Love Hurts, Love Wounds, Love Scars

Posted on 06 Oct 2014 @ 6:12am by Petty Officer 3rd Class Ellsworth Hudson & Lieutenant Oren Idris Ph.D.

6,651 words; about a 33 minute read

Mission: Episode 06 - Legend of Souls
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, quarters 04-2624 JO
Timeline: MD9 - 1100hrs

[ ON ]

Being the quartermaster and yet so far removed from the chain of command was an odd experience for Ellsworth. He was intimately connected with each department and all of their needs, which gave him a behind-the-scenes perspective of the ship and its crew that few people had. Eventually, he learned about everything, emphasis on the eventually. Their unscheduled departure from DS9 had come as a surprise - he'd only heard it in passing while making some inventory adjustments with the engineering staff. No one had thought it important enough to tell him.

But then again, why would they? He was a third-class petty officer. There wasn't a third-class petty officer on the ship that needed to know anything. It had been a hard lesson to learn; on some level it offended his pride, but he recognized that you didn't really need to know where the ship was going, what it was doing and where its crew would be deployed to insure there were enough sonic shower replacement parts in Cargo Bay 3.

But when your friend was involved in some kind of horrific away mission, walked away with a broken bone and then didn't even bother to tell you over lunch? That was completely different, and it had gotten him all worked up. Of course that was only what Ellsworth had chosen to focus his emotional distress on; in truth, there was a lot more going on in his mind, but Oren's omission seemed like an easy target. By the time he arrived at the archaeologist's quarters, his cheeks were flushed.

On the other side of the door, Oren was surprised by the ring. Spinning around in his desk chair, he stopped himself with his feet when he finally faced door, staring at it. For a moment, he wondered if he'd imagined the sound of the chime so he waited. When it finally rang out again, he hopped out of the chair and, with two long steps, reached the front door.

As they hissed open, Oren was surprised (though, not unpleasantly) once more at finding Ellsworth there. He smiled easily as he took a step forward, pulling the Betazoid into a hug.

"Hi!" he said excitedly, hooking his chin over Ellsworth's shoulder.

The hug was quick; Ellsworth took him by the shoulders and pushed Oren away from him and back into his quarters, taking a step or two forward with him until the door shut. He looked a little genuinely hurt, but far more upset and concerned. One of his hands dropped away, but the other just slid down a little bit to rest on Oren's chest.

"You didn't tell me you were hurt! Are you okay? I was worried! I mean, after I found out I was worried. You'd been treated, I guess, but I was still worried. Am worried."

If Ellsworth hadn't been holding onto Oren, he was sure he would've tripped being pushed back into the room. As it was, he only stumbled slightly before managing to regain his footing. He finally looked up at Ellsworth and it took him a moment to realise what he was even talking about.

It clicked before Ellsworth would notice and Oren shrugged, almost helplessly.

"I'm fine. My break is healed and the cuts are coming along nicely."

Ellsworth's hand shifted from Oren's chest to his arm, working all the way down and squeezing along the way like he was some sort of doctor testing out the truth of the claim. He wouldn't know a break from a sprain from a contusion but that didn't stop him. All the while, he kept the very worried look on his face.

"Well," the Betazoid said, dropping his voice down to a quiet whisper. His hand fell off Oren's arm and reached out to touch his hand, fingers lightly holding on. "Sorry. I was just worried about you." He looked up and gave a weary little smile. "I'm glad you're okay." His eyes softened considerably, going from worry and concern to the usual doe-eyed affection he had when he looked at Oren. "I'm happy to see you, Oren."

Oren's smile widened in response to the affection, returning it. "I'm happy to see you too!" He then moved back, leading Ellsworth further into his quarters before finally finding a place for him on the couch. He pushed him down to sit on it as if he belonged there.

"Do you want something from the replicator?" he asked, then idly went to where his bed was. There was a carrier there and Oren opened it. When Ellsworth had been there the day before, Landi had been sleeping so the two hadn't had a chance to meet so Oren decided he should make up for it. Taking the puppy into his arms, he walked up to Ellsworth.

"Ells, this is Landi." He presented the puppy to him and, as she was held out to the stranger, Landi struggled in her master's grip before hopping into Ellsworth's lap, proceeding to sniff him cautiously.

"Can I have an Altair fizzy pop?" Ellsworth asked. It was an outlandishly childish request, but he didn't really care today. He wanted something sweet...dammit.

His eyes followed Oren as he walked to the replicator, but he quickly turned his attention to Landi before the young El-Aurian turned back around. He had a heightening sense of caution and reluctance about Oren that didn't match up very well with the magnetism of the affection he felt for him. He wanted to look at him and touch him and be close to him when they were together in a very confusing way. Like most people he felt any degree of affection toward, the whole relationship left him befuddled. But given his current situation with K'os, he felt something tugging at him, urging caution and distance and something deeply, firmly platonic.

"She's really cute," Ellsworth said, grinning at Landi. He'd managed to find an especially itchy spot under her chin, and that seemed to have endeared him for life. "She has long legs, is she going to be big? She'd never fit in our quarters... Melinda would probably have a fit, anyway."

Oren replicated the fizzy drink without question, getting one for himself as well. He'd never tried it and was immediately curious. Bringing the two glasses with him, he collapsed down onto the couch next to Ells and handed him his drink.

"I think they said she might get a little big, but that just means I won't accidentally sit on her," Oren replied, sipping his soda. As he leaned back on the couch, he let out a small grunt. Despite his best efforts to take the best care of his wounds, the constant painful tugging on his stitches caused by most movements was really starting to get on his nerves, both literally and figuratively.

While he could care for his arm and leg quite well, his back was another matter. After checking himself in the mirror once he'd been released, Oren had found his tattoo cut almost in half, which was very disappointing. He'd spent years making the design perfect, adding to it every few years and taking great care to keep it clean-cut and the colours vibrant, but it seemed that the Universe had different plans. But, such was life.

"You're not completely fine," Ellsworth said, speaking into his drink container before taking a sip; that he didn't look at Oren made it seem even more like an accusation. It wasn't strong, but he could still feel an undercurrent of pain. And besides, fussing over Oren gave him - his mind - something to do. He began touching on Oren's shoulder, trying to turn him sideways with his back facing Ellsworth. "Turn around, let me see. I bet they didn't do it right. I heard they were treating too many people and someone almost died."

Oren made a face he was sure Ellsworth wouldn't be able to identify as his 'Damn, I've been caught!' look. He shifted awkwardly.

"Word of warning...I didn't have Kohl regenerate it. I just had it stitched and then left alone to heal by itself," Oren explained before finally shifting around. Taking a deep breath to prepare himself as well as Ells, he finally reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head.

Although naturally fair skinned despite a childhood spent under the harsh Bajoran sun, the expanse of Oren's pale back was almost completely covered by a large, elaborate tattoo. It began just above the waistband of Oren's pants with an odd script and then, above it, it looked as if Oren's back had been opened up into a widening V-shape, revealing an odd, colourful assortment of things inside - writing in different languages, small, random items, flowers of different shapes and sizes, as well as different things Ellsworth couldn't readily identify.

The entire image was ruined by the cut spanning a good ten inches, from one side of the tattoo all the way to the opposite side, ending just under the right side of Oren's ribcage. It was, as he'd said, stitched, but the skin around the cut was irritated and an angry, crimson colour.

Ellsworth reached out and delicately ran a finger well below the cut, careful not to touch any skin that might be sore.

"You're hurt," he finally said. His voice was quiet and distant, as if he was staring an impossible thing in the face. No one he'd ever cared about had been hurt since his parents died, and that was so long ago he didn't really even remember it. Seeing that angry red line was like suddenly realizing the universe was a dangerous place, capable of actually harming people.

With some small sense of wonder, both of Ellsworth's hands ran over the entirety of Oren's back, tracing different shapes and symbols within the elaborate tattoo. His cool skin felt good under his hands, and he let them roam freely. Where he felt tension, he would push gently for a few moments against the muscle before moving on, exploring some other part of the intricate scene.

He was curious about why Oren didn't have the dermal regenerator repair the wound, but for some reason - despite having his hands all over his exposed body - he felt that was something too private and personal to ask.

"It's pretty, I like it," Ellsworth said, just to fill the silence. He used two fingers on separate hands to trace the V-shape a final time then tugged at the hem of Oren's shirt until it fell down over the riotous scene like a curtain. "You'd never know you were hiding that under there." His fingers crept along Oren's sides, easing toward his hips, trying to tickle him the slightest little bit. "What other sort of secrets have you got, hm?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Oren replied, glancing over his shoulder to throw Ellsworth an impish smile. He'd kept his body very still during Ells' exploration of his back, not even breathing for fear of unnecessarily breaking the comfortable silence, but as Ellsworth's hands crept along his sides, he flinched, letting out a small, cut off giggle.

"Don't you dare," he warned, but there was no real heat in it.

"I wouldn't think of it," Ellsworth said, pressing his palms against Oren's body as he slid them back around his sides then held his hands up in innocent surrender. In truth, he was afraid to tickle him too much; the sight of those stitches was still very fresh in his mind, and he didn't want to make him laugh too much for fear of causing any pain. It was absurd, but he'd never forgive himself if he did.

The young Betazoid absent-mindedly turned his attention back to Landi while he waited for Oren to get settled on the couch again. It took only a split second for him to backslide from the high of running his hands over Oren's back to a sullen quietude. If he kept himself constantly engaged with his companion, he knew he wouldn't feel a moment of depression. It would be all smiles and furtive glances, easy familiarity and touching that could have very easily (for him) degenerated into all sorts of...activity. In fact, he'd been struggling all day long to keep his mind on task and away from that line of thinking; it was too easy to fall back on that lifestyle, those things, as a way to avoid anything unpleasant in life. He'd learned the lesson that it solved nothing, only put things off, but it was harder to put a lesson into practice than to simply learn it.

"I got some transfer orders today," Ellsworth said, speaking up to break the silence that had settled between them. He kept his eyes on Landi and the spot he was scratching beneath her collar, focusing on the matted fur that inevitably developed beneath the light chaffing of the material. Occasionally, when he hit the right spot, Landi's right back leg would start thumping against the couch cushion. "Some people are leaving the ship."

"Is that why you're so sad?"

Oren wasn't looking at Ellsworth, instead focusing his attention on Landi, scratching her belly in a way he knew she loved. The puppy seemed to be blossoming under the attention, completely oblivious to the emotions both of the men in the room could feel.

"Yes," Ellsworth replied, still looking at Landi.

The movement of his hands changed from the scratching one might give a dog to the slow motions one might make while running their fingers through someone's hair. His mind had drifted off a bit, imagining Oren had his head in his lap so Ellsworth could play with his hair. But he had K'os's face. And Grayson's spots. For the briefest moment the image gave him the sensation of a waking nightmare, and that was enough to snap him back to reality.

"My boyfriend, K'os," Ellsworth said, pausing. "Apparently, this was a temporary assignment. He acknowledged the transfer orders three days ago. That's what the paperwork said. And he hasn't mentioned it to me. I haven't even seen him since the mission started. Not once." He bit down hard on his lip, so hard he thought it might start bleeding. "I don't think he even loved me." He bit harder, and a small piece of skin shifted under the pressure, threatening to rip. "I think..." He drew a ragged breath, hoping it would be far steadier when he exhaled; it wasn't. "I think he's just like all the others, in his own way."

"I'm so sorry," Oren told him, scooting closer to his friend on the couch. Sliding his hand over Ellsworth's back, he finally wrapped that arm around his shoulders, giving him a comforting squeeze. He didn't say anything more for the time being, content to let Ells decide just what kind of comfort he needed or if he needed any at all. Judging by how hard he was trying to keep it together, Oren knew to brace himself for the inevitable breakdown.

He'd never met this K'os, but he was seriously tempted to search him out and give him a piece of his mind regarding proper break-up etiquette.

Ellsworth let his head droop to the side, temple resting against Oren's shoulder. While he was quiet on the outside - too quiet - a battle raged on in his mind, running an incredible gamut of emotions. He'd found he could go from being angry to depressed to regretful to guilty in the span of seconds. It had seemed very important to have someone to blame, just to ease the complete lack of control he felt over the entire situation.

Above all, he resolved not to cry. You didn't shed a tear over things like this. You held your head high. You shouldered the burden, and you moved on. You didn't look back. In a few weeks or months, maybe, you met someone new who brought a sort of fulfillment to your life like you'd never known.

Or...

At least that's how it always worked in the holonovels. K'os had brought that sense of fulfillment, a bright spark of passion and excitement and acceptance in a life that had previously lacked all three, but the holonovels seemed fairly silent on what to do when your knight in shining armor disappeared, too.

"I hate him," Ellsworth finally said, sounding so venomous he surprised even himself. "He's a coward. A stupid coward. With stupid coward dimples and stupid coward telepathy and a stupid coward laugh..." His lip quivered, so he bit it again. "And his stupid...coward...trips to the stupid beach...." His body jumped like he was about to be racked with sobs, and he made a decidedly unflattering snorting kind of a sound as he poured all his will into holding the line.

Oren watched Ellsworth's struggle with a sympathetic look, waiting for the dam to break. Seeing him try harder and harder to repress his crying broke Oren's heart.

"Come here," the El-Aurian finally said, unable to let him go on like this. Gently, he pulled Ellsworth closer until he could wrap his arms around him in a firm hug. "I know it hurts," he told him gently, as if whispering a secret to let Ellsworth know he was in on it too and there was no reason to hide behind this facade.

Ellsworth melted into Oren's arms and buried his face into the other man's shoulder. Landi seemed to sense her position was becoming tenuous, so she hopped out of his lap and on to the floor. Somewhere in the shadows a tribble moved off quickly, disturbed by the movement of the dog and probably frightened to be caught out of hiding.

The young Betazoid sobbed once or twice but didn't carry on like he thought he might have. It felt safe to be held by Oren. They barely knew each other, but there was something intuitively okay about their friendship and the intimacy of it. There was a sense of comfort and ease around the El-Aurian that made Ellsworth drop his guard; of course, it was the same sort of impulsive behavior that had gotten him into the situation with K'os in the first place, but that was something to think about at another time. You couldn't very well worry about repeating your mistakes when you hadn't fully come to grips with the mistake in the first place, could you?

"I haven't seen him in so long," Ellsworth said into Oren's shoulder, muffled and barely audible. He sounded like he was on the verge of delusion. "Things weren't supposed to be like this. I just thought he was studying a lot. He wouldn't answer the door... I just stopped coming. I thought maybe he was really busy in engineering, you know... Engineers are busy, right? And every night I thought he'd come bouncing into my quarters and smile at me and take me by the hand and we'd have a picnic in the middle of the night in the arboretum." He finally lifted his head and looked at Oren, eyes wet but not crying just yet. "I just don't know what I did wrong..."

Oren sighed, still keeping his arms firmly around Ellsworth, who felt much smaller than Oren would have thought him to be. "Ells, you didn't do anything wrong. He's the one that ignored you, but he had no real reason that I can see. No reasonable one, anyway." Listening to Ellsworth's explanation of his last few weeks with K'os, the man seemed like a complete jackass and Oren was surprised that Ells would fall for someone like that. Being a telepath, he would've thought the Betazoid would have better judgment of someone's intentions. Apparently, he was telling the truth when he'd said he wasn't a good telepath.

Of course, even if Ellsworth was a great telepath, Oren would understand. The feeling of someone wanting you was exhilarating to the point of being almost blind, especially if it wasn't something you were used to.

"He wasn't like that. Isn't. He isn't like that. He isn't normal," Ellsworth said, feeling a little bit defensive.

He was an awful telepath but he could at least sense criticism in an empathic sense, though it was a bit of a leap to assume it had been directed at him. He shifted himself on the couch so that one leg was under the other, and he could fully face Oren. He reached up and took hold of both of the other man's arms, bringing their hands to rest in his lap. He liked holding hands, and this was definitely a moment when he needed it.

"He can't control himself. He's all over the place, emotionally," Ellsworth continued to explain. "He's half-Vulcan but he doesn't have the discipline. He just feels everything so much, in the moment, with so little filtering. He's hyperemotional and his touch telepathy just makes it so much worse. Or better... When I'd touch him, it was like..." Ellsworth's eyes unfocused as he recalled the sensation. "It was like...color. And noise. Everywhere. It washed over me and under me and around me. It was wonderful, but... He just... He's messed up." Ellsworth laughed bitterly. "He's more messed up than me. He probably had no idea what he was doing, and I was the only kid dumb enough in the universe to be okay with that and never spare a moment's thought for the consequences."

In a zen-like moment everything seemed to make sense. He felt a little detached from himself, like he was floating above his body, with enough perspective and insight to understand K'os and to understand what had happened between them. But it would probably only last for a split second before he went back to wanting to grab a phaser.

Caressing Ellsworth's hands as they rested in his, Oren listened to him intently. He watched him work it all out through his explanation and made sure not to interrupt, even with any kind of emotions.

"It's okay to be a dumb kid sometimes," Oren reassured him quietly, hoping to reassure him. "To let your mind just wander and your feelings take over the rein of something," he added, keeping his tone in the even tone he knew wouldn't add to Ellsworth's distress. As he spoke, he kept his gaze mostly on their joined hands, his voice a little distant, like he was half-lost in his own thoughts.

"I know you're hurting right now, but you should try and stop blaming it on yourself. Try to think of it as a learning experience. When you connect with someone so passionately, there's always a chance that it'll burn out quickly. That doesn't mean it was a bad thing. It just was what it was. Think on it fondly, because it was enjoyable while it lasted, right?" He finally looked up, both to finally come back into the present moment and to see if what he was saying actually made any sense. At one point, in his own mind, if felt as if he was just making it up as he went along, even though he was sure the words were being drawn from some long gone, past experience.

Ellsworth reflected on Oren's words - letting his mind wander and his emotions take reign over something was pretty much the story of his life. It had given him an interesting life filled with a lot of interesting, but occasionally ill-advised, decisions. The relationship burning out also struck a chord and spoke to an insecurity he'd harbored throughout the entire fling with K'os. It had seemed almost impossible to sustain that level of intensity and passion for very long. Some part of him had known it would change at some point, he'd just hoped it wouldn't have changed like...this.

"He's still stupid, and I still hate him," Ellsworth said, smiling a little but refusing to meet Oren's eyes. Jokingly repeating the words seemed to take a little sting out of how ridiculously juvenile he'd sounded now that his mind was a little clearer, but they still sounded like something someone half his age might say.

The young Betazoid shifted his hands so that he could slide them up Oren's forearms, looking up to meet his gaze. He liked the easy association between them, the freedom to just reach out and touch him without having to worry about anyone else watching or, more importantly, getting a weird response from the intimacy of it. The touch was physically satisfying - he liked the smoothness of Oren's skin - but it spoke so well to some deep-seated need to be connected with another person that, in a way, it seemed like it could be addictive, one of those points at which he could have let his mind go and give himself over to his emotions. But the consequences of that seemed like they could be very dangerous and lead to... He wasn't sure what. Something. Something dangerous.

"What about you?" Ellsworth asked suddenly, pulling back until their hands were clasped together again. He slowly turned his head to the side while he stared at Oren, looking curious. "Are you... I mean. Are you married? Are you seeing someone? Have you ever?" He got a little flustered, both from his stumbling and the realization that he didn't know very much at all about Oren's love life while he felt like he was constantly babbling about his own. Shyly, he looked up. "Did you ever make a mistake like that?"

"Not married, no," Oren replied, shaking his head as he decided to answer the simplest question first. "As far as mistakes like that go, I didn't make one exactly like yours because I've never felt that instant attraction and passion for someone," he admitted, feeling a bit self conscious about that fact, especially having to admit it to someone almost a quarter of his age.

"I did make the mistake of thinking a relationship would last longer than it did. I was blinded and I couldn't see all of its flaws. I didn't even think there were flaws. But I was just a kid, I didn't know any better." Oren shrugged.

Ellsworth blushed; sitting next to Oren, he was literally a kid who didn't know any better. But once he put his entire life into perspective, he felt hopeful that he could learn. At least he wasn't a criminal, like some of the other children from his orphanage. At least he'd made something from his life, joined Starfleet and killed some cranky guy's flowers but learned a lot. He smiled over at Oren. At least my friends are cute.

He sat there for several long moments, a slow grin spreading across his face. It could have been that his affection for Oren was growing organically. It could have had something to do with all the emotional trauma of Grayson and K'os. Or it could have been him letting go too much, following his emotions too much, being careless too much. But he did feel a connection developing with the (much) older man for every moment that they spent together.

Ellsworth leaned forward, feeling the pull of his lower back muscles as he came closer and closer, and stopped when his nose touched Oren's. For just that brief moment, he let himself forget about K'os and his childhood and his oh-so-difficult life and just focused on his new friend. He stared Oren in the eyes and spoke very quietly, in a whisper, still grinning, "I like you cuz you're honest."

Oren smiled back, nuzzling against Ellsworth's cheek. "I like not having to pretend," he admitted. It was the most truthful sentence he remembered uttering since coming onto the Galileo and, after all that had happened, he was thankful for the small, insulated moment between them.

"Speaking of pretending, I'm running an experiment with one of the girls in Intel. We're pretending to date, to see how quickly gossip spreads. You're the only person who knows besides us, so don't tell anyone, okay?" Oren kept his voice light and quiet, not wanting to disturb the moment.

Ellsworth cut his eyes to the side to look at Oren, though they couldn't really see each other being cheek-to-cheek. He had absolutely no idea how to describe what he felt in that moment. Surprise, certainly. He'd been about to pounce on Oren, shove him backwards on the couch and pin him by the shoulders, so the admission had caught him off guard for sure. Jealousy? Mixed with curiosity? Dressed with a side of sadness, brought on by the memory of "pretending to date" with K'os? Sometimes it was better not to think about it, just feel it and move on.

"The ship is small," Ellsworth said. He leaned back again, but remained far closer than he had been moments ago. "I bet it will get around pretty quickly." He grinned and playfully pushed at Oren's knee. "Maybe I should beam into your quarters from now on. People are really going to start talking about you..." Ellsworth gave him a sly look, eyes glittering mischievously, and raised his voice a half-octave, making it clear he was using a mocking tone. "'Did you see who went into Oren's quarters?' 'No, who?' 'The quartermaster - he's there every day! And not half an hour later, I saw him making out with that girl from intel. Who isn't he dating?'"

Giggling, Oren shook his head at Ellsworth. "I know, I really get around, don't I?" Wrapping his arms around the Betazoid's shoulders, Oren sighed before giving Ells a playful look. "You sure you'll want to be seen with me after I've gained a reputation"

Ellsworth grinned, seeing his opening and deciding to take it. He slipped his own arms under Oren's, locked hands just below his shoulder blades and fell back gently onto the couch, dragging Oren with him. He went slower than usual, which seemed to undercut some of the drama of it, but he couldn't shake his worry about the stitches in Oren's back.

It was a selfish move, a needy move. The closeness of another person, the familiar weight of a body resting on top of yours, brought a sense of security that couldn't really be achieved any other way, and he was happy to have it, even if it was only for a split second. Oren could have slapped him and rolled away, and it still wouldn't have made Ellsworth regret his decision.

He wiggled a little until he was comfortable, then brought a hand around to brush away some of the hair that had fallen into the other man's face. His eyes had never left Oren's; now, they were both a bit soft and a bit playful, underscoring the honesty of his statement but trying to cover it with a bit of teasing.

"I don't care about your reputation, just how you treat me. I'm the most important."

"Oh, excuse me. I forgot," Oren said with an understanding nod before lowering his face to Ellsworth's chest until it was half-buried in it with just hid large green eyes looking up at his friend. Enjoying the warmth and intimacy of the position they were in, Oren was positive that, if they stayed like that long enough, he'd fall asleep. Wanting to avoid that, he picked his face up and resting his chin on Ellsworth's chest instead, careful not to put too much pressure.

"I'll treat you good," Oren finally said before dropping a small kiss onto Ellsworth's chest.

Ellsworth felt his cheeks flush, and he really couldn't come up with anything to say in response. In fact, he was worried that anything he said would be clumsy and disrupt the tenderness of the moment. So instead of opening his mouth, he opened his mind, relaxing what little restraint he had over his telepathy to open the flood gates of emotion: gratefulness, comfort, affection, excitement, desire. Hopefully, Oren would pick up on some of it.

As the two laid there in comfortable silence, Oren could almost feel himself getting sleepier, his eyelids becoming heavier with each passing moment until the bliss was suddenly broken. Landi, in a fit of puppy-infused jealously, jumped up onto the couch, then onto Oren's back, obviously wanting in on the frankly supreme cuddling that was going on between the two men on the couch.

Ellsworth squawked, eyes bulging at the sudden change in weight. His arms instinctively flailed into the air, almost hitting Oren in the face, and he squirmed and struggled to gain purchase on the couch with his feet. He felt hot, snorting dog breath growing closer to his face, and he squealed between fits of giggles. "She's gonna lick me, she's gonna lick me!"

Oren kept himself very still, fighting his own laughter as felt Landi walk over his shoulders and nuzzle Ellsworth's neck, sniffing him. Sure enough, when she was satisfied she wasn't going to slip off of the two of them, Landi began licking the Betazoid's cheek and jawline, letting out soft, crying noises.

"Get down, Landi," Oren tried while making sure he didn't move so as to not disturb the puppy's balance. "Bad dog," he added but it sounded unconvincing even to the puppy, considering he managed it between bouts of laughter.

Satisfied that she'd given the brunette enough affection, Landi proceeded to sniff out her master and repeat the process with him, licking his cheek. Making a disgusted face, Oren pushed himself off Ellsworth's chest to get away, finally sitting down on the other man's thighs. Safe from Landi, he wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt, scrunching up his nose in disgust. "I told you to not do that," he said, talking to the dog as if she were a person who had the faintest idea of what he was saying.

Ellsworth suppressed a grin, sparing only a moment to look at Landi and really keeping his eyes mostly on Oren. He likewise used his sleeve to wipe at his jaw and cheek then settled his hands on the other man's hips and allowed a momentary quiet to fall between them. He could probably do this every day, he reflected. Cuddle with Oren, play with the dog, never worry or care about a thing, be accepted. Weren't those the things a happy life was made from? Who needed a job or responsibility?

"I don't think she's listening to you. Imagine when she gets bigger, she'll crush both of us," Ellsworth said, finally letting himself grin. He liked speaking about the future, hearing the sound of words like "when," because they carried some hope about finally having a friend that would last. Suddenly, he bucked his legs and hips just a little bit to throw Oren off balance on his thighs, grinning and laughing and taking some great delight in the childishness of it.

Yelping in surprise, Oren grabbed onto the couch cushions quickly to keep his balance, shooting Ellsworth a warning look. "Oh, you're going to pay for that," he said, his face splitting into a grin as he attacked Ellsworth's sides with his fingers.

"Nooooo," Ellsworth squealed, trying to instinctively roll up into a ball. His knees bumped the barrier of Oren's lower back so he tried to use his hands to fend off the tickling attack. But with each wave of laughter, he felt less and less strength in his arms until finally he found himself gasping for breath and completely at the mercy of the El-Aurian. "I surrender! I'll lower my shields!" He continued to squeal and weakly roll from side to side, but he had little hope of trying to dislodge the other man. His face started turning red; he knew he was laughing too much, that the laughter had become hysterical, changed from something funny to an emotional outlet.

Feeling the sudden shift in Ellsworth's struggle, Oren softened his touches slightly, giving him enough room to move away if he wanted to while still remaining in his position over him.

Eventually, the laughter brought tears to Ellsworth's eyes. That seemed to just keep coming and coming and coming... Somewhere he'd crossed the line from hysterical laughing to hysterical crying, both of which made his abdominal muscles ache. The whole time he'd known his hurt feelings about K'os, his insecurities, were lurking in the shadows of his mind, but it seemed like if he could just focus on something else then maybe they'd go away, at least for a little while. But that obviously hadn't worked so now he felt embarrassed and quickly moved to cover his eyes, like that was going to do anything. Even if he could disappear from sight, Oren could still feel him.

Though the sight of Oren was hidden to him behind his hands, Ellsworth could feel Oren shift. Looking down at the weeping Betazoid, Oren's heart broke for him. His anguish was finally reaching the surface it seemed, after being pent up for weeks. As he shifted off of Ellsworth and tucked his legs besides his on the couch, Oren's touch softened further until it turned into a gentle caress. When Ells' sobs grew more hysterical, Oren slowly moved, trying not to disturb him (though he doubted Ells even noticed) as he slipped behind Ellsworth on the couch to wrap his arms around his shaking body.

"Shhh...." Oren comforted calmly, pulling him against himself a little tighter.

Ellsworth moved the slightest bit until they fit together. If he wasn't so distraught, there would have been something meaningful about the way their slight bodies put together like puzzle pieces. But he was distraught. He'd at least stopped moaning and crying and shaking, though his mind hadn't yet caught up. He still felt hurt, exposed, raw - like this was what happened when you made a real emotional commitment instead of the flings he'd always been accustomed to.

It hurt, dammit.

The Betazoid moved his arms until they rested on top of Oren's, closed his eyes and tried to focus on other things. Oddly enough, he felt a little bit like he was following some of K'os's meditation techniques that had become lodged in a corner of his mind from one of their many confusing mindmeld-like experiences. He felt the warmth from Oren's body behind him and the regular rhythmic rise and fall of his chest; smelled the faint lingering fragrance of soap from the morning's sonic shower; and sensed the concern, one man for another, one friend for another. It almost made him start crying again.

"I thought I loved him," Ellsworth whispered, so quiet that it seemed like a statement meant to stand on its own.

His hands tightened around Oren's forearms and he pulled, wrapping himself up tighter in the El-Aurian's embrace. He felt an urge to tell Oren that he loved him. Not in the romantic sort of way, of course, but rather... He loved him for caring, when so few others hadn't even bothered. It was impulsive, but then again virtually everything he did, everything he said, was done on impulse without a great deal of thought put into it. Yet, in the end, he decided not to say it; it seemed wrong to say it out loud, like opening his mouth might make this shared moment less meaningful. After all, he figured, the experience probably spoke for itself. No one really need say another word...

[ OFF ]

PO3 Ellsworth Hudson
Quartermaster
USS Galileo

&

Oren Idris, Ph.D.
Archaeologist
USS Galileo

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