A Necessary Step

Posted on 27 Jul 2014 @ 11:24am by Lieutenant JG Grayson Jones & Lieutenant Oren Idris Ph.D.

3,600 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: Episode 06 - Legend of Souls
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 7, Observation Lounge
Timeline: MD07 - 0015hrs

[ON]

Grayson was the first one to arrive at the lounge, with the closely guarded cookies. The tribbles could smell them he thought, as the usually peaceful pests, to him, had started acting like a plague of locusts. He swore they were following him because he had food, that some of them were going feral...some of them seemed to be vibrating. He hoped it was because they were hungry and of the proximity of the food and nothing else.

Hopping his way over the tribble strewn floor, Grayson decided it was probably a good idea not to sit on the chairs. The bundles of fluff were already fast approaching his knees and imagined some military style tribble pyramid would be involved in taking him down to access the cookies should he come much closer to their level. Instead, he lifted himself up onto the table and waited there for Oren. Figuring he would be fine there, he waited and hoped the monsters hadn't gotten to him.

Hair still damp from his shower, Oren rushed to meet his new friend at the Observation Lounge, hoping he hadn't been waiting too long. Striding through the door, he smiled at Grayson before nearly tripping over one of the little tribbles. "I'm sorry!" he said sincerely to it, picking up the one he'd accidentally stepped on and giving it a little kiss, like kissing a child's boo boo, before putting it gently back onto the pile of it's fellow tribbles. Making his way over to the table, Oren threw the small box he'd brought with him onto it before hopping up himself. Kneeling on the table, Oren sat back on his calves and smiled. "Hello."

Mentally Grayson raised an eyebrow and titled his head at what he just saw. Kissing a tribble. 'Lucky tribble' ran through his mind. Never during the whole outbreak of fluff would he ever had thought of saying sorry to a tribble. Grayson figured they should be the ones apologising for the mess they were making. Heck, he was half expecting a ship wide power out, or the core to go offline at any second. Going back to the kiss, it was slightly less concerning when he began to figure out that was just the kind of person Oren was, sweet, kind, caring. At least he hoped he was right. It all just added to his charm in Grayson's eyes.

"Howdy." Grayson replied as he looked over to Oren and the cookies. "How are you?"

"Good," Oren said with a nod before yawning. Embarrassed at his own outburst, he put his hand over his mouth and laughed. "Sorry. It's been a long day of tribble jumping and moving boxes around."

"That's ok. It has been a long day of tribble planning and investigation for me as well." He laughed a little back.

"Yeah, these little guys are keeping us busy. Aren't you?" Oren said rhetorically to the room of tribbles. "A few years ago, my ex wrote a paper on so called 'Tribble therapy' for anxiety disorders. It showed promising results but everyone was afraid of an infestation so it went nowhere."

"I could see why...cute little bundles of fluff...who happen to be ravenous and multiply like proverbial Earth bunnies on steroids." Grayson took a breath, he was feeling oddly nervous that night. "Yeah, they are keeping us busy though."

"Well," Oren sighed, shrugging. "They don't know any better." With that, he opened the box he'd brought to reveal small bundles that resembled Earth burritos, not that Oren knew that. "I'm not a big sweets fan, so I made some mini hasperat this morning for lunch. Want one? I warn you, they're very spicy."

"Sure, I love spicy food!" That was it. Grayson was sold, cute, sweet with spicy food. Taking one into his mouth, he took a bite and tried not to show the pain and fire he felt at that moment. Somehow he managed to mumble out a thank you without flames or crumbs erupting from his mouth.

Oren couldn't help but watch knowingly as Grayson struggled to compose himself. "It's an acquired taste," he said, looking quite amused before taking a bite of his own.

"It's actually Bajoran," the blond explained. "It was my favorite growing up."

"That explains it. Never had Bajoran food before. When I was with my father there, we just had replicated food all the time."

Oren made a face, scrunching up his nose. "I don't like replicated food. It tastes off to me," he revealed, shaking his head. "What does your father do?"

"He is a Federation Ambassador. So, I spent a lot of my youth going from place to place. I learned a lot, but, eventually he gave it all up when he saw the long term effects it was having on me." Grayson didn't like talking about that time, he was a withdrawn and distant child, who was coming to terms with a dual heritage as well as a differing sexuality. Growing pains indeed.

Oren nodded, feeling Grayson's reluctance to clarify any more. He kicked his feet where they dangled over the table. "I didn't travel until I finished my degree. Before that, I lived with my parents on Bajor and then my grandmother." He remembered the year on Betazed, after Bajor, less than fondly, so he left it out. He didn't want to bring down Grayson's mood any more than was necessary.

"My father was a professional dancer. He danced both competitively and had his own dance studio where he taught," Oren revealed instead.

"Wow, that is pretty interesting! Did you pick up any of his moves?" Grayson asked enthusiastically, praying to whatever God that would listen he would say yes and offer to dance with him on top of the table. It would be like some cheesy romantic holonovel. Grayson ate that kind of thing up, swore that would have been his own love life one day.

Unfortunately, real life was nothing like a holonovel, so Oren did nothing of the sort. Instead he just nodded and said, "Oh yes, ever since I could, I would sneak in there and just imitate everyone. When he realised what I was going, he taught me after his classes," he explained, staring down at his hands in his lap, a fond smile on his face.

"My mother was a fashion designer, so I could also distinguish every shade of blue and red by the time I was five," he added, looking back at Grayson again.

Taking another bite, Grayson replied, "You had the kind of childhood I would have killed for!" He beamed. "I can't dance, unless I have a guy to grind against and while I do like my clothes and think I have style, I would wish for that kind of eye when it comes to colour." He was enthusiastically jealous over it all.

Oren gave him a half smile. He couldn't complain about his childhood, really. It was the best anyone could hope for, in his mind. He just wished it had lasted longer. Watching Grayson, Oren suddenly felt torn between saying as much or just playing long, seeing as how much better Grayson's mood was. Eventually, a side won over.

"Well," he said, "I grew up during the Occupation of Bajor, so I wouldn't be so quick to envy me." There was no admonition in Oren's tone, just good-natured advice.

"Oh I didn't know. I'm sorry." An air of being sullen came over Grayson's voice. He was intentionally kept away from that aspect of Bajor when he was there obviously. While he loved the opportunities he had, he never was exposed to the true nature of a planet. As he was out in the universe exploring, he was beginning to realise how much he had missed and was slowly coming to resent his father for it.

"There's no need to apologize. It was many years ago," Oren assured him with a small nudge of his shoulder against Grayson's. He didn't speak of his parents often and was silently glad for the opportunity. "If you do need fashion or dance tips, feel free ask. I can't tell you the traumatic experience wearing a uniform was for me on my first day."

"I bet." Trying not to blush, the shoulder bump gave him chills and the warm fuzzies at the same time. "One day I might ask for dance lessons. I always wanted to be able to ballroom and the samba." Grayson said, letting himself relax a little more, placing his hands behind him for support, letting his dangle just over the edge of the table and allowing himself (possibly only in his head as he never felt his body move) to ease more into Oren.

"Anytime," Oren promised. Although his father had never gotten the chance to even learn any Terran dances, he had passed on his love for dance in general, so Oren had always felt an affection for learning new styles.

"I'm over the uniform though. I accessorise well. See?" With that, Oren stuck his tongue out to reveal a teal tongue stud, the shade identical to his Science issue civilian uniform.

Being totally upfront and honest, only because it took Grayson by surprise, he blurted out, "That's hot." He nearly covered his mouth with his hands. To Grayson it was though, kissing with a piece of cool metal in someone's mouth? Insanely hot. He always figured it was some weird engineers thing as well. He eased himself away, inch by inch so not to attack the metal with his own tongue.

A little stunned at the comment, Oren stared at Grayson for a few seconds before chuckling and shaking his head. It hadn't been the reaction he expected but it wasn't the first time he'd heard it either. Still, even after all these years, he still wasn't a 100% sure what 'hot' meant, exactly.

"Thank you. I think," Oren replied, unsure what else would be proper for a comment like that. Not letting Grayson wallow in his discomfort he followed it up quickly. "What about you? Do you have any art on you?"

"Not, yet...I want some though." He smiled, knowing he hadn't made a total fool of himself. Pointing to his left arm, "I'd like a galaxy scene down here, a few stars, nebula, the sorts," pointing to the top of his back, "I will get something here one day, I just don't know what," and to his chest, pulling his uniform down slightly, revealing his chest slightly and a light tuft of dark hair, Grayson pointed to just over his heart, "Here, I'd like a hollowed out simple geometric star. But piercings, I like them on others, but don't want any myself."

Oren nodded and listened attentively. He'd always found the concept of body modification incredibly fascinating and alluring. "I used to have fifteen piercings at one point, but now I just have these two." He motioned to his face and the eyebrow piercing there. "The others kept getting caught on my clothes. I also have a tattoo on my back."

"Yeah, I have always been scared I'd catch something." Grayson replied. "What is your tattoo like?"

"Big," Oren said. "It starts at the small of my back and then branches upwards, until it reaches just under my shoulder blades. I drew it myself, so it difficult to explain. Maybe one day you'll see it." The tattoo still wasn't finished, would probably never be finished if Oren kept adding bits and pieces to it like he'd planned.

"I tried having a scarification tattoo done with ink staining but I heal too well for it work, so I went traditional," he explained.

He nearly fainted at the 'one day' comment. It was coming and he had to resist, he wanted to get closer to Oren. Grayson realised he wanted to be close to him. "I bet scarification tattoos hurt pretty badly." He replied, moving in closer, his gaze what he would probably describe as a high school girl with a crush. 'Get a grip of yourself Grayson, you are smoother and cooler than this,' was his internal repeating thought as he tried to keep his composure.

"They do," Oren confirmed with a nod. Even thinking back, he remembered the stinging pain and the mild shock afterwards. "But I have a good tolerance for it." He was a bit embarrassed to admit it, but Oren felt as if the pain he went through with his tattoos and piercing was purifying somehow. Almost therapeutic in it's intensity. Absent mindedly, Oren took another hasperat and popped it into his mouth as he stared out through the window when a calm, comfortable silence fell over the two of them.

Grayson got a little too comfortable in the silence, he let his arm slide behind Oren, so that his hand was at Oren's opposite him and that Grayson's arm was brushing along his back. He sighed, quite content and happy, for now.

Feeling Grayson closer, Oren didn't question it. He simply turned to look at the younger man over his shoulder and gave him a heartfelt smile. "So, how was your first day?" he asked curiously after another moment of silence.

"Not as good as right now." Grayson said with his best charming smile, puppy dog eyes and velvet voice. Getting brave, taking his non resting hand and placing it just above Oren's knee.

Oren was about to express how sweet Grayson's sentiment was when he felt the hand on his thigh. Immediately, the engineer could feel his entire body stiffen and the air change. Oren smiled nervously as he looked up and into Grayson's eyes. "What are you doing?"

Grayson shot back, he'd made a bad move and began expressing multiple expletives in his head, may of which would never see the light of day or be heard in polite conversation. He shot back as far as he could without falling off the edge of the table and into the ravenous horde bellow. For the first time in years, Grayson began to stutter as he shyly turned his gaze towards what he assumed to still be the floor and fixed it there. "Sorry...I just...ju-er. I like you. I liked these past few days. I-I-I wanted to show how much it meant to...me." Grayson took a very audible gulp as he felt his throat close over with the sudden lack of moisture. He wished the deck plating would open up and swallow him whole. He wished the tribbles at that moment turned carnivorous and smelt the dying meat on the table. Grayson wished for many a thing to happen that he not be there. It had been so long since he had felt this way about someone and even longer than he had acted on those feelings. 'Just my luck, the first time I do, it goes wrong. Well done Grayson...well blinking done.' he thought. In the moment that passed, far too long in his books, he began a myriad of apologies.

Oren watched Grayson splutter words and apologies with an ache in his chest. He could feel the emotions flicker through his every word - embarrassment, regret, shame...

Unable to take it anymore, Oren crawled over to Grayson, but not too close. "Grayson, Grayson..." he called to him, wanting him to calm down. "Please, there's no need to apologize," Oren assured him, reaching out to grab his wrist gently.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't...I should've known that's what tonight was." He was El Aurian, he should've felt this from Grayson and Oren knew that, on some deep level, he did. Hating himself a little for having to be the person to say the following, he continued.

"I'm sorry, but I don't feel about you the way you do about me. I think you're wonderful, I just don't feel the same way."

"Oh,O.K. I get it. Thanks...I think." Grayson replied rather uncomfortably. He wasn't used to this and it hurt. Feeling the tears well up, he suppressed them. Grayson was never rejected before, it had taken him a lot to build up the courage to do this and he was just shot down, what felt like as an old, worthless, useless target at a phaser range that had burst into flames for people to awe at as it plummeted to the ground. Grayson hugged his knees to his chest.

Noting the vulnerable, defensive position Grayson curled himself into, Oren fought against the urge to pull him into a hug. That would sure make things worse, he reasoned. He moved to sit in front of him, his legs crisscrossed.

"I wish," he started, "I wish that I could feel the same way about you and, I know this sounds stupid and even cliche, but it's nothing to do with you. I just don't feel that way...about anyone. Ever." Oren hated to generalise, but he genuinely had never felt an infatuation with someone the way Grayson did with him. Sure, he'd been in love, but it usually took him months to feel more than friendship and general affection for someone. But that instant connection that people sang and wrote poems about was something that he knew would elude him forever.

Grayson's self pity spiral hang on a balance, he managed to choke out, "That's OK, you don't need to spare my feelings. I'm a big boy. I can take it... kind of." He sniffed back a little.

"I'm not sparing your feelings, Grayson," Oren told him seriously. He felt desperate, wanting to prove to him that he wasn't the problem. "I haven't been in a relationship in almost twenty years," he confessed, his tone lower now, as if trying to make sure the Tribbles didn't hear.

"Oh sorry." Grayson kept saying sorry, the word was about to loose all meaning in his head. "I just haven't felt this way in a long time. I decided to be brave and finally act on those feelings again." Mentally he heard the door to his locked past creep open slightly. Grayson had never let anyone in. He liked to keep up the appearance of the confident, boy next door meets party boy that he had come to know and love. That other people had also known to come and love him for it. It was that charm alone that helped win over people before, he was slightly shocked it didn't work. He was rusty, that is how he saw it and blamed it.

"I'm sorry I disappointed you," Oren said, looking down at his lap. He couldn't help but feel broken. Why couldn't he just be like everyone else?

"Oh you haven't. Don't worry about that. I just presumed a little too much."

"You didn't." Oren shook his head. "I should've seen this as a date. I mean, eating cookies in the Observation Lounge? That's textbook!" He look genuinely disturbed by his obliviousness.

Grayson didn't know what to say, he never felt so ashamed at himself before. Rejection was something he hardly dealt with, nor had for some time. Now it was three in a row in his life. Was that it, was he out of the game? These were just some of the things that raced through his mind. "I hope you won't fall out with me over this. I'd quite like us to still talk. You're my only friend here so far." Grayson muttered out as he wiped a slow moving tear away from his eye with his sleeve. He let his moist eyes gaze back up at Oren as he gave a pathetic half smile from the corner of his mouth.

Oren felt his heart ache even more at the tears in Grayson's eyes and almost immediately felt sympathy tears welling up as well.

"Okay, this is going to be completely inappropriate in this situation, and I hope you forgive me, but I'm gonna cash in that rain check now." With that, Oren shifted forward and pulled Grayson into a comforting hug.

Grayson let himself fall into the hug. Knowing it was the most he would ever get from Oren, he took comfort in it. He felt the warmth, the security. Grayson missed that so much from someone. The safety, the security. For a brief fleeting second, he felt whole, repaired...someone had fixed the fixer. Before letting himself fall any further he gently pulled away and whispered a soft, low, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. And of course we can still be friends, if you want to. I would understand if you didn't." It wouldn't be the first time Oren lost a good friend just because it turned out they wanted more. He was starting to get used to being abandoned that way. He'd even begun rationalising it as the right thing to do on their part.

"I still want to be friends." Grayson said, beaming up at him. The usual confident, cocky smile returning to his face, the glint in his eye doing the same.

Oren returned his smile. "Good," he said with a nod, reaching out and taking Grayson's hand instinctively then giving it a little squeeze.

Grayson couldn't help but smile and feel all sorts of warm fuzzies...not the ones on the floor, but the ones in his stomach and that lived under his skin. Who could ever know a rejection could feel so good?

[OFF]

Oren Idris, Ph.D.
Archaeologist/Anthropologist
USS Galileo

Ensign Grayson Jones
Assistant Chief Engineering Officer
USS Galileo

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