A Heart Needs A Home (Part 1)

Posted on 04 Feb 2014 @ 6:23pm by Petty Officer 3rd Class Ellsworth Hudson & Ensign K'os Beaumont

4,052 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: Episode 05 - Solstice
Location: San Francisco/Chicago, Earth
Timeline: MD 22 - 1500 hrs

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Ellsworth hurriedly entered his own room and detached the viewscreen from the computer terminal, placing it at the foot of the bed. He rolled onto the bunk and then onto his stomach, chin resting in his hands. He'd returned from his counseling session with Lieutenant Miir in Okinawa only moments ago, but he didn't want to waste any more time before calling K'os; he'd already wasted enough time as it was. It seemed foolish now to have put it off for more than two days while he rummaged through old books and plays on some eternal quest to define "love."

What did it even matter?

After he'd caught his breath and adjusted his hair to his satisfaction using the reflection on the screen, he activated the computer and accessed the personnel database. It was relatively easy to find his shipmate and as he waited for the call to connect, he never once spared a thought as to whether or not he'd pick up. He just felt that he was there.

Back in the temporary housing his communicator blinked and he scooped it up to see who was calling. When he saw it was Ellsworth Hudson he sprung off his bed, bumping his head on the bunk and spilling his linear induction conduit manuals on the floor. A roommate, also in mid study shushed him as he bolted for the common area. With cheeks flushed but his breathing calm he answered.

"Hello, Ellsworth Hudson!"

"Hi, K'os!" he replied, giving a dazzling smile. He brought his feet into the air behind him and began to absentmindedly kick them around. "How have you been?" He paused, debating. It seemed foolish, even juvenile, to try to hide his feelings to control the situation. Honesty and openness seemed better. "I've missed you."

"You have?" He raised his rounded eyebrows. "You have a plan to address this I hope." The way his cheeks strained against his warm smile was more than enough indication that he was glad to see Ellsworth again. Even though he'd been busy with studying and preparing for active duty to dedicate a lot of thoughts to his Indonesian experience, seeing his face again brought the memories up as if they'd just happened. He started to walk down the common area to a quieter area.

"I've always got a plan. That's all we do in Ops, make plans," Ellsworth said, grinning. He stared into the screen for a long moment, enjoying the view. "Are you really busy? I know there's still a lot of stuff to do on the ship... Like, engineering stuff."

"I've done nothing but memorize the valve access control procedures for the utility conduits. I could use a reprieve." He lowered himself into one of the couches. It was far enough away that the noise from the rest of the common area wasn't too intrusive.

Ellsworth thought that sounded like some kind of punishment rather than an actual responsibility for someone aboard the ship. "Good! So..." The speed of his kicking legs increased into something of a frenzy as a result of nervous energy. "D'you wanna go on a date with me? I was transferring personal effects for this petty officer yesterday, an' he was tellin' me about this place called Chicago an' this big park where they do somethin' called...ice skating? D'you know what that is? I think it sounds fun."

"Yes I do." He laughed loudly drawing the attention of a couple crewmen trying to also have a private conversation. When you're enlisted you don't have a lot of those spaces available. "It sounds fun because you know my ice skating is worse than my surfing." He licked his lips fighting back the surge of excitement. Ellsworth had called it a date. "As captivating as the inner conduits of a starship reprocessing facility are, I accept your invitation."

Ellsworth's whole face seemed to change. His already vibrant dark eyes sparkled more and grew wider; his smile brought the rest of his face to life by lifting his eyebrows and pulling at the muscles around his eyes; and his hands fell from beneath his chin to grab the computer in excitement. "Really? Okay! You're gonna have to teach me how to ice skate, though. I'll meet you in an hour at the transporter pad!" Without thinking, he started to roll off the bed to get ready but hesitated and rolled back to the screen. He stared at K'os earnestly, all his exuberance melting into something softer. "I can't wait to see you."

K'os noted the impatience in Ellsworth's voice --that sense of urgency. They'd known each other as briefly as any other acquaintance, and had they not shared each others thoughts and emotions that day on the beach in Bali he couldn't speculate if they would feel the same way otherwise. He'd already meditated on his feelings that morning back in Bali. Had already gone through the thorough, swift and analytic scrutiny of his thoughts of love, lust, and companionship and what it meant to him. He wasn't tormented by these thoughts like Ellsworth and he was as sure about his feelings for him as he was about reclamation units.

=-=-=-=-=-=

As he understood it, Chicago was a very cold place. A quick check of the weather before departing for the transporter pad had told him that it was currently -6 degrees Celsius, but sunny. He bundled up in a base layer of lightweight insulating material before choosing a fashionable array of winterwear from his shopping trip to Florence; most of it had very appropriately come from an Andorian designer. It was very militant, very fashionable, and very warm.

At the transporter station, Ellsworth nervously fiddled with his Federation scarf and knitted hat, trying to make himself look perfect while waiting for K'os to arrive. The ensemble was a little heavy for the weather in San Francisco, but the transporter pad often attracted people dressed inconsistent with local weather conditions so he didn't stand out too much.

K'os gently pushed himself through the throng of people, apologizing for the inconvenience as he went. He wore just a simple thin shirt made of material designed to wick sweat off his body. He clutched a thin flannel jacket in his hands, with synthetic fur lining. He gave Ellsworth that goofy look he always had after a brief meditation. "I read on the way here that the weather in Chicago is beautiful right now."

Ellsworth lit up when he saw K'os. Without invitation he practically lunged forward, threw his arms around him and pressed his cheek against K'os's chest during the hug. Feeling a little embarrassed at his enthusiasm, he stepped back and blushed.

"I thought I felt you," Ellsworth said.

Even as he acknowledged it, the feeling was still strange. He was such an amateur with his telepathy that he worked hard just to ignore it altogether, otherwise a place like this would drive him insane. But he had felt K'os moving through the crowd, instinctively. Objectively it probably meant nothing at all; however, it felt special to him - seemed to mean something - so it made him smile all the wider.

As if actually noticing the man for the first time, he plucked at K'os's flannel shirt with a look of disbelief. "That's it? You're going to freeze! It's -6 degrees there!"

K'os anticipated the embrace somehow and he wrapped an arm around him, returning the affection as if unaffected by the man's display of emotion. "Not once you get skating. Could be colder, it's -17 Celsius down home in Halifax right now. Chicago has perfect weather for skating. Might even get some snow."

Anything below zero didn't exactly seem "perfect" to Ellsworth, but he deferred to K'os's judgement. He had virtually no experience with cold weather - Betazed had been temperate, and Risa had been tropical. Truthfully, he was looking forward to experiencing the chill and the snow, especially. For whatever reason, snow always seemed to feature prominently in all the amorous holonovels and books he'd read, making it synonymous with romance for him.

"I can't wait to see real snow," Ellsworth said, seeming almost giddy. He reached out with a glove-clad hand and pulled at K'os.

K'os smiled as he allowed himself to be whisked away.

=-=-=-=-=-=

When they stepped outside of the transporter hub into the heart of Chicago, Ellsworth felt like someone had slapped him directly in the face. Some strong gust of wind had blown in from nowhere, shocking him and taking his breath away; inhaling deeply only seemed to crystallize his lungs. His hand shot out and clamped onto K'os's forearm, as if he had to actually steady himself. He was accustomed to the temperate forests of Betazed, where it snowed only near the polar extremes, or the warm tropical beaches of Risa, where it never snowed by design. He'd been looking forward to a new climate, but the chill seemed to seep right through his clothing and latch on to his bones.

Up and down the broad avenue there were signs of snowfall, blown by the wind into drifts against buildings or shoved to the side of the road by whatever machinery kept the area clear. From the map he'd studied before, he was pretty sure they were on the main thoroughfare in something called 'The Loop.' It didn't look very loopy to him - in fact, the road was straight in both directions as far as the eye could see - but he knew the park was somewhere off to their right. If he'd had any forethought he might have brought his PADD along for directions, but he trusted his memory to guide them to all the destinations.

The sheer number of people on the sidewalk startled him; they were all dressed to deal with the weather, but there were just so many of them out wandering around as if the weather were nothing at all. In fact, he could even feel some empathic sense of gratefulness pervading the city, as if the mere presence of the sun was enough to boost their moods. He shuddered to think what it must be like otherwise for people to feel grateful about just seeing the sun.

"This is so cold," he stammered, wide-eyed. He had to speak through clenched teeth to keep them from chattering. "People live here?"

K'os breathed in the crisp cool air in an exaggerated display. "It's invigorating." He put his flannel jacket on over his shirt and began walking. Half carried by the crowd of people, have pulled by excitement they left the transport area. "At least there isn't a blizzard."

Ellsworth tried to imagine what a blizzard might feel like. He'd seen videos of blizzards - he understood the concept - but if this was considered 'invigorating' then what must a blizzard feel like? White out conditions? Wind whipping snow into your face at such speeds that it felt like tiny rocks hitting your face, blinding you and chilling you to your core?

"A blizzard? We would not be skating during a blizzard," he said definitively.

He stumbled along beside K'os toward the direction of the park, feeling like a starship in his bulky winter clothes. He was accustomed to being small enough to slip through confined spaces, but the undershirt, shirt, coat, and scarf were making him so immense that he kept running into people. Those that did smash into him simply carried on, scowling with that passive look of annoyance that only urbanites could manage. He stopped apologizing after the fifth collision, determining that not only did people not hear him they also didn't care.

The pair continued down what looked more like a canyon carved between buildings than a roadway. Ellsworth gazed up at the massive skyscrapers, marveling at the engineering involved to thrust a structure so high into the atmosphere. Through some trick of perspective, their shiny metallic surfaces seemed to curve inward over the roadway; he thought he actually saw one sway in the wind and his heart skipped a beat waiting for it to topple. He blinked and wondered if it was just his imagination.

Ellsworth continued to guide them south along the avenue for a few more blocks; eventually, the buildings on the left abruptly stopped. To the right, the solid wall of towering structures continued to the south and the left side rejoined after several blocks. The effect was a wide expanse of parkland in the heart of the city, open to the massive lake upon which Chicago was built. Most of the park seemed elevated so he couldn't see much from his perspective, but Ellsworth was eager and excited to look out over the water. He stopped briefly on the corner, and, without realizing it, he reached over with his right hand and grabbed K'os's before pointing across the roadway with his left.

"I think that's it over there. That's gotta be a park, right?" He waited until the traffic seemed clear and then tugged a little on K'os.

K'os had allowed his gloved hand to be yanked along up until they reached the road and then it was like trying to pull granite. He tensed at seeing the traffic and only when he was absolutely sure there was time enough time to cross safely did he allow Ellsworth to continue pulling him across the road.

Ellsworth just waited with sagged shoulders, rolling his eyes and assuming a look of long-suffering to be brought to a halt before crossing. When K'os finally relented, he turned his head slightly so K'os couldn't see and grinned. Ellsworth was often impulsive and rash; knowing that K'os was looking out for their safety somehow made him all the more endearing. "It's sweet how you let me think I can pull you around, and then you have to go and do that whole 'I'm a pillar of stone' thing. Did you ice skate a lot when you were a kid? It just seems like dancing on ice sorta."

He reassured him with a smile and pointed to a building with skaters and other people milling about. Must be where people retreated for warmth during the day. "To answer your question, yes I did. Not often though. And we didn't call it ice skating, we played hockey. A sport played on skates like those," he pointed at a group of kids putting on skates, "it's more like sliding along the ice rather than dancing. Though I've seen some pretty creative skating that looks almost like dancing. They even play music while they do it and perform, but I only have cursory knowledge of that."

The only sport Ellsworth knew was flirting, and that didn't usually occur on ice. He eyed the group of kids and their skates as they approached the rink, and then took a look around. The park itself seemed beautiful and well-maintained even in the winter: large evergreens and other cold-resistant shrubbery dotted the landscape, limbs and boughs heavy with snow; abstract sculptures that suggested all manner of emotion were arranged in the area around the rink itself; and from their perch they could see the very large lake the city was situated against. Ellsworth had to squint to see, but it seemed like the lake was completely frozen near the shoreline.

"I bet that beach is nice in the summer," Ellsworth said, pointing a gloved finger off into the distance to a barren strip of sand running along the frozen waterline. He turned slowly in a circle, looking up at the buildings surrounding them, and then smiled. "I like this city. It's busy and huge. I think I could live here...in the summer."

His eyes followed down his arm till he saw where he was pointing. He smiled. "Or on a yacht out in the ocean, moving from different tropical islands." He lost himself in his thoughts and didn't hear any reply if there was one. After a moment he noticed the other young man had wandered down to get skates. He watched him, noting all the different feelings that emerged. He had meditated on this since their beach encounter, and had thought that he'd sufficiently separated his feelings of love, joy, and happiness from his thoughts of Ellsworth. It was very easy for K'os in the past to fall in love, and when his feelings were never reciprocated the pain that would result was always so amplified in K'os's brain that it was better for him to not attach himself to them at all. To embrace the fact that things didn't last forever.

It was the speed at which these feelings were developing that K'os had no experience with. He looked at his gloved hands briefly before watching Ellsworth again. He had held on longer than anyone. On the Mississippi he'd met Freidessa, a Halanan woman working as a propulsion specialist. They had become close with no issues until their touching became more intimate. Forcing an angry psychoprojection out of her mind was an experience he hoped not to repeat. There was the betazoid hybrid too, during his shoreleave on Vega IX. K'os closed his eyes at that memory, banishing the feelings of embarrassment that always came from thinking of Hixx. He had met him during a time when K'os didn't have the kind of control over his emotions as he does now. It was meant to be nothing; a one time experience for Hixx. That night was ended quickly when K'os inadvertently pushed his own thoughts of love and desire into the older man's mind. Hixx had accused him of 'messing with' him. Had said he knew how men like K'os worked. It had left him confused and angry for a long time. He thought he was better, had more control.

Then Ellsworth happened and a whole new experience opened up to him. His eyes watched as he interacted with the man handing out skates. Maybe it was the mutual inexperience with their telepathic abilities or Ells open and honest nature that had made the difference. He knew Ellsworth felt something similar. His connection to him was gone and he had no ability to sense telepathically what he was thinking, but he still felt as if he had known the petty officer all his life. What continued to torment K'os, and what had routinely come up in meditation was not over whether they shared the same feelings the nagging thought that Ellsworth's feelings for him were not his own were what continued to pull at K'os. The remnants of the fear he felt over that were hard to purge, but they were gone by the time the other man returned.

Ellsworth managed to get two pairs of skates that were the right size from the vendor guarding the rink and then plopped down next to K'os on a bench to put his on. He thought he saw a somewhat distant look in the other's eyes, but it seemed to pass. Ellsworth gave the skates a good inspection before deciding how best to approach the task; unfortunately, he had to take his gloves off, and his fingers quickly turned numb in the cold.

"Have you been here before?" Ellsworth asked, cutting his eyes to look at K'os.

When he caught the other man's profile, he felt for a moment like his heart was in his throat. K'os was talking, but he wasn't really listening. He knew he could easily close his eyes and summon an image of K'os that conveyed every beautiful thing about his mind and body, indelibly marked and kept alive in his mind's eye. But there was something about the way sunlight was streaming into the park at that moment that made Ellsworth pause, something about the tilt of K'os's head and the twinkle in his eye, the biting cold and the vibrant thrum of the city around them...

Ellsworth noticed that his ears came to a point that didn't seem quite as pronounced as other Vulcans; he had a jawline that suggested strength and masculinity in such a way that it caused a hunger in Ellsworth to stir. But the best thing of all was his capacity for expression - his eyes were always alive, and his dimples and eyebrows did much to convey his feelings and personality. He felt his heart squeeze from the depth of his affection, and he thought for a moment that his friend was glowing.

When K'os made eye contact with the man staring at him, his face brightened. With a detached awareness, he identified the myriad of emotions that always flooded him when he looked into those eyes. Lust and love would surge forward, before fading back to make way for pride then embarrassment. Fear always present below those feelings, brought on by the insecurity of attachment. He took a moment to let them fade just as quickly as they rose then composed his words before speaking again.

"I've been to Chicago before, but never to this park." K'os took his gloves off and shoved them in his back pocket before quickly putting his own skates on. He helped Ellsworth with his then stood up on his skates. "Try just walking and balancing on them before we try the ice. It'll be easier for you."

Ellsworth fixed him with a lingering look, eyes narrowed slightly as if he were trying to perceive something hazy. Sometimes he thought he sensed a growing wave of emotion roiling up inside of K'os, but just as soon as it appeared on the empathic radar it vanished, as if the wave hit a break and dissipated prematurely. He wanted to ask him about it, but he ultimately decided a skating rink wasn't a very good place for it. So he stood and no sooner had he done so than he found himself sprawled on the ground. It happened so quickly! Stunned, he looked up at K'os with blinking eyes. "What happened? Did you push me!?"

The Betazoid stubbornly waved away assistance and used the bench to stand up and steady himself. With some hesitation he released his grip on it and straightened up, wobbling a bit on the skates before finally getting a better feel for how to keep upright. He kept his arms out to his sides and occasionally flailed them around in a sort of windmill-type action to keep his balance. Trying to appear confident he took one step forward, and then another. At least he wasn't cold anymore.

K'os watched him with affection. He loved how quickly he learned and he was independent and stubborn enough to learn on his own, much like himself. He laughed to release the excitement that threatened to overwhelm him. "When we get on the ice, just keep your knees bent a bit and when you fall," He stressed that he would fall, not that he might. Even K'os still slipped sometimes if he was goofing around and wasn't paying attention, "just try and bend your knees into a squat like you're sitting down and close your hands into a fist. It's the safest way to fall."

He wobbled his way towards the large ice rink, trying not to feel too overwhelmed by the skyscrapers surrounding them. People of all levels of experience were laughing and enjoying themselves as the crowd slowly moved in a large circle around the rink. More ambitious and skilled people zipped and twirled around in the middle part. He noted the lights in the trees around the park and he smiled at the thought of what they'd look like at night. He was starting to get cold, so getting on the ice and moving around would be best. When he got to the ice he skated a head in a few sweeping motions. He was out of practice and he wobbled a bit. He slipped a couple times, but recovered well without falling. When he had his skating legs back and he was less wobbly he skated back towards Ellsworth to see how he was making out.

To Be Continued...

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PO3 K'os Beaumont
M/E Systems Specialist
USS Galileo

&

PO3 Ellsworth Hudson
Quartermaster
USS Galileo

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