Personal Log: I Trusted Her

Posted on 26 Jan 2025 @ 7:08pm by Lieutenant JG Hovar Kov

782 words; about a 4 minute read

Personal Log:

Not since I left the home of my people, a society of warriors whose theology revolves around the art of killing, who like among other cultures across time view the art of war as an act of piety, have I felt so incredibly inclined to demonstrate Klingon piety to someone out of pure malice. If it was possible for me to kill as a priest, this would have been the one time.

I wish she could have understood how much willpower it took for me to not answer her demonstration with another. Klingons do not like having people get into our personal space, and it would have been so easy for me to scatter her blood across the holodeck. I doubt she knew how uncomfortable I was with that feeling. It is only by the grace of God that I was able to withstand those demons. It is only by the grace of God I have not bent the knee.

It started with what I thought was a futile exercise. Tarin had decided it was her prerogative, as she later put it, to determine that an operations officer and a priest somehow reduced the integrity of the ship and to correct it. This was going to be done by performing a ruck march, up a volcano in the holodeck. I thought that this was going to be an exercise of trust, of good faith, of getting to understand that I am not like those who massacred her family.

I thought that even if the smallest of work could be advanced towards a peaceful direction, I would participate. However, what I found was a commanding officer ordering Mimi to fire a phaser at me with the logic of I am a Klingon, I am an enemy, and an enemy needs to be killed.

It was madness, it was ridiculous, and my mind is still trying to wrap my head around everything that happened. What was said and how it was said are all meaningless. I am confined to quarters until further notice. As I promised her, I am drafting a report of a complaint to the Chief Counselor. I had to pause it because every time I tried to write it, when I think back to those events, I cannot help but feel disillusioned with Tarin.

I trusted her.

I am told in Proverbs: "Truthful lips endure forever, the lying tongue, for only a moment." In the very next verse, I am told: "Deceit is in the heart of those who plot evil, but those who counsel peace have joy." I am told that at the end of all days, the liars are to suffer the same fate as those who killed Mimi's family. Our blessed Lord even spoke that the Devil is the father of lies, and those who lie are of his blood line.

Is that to be my view of the captain? Am I to only see her as a deceitful liar? The Klingon in me commands me to declare her, in the open, a liar and without honor, and to challenge her in single combat. That challenge would either lead to her death, or mine. However, I no longer follow the Klingon way, as much as I am tempted to do so. Even if I am right to call her a liar, I am a Star Fleet officer, and she is my commanding officer. For better or for worse, I am bound by regulation to obey her orders.

However, I receive higher orders. I am not wrong in my criticism of her. From what I have heard of her from members of the crew, she runs a "tight ship" as the humans would say, and I have no doubt as to where her moral code lies. I cannot help but to understand that I am not here for the captain. I am not the captain's minister; I am the ship's minister. It is my duty to call out what I believe is wrong and champion what I believe is just. My code is not arbitrary but passed down my those who came before me. No matter what she threatens me with, I will not fear her.

Still, I trusted her.

I wonder, if I cannot trust the captain, who can I trust? Can I trust Counselor Carlisle, Ensign Sera, or any other of the senior staff who I believe I befriended? Can I trust those who are of the enlisted ranks such as Yasmin? Captain Tarin spoke of integrity, yet she was completely fine to order my death. I think that is what is messing with me the most.

I trusted her...

I trusted her.

End log.

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