The Truth

Posted on 26 Nov 2017 @ 4:35pm by Chief Warrant Officer 3 Alexion Wylde & Petty Officer 3rd Class Constantin Vansen

2,646 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 15 - Emanation
Location: Starbase Medical, Earth
Timeline: MD36, 09:30

ON:

Constantin Vansen sat in the examination room, eyes fixed on the floor. He was waiting for one of the doctors to check up on him. A nurse had led him in and asked him to strip and put the gown on...something he had done. His own clothes were folded, carefully, on the chair in the corner. He ran a hand over his own jaw. He had shaven and showered before coming here, but even so...he felt grubby. It was what any medical area did to him. It was like the antiseptic smell just...sank into his pores.

"Mr Vansen?" Dr. Alexion Wylde walked in without looking up from the padd he was holding, reading over the man's notes. "Crushed by air, yes?"

"That's one way of putting it," Constantin said and nodded, looking over at the doctor. He studied him, doing what he always did...trying to determine what he was. He looked human. Except the eyes...there was almost a violet sheen to the blue, something Constantin was relatively sure he had not seen in a human before.

Alexion glanced up to him at that, nodding briskly before making his way over to him. "How has it been the last months? Finding it better? Worse?"

"It's...actually been better," Constantin said as he watched him, smiling weakly to hide his nervousness. "Maybe it had something to do with the Carolina losing gravity for a bit during the tour."

"It shouldn't have to come to that for you to be comfortable," Alexion pointed out with a frown. He tapped the bed to get him to lie down, bringing the arch up around him. "It means we're not doing our job right."

Constantin eased back on the bed, watching him for a moment. "I am fine, Doctor. Able to do my job," because that was what he was scared of. If he complained too much and was discharged.

Alexion stopped to look at him with an arched eyebrow, his hand resting on the edge of the bed. "Those are two separate things," he pointed out, shaking his head firmly. "And trying to work when things are not good enough only does more harm in the long run."

Constantin looked at him before he chuckled, unable to stop himself. "Well, I think things are as good as they are likely to get. I...haven't had any side effects."

Alexion held his eyes for a moment longer, as if to impress on him that he meant what he said, before going back to the arch controls, starting off a scan of his own. "Your stamina test from yesterday has come back with good results."

"That's good," Constantin said with a weak smile, taking a deeper breath as he closed his eyes. Just to prove he could take a deeper breath. "Brain function was good last time too, right?"

"Yes," Alexion looked to the screen rather than him as the information started to scroll up. "And this time. Although...there is increased activity in parts...." he added thoughtfully at what he saw.

He frowned as he considered it, surprised. "Huh. Maybe...I am adapting?" he asked softly.

"Or you are highly stressed....one of the two..." Alexion mused, shaking his head as he brought a metallic arm down, configuring it to take a scan of his brain activity. "At completely opposite ends of the spectrum."

He closed his eyes, smiling weakly. "I...do have some stressful days. And I find this stressful. Starfleet Medical...Earth..."

"We are only trying to improve your situation," Alexion replied with a slight frown, shaking his head with a sigh. "You wouldn't be the first patient to not trust it though."

"I know," Constantin said, the smile fading. "I know it is to help me. Every time though, I worry...what if I get told I can't serve? What if I end up here and...can't leave. Can't leave this planet..."

Alexion stopped what he was doing to look at him, frowning as he held his eyes. "That is never going to happen," he said firmly, watching him intently. "Our purpose is to get people on their feet, and fit for service. Not to trap them."

He swallowed as he watched him, unable to stop the nervousness from flooding him. "But there is no cure," he said softly.

"There's no cure for death either, but it doesn't stop us from keeping it at bay...." Alexion said lightly, shrugging brusquely with a faint smile threatening.

"We got rid of taxes on Earth, right?" he said lightly, a small smile coming to him. "I suppose this is more...saving me from death."

Alexion gave a gruff, single breath of laughter as he nodded to the readouts. "Which is not out of our reach. So you shouldn't worry so much. It will only hurt your head."

"And it doesn't take much," Constantin said lightly with a small smile, shaking his head weakly. "So. Apart from it all...how am I? And be honest, I can take it...my weak organs and bones can handle the stress so to speak."

"It appears to be a mixture of the two," Alexion said almost thoughtfully as he took in the information from the brain scan, scrolling through it. "You are experiencing some anxiety. We shall have to determine if that is just being here or a more regular state of mind. However, you also showing more activity in the areas connected to reflexes and co-ordination."

Constantin listened, looking at the doctor for a moment before he smiled weakly. "I...think it is being here," he finally said. "I am between postings, I got no clue how long you'll keep me for or even if I will be fit for duty. What if I get a medical discharge and get stuck on this glorified rock? I...got no plans, no idea of what is happening, what will happen..." he frowned and looked away. "I don't like things out of my control. A ship can be fixed. A leak, environmental controls, gelpacks, even a warp core nearing breach can be fixed. You got control on a starship of the future. Sure, you might get blown up. You might die. Guys like me, if we die, we die and it's not a reflection of the universe. If we live, it's the same, no reflection of the universe, no higher power or consideration. But at least I know. At least there's...certainty. And I know what to do. Here, on this planet, in this facility...I got no clue, Doctor."

"You fix things?" Alexion looked away from his readouts to give him his full attention, resting a hand on the edge of the bed to lean in closer to him. "Well so do I. It just happens to be people. So I will fix you too," he shrugged, as if it were that simple. "You...don't believe in a higher power?"

"No," for a moment, Constantin sounded quiet before he shrugged. "My parents never told me of the concept so...I never...really knew about it until I was older."

"Interesting," Alexion said quietly. He had heard and seen that a lot in Starfleet. "How has your sleep been?" he asked, bluntly changing the subject with the all the finesse he cared to employ.

Constantin smiled weakly, biting his lip. "When it comes, it is good, until I wake up. Sleeping alone in a room with no...ship noises doesn't come too natural to me. And sunrise bothers me at times..." he said, but it was suddenly a bit playful.

"Would it make you feel any better if I told you that sunlight is good for you?" he asked lightly, but with a slight chuckle because he already suspected the answer.

"Nothing that a supplement of vitamins can't duplicate, or your average decent Federation ship," Constantin said playfully, the smile growing at the doctor showing a sense of humour.

"Well either way, you are going to have to stay a little longer for more tests," Alexion sighed, shrugging at delivering the news. "We want to be sure you are growing stronger." He didn't mention that they could get all the tests done in a shorter amount of time. He wanted Constantin to stay for a longer period.

Constantin nodded at the words, accepting them at face value. "Okay," he said before he rubbed his knuckles for a moment. "I think I must be, a bit anyway. I don't ache as much after a shift as I did a year ago." And for him, it's how he saw it. Progress. He even thought he had gotten a bit shorter. He had certainly stopped growing after he had come to Earth as a teenager, as if his body decided that it was enough with gravity pressing down on him. So to compensate, his bones had hopefully gotten better too. Less chance of an accidental break. "I have kept to the exercise regime," he added quickly. Because he had. And he wanted the Doctor to know that.

"Good," Alexion gave a nod of approval. If there was anything he expected, it was for officers to take responsibility for their own fitness. "You have come a long way in a relatively short amount of time. However, I would rather that this was done right than quickly. I want to take you through another set of stamina and physicals tomorrow."

Constantin watched him for a long moment, just considering it. As if he had a choice. He finally grinned. "I am happy to do that," he said lightly. "I trust I still get my zero g time?" It was something he liked. It...eased the aches and pains he got during the day here.

Alexion nodded with a slight frown, entering information into his file, his eyes on the screen. "You need the break. Your body and mind are working hard. They are doing well, but it's still hard work. I would rather not adjust your medication at the moment," he glanced to him at that, to look for a reaction. It would be a good indication as to how he was really feeling versus what he had told him.

Constantin nodded gently, frowning slightly. He had expected them to change it again, but if it wasn't necessary then...well, did it mean that this was as good as it got? "Alright."

Alexion watched him carefully, seeing the expression, fleeting as it was, pass across his features. He moved close to him, leaning on the side of the bed, lowering his voice. "You didn't expect that. Which means the waters aren't as calm as they seem. So are you ready to start being honest about how you're feeling?" he said on a rough, low tone, holding his eyes firmly as he leant in to him.

Constantin frowned slightly at the words before he sighed, sitting up properly and pulling a leg up. "Is this...the best it will ever be?" he asked softly. "This...heaviness, the sluggish feeling? The pain in the morning? Is this as good as it is ever going to get?" he asked bluntly and met his eyes. "I ache. Every day. Sometimes, my breath catches and it is such effort to get myself to breathe normally again. I can run, I can do my job. And I am good at it. But at the end of a shift I just...hurt."

"It will get better," Alexion said firmly, holding his eyes, his jaw set with intensity as he watched him. "We can improve and adapt your treatments, and your body will naturally adjust over time to the different environment. But it makes it a lot harder when you're not honest about your symptoms," he arched an eyebrow at that, tilting his head. "How can we judge how effective your medication is if you tell us everything is sunshine and starlight?"

"I don't know," Constantin said before he frowned. "But if I get too...weighted down with stuff, you might find out that I am not good enough to keep around," he added, looking away. "I mean, it is Starfleet. So many people apply, so many eager to have my place. If I am not showing myself as being okay, if I am too much bother, you can easily replace me. A spare part is always around, why worry about the faulty connector when you can replace it? Easier in the long run than keep it fixed, than spending hours repairing its little bits and pieces to make it work."

"Vansen, let me tell you a secret," Alexion shook his head, resting both hands on the edge of the bed to lean against as he watched him. "Everyone is a broken connector. We're just all broken in slightly different ways."

Vansen looked at him, eyes narrowed for a moment before his expression relaxed. "Yeah, but there's a different way of a slight crack and ready to suddenly fall apart and kill you," he said lightly but there was a wry smile that showed he was embarrassed. And he was. He was embarrassed that he was so insecure about if he was good enough for Starfleet. And terrified of messing up the one real shot he had at a career, a life, in space.

"Which you're not," Alexion pointed out, shaking his head as he held his gaze. "But if you're worried about it....the thing that makes the least sense in the universe is to avoid telling your doctors the truth." He pushed himself up to stand straighter. "I'm going to try and adjust your medication while you are here, see if we can make mornings a little easier on you."

"Thanks," Vansen nodded as he watched him, the smile on his face weak but genuine. "I...just find it difficult. Talking to doctors and all that. It's...not something I feel comfortable with. Same with counsellors, I am not very comfortable with them either. Not sure why. Actually, I know why. When you grow up with just you and two other people, realising there's a whole universe of them and then some want to know your deepest, darkest thoughts and every detail of your body is a bit...weird."

"Agreed," Alexion said easily, looking down over his med history to adjust the dose for the next couple of days. "I'm not sure why people would want to become a doctor."

Constantin looked at him with surprise at the words before he smiled weakly. "Never thought I'd hear a doctor say that. I suppose...it is to help people. And you're good at it."

"I wasn't always," Alexion shrugged with his honesty, even giving a slight grunt of laughter with it. "Helping people was never really that high on my agenda," he met the other man's eyes briefly. "I'll help you though," he added, with a note of humour.

"Oh, thank you oh gracious doctor..." Constantin said dramatically with a grin, shaking his head. "Was it my smile? My sexy voice? The unnatural way I just can't seem to get the weight of the planet off my shoulders?"

Alexion grinned at that, shaking his head as his eyes glinted, handing him his new dosage. "I think it's your stubbornness," he retorted.

Constantin took the hypo with trust, holding it. "Stubborn makes sure we survive. It's instinct. You just get through it. Whatever it is, you just get through and try to make it better next time."

Alexion was silent at the words, but agreed with them. There had been plenty of times he'd seen it. "1100, we'll start your stamina and endurance tests. With no more pretending."

"Yes Sir..." Constantin said with a warm laugh, nodding. "No pretending. I'll give you all my honest whining, doctor. If your ears can handle it."

OFF:

CWO3 Alexion Wylde
Doctor
Starfleet Medical

PO3 Constantin Vansen
Patient
Starfleet Medical

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