When I Drink Her Medicine, It Makes Me Sicker

Posted on 23 Sep 2012 @ 11:57pm by Commander Andreus Kohl & Verity Thorne

3,040 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 7, Main Engineering
Timeline: MD 09 - 0957 hours

[ON]

Striding down one of the corridors that lead to Main Engineering, Andreus Kohl slowed from a stride to a meander. His footfalls came fitfully and unevenly. He was pushing an anti-grav cart topped with a cargo crate, but the anti-grav mechanics meant Kohl used minimal effort to push it. Walking was the easy part, and Kohl was somewhat more rested than he had been the day before. Rather, it was those lingering dark thoughts that distracted him from his destination. As he walked nearer and nearer to Engineering, Kohl found himself wondering exactly where medical officer Betohta Izred had died. Where exactly had the Klingons murdered her?

"Everything alright there?" Verity asked with a soft voice, moving up to his side. He's been watching him for about a corridor, had seen the change and the distraction. He wasn't the kind of guy that just walked on past and decided it wasn't his problem. Kohl looked a lot different from how he had been in Sickbay.

Slowing to a stop, Kohl nudged the cart away from Verity, pushing it flush against the bulkhead. "Sorry?" Kohl asked, his brow knitting into a questioning furrow. He blinked hard as he cleared his throat and turned his gaze towards Verity's piercing eyes. Kohl's gaze softened on the chaplain's visage. "I'm sorry, Verity," Kohl said, "I missed what you said."

Verity watched him with concern, frowning as he reached out to touch his arm. "I asked if you were alright. I think I got my answer," he shook his head with a sigh. "Okay, let's get this where it should be and then you're going to come and sit down and catch your breath."

"It's not a delivery, exactly," Kohl said tentatively. He pulled his arm away, but only to tap the lid of the crate twice. Turning towards Verity, Kohl said, "I'm inspecting and replenishing first aid kits. Care to come with?"

Verity quirked a smile at that, holding his eyes firmly before nodding gently. "A grand idea," he said softly. He walked with him, but his eyes remained on the man rather than where they were going. "You seemed lost."

"Well," Kohl said, sounding caught out, "Yeah." And then he said, "yeah," again, as if it were the most obvious thing in the 'verse. He closed both hands around the grip and pushed the anti-grav cart in the direction of engineering. He moved forward slowly at first, measuring Verity's pace. Kohl explained, "I mean, it's my first time coming down here."

"I didn't mean that kind of lost," Verity said softly, watching him with a small, almost knowing smile as he reached out to touch the cart to help him control it.

Kohl accepted the help without complaint. If anything, it allowed him to loosen his grip and spare a look away from where he was going. Turning his head to the right, Kohl watched the way Verity's eyes were examining him. Kohl recognised that look. "What kind of lost did you mean?" Kohl asked. He didn't try to feign ignorance. Rather, he spoke as a man pressing for elaboration.

"Lost in thought. Wherever your head was at, it wasn't on pushing and walking," Verity chuckled, casting a smile to the man, trying to put him at ease.

"Ahh, yeah, I see your point," Kohl said, and he subtly changed the subject with, "but then, walking doesn't usually occupy my thoughts. I've pretty much mastered it, for the past couple of decades, at least."

"Strange how you got so ragged at it just now then," he teased lightly back, but his eyes were warm and accepting of his dodge.

Now looking dead-ahead, Kohl continued to push the cart towards the double-doors to main engineering. "I suppose I'm finding it hard not to feel ragged," Kohl said softly, said surely, "When we're hiding in the dark from a fistful of Klingons and their Birds of Prey."

Verity watched him with understanding, frowning as he thought it over. He was silent for several moments, just helping him get it neatly in place. "You need a break," he said quietly, glancing back to him before stepping back from the crate. "You have been on your feet and forging forward since this kicked off, but the body and the mind needs a break from the pressure."

When Verity slowed, Kohl stopped with him. He pushed the crate against the bulkhead and accepted Verity's help in doing so. Turning his back to the anti-grav cart, Kohl braced his palms against the cart's edge and he leaned back against it. Kohl considered Verity's eyes thoughtfully. "I have been resting my body, probably moreso than anyone in Sickbay. We're on four-hour rotations now. More than one shift per day, but also more rest breaks," Kohl said. "Doctor Ni Dhuinn is pushing herself hard, and the others... they don't tire as easily. My body is rested. But, I suppose, my mind is holding onto the tension."

Verity smiled gently, searching his eyes for a long moment as he nodded. He slipped his hands into his pockets, taking a deep breath. "It can be just as draining. And distracting. You've been through a lot, have you talked any of it out yet? To get your head straight? It can help. I saw what it was like in Sickbay. I sat with the unlucky ones," he said quietly, seriously, offering out a level of understanding to him, letting him know that although he hadn't been in his position and hadn't been doing his job, he was there. And he knew how bad it had been in Sickbay.

"I've been talking to my roommate when I see her," Kohl said, and he nodded as he did so. His eyes on Verity became clouded when he said, "I talked to my department chief about it too," --and Kohl paused at that, and Kohl winced at that-- "I think-- but I think that made it worse."

Verity frowned, regretting the discomfort he saw in Andreus. It was the first time he'd seen him like that. "How so?" he asked softly. He was tempted to ask him to his office, so they could talk in private, but he wasn't sure if it would put the shutters back down on the other man.

"I don't know, not exactly," Kohl said. His argument with Pola had been replaying in his memory since it happened. He could feel his heartbeat thumping faster, could hear the blood pumping through the capillaries in his ears. Speaking low, Kohl said, "I've been agitated in Sickbay since the attack. Frustrated. Doctor Ni Dhuinn confronted me about it, and she accused me of being angry with her."

Verity could see the slight signs of anxiety, as faint as they were on the usually calm man. He reached out, touching the sleeve of his uniform briefly. "Was it true?" he asked evenly, no judgement either way in the tone.

"It came out of nowhere," Kohl replied, an indignant edge shone through his lowered tones. "In one breath she couldn't stop praising my skill and my professionalism, and then in the next, the accusations came flying at me."

Verity sighed softly, nodding with a frown. That would be disconcerting for anyone. "She, like us, has been through a lot of strain too," he said quietly, watching him. "I know that doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with it, or any less unpleasant, but perhaps it helps explain it?" he offered, although it was a genuine question, not having been there. Only Kohl would be able to judge that. "Was she right though? Or was it unfounded?"

That was the question. The question made Kohl's heart beat louder until it was all he could hear. The question made Kohl suck in ragged, shallow breaths. The question prompted Kohl to look side to side, to be certain the passageway was clear. "I wasn't upset about anything she was saying or doing," Kohl said, his delivery measured, so carefully measured. "I was complaining about my own fears. I don't think I said anything about her at all. But was she right...? I suppose... I was. I was angry with Pola. Even now, I feel furious with her and I know I shouldn't be."

Verity nodded, but he frowned with pain for the other man's distress. "Anger, it is not always rational. But it doesn't mean it can be ignored. And it doesn't always mean it should be ignored either. Why do you feel such anger? What are you angry about?"

"Vera Lin," Kohl said, and then his throat tightened, and his eyes felt heavy with water. He held onto his eye contact with Verity as if it were an EVA lifeline. "Vera died. Pola released anesthetic gas in Sickbay, because the Klingons-- And Vera-- the gas-- it--" Kohl could only wince and swallow hard.

"Lord," Verity whispered with a pained frown, almost a prayer. He reached out, gripping his upper arm firmly. "I'm so sorry," he said softly, sincerely, keeping the eyecontact, offering what strength he could through it. "Some deaths, no matter what anyone says, they just feel like such a waste. And it's okay to be angry, Andreus. It's a perfectly natural and healthy reaction. It's horrible, it feels so, so horrible, but there's nothing wrong with it. And you'll work through it."

"I agree with that, I do," Kohl said, but his wide eyes and uncertain tone of voice undercut his words somewhat. He didn't flinch from Verity's grasp on his arm; he almost leaned into it. "I've always believed in experiencing whatever I'm feeling, no matter how strange or how hard it is. But how do I get through being angry at Pola without straining our working relationship?"

Verity let out a long breath, considering it carefully and seriously. It was a tough one, and everyone was different. "Some people might talk it out. Go to a neutral place with her, quiet and private. Tell how you feel, be honest. She might say things that change how you feel. Or you might at least come to a working understanding. If nothing else, it'll be out of you. There won't be that tension and strain of constantly having to keep it secret. Or you can work on it yourself. Keep your head down at work and accept that you're grieving. Grief brings anger, but sometimes once people move past that stage, their perspective changes."

Nodding at Verity's words slowly, Kohl managed to bring his breathing under control again. His blood pressure returned to normal. "Both approaches have their merits," Kohl affirmed. He stepped away from Verity only then to position himself behind the antigrav cart. He remembered what he was supposed to be doing all at once. "I'll need to see what opportunities present themselves," Kohl said, "See how we interact the next time we work together..."

"A good idea. Sometimes it's best to let things happen naturally. Your instinct will take you to the right path," Verity said softly, watching him with a fond smile. And relief, that he seemed less distressed.

Using the least amount of effort required, Kohl nudged the antigrav cart in the direction of the doors to main engineering; it was only one section away now. With his hands on the cart's handle, Kohl spared a glance over to Verity. "How are you faring?" Kohl asked tentatively. "After the battle, after speaking with members of our crew?"

Verity glanced to him with surprise at the question. He smiled with appreciation at the thought though. "It's been difficult, but you know that," he shook his head slowly. "There's understandable confusion and anger. Questions as to why we were attacked so violently out of nowhere. The Captain out there somewhere. But you're a good crew. Resilient. You've all gotten straight back up onto your feet again to get the ship back in shape."

"I wasn't asking about the crew..." Kohl said gently, and his inflection expressed understanding that that was what Verity would assume. "I was asking about you. After the battle, after taking on our burdens, how are you?"

Verity blinked, sliding his hands into his pockets as he took a deep breath, not used to the question. "Tired," he admitted quietly, but there was still a smile on his features. "Heavy. Like...I'm turning into stone. But I'll get there," he flashed him a brighter smile at that. "I always get there. It's nice of you to ask, you know."

The double doors to Main Engineering pulled open, and Kohl pushed the antigrav cart inside. He headed purposefully towards the few stairs that lead up to the raised section of the compartment behind the warp core. Kohl shrugged lightly as if asking about Verity was obvious. He replied, "Well, I like to know how you're doing."

Verity smiled with surprise at the generosity, shaking his head as he watched him with meaning. "Well don't forget to look after yourself in all of this, alright? I mean it, you medical types are the worst for taking care of yourselves. I will come and find you and make you sit down to a proper hot meal, a decent drink and make you sleep for 10 hours if I have to," he chuckled, the last just gentle teasing, but the meaning behind it serious enough.

"Oh Verity, I'm no medical type," Kohl said. His tone was teasing, as if Verity were the brightest student who got one question wrong on his oral exam. "I'm Argelian. Self-indulgence comes to me as involuntarily as breathing." --Kohl shrugged slightly, and continued to push the cart until it was parallel with the first aid kit on the bulkhead-- "But I'll still take you up on that offer of dinner and drinks and ten hours sleep."

Verity couldn't help but laugh at that, shaking his head as he watched him with slightly narrowed eyes. "I shall have to read up more on the Argelians, I can't help but feel I'm at a disadvantage."

"Oh no, not at all," Kohl said, speaking boldly. He pulled the first aid kit from the bulkhead and popped it open. "No, when you're with an Argelian, you're always at the advantage. How dreary it must be for people to live their lives without ever visiting Argelius Two."

"Well, now that's just made me plain curious, I'll have to smuggle myself into port there and see what it's like," Verity laughed warmly, shaking his head as he watched him work. He'd offer to help, but it was a simple task and Kohl had it under control. And after Kohl's doubts a few moments ago, Verity wasn't sure, but he thought that maybe that was important.

From inside the crate, Kohl retrieved a burn dressing and a cartridge of bandage foam. As he slotted them into place inside the first aid kit, Kohl nodded as he said, "I whole-heartedly recommend it. For a man who told me he travels the backwaters, I can't believe you've never visited the shanty towns on Argelius Two."

"You have put me to shame," Verity replied, but with a grin as he shook his head. "I shall remedy this lack of knowledge, I assure you. There's so much to see, that's the problem. So much to see and do."

"There is," Kohl said, with the emphatic nod of agreement. As he continued with his work, and continued with this diversion from the stresses in his life, Kohl considered Verity. "Nothing shameful about being mortal," Kohl said, "In my experience, gods are such bores."

Verity watched him with curious eyes, smiling softly. He'd spent most of his adult life devoted to God. "In your experience?" he asked with an almost playful tone. This was something he had to hear.

"Yes, in my experience," Kohl said nonchalantly. He closed the first aid kit and mounted it on the bulkhead. "You've been in Starfleet for, what, two years now? And you haven't met a god yet?" --When Kohl referred to Verity directly, he grasped the man's upper arm-- "When I was serving aboard the Bismark, a few years back, I was judged by the god of Mindar Four. And a tiresome old coot he was," Kohl said. Or, at least, that was how his universal translator put it.

Verity laughed warmly, his eyes shining with it as he gripped his arm in return, forcing a frown to appear so he could appear mock serious. "And what was his judgement?"

Kohl tilted his head to the side and tutted softly. "Now that's between me and Mindar Four's trans-dimensional super-being," Kohl said, "but I can tell you I was banished from Mindar Four. Me and the entire crew."

"So many secrets," he smiled softly, holding his eyes as he shook his head, but the look in his own eyes appreciated it. "Don't worry. I'm good at keeping them. The things I've heard over the years. Seen. Let's just say nothing shocks me anymore."

"If nothing shocks you, does that mean nothing affects you?" Kohl asked, considering Verity's statement thoughtfully and following through with what he supposed could be a logical progression. He sealed the lid on the cargo case, and gave it a push. Walking behind the antigrav cart slowly, Kohl asked, "Nothing excites you?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that," Verity glanced down with a soft laugh, shaking his head as he rubbed his hand lightly over his lower back, stretching out gently. Being a Priest, where he had been, he'd seen both the best and worst of life, and of human nature. "I suppose that's why I go travelling. Why I joined up."

"Whatever the reason, I'm glad you did join up," Kohl remarked and he cocked his head slightly. He continued on his way out of Engineering, maintaining a pace beside Verity. "I'm glad you're aboard this ship, here and now."

Verity gave a broad smile to that, looking across to the other man with shining eyes. "So am I, Andreus. So am I. And I could say the same for you. The man who walks amongst gods."



[OFF]

Crewman Verity Thorne
Chaplain
USS Galileo

Ensign Andreus Kohl
Nurse
USS Galileo

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