Contrast (Part 2)

Posted on 09 Dec 2013 @ 4:40pm by Chief Warrant Officer 3 Lamar Darius & Lieutenant Lilou Zaren
Edited on on 09 Dec 2013 @ 5:22pm

2,360 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Episode 04 - Exodus
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, Sickbay
Timeline: MD 07 - 1100 hrs

[ON]

Anticipation warred with boredom, leaving the newly Joined Trill jittery and lethargic in phases. The idea that the ill-fitted green-toned implant would soon be gone was the light at the end of the tunnel, although she knew very well that it would actually be the end of the tunnel. There was rehabilitation ahead, as there always was after a Joining. The adjustment period. The Federation saw her as a new person, because outside of Trill it was nearly impossible to express just what a Joining meant in legal terms. So hurdles would need to be jumped. Decisions would need to be made. What would she do now? Who was she, really? Would she remain with the Galileo? Would she return to the Commission? So very many questions. And at the same time, despite the haziness of her future, her past took on a startling clarity. Four-fifths of her were irritated and appalled, demanding more than Lilou ever had. Petitions needed to be written, wrongs replaced by justice. Bajor. Romulus. MS1. The Algonquin. Balance; that was needed. And she couldn't do a thing about it while she lay here in this bed, getting nauseous from the cross-color migration of the ceiling and the stretching feeling of her marred face. At least her isoboramine levels were steadying out. Slowly. But the damage had already been done and she wasn't sure just how much this rushed and incorrect procedure would effect the outcome differently than the Joinings preceding it.

Her right eye rolled, a sigh escaping her lips as she lightly tapped out a beat on the biobed and tried not to be too, too distracting to the hard-working medical officers in sickbay. She knew very well the work they had cut out for them. If her eye had been better, she'd have helped them herself, but now she was just in the way. Waiting. Needy. At least that was something they all had in common; they did not enjoy the sense of needing to wait on the actions of others. Another little sigh escaped and she took her focus inward, breathing in through her nose then out through her mouth, centering her heart-space. Time was infinite. There was no rush. The only inclination towards the future was an end to a physical irritation. All would be well.

Lamar had managed to sneak out of the shuttlebay a few hours early for lunch. Well, lunch had been the excuse, but more importantly, he ached to see Lilou and talk to her. It had been a very stressful week for him ever since she had been captured, but the news of her rescue had brought him a sense of temporary relief. She was apparently alive, but was she well?

The doors to sickbay swished open and the large former-Marine stepped into the medical bay and glanced around. It didn't take him long to scan the various biobeds and find Lilou, after which he slowly approached her. "Nice eyepiece," he said in a quiet voice with a small smile spread across his lips. He took in the sight of her, studying the different Borg augmentations which were attached to her skin as well as her somewhat-desheveled appearance. "You look like you could use a warm bubble bath."

Zaren stared at him blankly for a long moment, then cocked her head to the side. "If I wanted to be electrocuted, sure," she said dryly. Lamar. She sighed internally. Best of intentions. "You look well. Rested."

"Thanks...I missed you," he replied, leaning down and planting a soft kiss on her lips and pushing her brown hair back and out of the way. He felt pained inside to see her so mutilated with Borg devices, but also much relief that she was alive and back with him in sickbay. "I was so worried about," he admitted. "How...do you feel? Can they get these things off of you?" His eyes flicked to the different small and large implants which were visible on her body.

"They're doing their best. We are not the highest pri-" she paused, exhaling slowly. "I am not the highest priority case at the moment. The others- what was done to them..." Zaren shook her head. "To lose one's self so completely. It's horrifying to imagine, but I am glad that I do not have the experience to draw from."

He paused for a brief moment when she corrected her pronouns. When he had stopped by sickbay to see her the previous night, it was late and one of the nurses had not allowed him to visit while she was sleeping and recovering. Nevertheless, he had been able to ask the medical crew member a few brief questions about Lilou's health, and learned that she had recently undergone a 'joining'. He understood the basic concept of the procedure, but his knowledge of the practical implications was severely lacking.

"Yeah, I can imagine it's not fun," he replied in reference to the other assimilated crew members the medical staff were currently working with. He cleared his throat before continuing, unable to resist asking the question which was now burning in his mind. "When you said 'we'...do you mean there's two of you now? I heard you have a symbiont inside you...?"

Zaren cocked her head to the side, eyeing him curiously. "There's one of me," she said, wiggling her fingers and toes. "Just... one of me with five lifetimes of memories. Six, now. I always felt old, but I didn't even know what that meant before... well. A few days ago. I'm still trying to sort through it all. I remember a lot of the training the others went through, but my body lacks the meditative experience to appropriately gauge what's happening. And we have- I have a lot of sorting. Learning. Remembering." She sighed. "It's interesting."

"What does it feel like?" he asked, curious to know the types of feelings and duality she was experiencing. He didn't know if he would ever be able to handle having a second personality inside of him, but the idea was intriguing.

"At the moment, it feels like I have a chorus of needs, wants, and wishes coursing through my musculature demanding different courses of action at every moment. I remember this is not how it is supposed to feel. We are supposed to be synchronized, at peace, adding to each other. That is not the case, but we'll get there. Or we'll die. That's pretty much how it works." She shrugged, not seeming to be bothered by the idea. "Can you tell me what's going on? They won't let me leave the sickbay until my isoboramine levels have stabilized."

'We'll get there or we'll die. Those words made Lamar almost wince, and the nonchalant manner in which they were spoken sent a shudder through him. How could she be so calm about such a serious condition? He quietly sighed to himself...if she wasn't overly bothered by it, then maybe he should follow her lead? It still seemed strange, though. He didn't want her to die.

"Well...um, from what I understand, there were a few rescue teams which went over to the cube to rescue survivors yesterday. But you know that probably, since you're one of them," he answered with a sheepish grin. "And then there was another team led by Commander Blake that went down to the planet's surface. Something about a first contact mission? I guess they were kind of successful because I've seen a couple of them walking around recently with no hair. Heads like smooth eggs. Can't imagine they would have done that to themselves on purpose."

"What do you mean- no hair? Who was on the away team?" Oh, this she wanted to see. Was the planet run by Deltans? No, first contact.... estranged Deltans? "I guess they'll be easy to spot, unless they get to the hair regeneration systems quickly. What's the situation with the Borg? Did we get everyone back?"

He shrugged apologetically wishing he knew more about the situation. "I don't know. I think so but I can't be sure. Everyone's been tight-lipped about it and the senior officers don't tell us shuttle pilots a lot about things. But I can ask around and see what I can find out, if you want?" he proposed.

"If you've time. Hopefully, once they replace this abomination," she tapped the bulky optical implant, "I should be free to move about the ship again." She looked at him carefully. So well-meaning. He couldn't be expected to understand what all of this meant. "We should... I mean, are you aware of what this means? All of this?" She touched her belly lightly.

"Not really," he admitted with a light shrug while he glanced down to her stomach, then up to her Borg optical implant. "I know some of the basics but I was sort of hoping you could explain the details to me. You're still the same Lilou, aren't you? It's just that you share memories with the other creature?"

"No," she sighed. "No. Here." She took his hand in both of hers, holding his gaze. "I regret that I am the one to tell you this, as it cannot help but confuse the matter, but Lilou Peers died in action. She is gone, though her memory remains. I am sorry for your loss, truly."

The words Lilou spoke caused his eyes to become wide, after which they darted from side to side while he attempted to make sense of what she had just told him. "...No...," he stubbornly shook his head and forced a smile on his lips, "Don't joke like that. You're right here in front of me, Lilou. We rescued you, implants and all," he insisted, feeling a bit of panic rising within him. It was a sick joke she was playing on him...it had to be. Yet, some part of him deep down inside realized that she was probably speaking the truth. He refused to acknowledge it for fear of what it might mean.

"This body is my host, just as the host before her. Her memories are within me, as are many of her feelings, tastes, and preferences, but she is gone. I am Zaren. It will be easier on you if you can accept that she died on that cube. Difficult now, but better in the long run."

Lamar's throat swelled and became dry as he attempted to swallow the lump which developed. He felt as if he had been punched in the gut then kneed in the groin, and now someone was playing a sick mind game with him. He had slowly become used to death during his time in the Corps. The lifeless stares and motionless bodies of his fallen comrades had been an unfortunate sight several times throughout his career, but he had learned to detach himself and accept it when it occurred. This... This was different. Lilou wasn't dead; she was alive and breathing and speaking, right in front of him.

"No..." he shook his head again, doing his best to fight back the inevitable tears which would soon manifest. "I don't believe it. Give me back Lilou." He took her hand and squeezed it, wanting the symbiont inside of her to give him back the Peers he knew and loved.

"I can't," she told him quietly and squeezed his hand. "You're very strong, Lamar. You'll get through this."

He pulled his hand from the Trill's cool grip and stared down blankly at the gray carpet beneath the bed. He didn't know what to say or do, and so he remained silent for a very long time. If this was death, it was unlike anything he had experienced before. He began to feel overwhelmed with anger -- anger at the Borg for abducting Lilou and marring her body with implants, and anger at the slimy creature now inside of her which refused to give him his girlfriend back. After all the work and planning to rescue her...this was the result laying in the biobed in front of him. He began to clench his fists tightly. It wasn't fair.

Zaren watched, half-frowning, as tension swarmed him. She felt the impulse towards fear at the clenched hands and angry visage and coolly ignored it; his pain was no threat to her. Only pain. He would need to choose to leave that in the past and move on, but perhaps not yet. Sometimes, things needed to be felt before they could be set to the side.

The uncomfortable silence continued for a long time until he finally spoke up. "I...think I should go," he muttered in a quiet voice barely above a whisper. He couldn't stand here anymore and keep looking and talking to her without a string of painful memories flooding his mind. Images of the good times they had shared, their night out in the holodeck eating and dancing...the first time they had met in the mess hall... It was too much, and he still couldn't quite wrap his head around the notion that that Lilou was no longer here. Lost on the Borg cube, there was now a different Lilou in front of him. He sighed and closed his eyes, then reached out and ran his fingers down the side of her cheek one last time.

"I loved you, Lilou. Please don't forget that....whoever you are now."

Zaren's brows drew together slightly as he touched her cheek. Yes. She had made the right decision. "I will not," she told him quietly, because there was little else she could say. He was upset now that things had not gone his way, but he would move past this. He would find someone simpler. He would be fine.

Swallowing another lump in his throat, he cast a final glance at her and nodded, then turned around and slowly walked out of sickbay with dejection and pain obvious in his body language.

[OFF]

--

WO Lamar Darius
Support Craft Pilot
USS Galileo
[PNPC - Saalm]

LT JG Lilou Zaren
Assistant Chief Engineer
USS Galileo

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