Eye to Eye

Posted on 07 Mar 2014 @ 1:00pm by Lieutenant Theron Rhodes & Commander Scarlet Blake

1,687 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 05 - Solstice
Location: USS Galileo - Counselling Office
Timeline: MD -28 1400 hrs

ON:

The Galileo had departed from the world of the Le'kt. They were headed home now. It would be a 30 day trip with 1 stop along the way at Starbase 185.

After a couple days, things had more or less settled into a pattern. Theron realized that not talking about his personal issues with someone would not make anything better. His Anger level had not increased by his anxiety level had. He had found himself short tempered and he did not want that to show while on duty. The Security Chief tapped the comm while in his office. =^= Lt. Rhodes to Commander Blake. =^=

=^= Blake here. What can I do for you, Lieutenant? =^= the voice replied promptly from where she'd already been working in her office.

Theron was not sure who she may be with so he asked, =^= May I speak freely? =^=

=^= Of course, =^= Scarlet assured. She had no scheduled sessions for a good couple of hours. She'd been boring herself with paperwork instead. It had to get done sometime after all.

=^= With our course set for home and things settled down, I well . . ah felt . . I need to . . well, have a session with you to deal with a few things. =^= Theron was finally able to get it out. He did not understand why asking was so difficult.

=^= Come on over and we can grab a drink and have a chat, =^= Scarlet assured with a softer tone to her voice, trying to make it sound more casual than daunting.


'Hmmnn' Theron thought, not a clinical setting. Maybe that would be best. "Alright," Rhodes replied, "I will be by in about 10 minutes?"

=^= Sounds perfect, see you soon, =^= she confirmed, already moving to clear the decks.

---

Theron found the familiar label next to the door [Lt.Cdr. Blake], and pressed the button next to the door.

"Come in," Scarlet called out, already moving to fix the drinks. She smiled as he walked in, looking back over her shoulder to him. "What can I get you?"

Theron was a little surprised by the question. He thought they were going to have a social conversation, but this seemed to be more intimate. He thought, No. She is just trying to make me feel comfortable. The Tandaran returned the smile and a nod, "I believe it's called 'rum & 7'." He walked over to a sofa and sat down on the right side.

Scarlet smiled to herself at that. The man had been piled with a lot on his plate recently. She could understand his order. She got them drinks, a coffee for herself, before moving to sit with him, offering his glass over as she met his eyes. "What's wrong?" she finally asked, straight forward with it, knowing that Theron wasn't a man she needed to tip toe around with 'so how is everything' or 'how has your week been' for a soft lead in.

Accepting the glass, Theron took a long drink. After the swallow and a deep breath he was already feeling a warming sensation; a welcome sensation. He looked to Blake with her question. She was straight forward. He liked that of her. He looked up to the ceiling slightly to collect his thoughts then said, "I have determined that I apparently have some things going on in my little subconscious and they are affecting my work. I thought it best to talk to someone, get them out, a little encouragement, and" looking directly at the beautiful woman, "some support."

She couldn't help but smile. It was good to see someone be so responsible with their mental health. It often was pushed aside for more 'urgent' things in an officer's life, she'd seen it a lot, and sometimes it seemed like the higher the rank, the less they wanted to spend time with a counsellor. Still, she could understand people's want to keep some privacy in their lives. She had been the same after her experience as a prisoner after all. "I'd like to offer that," she said firmly, holding his eyes. "What are the things that are playing on your mind?"

Theron began to rub his hand to together, wringing them slightly in thought, "I have tried to evaluate my feelings, but an anxiety persists in me." He paused for a moment then said, "I have come to understand that ignoring the situation does not make it better."

"It often just makes it worse, because it bites you in the backside when you're not expecting it," Scarlet agreed, shaking her head lightly. "Why don't you start by telling me what you've worked out so far with your evaluation?"

"Theron looked down in thought, "Well, much of this is emotions from, " he began to count off on his fingers, while looking at his hand, "Not being there when the Borg attacked," Then the last finger, " and an issue about losing my hair." His hands fell into his lap. He felt exhausted just from thinking about it all.

"Ah, I remember the hair one," Scarlet motioned to her own full head of hair that had been shaved off in the same mission as Theron's. "It was intense, wasn't it," she said softly, to lead him in to talking about why it had affected him so much.

Theron was quiet. He was not sure how to explain. He raked his fingers through his hair and breathed then said, "The hair issue was something from as a child. It all caught me off guard when it happened, but I shoved it down at the time."

"But now you're starting to feel the full - humiliation of it?" she asked softly, shaking her head gently. She wondered how the differing culture would colour their experiences on that unusual First Contact mission.

"Something like that." Theron replied crossing his arms then wiping his hand down his face in thought, "When we returned to the Galileo I convinced the good doctor to do a hair growth and extensions. The feelings of humiliation were building up." He stopped and shook his head, closing his eyes, "I could not deal with it. I had to put on a . . . a mask of sorts."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Scarlet said quickly, shaking her head as she watched him with understanding. "I did the same thing, I assure you. I felt vulnerable, and frankly, unattractive. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel like - yourself."

That seemed to help, but not really what he wanted to hear. Theron nodded acceptance of her encouragement and went on.

The Tandaran breathed slowly as he focused. He licked his lips as the feeling of anxiety began to build around his thoughts. Theron then explained, "One of the other factors I am dealing with is that I was not available to help the crew when the Borg attacked. I was totally unaware of the attack as I lay weightless in a quarantine chamber in Medical."

"And it was not your fault in any way, shape or form," Scarlet said quickly and firmly, meeting his eyes. "You did what you could as soon as you were able. No one could expect anything more."

"I hear your words Counselor, but that doesn't make fact go away." Theron looked down, "I had no idea subconscious things controlled me so much."

"It happens with us all," she assured, leaning to him with a frown. "You're right. You can't help what you feel, but we can help what you do with it and how you handle it. Is it...guilt and frustration you feel?" she asked, to make him think it through a little deeper, analyze what he was thinking.

Theron thought for a minute then replied in a question, "Guilt? . . How do you exercise a demon like that?"

"For a start, you try to question and understand why you feel guilty and responsible, and then compare it to the facts," she suggested softly, tilting her head as she watched him. "So you can find the proportion, so you can see if you're being fair on yourself or misjudging it."

Theron felt a touch frustrated, "Those are all good words. I'm sure I have said similar to myself over the many days, but it is easier to calculate the trajectory of an uncertain shaped object around a star then to do these other things about myself."

Scarlet couldn't help but give a small smile, nodding gently. "Oh, too true," she said softly. "Start by telling me why you feel guilt. Specifically, what is it that you feel you fell short in, have a moment to think about it, honestly."

Theron gazed down slightly; his lips became a line as he concentrated. The different situations went over and over in his mind. He finally said, without looking up, "The same phrase I keep saying to myself is 'Not there for them." He looked up at the dark haired woman before him. "As you said things not of my control. I guess guilt is not applicable here." He wiped his face with his palm as he thought, "Maybe a better word would be . . shame."

Scarlet nodded gently, watching him eyes that understood and felt for what he was going through. She was impressed though, that he was able to look so openly at himself and face the truth of what he felt. It wasn't always an easy thing to do. "It will take time," she said quietly, reaching to squeeze his arm over his sleeve. "But it will ease. We'll make sure it does."

Theron looked down at her hand on his arm. He was surprised, but then, not really, to see that her touch had not disturbed him. He, for many years now, had worked to not react to a personal contact with people. Yes, he realized, he had come a long way. And his current situation would ease, just as she said.

Theron looked up at Scarlet and smiled gently, "Yes, yes we will."


OFF:


Lt. Theron Rhodes
Chief Security Tactical Officer
USS Galileo

CMDR Scarlet Blake
First Officer (Chief Counsellor at time of post)
USS Galileo

 

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