Counselor's Log 3

Posted on 31 Mar 2022 @ 10:05pm by Lieutenant JG Karras

552 words; about a 3 minute read

Chief Counselor's Log, Stardate 69347.2

We have just been briefed on our mysterious mission, and I will shortly be joining an away team to um... I'm not exactly sure I can say, even in a personal log. It is highly classified, need-to-know, and potentially volatile. So, I'm thinking it's perhaps best if I don't say any more about it.

But that's the thing... I'm a bit... no, I am livid about this idiotic secrecy. Has Starfleet learned nothing since the incident on Ba'ku? Or after how many other countless catastrophes caused by secrecy? I was naive to think the unethical relocation of me and my people was an outlier... It appears secrets are so normal there are levels of clearance... levels...

No. Breathe. I will be of no use on this away team if I let my anger consume me. However valid in relation to this mission, I feel it is a symptom of something more with me. Ever since I arrived at Regula 1, I have been struggling with some uncharacteristic thoughts. Uncharacteristic? Ha. I've been downright judgmental at times. That's not me! At least, it hasn't been. But why?

I know there has been the stress of a new assignment, one as a senior officer, no less. I know I arrived here still thrown from my sudden breakup... but still. Until now, I believe that I have truly accepted others as they are. No judgments, no... sarcastic thoughts. I...

it hasn't been with everyone. But it was there when I first met Lamar. It was there when Commander, no, when Captain Tarin came aboard. I was a new addition to this crew but I could immediately feel the dynamic of this ship was off when we assembled for departure. And in the subsequent days of our journey, have I been of any real use to my ship? Individual counseling sessions aside, I thought it best to stay cautious and allow events to proceed, so the new captain and crew could grow use to one another.

But was that the best approach?

Did my own, well, judgements prevent me from reaching out to Tarin, to offer her support in her new role? Or at least, a confidential ear? Should I have availed myself more to the other senior officers, or was I perhaps intimidated that even though I am now counted among them, most of the ship's leadership are trained counselors themselves?

I've always been patient, but was that the approach I should have used here?

I told Commander Blake that I would not be shy to speak up, that my strengths were rooted in being non-judgmental. My actions haven't necessarily shown that to be the case, have they?

I can't wallow in this now. I have duties to perform, and I have to let this go and focus on the task at hand. I know time is short, but there is a... technique my people have developed that will hopefully allow me clear my mind and stay on schedule. It's the ability to find and hold on to one perfect moment.

I'm awash in a sea of emotion, but if I can find this moment, all will be well. I will find it, hold it as long as necessary... then let it go, and get to work.

Computer, end log.

RSS Feed