up and she looked round suddenly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not a counselor, and I'm not a babysitter, but as a friend, I think I can be of help," she said. "If you're willing to change. I think you can, but no one can do the work for you."

Miraj despair sank a little lower. Being a Jonah wasn't something you could change. "What do you we want me to do?"

"First, change your attitude," Marisa said. "I'm not saying you won't have bouts of depression or feel like you can't do anything right. But you have to believe that you are worth someone giving you a chance. That you will be a valuable member of a crew. If you go around with a proverbial rain cloud over your head, no one will give you an opportunity to prove yourself. And I can tell you right now, you are not a Jonah. I've been on a ship with you, remember? I've been in an ancient tomb with you. I know. You've convinced yourself of this, but it's not true. Now, you have to believe it."

Miraj looked doubtful. Marisa was saying things she couldn't even start to believe without evidence. How could she believe she was valuable when no one considered her skills valuable enough to even offer her an interview. "Okay. And after that?"

"One step at a time." Marisa grinned. "Now, get dressed. Let's get out of here."

Miraj wasn't sure that was wise, under the circumstances. She didn't need another adventure. "And go where?"

"To talk to Commander Ban."

It took Miraj a moment to place the name. "The commander from Kreanus?" She hadn't given the non-Galileo crew beyond Marisa much thought following their return to earth. She assumed that they'd all be dispersed around Starfleet. "What's he got to do with anything?"

"Yes. He's the First Officer on the Galileo-A. He helped me get an interview after my application was rejected. He can help you, too."

Oh. Ah. "Um. I don't think he will. I. I mean. I didn't like being messed about. And when I found out who was doing the messing... Er. Well. I didn't take finding out about Admiral Saalm very well. At all. I lost my temper." Miraj started twisting a lock of hair around her finger in a nervous gesture. "Badly. I wasn't wanted on that ship to start with, and I don't think he can change that now."

"First, everyone was rejected the first time. I don't agree with why she did it, but the captain told me that was her way to make sure everyone who applied was serious about wanting the assignment. In my profession, there are always more people wanting a job than there are positions. If you get rejected, you wait for the next opportunity, you don't bully them into giving you an interview. It's highly unprofessional. But as much as I disagree with it, I've seen people use other unpalatable criteria to determine who gets the job. So, just because we don't like the method doesn't mean we can't work with her. We both have before, and we both can again." Marisa paused for that to sink in. "Second, this is a great opportunity. You have a chance to fly where no one has traveled in millennia, if ever. Apologize for losing your temper. You can do that much. You don't have to agree with her methods, but you can act like an officer. Be polite and respectful. You don't have to agree with her, but you do need to apologize for your temper."

Marisa watched Miraj for a moment. "And third, if you don't, you're not likely to get a job anywhere right now. NOT because you're cursed, or you're a Jonah, but because you've been hospitalized twice. The first time is acceptable, This time is not. If you're serious about a career as a pilot, you need to do this. But you're not going to do it alone. I'll be there with you, and Commander Ban will help, if he can. I have no doubt you can do it, if you set your mind to it."

There was a very long pause. The truth was Miraj didn't want to work with Lirha. For the sake of the Orion admiral, she had nearly lost the only thing that gave her life meaning. The admiral's rejection after that had cut bone deep. It didn't matter that Saalm had done it to everyone, it still felt personal.

But Marisa was right about the opportunity to fly. And what could be better preparation for the test pilot's program than a shakedown voyage off the map? There be dragons and all that. Every nerve in her body twitched at the thought. Her whole body ached with need to fly just imagining it.

And people she did care about were on that ship. Lamar, Amaranai. Dr Sandoval now too, apparently. Could she, in good conscious, leave them in the void with Admiral Saalm? No. She couldn't.

"I'm prepared to apologise. I shouldn't have lost my temper" However much Lirha deserved that broadside, there were proprietries that should have been observed. Accounts should be settled. "But I'm not prepared to ask for a job. I want a captain who wants me for me, not because I'm prepared to kiss her arse. I'd rather apply to a thousand ships than make a pathetic spectacle of myself to."

"You won't have to make a pathetic spectacle of yourself--no one should have to do that," Marisa assured her. "But you do owe her an apology for losing your temper. And you will need to ask her to consider you for the job as helmsman. Tell her why you want the job and why you're qualified for it. You just need to be polite and professional. I'll be there if you need help." And if anything went wrong, she would try to steer it right again.

Except Lirha had already made her do it once, when the orion had taken her off duty when she’d refused Lirha’s advances. The admiral knew exactly how to hurt her, how to use what she loved most against her. "Lets just...one thing at a time." Miraj's voice wasn't particularly steady. "Okay?"

There was a growing panic in Miraj' eyes that concerned Marisa. "We don't have much time, I'm afraid. We have to do this right now. You've been released to my care, but if you aren't in a mental state to face your demons and realize they're all in your head, then maybe you should stay here for a while. I can't help you if you're not ready to stand up for yourself and try."

“I was spectacularly rude to her.” Miraj admitted. “I mean, I basically called her a backstabbing cow. To her face. With bells on. If you push this, you may get tarred with my brush. I don't want that for you.”

Marisa had to smile at that. "Honey, I've gotten myself in plenty of trouble lately, too. I believe in you, and I honestly believe you deserve this chance. So, if you're willing to beard the lioness in her den--or the backstabbing cow in her pasture, I'll be right there beside you."

She raised a hand to correct herself. "Okay, strike that last part. We can't refer to her as a backstabbing cow with bells on--at least, not again. It would be extremely unprofessional. I prefer the way the old Vaudevillians used to deal with nerves. When they had to speak or perform before a live audience, they would imagine them dressed in nothing but their underwear. Psychologically its a good coping mechanism."

Miraj blushed a little. "I don't have to imagine. I know." And that hadn't worked out too well. "It-" She looked out of the window, and shifted uncomfortably. "I'll try and find something else."

Marisa raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask. "Sure. Anything like that will help. The idea is to think of them in a way that makes them less intimidating." Deciding it was time to change the subject, she smiled. "Now, if you're ready, we can get you checked out and go see Commander Ban." And then she was the one who had to take a firm grip on her thoughts to keep them from straying.

Ready? No. "Sure, lets do this." Miraj stood up. "No time like now."


OFF:

Lieutenant Marisa Sandoval
Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo-A

Ensign Miraj Derani

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