Uncertainty

Posted on 12 Mar 2012 @ 5:39pm by Rear Admiral Lirha Saalm & Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy

2,430 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Episode 00 - Pre-Deployment
Location: Starfleet HQ, Garden
Timeline: MD 05 - 2010 hrs

[ON]

Lirha wandered through the HQ's botanic garden located just off to the side of the banquet hall which she had just left. Despite her reservations about the crew banquet, it had turned out to be a rather pleasant and enjoyable evening with the help of several glasses of brandy. Now, however, she found herself in a strange state of mind. She didn't want to retire to her quarters just yet, but also knew that she shouldn't continue on with the festivities, especially the enlisted crew's after-party at the recreational complex. With a tranquil and serene mind, Lirha slowly walked through the garden while softly humming her favorite childhood Orion melody.

As Dru stood up, she attempted to brush the dirt off of her trousers and frowned as she realised dirt and white linen did not mix well. She had placed her jacket on a bench behind her, so as not to get dirt on it. Dru just shrugged her shoulders as she figured the ruined trousers were worth the opportunity to brush her fingers against the Washington Lily she found poking out of the shrubs beside the path.

It had been a long few hours, Dru found she could never mingled well in crowds were alcohol was involved. Her mind kept being drawn back to Ayden and the conversation they had had, she smiled slightly as she remembered his offer that they could keep in communication, it might help her on the voyage having someone outside of the ship to be able to speak with.

As Dru moved to pick up her jacket, she heard a faint humming and was unsure where it was coming from. Dru hesitated for a moment before moving towards the sound, wanting to ensure whoever it was wasn't drunk and lost having left the party. As Dru came into sight of the person she smiled as she recognised the Captain. Over the last few days they had grown close, Lirha had become a friend that Dru could depend on."Captain?"

Lirha snapped out of her trance at the sound a familiar voice and looked around briefly before settling her eyes on a shadowy female figure. "Yes?" she asked, unable to clearly see who had spoken to her. Taking several more tentative steps, Lirha moved closer and finally recognized the person. "Oh, hello Lieutenant." she said with a courteous smile. "I didn't realize you were here as well."

Dru smiled slightly as she watched Lirha,"Are you ok Captain?" Dru noticed the steps Lirha took, almost as if she was trying to stay stable, Dru smiled abit more as she realised Lirha was very drunk,"You've enjoyed yourself tonight Lirha?" Dru found herself lapsing into using Lirha's name as Dru saw her as a friend, especially in this situation when they were both off duty.

"Yes, I'm okay." she said in a quiet voice. "I think I've enjoyed myself quite enough for the night." she added with a smirk, then slowly moved to take a seat at a nearby bench. She removed her uncomfortable dress jacket and let out a long sigh as she sat down on the wooden bench, then looked over at her blue-eyed friend. "Would you like to join me?"

After their conversation last night, Dru had started to feel more at ease with Lirha and part of her was slightly concerned about the Captain's state. Dru knew she could look after herself but it didn't stop her from feeling worried,"Well I tell you what, why don't you walk with me? It'll help you clear your head."

Lirha nodded without saying anything and got to her feet, leaving her jacket on the bench to retrieve later. "Where are we going?" she asked Dru as she stepped close to the woman. The captain's black hair had fallen out of its pins and now hung loose around her shoulders, hiding the side of her face from view.

"Hum...well lets just follow a path and see where we end up", Dru attached her comm badge to her under shirt to ensure she had it in easy reach should something happen,"I always find you can stumble across hidden areas when you just mindlessly wander. How did you find your first official function as Captain of the USS Galileo?"

"It was enjoyable...surprisingly." she answered. Though she was usually a talkative and vibrant person, she now felt much more calm and subdued in the large, dark garden. As they began to walk, Lirha slipped her arm in between Dru's and looked over at her quietly, studying her face. "What about you?" she asked in a soft voice, now walking arm in arm with the counselor.

Dru blushed slightly as she looked down at the path,feeling Lirha's arm wrapping around hers,"Honestly? I feel I never fit in at parties. I'm not really a drinker. I must admit I enjoyed myself tonight though, the Admiral's son and myself had a very interesting conversation."

"The Andorian?" Lirha asked curiously. She felt butterflies begin to manifest in her stomach as a strange feeling spread throughout her. The captain sighed mentally, refusing to acknowledge the jealous twinge. She hadn't admitted it to Dru, probably because of her position as commanding officer, but Lirha found her to be quite attractive, both on the inside and outside. Their growing bond over the past several days had led to the development of...well, Lirha wasn't sure.

Dru remained oblivious to Lirha's reaction as they were in the dark. Dru smiled slightly,"Yes the Andorian, Ayden. I guess we were similar personalities in the party. We went for a small walk and I helped him with some things which were confusing him. Did you have opportunity to be able to meet with him?"

"Yes, I spoke with him briefly." she said, then looked down at the ground. At Dru's mention of going for a walk with the cadet, Lirha had swallowed a lump in her throat as she tried to not think of what might have transpired between the two of them. "What did you talk about?" she asked quietly and moved herself closer to Dru.

Dru looked over with a slight frown on her face as she felt Lirha tighten the gap between them. The counsellor tightened her grip on Lirha's arm concerned that maybe she was unstable on her feet from the drink, and needed her support "Ah now Captain, I can't discuss patient counsellor type stuff."

Lirha stopped and held on to Dru's arm, pausing her in her tracks as well. She pushed a lock of her dark hair behind her ear and stared into Dru's eyes as she took another small step forward. "You seem to be very adept at keeping secrets." she remarked in a soft and sultry voice, then took her free hand and wrapped her fingers in between Dru's.

Dru looked down at Lirha's hand intertwining their fingers and looked back up into Lirha's eyes, feeling confused as she tried to establish what exactly was going on,"Well I wouldn't be much good as your ship's counsellor if I couldn't keep secrets Ma'am."

In such close proximity to each other, a flood of hormones surged through Lirha's body. Unable to control her feelings for her friend, she moved her head forward and licked her lips, then slowly pressed them against Dru's as she closed her eyes. She felt her heart beating rapidly in her chest and she opened her mouth slightly to take Dru's bottom lip in between hers. After several brief moments of intimate contact, she finally released it.

Dru stumbled backwards she separated from Lirha. Dru's fingers instinctively moved to trace her lips where the feeling of the kiss still lingering on her lips.She looked at Lirha with a look in her eyes of a deer caught in a spotlight.

"You're beautiful." Lirha said quietly as she looked intently at the counselor, then stepped forward to kiss her again. She could tell Dru was apprehensive...even slightly shocked, but the Orion wanted to be close to her again regardless.

As Lirha kissed her again, Dru instinctively leaned into the kiss before pulling back sharply, looking at Lirha with confusion in her eyes. She didn't understand what was happening. She had only ever kissed men before. This felt.....she didn't know how she felt, "Lirha?" Dru whispered, trying to make sense of the situation.

Hearing the confusion in the counselor's voice made Lirha put her hands protectively around Dru's waist. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I probably shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable...again." she said with apologetic green eyes.

Dru moved her hands to Lirha's chest, prepared to try push her away but something made her stop.There was an uncertainty which was flowing through her body but it seemed to be at war with a feeling of safety and security she felt in Lirha's arms."I...I don't understand."

"It's okay, Dru. Just trust me." she whispered. With her friend's hands still on her chest, Lirha moved her own underneath the fabric of Dru's dress shirt and rubbed her smooth skin. She leaned back in and kissed her again, tilting her head to the side to allow their tongues to rub against each other.

Dru felt her chest fill with a deep inbreath as she felt Lirha's hands against her skin. She responded to Lirha's kiss the only way she knew how, by grabbing the Captain's under shirt in her fists as she softly pressed her lips against Lirha's.Dru started to realise that she was finding it difficult to breath.

The Orion pulled Dru even closer so that their bodies pressed firmly against each other. With her eyes now closed in pleasure, she continued to slowly kiss the young counselor and relished in the intimate sensation of having her shirt being tightly clenched.

As Dru felt Lirha's body closer to her, she suddenly became aware of another sound in the background. A woman's laughter could be heard above the sounds of Dru's and Lirha's deep breathing. Suddenly realising the situation herself and Lirha were in, Dru pulled back quickly, taking a few steps backwards. Her breathing was laboured as if she is unable to catch a breath. As she watched Lirha in silence, afraid to give them away, she heard a voice accompanying the laughter and realised it was the CSO of the ship. Dru stayed silent, waiting until the voices had passed, never breaking eye contact with Lirha.

As the voices pass by, Dru opened her mouth slowly, trying to form her thoughts into words,"We can't do this."

Lirha slowly glanced around and spotted a pair of familiar silhouettes and voices. She nodded and gave Dru a small smile, then let her eyes travel down to the dark pavement beneath their feet. "I know." she answered quietly, unsure of what to say or do. A conflict of interests erupted inside of her, torn between her feelings for the lieutenant and her responsibilities of command. Frustration began to mount and the captain shook her head with regret while mumbling an Orion explicative under her breath.

As Dru watched Lirha she felt a confusion of emotions inside of herself. The young counsellor wrapped her arms around her own waist as she felt a tear fall down her cheek,"I...I can't do this." Dru had thought her feelings for Lirha were of friendship, now she nolonger knew. Dru had never felt this way for a woman before, it unsettled her to the core but part of her recognised the burning feeling she still felt against her skin where Lirha had touched her, almost as if Lirha had imprinted herself on the counsellor's skin.

"Please don't cry, Dru." she said as she put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Dru looked down at Lirha's hand against her shoulder. As slowly she closed her eyes to keep back the tears, she internally relished the feel of LLirha's touch before stepping back. She felt so conflicted, one part of her wished to rush back into Lirha's arms but the other part of her said this was unknown, it wasn't safe. And then, as smaller part of her, the officer side, whispered this was her Captain, her superior in career and in life, why would she want someone as lowly as Dru.

The captain took a deep breath and looked up into the starlit sky, letting the cool breeze flow through her nostrils as she attempted to sort out the situation at hand. She honestly had no idea what to do, and thought the best solution might be for them to part ways for the night and speak about it the next day. Over the last couple of days, Lirha had recognized Dru as being a rather emotional, even for a Human. Not wanting to upset or confuse her any further, she finally spoke up. "I think I should go and get some rest." she said with a small, apologetic smile.

Dru nodded her head slowly,still not trusting herself to be able to speak,"That might be for the best Captain." Dru attempted to rebuild the walls between them,pushing a distance.

Lirha nodded and slowly turned around to walk away. She took a couple steps before turning back to look at Dru one last time, wanting to comfort her while knowing the best thing she could do at the moment was to leave. She put her head down and slowly made her way back down the path to the bench on which she had placed her jacket. Slipping her sleeves into the white fabric, she pulled on the top of her dress uniform and walked out of the garden.

Dru looked into Lirha's eyes when she turned around before breaking the contact firs and letting Lirha walk on. As Dru heard her footsteps disappear into the distance she felt another tear rolling down her cheek. She was a counsellor, she should be able to handle this but all she could feel was confusion, and buried somewhere under the confusion she felt a small stab of regret. A few moments passed before she felt an ability to be able to walk. The young councellor went back to collect her own jacket before taking the long route back to the transporter platform to return to her quarters.

[OFF]

--

CMDR Lirha Saalm
Commanding Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy
Chief Counsellor
USS Galileo

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