Jäähyväiset

Posted on 18 Feb 2015 @ 11:16pm by Ensign Jaana Voutilainen & Lieutenant Tuula Voutilainen M.D.
Edited on on 18 Feb 2015 @ 11:24pm

1,910 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Episode 07 - Sojourn
Location: Starbase 84 - Coffeebar
Timeline: MD 45 - 18.30 hours

ON:

Cradling her vanilla, caramel Caffe Latte Jaana watched her the other members of her family. Their parents were about to leave the station and Tuula needed to report to the USS Chronos. They still hadn't discussed anything after the dinner with the Mott family or Jaana's revelation about the nature of that marriage.

Having had enough of the silence Jaana spoke up. "Are we going to talk about this or not?" She and her dad had talked just before meeting here and they both knew that Tuula and their mother were the real ones that needed to talk. Her dad had a practical mind. After the explanation he managed to step over his hurt of being kept out he loop regarding the marriage and understood why Tuula went along with the charade. Her mother on the other hand couldn't do that. She might understand but that didn't meant that everything was forgiven and forgotten.

"Tuula, Anya?" Aksel said in hope to get two of his woman to start talking.

Tuula just stared at her mother, who was just sitting there, sipping her coffee with a blank expression, as though she were challenging Tuula to say something. Tuula tried to do the same, but it was her that broke first.

"Mom, I'm sorry," she started. "I didn't want to lie to you, but imagine what would have happened if all those Bolians knew that it was a fake marriage. I had to do what I could to maintain the illusion. And had I knew you were coming, I would have never agreed to this silly plan."

Anya took a deep sight. "I understand why you did it. You just wanted to help a friend." she said. That wasn't why she was upset, to be honest she didn't know exactly why she was mad at her daughter.

Tuula could tell that despite her words, her mother was still disappointed in her. "Okay, so... we're cool?" she asked, in the faint hope that everything really was cool.

"Cool?" Anya said back loudly. "What is going on with you, Tuula? I am your mother. We taught you to speak with respect. Is that how you talk to your collegues?" She shook her head. " you used to be such a sweet girl, but now..."

"There's nothing going on with me, mom," protested Tuula. "I was just trying to help out a friend and--"

Tuula paused mid-sentence as her mind finally processed what her mother was saying. "Wait a minute. I 'used to be' such a sweet girl? This isn't about Olsam at all, is it? It's about my clothes and hair and tattoos." Tuula glanced over at Aksel for a split second, long enough to see him cringe. "I know there are a lot of superficial people out there, but I can't believe that you would be one of them, mom. All the way back to high school, you never liked it when I started experimenting with my look. I'm still the same sweet girl who always wanted to be a doctor, the only difference is that I don't look plain and blonde and boring anymore." Hearing a gasp, Tuula turned to her sister. "Sorry, Jaana, I didn't mean..."

Jaana didn't know what to say. Not that she was suprised about her sister's opinion, but hearing her say it out loud wasn't what she expected.

"I know you're still the sweet girl. I just wished you would show the real you." Anya said, ignoring the voice inside her head to keep her mouth shut. She had done that way too long, and look where it had gotten them. "I love you with ever fiber in my body; there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. And because of my love for you I want to see you happy. Both of you." she was talking softer now. "I can see you're not really happy. And you're using your clothing style to hide behind. You are so beautiful, you shouldn't hide the real you behind those clothes."

"Anya," Aksel said, but he knew she had to say this. And he was torn. Torn between the woman he loved that was finally saying what was on her heart for the last decade; and his little girl that was hurting by her mothers words.

"This IS the real me!" exclaimed Tuula. She was so frustrated that her own mother couldn't even see that. Seeing the frustration growing around the table, she lowered her voice again. "I am happy. I've got my medical degree, I'm practicing medicine underneath a wonderful mentor, and I'm on an exciting assignment with my wonderful sister. What more could I want?"

Tuula clasped Jaana's hand underneath the table, and glanced over towards her, trying to convey an apology for her earlier outburst. She could tell that her mother wasn't satisfied. "The hair, the tattoos, all that... it's just how I express myself." She looked down at the tattoos on her arms, visible due to her short sleeves and then back up at her mother. "Mom, I know you won't understand, but being in that shuttle accident changed my life. You don't know what it's like to lose control over half of your own body. Dressing how I want, dying my hair, and even getting tattoos... it's more than just looking cool, it's how I assert control over my own body. And no one -- and no shuttle accident -- can take that away from me."

Jaana pulled her hand away. Not because she was angry, but simply because she didn't know what to do. She knew she didn't meant it, what she had said. She even knew that her sister was right. That was why she dressed the way she did, believing there was no point in dressing up because it wouldn't hide the way she looked.

"Do you really feel you cannot control your own body without all of that?" Anya asked seriously. "What you've been through is awful and I still have nightmares about it every night. But you should be celebrating the fact that you survived. Celebrate that we still have you with us," her voice broke as she was trying to get her daughter to understand what she was saying. "not dressing like death itself."

Jaana took a deep breath at the last comment and looking at Tuula she could see the pain in her eyes. This wasn't what she wanted, Jaana thought. All she wanted was for them to talk things out before they left.

"I celebrate that every day," explained Tuula. Sighing deeply, she pulled at her sleeve, revealing her latest tattoo. "Look, there are four butterflies here. One for all of us. Me, Jaana, isä and äiti. And my koi fish; what do you think that represents? And the phoenix on my side?"

"But why all the black, and the dark makeup... and what did you do to your hair!" Anya asked desperately. "Why can't you dress normal?"

"Normal..." muttered Tuula. That was another one of those words she hated. It sounded so innocuous, but was filled with so many value judgements. "Mom, look at me. I'll never be whatever other people call normal." A tear came to her eye as she began pleading with her mother. "I like dressing this way. It makes me feel happy, and confident, and independent. And I think it looks cool, and I look good in black. People are going to stare at me no matter how I dress, so why shouldn't I just embrace being different and dress in a way that makes me happy?"

"Because you look like the grim reaper's teenage daughter!" exclaimed Anya. She still couldn't believe that her own daughter would choose to dress like that. When she first started, she thought it was just a phase, but in the past few years she had started looking and acting even scarier, if that was at all possible. And her collection of medical instruments... the less said, the better. "Why do you have to dress up like it's Halloween all the time?"

"Dress up?! Mom, you're not even listening to anything I'm saying! I like these clothes! I like my hair!"

"You like looking like a Friday night horror movie reject?!" Anya was raising her voice to match her daughter's. "You like hiding the real you behind a Halloween costume?"

"This is the real me!" exclaimed Tuula. "Why are you being so judgemental?"

"Judgemental?" Anya shook her head. "Be realistic, Tuula. What do you think people see when they look at you. And I'm not talking about the chair, I'm talking about that silly spiked collar you insist on wearing for whatever incomprehensible reason."

"I'm a grown woman, mother. I can dress myself."

"Evidently not."

"Ok, stop it." Jaana shouted not being able to keep quiet any longer. With tears running over her cheeks she said again. "Please just stop."

"Enough!" exclaimed Aksel. He rarely talked much and even more rarely raised his voice, so when he did, everyone listened. "Look at the two of you. Instead of treasuring our last moments together before we return home, you're fighting over clothes of all things. And look, you've even made Jaana cry." Aksel placed a hand on Jaana's shoulder, trying to comfort his daughter. Had he had three hands, he'd be trying to comfort all three of them, but Jaana needed it most.

"You know what you're problem is?" he added, looking at his wife and daughter. "You're more alike than you realize. You're both strong, independent, and beautiful women. Tuula, your mother loves you and is concerned about you. She only wants you to be happy, and is worried that you're hiding behind your dark clothes. And Anya, you have two wonderful, successful daughters who aren't children anymore. Is fighting with your 28 year old daughter over her choice in style really how you want to spend our last day together?"

"But..." protested Anya. Looking at the tears flowing down Jaana's cheeks, and then back to her other visibly distressed daughter, she relented. "Tuula, I'm sorry. I love you and I'm proud of you, but there are some things about you I just don't understand."

"You don't have to understand, äiti. All I ask is that you accept me for who I am." Tuula wiped away a tear and held her sister's hand in support.

"I can't promise I'll ever be comfortable with this, but I'll try." Anya also discretely wiped away a tear with a napkin. "But regardless, you are my daughter and I will always love you."

"I love you too, äiti." Tuula looked over at Jaana, who by now had finally stopped crying. "Why don't we all go out and get some ice cream, for old time's sake." Seeing the tension finally start to dissipate, she couldn't help but crack a joke to lighten the mood. "And matching tattoos."

Jaana looked at her sister with a shocked look on her face before seeing she was joking. She used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away the tears. She felt stupid for letting go of her emotions. "That sounds great," she said, relieved that they had stopped fighting. "Let's go!"

OFF:

Ensign Jaana Voutilainen
Stellar Cartographer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (J.G.) Tuula Voutilainen
Medical Officer
USS Galileo

and

Aksel and Anya Voutilainen
Parents of two complicated woman

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