Performance Appraisal Part 2: Trauma and Cake

Posted on 25 Aug 2012 @ 10:36am by Commander Andreus Kohl & Lieutenant Commander Pola Ni Dhuinn M.D.

2,395 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, Sickbay and Passageway
Timeline: MD 08 - 0933 hours

Previously in "Performance Appraisal Part 1"...

Realising Kohl was staring at her as she'd been quiet for so long, Pola pushed herself away from the console. In four short days she herself had gone from junior officer to acting XO, she'd grown up more than she would have conceived possible. "I'm glad to know you're so aware of what is happening around you Kohl. All of that is very positive."

Offering a nod in agreement, Kohl said, "Yeah, it's a promising crew. That might be the only thing making me think I can make it through this tour of duty, after a start like the one I've had!"

And now the conclusion...


[ON]

Out of the blue, Pola also remembered something, "Andreus can you double check something for me. Was I seeing things or does Kiri's file indicate tomorrow is her birthday? I didn't pay much attention to it earlier because of everything else which was happening with her."

"Uhm," Kohl said, "Hmm. That sounds familiar. There seemed something familiar about the stardate of her birth." He nodded only vaguely at first, but the movement became more distinctive the more he agreed with Pola. Kohl snatched up the first PADD he could find, and he accessed Kiri's medical records. "Yes, Pola, you're right," Kohl said, "It's tomorrow."

Scratching her head, Pola thought it over, trying to figure out if something should be done. "What do you think? Should we try arrange a party, perhaps boost crew moral? Or something small to show she hasn't been forgotten?"

Kohl folded his arms over his chest and pursed his lips in thought. Once his mind was made up, Kohl said, "I just want to trick her into eating real food under the guise of birthday shenanigans." --He swept a hand at Pola-- "Do they, uh, do they make any completely addictive desserts in Ireland?"

Frowning slightly, Pola looked at Kohl for a moment, "Do you think tricking is the right way to go about this? I'm sure you could still tease her into eating foods because it's her birthday, have her see the benefits of being adventurous every once in awhile. It doesn't need to be done under the guise of trickery...Anyone, the girl could probable do with a friend as well."

"I said I wanted to trick her, not that I'm going to," Kohl replied, but he was clearly abashed by the too-quickly-shared thought. His face was flushed and his voice was stiff. He stepped away from Pola to review the biofunction monitor on the wall behind one of their patients. Noting the prescribed time for medication had arrived, Kohl set to administering a hypospray to the unconscious patient.

Seeing Kohl's reaction, Pola really had to resist the urge to cry. Surprised by that sudden realisation, she moved the heels of her hands to her eyes and pressed them in. There was no way in hell she was gonna break down in front of her patients and staff.

Turning to Pola, Kohl spoke spoke more evenly, as he said, "The sensation of real food shouldn't be given up for the sake of efficiency. Not for efficiency. But I'm not sure I have the right frame of reference. The anniversary of one's birth is the only day in the Argelian calendar when one doesn't indulge. One is meant to meditate and eat a stew made from the internal organs of a fertile krada... I think I prefer your ritual of setting a birthday-cake on fire."

Doing the math she realised that she had been nearly 24hours without sleep and on her feet by now. Forcing herself to put it out of her mind, she looked back across at Kohl, having missed most of what he said. "Well birthday cake is symbolic by the candles put into it. One candle for each year of their life. Before the blow the candles out they have to close their eyes, make a wish and, keeping their eyes closed, blow out the candles."

"I could take a birthday cake to her," Kohl remarked, surmising Pola's suggestion. "I don't think any newly-repaired fire suppression systems are going to appreciate me lighting a candle, but I could take a birthday cake to her."

"You could always simulate candles in some way, I'm sure that would do just as fine." Moving her hand, she rubbed her thumb across her forehead. "Why don't you try to replicate or make something in the shape of a simplistic sensor, I'm sure she'll understand the meaning behind it. Or use icing to draw the image of a sensor on the cake."

"That would be adorable," Kohl remarked, and he almost smiled again, but then, his face contorted with concern. "Oh, she's from Earth, yeah? Will she even be nostalgic for birthday cake? I don't know how they celebrate birthdays on Trill..."

"In all honesty, I think the pure fact that someone remembered her birthday and made an effort to do something for her is all that will matter. From her records I understand she was raised on Earth so even if it's not part of her tradition, she'll recognise it I'm sure. Do we know what age she will be?" Picking up a PADD nearby, Pola attempted to bring up Kiri's medical file.

"Twenty-two," Kohl replied, and then he squinted slightly. "Is there any cultural significance to that age?"

Shaking her head, Pola thought for a moment, "Not that I know of. The key ages seem to be 16, 18, 21, 30, 40 and every ten years after that." Laughing for a moment, the Doctor looked across at Kohl, "40 is what they call the midlife crisis years....anyway....I'm going to give you a present for her. I know she doesn't wear jewellery but I'm thinking a pearl bracelet...simplistic."

Kohl stepped over to the next biobed and looked up the monitor on the bulkhead. He tapped the controls on the panel to assess if the patient needed anything. Speaking of the pearl bracelet, Kohl said, "That would be a lovely gesture."

Smiling gently, Pola watched Kohl for a moment. "I'll arrange for something to be replicated using my own credits. Unfortunately it'd be too difficult to get her the real thing. Do you mind giving it to her and letting her know it's from the medical team? Maybe we can get a card circulating as well."

"That's not going to--" Kohl started to say, but he breathed in suddenly and scraped his teeth across his lower lip to keep from saying 'take very long'. He continued to face the bio-function monitor when his face flushed with embarrassment at the dark thoughts about his lost coworkers --Izred and Lin-- and at his thoughtless words. "Of course, Pola," he said, his voice sounding like he was forcefully crafting it to sound happy. "Wrap the pearl bracelet and a birthday card from the medical team..."

Hearing the force in Kohl's voice, Pola realised that she'd just about had enough. "Andreus...out with it...what is bothering you?" She figured the day was already crappy enough, she may as well expand on it if Kohl had some sort of issue with her as she'd seen his interactions with others and he seemed to be doing fine.

So slowly, Kohl turned around to face Pola. He was gaping at her, with a questioning tilt to his eyebrows. "Are you sure you want to do this right here, Pola?" Kohl asked, almost condescendingly. "Where patients are sleeping?"

Letting out a breath, Pola cocked her finger to have Kohl follow her to the outside corridor where they could be easily reached if needed, the remaining staff well able to look after sickbay in her absence. "This ship has enough going on then to add fricken in sickbay to the list, so yes we will discuss this now."

"You know what's bothering me. You've been there through it all," Kohl said, showing his hurt as he moved towards the corridor. He shook his head in confusion at Pola's stern demeanour. As soon as the doors slid shut behind them, Kohl listed off, "I went into shock when I came aboard the ship. And then I thought I was going to die tonight. I was absolutely certain I was going to die, and I thought my last act as a living being was going to be murdering Klingons. And then Lin--"

Leaning her back against the wall, Pola rubbed her thumb across her forehead. "Kohl...I can understand what you're feeling but you need to look beyond what's happening to what's important right now, the people you work with still and the patients you need to take care of."

Breathing out through his nose, Kohl took a step back as if Pola had struck him. He licked his lower lip and he levelled a hard stare at Pola. He asked, "Can you give me an example of when I've put my feelings ahead of patient care?"

"Right this very instance. Kiri is a patient of ours, even though she's back on duty we still have issues with her nutrition which need to be looked after. For varying reasons I'm encouraging your idea. That girl needs to know we care, she has an unnatural fear and suspicion to medical, showing her we do actually care establishes trust. Numerous time during the conversation I've gotten feelings that your upset with me over something." Keeping her stance, Pola remained calm and her voice even as she wanted to get this sorted.

While Kohl restrained himself from shouting or speaking aggressively, he wasn't so successful at remaining calm. "This isn't about you. I'm having emotional reactions to a day overflowing with trauma. I apologise if you feel my venting is directed at you, but it's not affecting my patients, and it's not affecting my co-workers. Our team is made up of a Vulcan, a hologram, a Deltan who loves everyone as they are, and you and me. You're the only one calling me out for having a damn feeling. Maybe Human psychology better equips you to subsume all of your emotions for the greater good. I'm not built that way," Kohl said.

"The exact reason I am pulling you out is because I am your boss, it is my responsibility to ensure that my staff, which includes you, is ok." Never one to throw her title and responsibilities around, Pola was starting to feel insulted at the accusations just throw at her. "We have all experienced trauma today...what makes you any different to me or anyone else out there?"

"My neurochemistry and psychology make me unlike anyone else on this ship. I'm not Human. My reactions are going to be alien to all of you," Kohl responded, and he was practically sputtering with incredulity at the question. Then, he breathed out a slow breath through his nose and his posture noticeably deflated. His eyes seemed to lose their shine. As if in defeat, Kohl said, "I'm not asking for special treatment. Put me in front of a patient, and I will provide them with care as suitable as anymore else in our department. I guess-- I guess I'm just accustom to having a safe environment with my colleagues where I'm allowed to vent my frustrations. My department heads have always flexed their leadership style to suit their differing officers..."

Moving forward, Pola stood at eye level with Kohl, her voice naturally soft as she had finally managed to get to the root of the issue. Moving, she placed her hand on her nurse's arm. "Andreus....if you need to vent those frustration I don't mind...but don't hide your reasons from me. I depend on you and I need to know 100% of your feelings, you're my responsibility and I would be lax if I wasn't your support. I can't promise you a safe environment, we aren't in one right now, but I can promise I'm here for you no matter what."

"I appreciate that, Pola," Kohl said, and he briefly clasped the hand on his arm. He had trouble meeting her eyes after his outburst, but he eventually managed it, given her earnest outreach. "I don't ask for more than that."

Letting out the breath she had been subconsciously holding, Pola made a move which surprised even herself. Moving her body, she clasped Kohl into a tight hug, realising that she was probable doing it as much for herself as it was for him, quietly she whispered softly, "Don't give in to it Andrues, we'll all get through this somehow and be better, stronger people for it."

Kohl just held onto her, his arms clutching Pola to himself just as tightly. He nodded his understanding of her words, even though she probably couldn't see it while they hugged. "I'm glad you're still here," he told her softly, since so many of them had come so close to not being here.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Pola tried to not let the fear overwhelm her, "That makes two of us..." Pausing in the hug for another moment, the Doctor slowly pulled back but kept her hands on Kohl's arms. "I'll always do what I can to keep you and everyone safe Andreus. I promise that that is one thing you'll never have to doubt no matter what is happening."

"Well, in that case," Kohl said hesitantly, as he stood there, "I'll keep an eye out for you, while you're watching over the rest of us."

Smiling, Pola let go. "You'll be hard pressed to keep an eye on me when I'm running between here and the bridge and where ever else the deem necessary for me to be." With a twinkle in her eye, the Doctor nodded her head back towards sickbay. "So lets say we get back to work and get some of these plans in action for Kiri?"

"Yes," Kohl said, his eyes brightening and his posture straightening. "Let's." Kohl nodded a couple of times and he strode in the direction of the doorway. The double doors pulled apart to allow entry to Sickbay's intensive care unit, and Kohl and Pola walked in together.

[OFF]



Lieutenant JG Pola Ni Dhuinn
Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

Ensign Andreus Kohl
Nurse
USS Galileo

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