012 - No True Satisfaction

Posted on 23 Jun 2013 @ 5:38am by Lieutenant Theron Rhodes
Edited on 22 Sep 2013 @ 12:49am

304 words; about a 2 minute read

Personal log - 012 - No True Satisfaction

ON:

I scheduled a time to visit with the ship's counselor. Because of different situations that have taken place recently, I feel that I needed to at least confide in someone and get their feedback before reporting to the XO. In some ways was concerned that I am unfit for duty.

She opened my eyes to a part of myself I was had been unwilling to look upon.

I have done some reading this morning about anger and fear. Here are some of the quotes and comments that I find to be relevant to me.

Anger - 'The minute you let someone make you angry, mad or bitter is the minute you have given them control over your emotions.' I find that to be a very true statement.

Fear - 'We are held back by fear. It places limitations on us.' ' Fear limits our actions and they are held by the grip of unmoving uncertainty.'

Violence - 'Negative thoughts lead us to a place of darkness.' 'Darkness tends to embolden haters to have a voice. They will find every dark corner, every crack in a wall, or shady spot under a tree to spread lies or put you down. If you shine a light where all the noise is coming from, they will scatter in search of another dark spot to hide.' by Eugene Nathaniel Butler .

I can see that there is no true satisfaction in violence. It does not provide a state of comfort, reward, serenity, nor achievement.

I now accept my situation, that I have become angry and violent, and am now seeing visions in my waking time. I hope the time with the counselor will shed more light on this darkness that has come out of me.

OFF:

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